"WILL our twins be enough to make you stay?"

Jude blinked and tears welled up in his eyes. "W-Why?" his voice broke. "Why do you still care about me, Mari? I've hurt you... used you..."

"Jude –"

"I don't... deserve you."

"I'm not asking you to love me, Jude." She smiled. "I'm asking their father to stay."

"I don't want you to forgive me."

"I haven't forgiven you."

"Mari –"

"I'm keeping my promise." Ngumiti siyang muli. "I just want you to think everything again. Madaming nagmamahal sa'yo. Ang mga kaibigan mo. Pamilya mo. Your fans. And I don't think Faith will be happy to see you like this." Ibinaba niya ang mga kamay. "You told me that life is cruel. Yes, you're right. Pero hindi malupit ang Dios, Jude. You are still here because you're not done yet."

It took her many years to believe that she had a purpose in life and although it isn't clear yet. She will keep that in mind until she finds the right answer.

"HE has plans for you."

"I – I don't know –"

"I know." She look straight in his eyes. "I believe HE has."

"BAKIT 'di mo agad sinasabi sa'kin na nakikita mo si Faith? Did it cross your mind na pwedeng si Faith ang naririnig ko?"

Aurea looked apologetic. "Oo, pero hindi ko kasi talaga alam paano ko sasabihin. Hindi na siya madalas nagpapakita simula noong mauwi kayo sa Faro. Hindi ko rin siya naririnig. Gustong-gusto ko nang sabihin sa'yo ang tungkol kay Faith at Jude pero paano ko nga sasabihin e mismong si Jude ayaw umamin. I was hoping – we are hoping na baka mali lang ang iniisip namin – sorry."

Ngumiti siya nang mapait. "I want to talk to her."

"Hindi mo na ba siya naririnig?" Umiling siya. It's been awhile. Tatlong araw na ang lumipas simula nang gabing 'yon. She doesn't want to remember it in detail. "Hindi ko na rin siya masyadong nakikita."

"Sinabi niyang wala na siyang oras. What did she mean by that?"

"Ang alam ko may specific time lang na pwedeng mamalagi ang espiritu ng isang tao. Forty days lang ang alam ko. In some cases, may tumatagal ng ilang taon. Depende rin talaga. But Vier refered them as wandering souls. Mga kaluluwang hindi matahimik. The other one, cursed souls. 'Yon naman ang mga kaluluwang ikinukulong ang mga sarili sa mga bagay na naging parte ng buhay nila."

"Faith is a good person."

Hindi niya ito personal na kilala pero alam niyang mabuti itong tao.

"I know. Pwedeng wandering soul lang siya. Pero if she will wander around for that long. Mauubos ang spirit energy niya."

"A wandering soul cannot live for long unless they wished to be fallen." It was Vier. Humila ito ng steel chair at naupo sa tabi ni Au. Nasa boardwalk sila and they didn't expect Vier to come by. "Fallen souls, 'yon ang mga kaluluwang nagtatago sa dilim. Those souls who bother humans and incurred pain and sufferings to the living realm. They will perish without judgment in the right time."

Namilog ang mga mata niya. How did Vier know about this? 'Yon din sana ang itatanong niya kay Aurea kanina.

Vier smiled. "You must be wondering why I knew all these things?"

The irony of his profession.

"Nabanggit na ba sa'yo ni Chi ang tungkol sa secret group ni Iesus?" She innocently shook her head. "Well, we are part of his secret group. Vier can summon souls. He is also the veil of Faro de Amoré." Lalong namilog ang mga mata niya. Does that mean that the members of that secret group have third eye or some kind of special gifts? "Naalala mong sinabi ko sa'yo na mababait ang mga galang espiritu sa Faro?" She nodded. "It's because Vier filtered them."

"It's the barrier I made. I cannot assure your safety outside the gates of Faro de Amoré. However, this land is the safest place for all special people like us."

