"MARI -" it was Thad who spoke.

Jude didn't say a word. She hated the sullen look on his face. She knew it! He will never defend himself. He will never talk!

"Totoo ba?" ulit niya. "Jude, ano ba?!" She was sobbing and crying. Her voice was begging. "Jude?" her voice broke this time.

Please, Jude, tell me Thad is lying.

"It's true," sa wakas ay sagot nito sa kanya. He said it straight to her face without blinking.

Kumurap siya at humugot nang malalim na hininga. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't stop crying. She felt so betrayed. Wala siyang ibang maisip kundi ang umiyak sa harap nito. Ang sakit. She wanted to be gone that moment. She wanted to stop existing.

"I can't believe this!" It barely came out as a whisper. She was so disappointed.

Tinalikuran niya ang dalawa at dire-diretsong lumabas ng bahay. She even heard Thad called but she didn't pay much attention. Gusto niyang lumayo. Gusto niyang tumakbo. Gusto niyang tumalon sa mataas na palapag! Gusto niyang tumigil ang mundo! For God's sake, she hated herself!

Tanga!

Tanga!

Napakatanga mo Lucia Marison Salvaleon!

I hate you!

I hate youuuuu!

She felt hopeless. She was crying. Feeling niya literal na pinunit ang puso niya. Hindi na niya pinansin na nakayapak lang pala siya habang tumatakbo. Lumabas siya ng Faro de Amoré, lumagpas sa parola and God knows where this forest trail will take her!

"Mari! Mari!" boses 'yon ni Jude. Rinig niya ang mga kaluskos ng galaw nito sa paligid. Sa bawat galaw ng mga mayayabong na damo. "For Christ's sake, stop!"

Hindi niya pinansin ang sigaw nito. She didn't even bother looking back. Tuloy-tuloy lang siya sa pagtakbo. Nasasagi niya ang ibang sanga ng puno at naapakan ang kung ano mang mga matulis na bagay sa daang tinatakahak niya. The pain she felt inside makes her numb physically. She doesn't care if she's bleeding from a scratch or a deep wound.

"Mari!"

"Leave me alone!"

"Mari, stop!"

"I said leave me alone!!"

She was panting for air, catching her breath. Ramdam niya ang panunuyo ng lalamunan. Naliligo sa sariling pawis. She was a mess for sure but does it matter?! No!

Nagawa niyang makarating sa dalampasigan. Agad na bumati sa kanya ang nakakabinging hampas ng alon at mabining hangin ng gabi. Ang bawat hampas ng dahon sa mga punong nakapaligid sa kanya. She was still crying. She was weeping - para bang mauubusan siya ng hangin sa kakaiyak at mababaliw siya kapag 'di niya nailalabas lahat ng sama ng loob.

"M-Mari -" Jude gasped for air the moment he catched up with her.

Nakaharap pa rin siya sa dagat. Hindi niya alam kung kaya nga ba niyang harapin si Jude. Ang sakit. Sobra. Can she face him without breaking? She sobbed. Nayakap niya ang sarili. Ang unfair! Bakit siya lang ang nasasaktan?

Now everything makes sense.

His actions.

His words.

Jude had discreetly hinted his plans but she was stupid enough to even realize it.

"If what happened the other night is a revenge plan of your father's enemies, will you forgive them if they ask sorry?"

"Hindi, dahil may nasaktan sila." Ngumiti siya. "Should I forgive them?"

Umiling ito. "No." He tucked a loose strand of hair at the back of her ear. Iniwas nito ang tingin sa kanya at itinuon ang atensyon sa kanyang buhok. "And if someday they regret hurting you, dont forgive, they deserve it."

"Mari -"

"Why?" basag niya. "Bakit Jude?"

"I believe alam mo na ang sagot."

Mariin niyang naipikit ang mga mata. Humugot siya nang malalim na hininga. She thought it could lessen the throbbing pain of her chest but it didn't.

"I don't deserve this," gumaralgal ang boses niya. Muli niyang iminulat ang mga mata. "I don't deserve this, Jude. A-Alam mo 'yan." Nilingon niya si Jude. Lalo siyang nasaktan sa nakikita niya sa mga mata nito. Ni wala siyang masilip na pagsisisi. "I didn't choose to be his daughter. I didn't choose to be part of this family. I didn't choose a miserable life for you. At higit sa lahat, Jude, hindi ko ginustong mamatay si Faith!"

Her lips pursed to pause.

Sobra-sobra ang paninikip ng dibdib niya. Tila ba perdible sa lalamunan niya ang bawat salitang lumalabas sa lalamunan niya.

