XII. like nobody's watching

Bridger stood in the middle of the valley of the dolls. They wore doll clothing and plastic shoes with their hair styled to look picture perfect. Like they wanted to be on the cover of a magazine. He felt like a hypocrite because he was one of them. He was a rich boy. A Kook. A Fitzgerald. He checked every mark on the list of what a Kook was. So why did he feel so out of place?

He walked behind his father as the man greeted everyone. "Hi, how are you . . . It's good to see you." Dawson greeted his peers.

Bridger wanted to tell everyone that he was putting on an act. That he wasn't actually like this. But who would believe him? Dawson Fitzgerald was just like them. He smiled at the people who greeted him as they walked by.

"Ahh, there he is!" Topper shouted in the crowd, spotting his friend.

Bridger walked away from his dad and to his friends.  Topper and Kelce greeted him with their bro handshakes. "Hey guys," he greeted.

"Whoa, dude, what happened to you?" Kelce asked after seeing the bruises.

"You get into a fight or something?" Topper questioned.

"Or something." Bridger laughed dismissively. He looked around them. "God,  I feel like I'm in the middle of the 90210."

"But with free beer." Topper added.

"That's the only good thing, I guess."

"Where's Inez?" Kelce asked.

Bridger's face dropped slightly. "Oh, um. . . Nez and I uh, we're not together anymore."

Both of their eyes widened. "WHAT?"

"Shh!" He hushed them quickly.

"Dude, what happened?" Kelce asked him.

"Some things. We're on good terms. We're friends."

"A-Are you okay?" Topper asked, still in shock.

"I'm great." Bridger nodded with an unconvincing smile. "I'm gonna go walk around for a while."

They watched as he walked away and glanced at each other, still confused.

The sun was settling and created a soft glow. The music played loudly in the background and there were people dancing and drinking. Bridger had been to dozens of parties like this but he hated being here. He wanted to go home. Go anywhere but here.

He saw Pope and Kiara standing by the grill and observing everyone. He suddenly felt awkward and he wondered if he should talk to them. He knew he and Pope were somewhat okay but Kiara. . . she hated him. It was as pure as that. She had a right to. Bridger slowly made his way up to them. "Hey."

Kiara's happy expression fell. Pope was shocked that he was actually talking to them. "Hey, Bridger."

"You're actually talking to us?" Kiara asked him bitterly.

"Yeah, uh. . ." Bridger started and looked behind him.  "This uh, this really isn't my scene."

"How?" She scoffed.

"You know. It's a dollhouse world with plastic people,"  he stated. He looked back at them. "It kinda gets old after a while,"

Kiara looked him up and down suspiciously, like she didn't trust him.

He scratched the back of his neck. "Listen, uh. . . I just want to say I'm sorry. Y'know, for everything I've done. I know there's no excuses for it and I'm really just an asshole, and I don't expect you to forgive me, but. . . I'm sorry."

Pope and Kiara stared at the boy in shock. For Pope, it was easy to forgive. He had a heart of gold. After giving him the money for the groceries, Pope started to see him a little differently. Yeah, he was an asshole but he wasn't a terrible person. Or maybe he was and Pope just saw the good in people.

Kiara was a different story. She knew Bridger. She knew his friends, she knew what they did, and she knew how they acted. People like Bridger didn't care if they hurt others as long as they kept up their reputation. "I'm not entirely convinced," she admitted.

Bridger nodded. "I understand, it's okay. Has anyone told you that you look pretty? Cause you look pretty."

Pope laughed and Kiara rolled her eyes. "What would your girlfriend say if she heard you?"

"Uhhh, I don't have a girlfriend."

That shocked her. "You and Inez broke up?"

"Yeah." He nodded and out his hands in his pockets. "It was a clean breakup. No bad blood. She's still my best friend."

"Oh," Pope said in shock and glanced at Kiara. "Sorry to hear that, man."

Bridger smiled quickly. He glanced down at his shoes for a brief second. "Hey, um. . . have either of you heard from JJ?"

Kiara furrowed her brows. "Why do you want to know about JJ?"

"We haven't," Pope answered his question and she gave him a confused look. "But he'll be okay. He's JJ."

Bridger chuckled. "Yeah. Yeah, he is."

It was the first time either of the Pogues saw a genuine smile on his face.

