In one snap everything about my almost perfect life was ruined. Things around me start turning black. It was like walking in an endless tunnel, alone, and without my faith with me. The fading light at the end seems too far away - that even if I continue walking, I know things will never change. I'm already stuck.

I want time to stop, but everyone was moving forward. I couldn't catch up. Yet, I couldn't find the reason to do so. I tried to absorbed everything. I tried to understand why it happened. God knows how much I tried to understand His plans, but all I've gathered are hate and disappointments for Him.

Why would a loving God inflict pain on His people? If you love someone, why would you hurt them? Why would you take away the most special treasures in their lives?

What can a mere human do to defend his belongings to a God like him?

And if God would not listen to my sufferings, then I shall find all the means to share the pain to those people who deserve it.

And I thought.

It was right to use you...

... to hurt you.

To make you fall for me...

... to ruin you.

Then I was back at the tunnel again. Walking endlessly. Darkness almost fills in the remaining light that was left for me. I'm going to be stuck here forever. All these hates and grudges I have in my heart will eat the remaining life of me.

Yes, I still chose to let darkness filled the void in my soul.

I want you to realize the cruel reality away from your sheltered life - away from the protection of your greedy father. I want Lucia Marison Salvaleon to hate her existence in this world for being Roberto Morales' daughter.

But as I draw you nearer. I started feeling a little scared... with those familiar brown eyes that only showed me honest love. I found myself retreating back.

You were the person I'm not prepared of meeting in this life.

I feel so ashamed.

But I couldn't turn back.

Mari, how did you find beauty out of my ashes? How did you drown my fears in your perfect love? Why do you keep showing me kindness? And even if I've already accepted the forlorn fate of my decisions, yet you always gave me reasons to love.

I lied.

Yet deep inside I have grown to care for you in all honesty.

I hate.

Yet deep inside I have grown to love you every day.

I want you gone.

Yet deep inside I couldn't stand seeing you standing alone drenched under that pouring rain.

Your existence filled the gap of my dying heart. Your smile was my reminder of hope. Your laughter broke the agonizing silence in me. And your love was the missing lyrics of the song that comforted my wretched soul.

Your love for sunsets makes me realize that no matter how long the day is, or even how tiresome it was, it will still end beautifully. A reminder that in each day's break, new beginnings await, so I can start again. Your golden hour becomes the golden hour that I wanted to witness every waking hour of our lives.

I have never met a woman so innocent, so pure, and so selfless in love. I have blamed myself and I've failed to forgive myself, but you, despite all my shortcomings and selfishness you never got tired of forgiving this devil.

You grabbed my hand and pull me up with you. You stayed with me. Embrace my today. No matter how I say I'm unworthy.

And I thank God for giving me friends that saved me that night.

Ending my life is not the best option to escape all my bad decisions in life. I can still make things right. I can still be a good person. I can still make myself your better half. And I can still be the best father Lyre and Sunset could ever have.

And I can still be your favorite singer.

Write you songs that will make you smile. Sing YOU by the Carpenters when you're feeling sad. Hold your hand when you wish to climb the tallest mountain in the world. Fill my stomach with your Jude-cken recipe from your slam book. Share the same glass of BUKO JUICE. Use up all your polaroid films to catch all your favorite memories with me. Maybe live on an isolated island to watch the golden hour every day. Oh, and watch Tangled all day with our little dragons.

I want to slow dance with you until we couldn't barely walk.

My dear, Marison.

I will never probably understand HIS will in this lifetime, but if His plans for her was better than the life I've imagined her to have, then I will now allow HIM to heal me, so we all both can move forward.

I have loved Faith with all my heart and I know, she brought that love in heaven so she can convince God that I'm still worth a second chance to continue my life with you.

If everything happens for a reason, then you must be God's reason for me. I'm sorry to disappoint you, I think God wasn't fond of casting a perfect prince for you, but at least I'm a charming villain who is willing to rescue you from your boring castle, and not to mention, I'm Jude Asrael Savio, lead vocalist of Queen City.

Mari, you always tell me, that you found hope in my songs, and I want you to know that in your love, hope found me.

And as I sail in this sudden storm. You're my lighthouse to the shore. Now I know, your love was enough to rescue my fallen soul.

And no, God was never cruel. His plans will ever be greater than our plans in this life. Everything in this world is His and He has all the right to take it when it's time.

Pain will always be part of being human. Pain will always come with love. For He loved us too much that He sacrificed His own son to save us. He will never give you problems if He didn't know you can't survive it. We will fall a thousand times, but He will pick us up in all different ways, and with the help of other people in our lives.

If you're wondering if did I ever got out from the tunnel?

Yes.

Everything is beautiful in Jude Asravel Savio's life now that I'm with Lucia Marison Salvaleon Savio.

Glad I kissed you that night.