"Why..." Lumunok siya. Her lips trembled. "W-Why do I always have to take the blame? Jude, alam mo kung na saan ako sa nakalipas na limang taon. Alam mo 'yon! I was miserable! Blind and miserable! A damsel in distress! A good for nothing princess of Roberto Morales! Paulit-ulit ko 'yong kinuwento sa'yo, Jude, because I thought you will understand me. Kasi akala ko mauunawaan mo ang mga kahinaan ko and you will help me overcome my fears. But it seemed like I was wrong." Mapait siyang ngumiti. "You proved to me how stupid I am.

"Masaya ba? Masaya ka ba sa tuwing nakikita mo akong baliw na baliw sa'yo? Na sobrang dali para sa'yo na makuha ako. Na kahit sa ikli ng panahon ay binigay ko ang sarili ko sa'yo nang buong-buo. You plotted everything from the start. Ikaw 'yong pumasok sa bahay ng gabing 'yon. You told me that I will regret being my father's child. Yes, Jude! I'm regretting everything! If I could turn back time, gusto kong hilingin na sana hindi na lang ako pinanganak. I would have begged my mother to let me go... because I will only bring sadness to the lives of other people. I will only make her life miserable.

"Jude," she wept, "I didn't want you to lose Faith. I didn't want you to be this sad. I didn't want you to lose yourself. God knows, how much I love you. God knows, how much I wanted you to be happy. You became my eyes when I couldn't see any glimpse of hope in my life. You gave me a lot of reasons to live but why did you fix me if you're just going to break me into pieces again? Kasi Jude, binuo mo na ako e. Pero bakit kailangan mong basagin ulit 'yong pagbuo ko sa sarili ko? Mas sasaya ka ba kapag nakikita mong basag na basag na naman ako? Will you learn to forgive my family if I pay the price for them?

"Kasi kung, oo. Kung gagaan ang loob mo kapag nasaktan ako, hahayaan na kita." She stepped forward. "Heto na ako, Jude. Heto na 'yong taong binuo mo. You did a great job in breaking my heart... including my soul... and myself. I'm crying because I don't deserve this but there is nothing else that I could do dahil hinayaan mo akong mahalin ka nang sobra-sobra. And I hated myself for being too soft when it comes to you.

"Hindi ko na maibabalik ang mga mata niya. Alam ko na iniisip mong hindi ako karapatdapat sa mga mata ni Faith but her eyes were a blessing to me. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ulit bubuoin ang sarili ko pero sana huwag mo ipagkait sa'kin ang gamitin ang mga mata niya para gawin ang mga bagay na matagal ko nang gustong gawin. I don't deserve it, Jude. I know. I can see it in your eyes. But I will do my best to treasure these eyes for you."

His face softens.

Lalo lamang naninikip ang dibdib niya.

Please don't say sorry. Please!

"I'm sorry."

Napahagulgol siya ng iyak. "I hate you."

"I know."

"I hate you so much."

"I know."

"I will never forgive you."

"I know."

Tinalikuran niya ito. "Iwan mo muna ako, Jude."

"Mari -"

"Please," she begged.

Niyakap niyang muli ang sarili.

"Please take care of yourself."

Hinintay niyang marinig ang papalayong yabag ni Jude bago niya ulit ito nilingon. Umawang ang bibig niya at muling humagulgol ng iyak. Napaupo siya sa buhanginan. Tila upos na kandilang nawala lahat ng lakas niya. Iyak lang siya nang iyak hanggang sa nawala na nang tuluyan sa paningin niya si Jude.

Napansin niya ang sapatos na iniwan nito.

Hindi niya alam ang mararamdaman. Did he care? Or did he pity her? Kung ano man ang sagot. It doesn't matter. It will still not change the fact that Jude didn't really love her from the start. He plotted everything and she played the game. Unfortunately, she didn't realize that while she's enjoying it, she's also digging her own fall.

Because in Jude's game, falling in love with him means losing the game.

And she loses.

"MARI!" her father gasped. Bumakas ang relief sa mukha nito nang makita siya. Mabilis itong lumapit sa kanya at yumakap. "Thank God, you're safe! Saan ka ba nagpunta? I've been looking for you."

Oo, umuwi siya ng bahay but it doesn't mean she'll stay. Gusto lang niyang magpaalam nang maayos sa Daddy niya.

Kumalas ito sa pagkakayakap sa kanya. Ginagap ang mukha niya. He looked alarmed seeing her face. Alam niyang namumutla siya at wala pang tulog. Her eyes got dried from crying all night. Wala siyang dalang gamit. She left everything in Thad's care.

"You're pale. May sakit ka ba?"

Umiling siya. "Dad, I'm leaving."

Nanlaki ang mga mata nito. "Where are you going? No! You're staying with me -" Inalis niya ang mga kamay nito. "Mari?!" He looked confused. Tila sinusubukan nitong basahin ang mukha niya.