There was a round of applause and Bridger turned around to see the Cameron family making themselves present. He backed up and stood by Kiara. "Here come Lord Capital and the Exploiters," she commented.

"She's definitely gonna like somebody's eye out with that," Pope added, referring to the spiky head piece that Rose was wearing.

Beidger cracked a grin.

Kiara looked at him. "Shouldn't you be talking to them?"

"Yeah, probably," he nodded. "My dad'll get pissed if I don't. I'll see you guys?"

"Sure." Pope nodded.

He walked off and Kiara stared at the back of his head, oddly. "I'm so confused on what that was."

"He's not a bad guy, Kie."

She looked at him in disbelief. "His friends almost killed you."

"His friends. Not him. He's. . . He's really not that bad." Pope confirmed.

"Why was he asking about JJ?"

"I don't know." He answered. But he did know. He definitely knew.

"What's up, ugly?" Bridger greeted Rafe when he saw him with Topper and Kelce.

"What's up, asshole?" Rafe greeted back and pulled him into a bro hug. "Nice suit. You look like you could be a waiter."

"Oh, aren't you charming." Bridger responded with sarcasm. "Hey, where's Sarah? I wanted to say hi."

"Oh, she ran off," Topper answered bitterly. "Hey, do you know if she's been hanging out with someone?"

"Like a friend?"

"A guy. Has she been hanging out with a guy?" He clarified.

"No. Not that I know of." Bridger shook his head. "Why would she?"

"That's my question." He muttered.

He gave him a weird look. "Okay. . . Well, I'm not going to be able to make it through this night without getting fucked up. Who's in?"

"Me. Definitely me." Rafe agreed and patted him on the back.

After searching for what seemed like ever, Bridger finally found Sarah. "Sarah Cameron, have you lost your mind? You can't disappear without saying hi to me!"

Sarah laughed at him and picked up the end of her dress to walk up to him. "Hey, Bridge. You look handsome."

He smiled and pulled her into a hug, holding a glass of alcohol in his other hand. "Why thank you. Hey, your boyfriend's acting weird."

She rolled her eyes. "When is he not? Why, what did he say?"

"He asked me if you've been seeing a boy," he answered. He gave a small gasp. "Are you whoring around?"

"Oh yeah!" She replied with wide eyes. "Me and the whole island. You haven't heard?"

"Sarah Cameron, you sly dog," Bridger teased. "Seriously though, are you seeing a boy? Cause if you are, you have to tell me so I can keep it a secret."

Sarah laughed. "Keep it a secret? I thought Topper was your boy?"

He shrugged. "Well yeah, but. . . I don't know. Things have been kinda weird lately."

She nodded. "Inez told me that you two broke up. Is everything okay?"

Bridger wondered how many times people were going to ask him that. "Totally." He nodded. He finished his glass. "Ah, that was good. I need another."

"You're going to get in trouble," she laughed.

"Haven't you heard, Sarah? The rich kids don't get in trouble," he joked. "Now, the sun is down and I'm bored as hell. Wanna dance?"

Sarah smirked and took his hand. "Lead the way."

Bridger led her to the dance floor. He spun her sprung once and took her other hand. He started dancing weirdly and she laughed loudly. "Oh my god, stop. You're not doing this!"

"What, are you embarrassed? Am I embarrassing you?" He asked and started doing the chicken.

"Stop!" She laughed and wacked his arm.

"He's a better dancer than that. Don't let him fool you."

Bridger turned around and saw Inez standing there, smiling. She was wearing a long, floor length, form fitting dress that was pink and covered in pearls. It was a low cut and dipped into a v and her hair was wrapped into a low bun with a flower crown on top with little pearls. She was breath taking. "Oh wow, you look amazing," he said in awe.

"Thank you." She smiled. "Now, are we going to drink or spend the rest of this night sober?"

A few of Sarah's girlfriends came over with glasses of champagne and Bridger danced with them, trying to have as much fun as he could. He could feel the stress in his shoulders start to lift when he saw how much fun they were having. Bridger took Sarah's hand and spun her around while she tried to sneakily drink the champagne.

He could see Topper and the girls standing not too far from them, a permanent frown on his face as he watched Sarah. "Your boyfriend looks really annoyed."

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Will you stop calling him that?"

"Well, that's what he is!" He responded and leaned closer to her with a smirk. "Unless you wanna tell me who the boy toy is?"