"Do you see them as well?" manghang tanong niya.

"No, but I can see the colors of the souls wandering around. It reminds me of fireflies. Elemental beings are forms. Differs in colors. In summary, I don't see their actual form unless they tried to bother me in my dreams."

"Sino pa kasali sa secret group?"

Tinignan muna ni Au si Vier, as if asking permission, and when Vier nods his head, ibinaling ni Au ang tingin sa kanya.

"Sep, Juan, Simon, Tor, Vier,  Kuya James and Balti."

Napakurap siya. Juan, Simon and Balti? Lagi niyang kasama ang tatlong 'yon pero hindi naisip na may kakaiba sa mga ito. And she didn't expect Tor as well.

"Au as well," dagdag ni Vier, "but only when needed."

Au chuckled, "flower vase."

"What about Iesus?"

"Iesus is a special case," sagot ni Vier. "Sa ngayon 'yan lang muna ang kaya naming ibigay sa'yong impormasyon. I hope it's okay."

"It's fine with me. Na amazed lang ako. Faro de Amoré is really special." Napangiti siya. "Beautiful and special."

Vier smiled.

"Anyway, mabalik tayo, Mari," ni Au. "How's Jude?"

Nakauwi na kahapon si Jude. He's staying with Thad. Simon was nowhere in sight. Sa tingin niya ay umalis talaga ito ng Faro. It must be too painful for him to see Jude. Galit ito. Pero nag-aalala rin kay Jude. Simon needed a break. She heard what happened to him nang nang malagay rin sa peligro ang buhay ni Tor. It broke him. He witnessed it. At alam niyang mas lalong mabigat ang nararamdaman nito ngayon.

Jude was his best friend.

His ally.

And his brother.

"We haven't talked, actually," amin niya. Binibisita niya ito pero tahimik lang madalas si Jude. Yaya Celia was also worried. She wished to visit pero dahil nga sa sitwasyon nila. Hindi pwede. "Dadalawin ko mamaya. Ipagluluto ko sila ng dinner."

"I couldn't imagine this with myself. Hindi ko yata kaya ang ginagawa mo."

"You will if it's Tor," she smiled after.

Aurea sighed. "You have sacrificed a lot for Jude."

"I cannot say that I'm okay but I know I will if I see him smiling again." Napatitig ang dalawa sa kanya. "Syempre, ayokong nakabasungot ang papa ng kambal kapag lumabas sila."

Aurea is between crying o tatawa ba sa kanya. "You're an angel in disguise, Mari."

"I'm not."

She saw Vier smiled before looking at the view in front of him. Hindi niya alam but she finds his smile so genuine. It was not the mockery type na lagi niyang nakikita kay Balti kapag nagko-compliment sila Chi at Au sa mga sarili nila.

"You are."

"Hindi. Period. But I would like to know more about this secret group. Anong klaseng powers ba meron sila? Wait! Unahin mo muna si Balti. Ang Ser na 'yon. Isunod mo si Juan then si Simon tapos si..." and a long list of questions na hindi naman sinagot lahat ni Aurea.

And Vier walked away.

Tinakasan pa sila.

Something is telling her that there is more to Dr. Philip Xavier Gutierrez.

"JUDE!"

Nilingon niya si Thad. Nakaupo ito sa sofa sa sala. May hawak na iPad. 

"Where are you going?"

"Nasa bahay ba si Math?"

Kumunot ang noo ni Thad. "Math? Why'd you asked? Anyway, I think I saw his car in his house." Tumango lang siya saka iniwan ito. Nasa paanan na siya ng pinto nang magsalita ulit ito. "Jude –"

"I'm not gonna do anything if that's what you're thinking."

"Hindi sa –"

"I need to ask him something. I'll be back."

Hindi na niya hinintay na sumagot si Thad. Naglakad siya sa direksyon ng bahay ni Mathieu. Malapit lang naman 'yon. Thad was right. Math's car was parked outside his house. It's either hindi pa ito umaalis o may binalikan lang ito.