"I should have done this before. Long before I lost my sight. I should have left after Mommy died. I should have left you a long time ago." Naikuyom niya ang mga kamao. She tried her best to keep a poker face. "I should have -" Hindi niya magawang ituloy ang sasabihin. Pigil niya ang mga luha. I should have begged Mommy to leave you.

"M-Mari?" Bumakas ang sakit sa boses ng ama niya. He was taken aback. Napakurap-kurap ito. Hindi siya maintindihan. "What happened?"

"Dad, paano n'yo naatim na ibigay sa'kin ang mga mata ng taong napatay ni Kuya Lucio?" she demanded. Ramdam niya ang paggaralgal ng boses. "Dad, bakit siya pa? Bakit ang babaeng 'yon pa?!"

"Mari, anak. Hindi mo naiintindihan -"

"I'm well aware of everything, Dad! Did you even think about her family? Okay lang ba sa kanila na gamitin ng kapatid ng pumatay sa anak nila ang mga mata niya? Daddy, I don't deserve this eyes!" Sa pagkurap niya ay sumama na ang mga pinipigilan niyang mga luha. "Sana hinayaan n'yo na lang akong mabulag habambuhay! Sana hindi na lang kayo naging mabuting ama sa'kin! Sana hindi ko na lang naramdaman ang pagmamahal at pag-aalaga mo sa'kin! Sana hindi ka na lang nagpaka-ama sa'kin!" Halos kapusin siya ng hininga pagkatapos.

"Marison!"

"I hated myself because I'm your daughter!"

"Marison, tama na!"

She hated the pain in her father's eyes. Alam niyang nasasaktan na ito sa mga sinasabi niya but she has to tell her everything she wanted to say to him for the past years.

"Sana hindi n'yo na lang kami binalikan ni Mommy."

"Why are you doing these to me, anak? Who has hurt you? Tell me. Si Daddy ang bahala -"

"I don't need your help!"

"Mari -"

"I don't want you to protect me. I just want you to let me go."

"Anak, alam mong 'di ko 'yon magagawa. Hilingin mo na sa'kin ang lahat. Huwag lang ang alisin mo ako sa buhay mo. Mari, nangako ako sa Mommy mo."

"I'm tired," she sobbed, "being Roberto Morales' daughter." Lumayo pa siya sa ama niya. Sa sinabi niya ay tila nawasak ang mundo ng ama niya. "I don't want you," she gulped, "to be my father."

Nasasaktan siya pero gusto na niyang umalis sa poder nito. And this is the only way for her to leave his father. She is disappointed with him. Jude has all the right to hate her father and brother. Alam niyang ginawa lang nito 'yon para sa kanya but she'd rather not see the world again if it would mean it will bring darkness in someone else's life.

"Who made you turn like this?!" his jaw clenched. "Who told you everything?! Ang Yaya Celia mo ba?"

"Yaya Celia has nothing to do with this. Matagal ko na siyang hindi nakikita. And it's not important kung saan ko nalaman 'to. I came here to inform you that I'm leaving for good!"

Lumapit ito at hinawakan ang mga kamay niya. "Anak, please don't do this," he begged. "Ikaw lang ang meron ako. Huwag mong iwan ang Daddy, please."

Umiling siya. "I'm sorry."

"Marison..."

Isa-isa niyang inalis ang mga kamay na nakahawak sa kanya. "I can't continue living like this for the rest of my life." Naging malumanay ang boses niya. "I have to find my place in this world. I'm no longer the sad princess in her father's castle." May mga luhang umalpas sa mga mata ng ama niya. "That princess truly loved her father but he gave her too much that she could no longer stand on her own feet when she stumbled from a bad fall. She has to go. Please, let your princess go."

"M-Mari, anak... please... don't do this to me."

Tinalikuran niya ang ama. Natutop niya ang dibdib sa pagpipigil ng iyak habang naglalakad palayo.

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry, Daddy, but I have to do this for myself.

"Mari!"

Hindi na siya lumingon pa and she prayed hard that her father will let her go this time. She already risked her freedom in coming here and she hopes that her father will now realize his faults.

At sa paglagpas niya sa gate ng mansion ay saka lang siya napalingon sa buong bahay. Bumaba ang isang kamay niya sa kanyang tiyan. Tears clouded her vision but she was able to smile - not genuinely - but in relief.

I have to do this for my child. I will start anew for us. It would not be easy. I know, but I won't let my past ruin my future. My child doesn't need a father to be whole.

Tuluyan na niyang tinalikuran ang bahay at naglakad sa direksyon ng taxi na naghihintay sa kanya. Lulan ng sasakyan ay bumalik sa kanya lahat ng mga alaalang minsay nagpasaya sa kanya pero sa mga oras na 'yon, those memories now holds a bittersweet memories that she wished to forget pero alam niyang 'di niya pa kayang kalimutan agad.

Time heals all wounds but I wished I know how much time will I need to mend myself.