Sarah slapped his shoulder. "Stop!"

He just chuckled. Bridger's eyes drifted behind her and through the crowd of dancing people when they landed on a familiar head of blonde hair. His stomach dropped. "Hey, uh, I'll be right back," he said and moved through the crowd. He tried his best not to push anyone.

JJ was talking to Pope when Pope saw the Fitzgerald boy walking towards them. "I think someone wants to talk to you."

JJ gave him a weird look and turned his head to the side, seeing Bridger. He tried not to smile. "Probably just to start a fight." He played it cool.

Pope shook his head and grinned. "No. That's not why."

He walked off and left the blonde standing by himself. He adjusted his vest and smirked. "Damn, you never not look good don't you?"

But Bridger took one look at the bruises on his face and he wasn't ready to make jokes. "I'm sorry. I should've called or came and got you but I didn't. I'm sorry," he quickly started.

"Hey, hey, Bridge, it's okay," JJ tried to interrupt.

"No, it's not. Look at you," Bridger said and motioned to his face. "I-I'm sorry. My dad and I got into a fight and I couldn't—"

"Is that where those are from?" JJ interrupted and pointed to the bruises on Bridger's face. Then he motioned to his bruises knuckles. "And those?"

He suddenly felt embarrassed. "Y-Yeah."

JJ smirked. "Please tell me you beat the shit out of him.

The boy couldn't help but chuckled. "Yeah, I did. It felt pretty fucking good."

"You look great, Bridger."

Bridger looked him up and down. "I'm really glad you're here. But uh. . .Why are you dressed like a waiter?"

JJ sucked in air through his teeth. "Classified information, good lucking. I wish I could tell you."

"Why can't you?"

"Cause Kiara would probably kill me." He nodded. "And uh. . . I wouldn't want you to go back and tell your buddies."

Bridger scoffed. "I wouldn't."

JJ didn't look convinced. His blue eyes flickered downward and Bridger held in a breath. He glanced at the dance floor, then at him, back to the dance floor, and finally back to him. "Dance with me."

JJ looked up immediately. "What?"

"Dance with me," Bridger repeated and stepped closer to him.

"B-But what about Inez? What about—"

"Fuck what anybody else thinks," he interrupted. "And Inez. . . we're not together anymore. We broke up."

JJ tried to hide the happiness he felt with shock. "Oh? I-I'm sorry,"

"I'm not." Bridger shook his head and looked into his eyes. "Dance with me." He repeated.

JJ felt his heart beat quicken. He longed to feel this way for so long and now it was finally here. But when he was about to accept the offer, he remembered what he came for. "Uh. . . B-Believe me, I want to so bad, but. . . there's something I have to do,"

Bridger frowned. "Oh, what is it?"

He took a note out of his pocket. "I gotta give this to Sarah."

"Sarah?" Bridger repeated and narrowed his eyes. "What does this have to do with Sarah?"

"You'd be surprised." The blonde answered.

He looked over his shoulder and saw Sarah dancing with Wheezie on the dance floor. "Okay, come on," he said. "But act. . . don't act like yourself."

JJ followed behind him and smirked. "Aww, you don't like myself?"

"I like you alive. So try not to do anything that'll get you killed," Bridger hissed. The two of them walked through the people to where Sarah was and they were stopped by Mr. Dunleavy.

"Dewars and tonic." He requested to JJ.

Bridger hid his smirk.

He nodded. "Right away, Mr. Dunleavy."

"Can I get one, too?" Bridger asked.

"You can get my foot up your ass."

He laughed and JJ walked up behind Sarah. He tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around and saw them. "Bridger? JJ?"

JJ held a finger to his lips and smiled. "Yep."

"What?"

He held up the note. "I got a, uh, note from Vlad?"

"From Vlad?" Sarah asked with a smile and JJ started dancing around her.

"Vlad? Who's Vlad?" Bridger asked. He looked at Sarah and gasped. "Boy toy?"

JJ nodded even though he had idea what he was talking about. "Boy toy."

Sarah slapped his arm again. "I'm going to kill you."

She walked away with the note in her hand and left the two boys standing in front of each other. Bridger smiled at the blonde. They were standing under the fairy lights and the yellow glow reflected off of him. Even with the bruises on his face, JJ was beautiful.

JJ caught him staring. "Why are you staring at me?"

"Cause I miss staring at you," Bridger admitted with his whole heart.