Nasa harap na siya ng bahay nito nang lumabas si Math. He seemed like in a hurry. May kausap ito sa cell phone kaya hindi siya agad nito nakita.

"I'm on my way. Wait –" Umangat ang ulo nito at napaatras nang makita siya. Halatang nagulat ito. Inalayo nito ang cell phone at tinakpan ng isang palad. "Jude!" he breathed.

He can tell na dapat mumurahin dapat siya nito pero napigilan nito ang sarili.

Everyone was unusually nice. Nobody dared to shout at him. Hindi siya sanay na mababait ang mga 'to sa kanila. He was expecting them to scold him or curse at him. Mari was torturing her with kindness. Not that he's doubting her. He knew her. Or did he?

"I'll call you back later." Ibinulsa nito ang cell phone. "Jude." Lumapit ito sa kanya. "Nagugutom ka ba? Gusto mo ipagluto kita –"

"You're giving me the chills, Math. Hindi bagay sa'yo."

Tumawa ito. "Jude, pare, tang'ina, ginulat mo ako. Akala ko minumulto ako ng mga ninuno ko. Ano bang sinadya mo?"

"I – I need help."

Naningkit ang mga mata nito. "Help? Tulong para saan?"

He pressed his lips together. He's not even sure if this is what he wanted to do but even if he was debating an argument in his head. His actions say otherwise.

"Jude?"

"I want to cook."

Mathieu seemed confused.

Crap, I told you this was not a good idea.

"You want to cook because?"

Kumunot ang noo niya kay Math. "Bakit parang nakakapag-usap ka sa isang bata?"

Natawa ulit si Math. "Tama naman sentence ko ah. Well, what can I help? Gusto mo magluto? Marunong ka naman 'di ba?"

"But I'm not sure if – if it's healthy for –"

"Mari?" dugtong nito. 

Math smiled. 

"I can list some for you. There is nothing much, actually. Unless may ipinagbabawal ang OB niya sa kanya, but so far, she doesn't fancy sweets and she loved my four-season juice. I still have it in my fridge. Ibigay ko na lang sa'yo. Kakagawa ko lang kagabi. Wait –" akmang aalis ito nang pigilan niya ito.

"Math –"

"It's fine. Kaya kong gumawa ng isang baldeng four seasons. Next time, tuturuan kita." Math patted his shoulder. "I'll be quick." And just like that, he dashed inside his house.

He knew he didn't deserve Mari. He doesn't deserve his friends. But he will try his best to take care of her.

To lessen their worry.

Kaya ko naman siguro?

"Here!" Nakabalik na si Math. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. Talagang isang pitsel ang dala nito. "Sinasabi ko sa'yo, Jude. Kapag natikman mo 'to. Makakalimutan mo pangalan mo."

"I don't think I want a sudden amnesia."

Tumawa ito. "Ako rin."

"Marunong ka ba magluto ng chicken feet?"

Tinitigan siya nito. "Anong klaseng chicken feet? 'Yong may sabaw, fried o 'yong special?"

"Special."

Math snapped his fingers. "Saan na ba si Sanpe?" Iginala nito ang tingin.

"Not Juan's chicken."

"Best decision!" Binuksan nito ang front seat door. "Sumama ka na lang sa'kin. Mag-grocery tayo." Itinulak siya nito paloob ng kotse nito.

He cursed under his breath.

Mabilis itong nakaikot sa sasakyan nito bago pa man siya makapagreklamo at napunta sa driver's seat.

"I thought you're busy?"

Math smirked. "I am." Saka pinaharurot ang sasakyan. Halos masubsob siya sa harapan dahil hindi pa niya naikakabit ang seatbelt. "Buckle up!"

"Isn't it too late for that?!"

"Haha!"

