9. Fall, Everything, Fall

Meanwhile Namjoon's pov

After the break-up

As I leave Ema's suite, I break down in front of her hotel. All the tears I held back, now are flowing down, rushing uncontrollably. I can't believe she and Jungkook did this to me. My love betrayed me. God, why did I have to fall in love so deeply? She was my everything and now I am left with nothing. Ema was my first love, the first person that came into mind when I needed someone. The one person I could trust my whole life to. This can't be true. I must be dreaming. I slap myself in the face and it hurts. This is reality, the real world that you can't run away from but have to face. People, walking through the streets, are staring at me going insane and I quickly stand up from the ground and pretend like nothing happened. I see a bar that is open and decide to get wasted today.

Ouch, heartbreak hurts, I think as I finish drinking my third bottle of soju. I am out of control and throw all the bottles on the floor, screaming. Others in the bar are scared and keep their distance from the scene I make. My hand bleeds from the scattered pieces of glass, but it doesn't hurt me. It feels surreal. An ajumma approaches me:"Sir, I ask you to leave this place." Trying to process what she was saying, I leave on my own, on my way to Jungkook. I need to confront him. He can't get away with this. I am running for my life to his apartment. Tripping, falling, getting up again, running. At some point, I lose my orientation and get sick from running. Standing on a bridge, I lean over it and throw up. That feels relieving. I look at my vomit falling into the river. How cool it looks, hehehe.

I need to focus on my mission. Continuing to run, I finally reach Jungkook's apartment. Knocking on the door for at least ten minutes, he finally opens it with sleepy eyes and I punch him right in the face. Aaaah, that feels good. "Hyung, what is wrong with you?" he asks, backing away and holding his left eye. Not answering, I keep punching him until he falls down. Jungkook looks into my eyes, terrified to see his Hyung acting this way. Realising what I am doing, I stop immediately, afraid of who I became. Jungkook takes my hand and hits himself with it, saying:"Hyung, I deserve it, keep punching me. I am sorry." Fastly, I get out of his grip and leave his apartment.

In the morning in our practice room

Shamefully, I wait for Jungkook to arrive. I shouldn't be the one to feel ashamed when he was the one who slept with my girlfriend but still what I did yesterday wasn't right. Hoping he is fine, I hold a bag with medicine I bought on my way here. J-Hope says annoyed:"Where is Jungkook? Why is he always late when he is the maknae? Today, he will get punished." Embarrassed, I look down when Jungkook enters the room with a black eye and bruises all over his body. He looks messed up. Why did I do this to our dongsaeng? "Are you fine?" Jimin approaches him with a concerned face. Jungkook looks up and says:"Everything is alright. Yesterday, I just happened to be confronted by a drunk person. I am fine now." Yoongi asks angrily:"Who was he? We need to report him." Jungkook locks eyes with me and says:"Don't worry guys. We will talk it out later. It was my mistake anyways." Yoongi asks worriedly:"Are you sure?" Jungkook nods.

"Namjoon, you don't look good either. Let's take a break, I think that would be the best for all of us", J-Hope says. Going over to Jungkook, I whisper:"Come, we need to talk." He follows me into another room and we sit down on the couch. "Did you go to a doctor?" I ask and he shakes his head. Taking out the medicine, I apply it to his bruises. "About what happened..", we both say and start laughing. I tell him to start and he begins:"I am so sorry. I was drunk, I didn't want to hurt you. When I realised what happened, I instantly regretted it." I feel the same way and forgive each other. At the end of the day, he is still my brother who I won't ever give up on.

Getting back to practice, everything is fine again. We dance our best and I give all my energy. After practice, I look at my phone and see 20 missed calls from Ema but I ignore them. I told her she should never contact me again. My temptation to go back to her is still strong but I have to fight it back. I will never go back to her. "Who is it from?" Jimin asks me leaning over my shoulder. Swiftly I answer:"From nobody", and put my phone back into my pants.

Two weeks passed and she stopped contacting me. Afterall, she gave up but that is better for the both of us. We need to move on.

Five months later

Yoongi and I are sitting in a bar drinking. Girls are asking us out but I am not interested. None of them seem to be interesting enough. They are sexy for sure but I want something serious. My last relationship was months ago with Ema. Of course, I had some flings here and there but she is irreplaceable. Genuinely, I am wondering what she has been up to since we broke up. "Have you found someone you like?" Yoongi asks me but I don't listen to him. My mind is filled with Ema. "Do you think of her again?" Yoongi asks me, rolling his eyes, already knowing the answer to the question. "Why don't you call her then? I mean, you and Jungkook are fine already." I shake my head:"I can't. I don't even know if she is still in Korea. She has probably moved on already. I don't want to bother her. I am already over her. For real."