He never thought he would hear those words again and it made his face soften. 

The soft words of Elton John's Your Song started to play. Bridget sucked in a breath and smiled. "Dance with me." He said again, very softly.

"There's people around." JJ almost whispered, not breaking eye contact.

"I don't care,"

"What if your dad sees?" He asked and suddenly got nervous at how close he was getting.

"Let him," Bridger shrugged. "I'll kill him if he does anything to you."

JJ suddenly felt like the boy he was when they first talked. Smitten and in love. "This is probably a bad idea."

Bridger nodded. "It probably is." He took JJ by the hand and pulled him close. JJ put his free hand on his shoulder. Their eyes didn't break as they started to sway side to side. They were aware of the eyes on them and the whispers that started, but Bridger didn't care. He wanted this. He wanted him. He would always want him.

I don't have much money, but, boy, if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

"Why did you and Inez break up?" JJ asked in a quiet voice.

"Because I told her there's someone else," Bridger responded, almost in a whisper.

He smirked. "Oh yeah? Is she cute?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, he's very cute. He's also very annoying." He emphasized, teasing him.

JJ smiled at that. "So you told her?"

Bridger nodded. "Yeah. I think she already knew."

"Does that scare you?"

"I don't know," he responded. "I don't think she's the one I'm worried about."

JJ nodded, understanding. "You don't want your friends to know. I understand. I didn't before but now I do. I get it if you're still afraid to say it,"

My gift is my song, and this one's for you

Bridger furrowed his brows. "That's what you think? You think I don't want to shout out to the world how I feel about you?"

JJ gave him a soft smile. "I know you do. But I also know how hard it is for you. You have a life here. You have a reputation. Your dad's made this image for you and you don't want to ruin it. I know you're afraid," he admitted. He smiled again. It was a sad smile. "But I'm not,"

Bridger frowned deeply.

"I love you, Bridger Fitzgerald. I have always loved you and I'm never going to stop. Nobody, not even your dad, can make me stop loving you." JJ confessed and his ocean eyes watered. They still continue to dance. "I'll tell you even if you can't tell anyone else."

I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world

Bridger spent is entire life living for other people. He was the golden boy, the rich boy, the Kook, the partier, ecs. . . He never really did anything for himself because he was afraid of being judged by others. His father made him feel insecure. He made him feel small. Dawson made his son feel like he couldn't be himself because he wasn't good enough. Because of that, Bridger tried to fit in. He befriended the richest guys and got in on their group. He drank to make himself look cool. He terrorized the Pouges so they wouldn't think he was weak. He did drugs to hide his insecurities.

The life he lived was fake. The smiles he gave everyone was fake. The clothes, the expensive watches, the shoes, the cologne, everything was just fake. He did all of it to keep up his image as the Kook Prince because being a Kok finally gave him the smallest sliver of an actually feeling ever since his mom died. But even the alcohol and drugs couldn't feel the emptiness he always seemed to feel.

The sunshine of a boy in front of him was real. He wasn't fake. He was pure love and joy and craziness and he was beautiful. JJ Maybank was beautiful. He was more beautiful than any of the Kook princes and princesses could ever be. JJ made him feel like a person again in the valley of the dolls. And Bridger being his stupid self, he let him go.

What they had was a masterpiece until he tore it all up.

But now he was back. He was in front of him in his arms and he was back. They danced with each other like they were the only two people around and like nobody was watching. But everybody was watching. But Bridger didn't give a single care in the world. If the whole world was watching, he would still dance with him. Bridger was completely in love with JJ. "I love you." He finally said.

JJ stared at him for a minute before a smile slowly grew on his face. "There it is."

Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

Their dance was cut short by a pair of hands slapping onto JJ's shoulders. Rafe stood over the boy and Bridger backed away, glaring. "I'm wonderin if you could get me a Mai Tai, my friend."

"Yeah, Pogue, how about you make that two?" Kelce followed.

"Guys." Bridger warned.

"Yeah, well, I'm on the clock right now," JJ responded to them. "You guys look spiffy. You know, uh, I got a couple of orders ahead of you, so why don't you guys just go ahead and wait by the bar?"

Rafe denied the suggestion and Bridger took a step forward in case anything started.

"Help yourself to hors d'ouevres."

"Oh yeah, guys, JJ's gonna serve us some hors d'ouevres," Rafe said and waved his friends over.