NAGTAKA si Mari nang pagdating niya sa bahay ni Thad ay tahimik. Sabi nito sa kanya sa bahay ito mag-di-dinner pero bakit parang walang tao? Sinabi pa nito na huwag na raw siya mag-abalang magluto dahil nag-order na ito ng pagkain sa Noah's.

"Thad? Jude?"

Saan na ba ang mga tao? Her nose crinkled. May naamoy siyang masarap. Napalunok siya. Bakit feeling niya chicken feet ang naamoy niya? Something hot and spicy.

"Hello? May tao ba? Jude?" Imposible naman na umalis si Jude.

Sinundan na lamang niya ang amoy at dinala nga siya sa kusina. Nakatalikod sa kanya si Jude. And she still noticed the brown apron his wearing. Naigala niya ang tingin. Ito lang ba mag-isa? God, Thad left Jude alone?! May kung ano itong niluluto.

Pero mas concern siya saan nilagay ang mga kutsilyo. Nakatingin lang siya roon in case.

Narinig ba siya nito?

O nagbibingi-bingihan lang?

"Jude?"

"I'm almost done," sagot nito nang hindi siya hinaharap. "Hintayin mo na lang ako sa dining table. I've already placed plates and utensils. I've made – I mean, Math told me you like Noah's four season juice. Ibinigay niya sa'kin ang isang pitcher para sa'yo."

Kumunot lang lalo ang noo niya.

Wait. Wala siyang naiintindihan. Kinakausap siya ni Jude. Nagluluto ito. Lumabas ba ito ng bahay? Nag-usap malamang ito at si Math. Na saan ang in-order ni Thad?

"Jude, where's Thad?"

"He left."

"Umalis? I thought –"

"He said you'll be coming over." Pinatay nito ang kalan at hinarap siya. He was not smiling but he looked calm. Bakit feeling niya ang daming tumatakbo sa isip nito ngayon kahit na mukha itong kalmado? "I – I prepared –" he scratched his forehead, "prepared something."

"Hinayaan kang magluto ni Thad?!" Hindi niya napigilan ang pagtaas ng boses.

"I insisted –"

"Jude –"

"Marison."

Napakurap-kurap siya. Naikiling niya nang bahagya ang ulo sa kaliwa niya.

Jude Asrael!

'Yon ang gusto niyang isigaw.

"I'm so – I mean, I don't know –" He sighed, looked down and up to see her face again. "Gutom ka na ba?" He looked distressed now. He's pressuring himself.

"Jude," malumanay niyang sagot.

"I don't even know why I'm doing this," amin nito. "Not the –"

"I know."

Hindi niya iniisip na napipilitan ito. She knew Jude. Hindi ito gumagawa ng mga bagay na hindi nito pinag-iisipan.

She gives him a cheerful smile. She will not pressure him. He will open up soon. He needed time. But this is a good start.

"Gutom na ako. Ano bang niluluto mo?" Lumapit na siya rito. Sinubukan niyang silipin ang nasa likod nito. Namilog ang mga mata niya. "You cooked this for me?"

Lumayo ito nang bahagya. "I'm not a good cook but I tried."

"Chicken feet?" Naalala niya?

"Your favorite. If my mind serves me right."

She didn't expect Jude will remember. Ni hindi nga yata niya inulit 'yon noon. Once lang din yata niyang binanggit. Or nabanggit niya ba talaga?

"These looks delicious."

"Hopefully."

"You're not sure?"

"It still depends."

"Well," inilagay niya ang mga kamay sa kanyang likod, "we will know, later. Hintayin kita sa dining table."

He simply nodded.

Hindi naman siya nito pinaghintay nang matagal. She would be lying if she didn't feel any awkwardness hanging on the air between them. Thad! Alam niyang sinadya ni Thad na umalis. Not that she was uncomfortable. She just doesn't know what to do either. She was not even a good actress. Gusto niyang matawa and at the same time gusto niyang kutusan ang sarili.