"You know you are lying, Joon. If you have moved on, why can't you date then?" Yoongi says, exactly knowing how I feel. He continues:"Armys are worried about you and I am too. You don't smile anymore and are tired all the time. The only cure for your sadness is her, ain't I right?" I start crying. He is fxxing right. I want her, I need her and I miss her. What is wrong with me? I have been fine for the last few months but now everything starts rolling back again. Yoongi hugs me and pats me on my shoulder. "Hyung, I don't want to live without her. I still have feelings for her", I cry into his embrace. He nods understandingly and says:"I know how you feel."

Out of nowhere, Taehyung calls me. Drunk, I pick up and I hear:"Hello, it's me, Ema." Instantly, my body sobers up and I hit Yoongi's shoulder excitedly. I whisper:"Ema, it's her." She continues:"How have you been?" Hurriedly, I demand:"Where are you? I will meet you right away." Surprised, she answers:"At Taehyung's." Quickly, I hang up and rush out, saying:"Yoongi, I need to leave." He nods and I am out.

Standing outside of Taehyung's place, I am contemplating about when to knock on the door, what to say when I see her and all kinds of thoughts are flying through my head. Accidentally, I hit the door bell with my elbow. Aaaiiiisshh, my clumsiness is always one step ahead. Taehyung opens the door and says calmly:"Hyung, don't be surprised, okay? It took me a while to convince her." What does he mean? He gets out of my way and I see Ema on the couch, holding her stomach. With wide-opened eyes, I stare at her belly. Slowly, she tries to stand up and comes over to me and hugs me. Still shocked, I stand moveless. "A-a-re y-o-u..?", comes out of my mouth and she takes a step back and nods.

What is this? She is pregnant? Is this why she stopped calling? I can't believe my eyes. This feels unreal. Am I going to be a dad?!? My breath gets heavier and cold sweat is flowing down my face. Scared, I ask her:"Is this for real? You are pregnant." She smiles and we hug each other. Taehyung leaves the living room and we are now alone, sitting on the couch. "Can I touch it?" I ask shyly. She nods and takes my hand underneath her shirt. Suddenly the baby kicks and I get startled. Excited, I say:"Oh my goodness, the baby moves." Ema smiles and says:"She must like you." Even more surprised, I say:"It is a girl." Wholeheartedly, she smiles at me and our eyes lock.
"I missed you", we both say at the same time and laugh. She still has the same smile, so adorable. I can't believe we will be parents but then this thought crosses my mind and my face hardens. "What is wrong?" she asks seriously.

"Is it mine?" I am scared of the answer. Ema answers truthfully:"I don't know." At least she is honest with me. Sadly, she looks at her belly and I get teary eyed as well. "Ema, it is okay. I don't care whose baby it is. You are the only person who I need. I have realised that over the time we were apart. You are my happiness." Joyful, she looks me in the eyes and then kisses me. Shocked, I back up a little. Ema looks at me sadly and then I take her neck and kiss her even more passionately. How much I have missed her touches is indescribable. My body gets heated up and tingly. I want her all over me.

Grabbing her back, I gently push her down on the coach and with my other hand I take a pillow from behind me and lay it beneath her back for support. On top of her, I open one button after the other, still keeping a fair distance between her stomach to not hurt the baby. Kissing her lips, I am going down to her neck sucking it. Waaahhh, she smells so sweet. I want to pleasure her and make her feel the best she ever has. Ema strips off my top feeling every part of my upper body. The lust in her eyes grows when she sees my abs. Lately, I have been working out. A moan leaves her mouth and it gets me going wild. I want to put it inside her.

All of a sudden, I hear Taehyung's voice entering:"Hyung, are you guys alright? I heard noises from..." Shocked, he looks away and shouts:"Not in my apartment." Ema and I burst into laughter and I put my top back on, as I ask ironically:"Are you a baby or is it your first time seeing a couple love each other?" Ema's cheeks blush and Taehyung grunts in annoyance. Grumpy, he continues saying:"Yoongi has called me informing me that you both drank, so I guess since it is already late, it would be the best idea for you guys to stay in my room tonight and I will sleep on the couch." I thank him and Ema and I move on to Tae's bedroom.

"Do you want to continue?" I ask her horny, my hard member slightly poking her region. Ema agrees and we make out again in a low tone, so Taehyung's consciousness won't get disturbed. Taking off my pants, I look at his drawer for a condom from habit and she looks down at her belly and says seducingly:"We won't need those tonight." Smirking, I put it in comfortably, exactly remembering her weak points and we both orgasm.

That night, I finally united with Ema again. It was as if we weren't ever apart. From now on, I will take on the responsibility of her and our baby no matter who the father is.