But Jude was making an effort.

He is.

She didn't expect progress after that confession. Tatlong araw siya nitong hindi kinausap. He didn't answer her at the hospital. Naisip niya na baka kailangan pa ni Jude ng ilang araw para pag-isipan ang lahat. Within that three days, she was anxious. Mahigpit ang bilin niya kay Thad na huwag iwang mag-isa si Jude sa bahay. And Vier is was regularly checking up on him.

They decided not to confront him with his actions.

He need a break.

And understanding.

Sinundan lang niya ng tingin ang bawat kilos nito. Jude was serving her food on her plate. He poured her a drink. May glass of water din.

"Thank you," aniya.

"You're welcome." He settled on his seat. Sa kabisera. Nasa kanan siya nito. "Kumain ka na."

"H-Hindi ka kakain?" Wala itong nilagay na pagkain sa plato nito.

"Busog pa ako."

"Nag-snacks ka kanina?" Sige na, Mari, kumain ka na. He just nod. "Magugutom ka niyan mamaya."

"I'll eat later."

Sumubo na siya ng pagkain. Napakurap-kurap siya. Wow! In all fairness. Masarap. Sumubo ulit siya at sa kalaunan ay hindi natiis na kamayin ang chicken feet.

"Masarap?"

Sunod-sunod na tumango siya. "I didn't know –"

"It's Math's recipe." Napatitig siya rito. "He helped me."

"Nagpatulong ka sa kanya?"

He nodded. "I was actually asking him kung anong mga pagkain pwede sa'yo. I'm not sure. May pinagbabawal ba sa'yo?"

"Wala naman masyado. I have to watch for my sugar intake pero hindi naman ako mahilig sa matamis." Kumunot ang noo niya bigla. "Pero napansin ko lang nitong mga nakaraang araw na natatakam ako sa mga desserts na gawa ni Math."

"Maybe you can eat a little."

Ngumiti siya. "Maybe."

Ilang segundong nabalot sila ng katahimikan.

"Mari."

"Hmm?"

"About what you said." He paused. "I-I don't know if I can be a good father."

"You will."

Their eyes met. She can see how anxious he was through his eyes. There were doubts and sadness. Naghahalo.

"You will be a good father," ulit niya.

"I don't deserve you."

"But you deserve to know about them."

"H-Have you... f-forgiven me?"

"No."

Honestly, it's between yes or no. She'll know in the coming days.

"Then why are you doing this?"

"I don't know." She shrugged her shoulders. "I just don't like seeing you like this."

"Naawa ka sa akin?"

She pressed her lips together. Ibinaba niya ang hawak na kubyertos.

"Jude, I know what you feel." Malumanay niyang sagot. "And I don't want to compare my pain to yours because we all have different struggles in life. Ang malinaw lang sa'kin ngayon ay ayokong makitang malungkot at nawawalan ng pag-asa ang ama ng mga anak ko. You will always have a part of them and even if we don't end up together I don't have the heart to see you ruining yourself like this. I've been in your shoes and I wouldn't mind sticking with you until you learn how to take it off."

He remained quiet.

Ngumiti siya. "And I want you to realize that I am not the only one who cared for you. You have us, Jude. It may take a while but you have us. Us." Hindi pa rin ito nagsalita. "And if you'll gonna ask me tomorrow or the next days if I have forgiven you. No. I will not."

Not until you learn how to smile again.

"But I cared."

I want a genuine smile!

"I'm keeping my promise," dagdag pa rin niya. Walang siyang pakialam if she sounded blubbering. If it made sense or not. Kahit siya hindi niya rin alam mga pinagsasabi niya. "But I have one favor. Kung okay lang?"

"What is it?"

"Talk to Simon. It doesn't need to be today. Talk when you're ready. He was really worried about you."

AND that night Jude texted Simon.

I'm sorry. –Jude