"Rafe, back off." Bridger hissed.

"You know what, I thought you were my boy," he said with a laugh of disbelief. "But you're nothing more than a pussy."

His friends came over and JJ gave Bridger a quick wink. "I'll come find you later." He told him and ran off, the group of boys chasing after him.

Bridger was going to run after him when a hand slapped on his shoulder and spun him around. His father glared at him. "Do you have any idea what you just did?"

Bridger glared at him. "I danced with a boy. The world's not going to fucking stop spinning."

He stormed off and Dawson chased after him. He grabbed his arm and spun him around again, catching the attention of the party attenders. "You want to do this here? You want me to tell everyone what I know? I can end you with one word."

"Do it!" Bridger shouted at him and shoved him backwards. "Go ahead and do it. I don't fucking care anymore!"

His outburst gained the attention of everyone, including Pope and Kie, who were not too far from them.

The man looked at everyone that was watching a breathed out a chuckle. "You don't want to do this." He warned again.

"Oh why, cause it'll ruin your reputation? Because you think people will look at me different? News flash dad, nobody fucking cares!" His son shouted with spit flying out of his mouth. His eyes were blazed with anger. "I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. I love him!"

"Bridger—"

"I love him, dad!" Bridger shouted again. "I love him and you can't stop me! I'm tired of living a lie. I'm tired of living a fucking life where I have to hide who I am for your benefit. Okay, that's not my life. It's yours!"

The Pogues that were watching the scene felt their faces drop as the boy shouted at his father. Kiara turned around and caught Pope's eye.

"I love him. That's something you wouldn't understand, right?" Bridger laughed in disbelief and sniffled. "I mean, you didn't love mom. How could you have? You fucking cheated on her."

There were gasps and whispers from everyone and Dawson stood there stiffly, embarrassed by his son's reaction.

Tears of anger fell down Bridger's face. "I mean, she fucking died and you didn't care. You still wanted to uphold the Fitzgerald name. Well guess what dad? I don't care anymore. You already ruined me a long time ago."

Kiara watched the scene with tear felt expression. She felt her heart drop as the boy yelled at his father, pouring his heart out. It was completely silent.

"I just wanted to give you a good life, Bridger." Dawson finally said, breaking the silence.

Bridger let out another laugh of disbelief and shook his head. "No. You wanted to have a good life. You wanted me to hide so nobody would figure out what happened. I got a new life, I got new friends, I got a girlfriend, and it still wasn't enough for you. I will never be good enough for you!"

As if matters couldn't get any worse, JJ's voice rang and everyone's attention turned from the father and son to see him being dragged out by one of the security guards. "Look—Look man, I can walk myself. I got legs. Can you see that, brother?"

Bridger groaned. "Oh, Jesus Christ."

"I really appreciate what you did back there. Let me just walk out by myself," JJ continued as he the man escorted him through the party. "Oh, Mr. Dunleavy, I see you for your drink. Good, that's really nice of you. I'm actually gonna down that." He downed the man's drink and Bridger pinched his nose in disbelief.

"It's okay, everybody! Do not panic." He announced. "Just leave it to the men and women in uniform. Huh? Let's here if for them. Rose! You look like Lady Liberty. It's good to see you again. Ooh, buddy, can I have one of those?"

"Let go of him!" Kiara shouted. "You can't just boot him!"

Bridger walked away from his dad and through the people.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" The security guard leading him away questioned.

"I invited him here." Kiara lied. "I'm a member of this club."

Her parents tried to stop her and that's when JJ pushed the security guard away. "Sorry about that. Hey, mandatory power hour at Rixon's, Kie! Pope, you as well, all right? Rixon's Cove. Let's roll."

Bridger stood where he was visible and watched the wild blonde. He watched as Pope and Kiara broke away from their parents and ran off with the boy. He felt a suddenly rush of emotions come from him as he watched the group. They were happy. They were living happy and free. They didn't care about anyone else but each other. Bridger envied them.

And from what he could see, Sarah was feeling the same way.

"Bridger, come on!" JJ shouted at the boy when he saw him watching.

All eyes fell on him, some still from the outburst he caused. Bridger felt himself smiling.

"Bridger, no." His father demanded.

JJ had a mesmerizing smile on his face as he watched the boy contemplate the decision. Bridger looked around the party. The picture perfect event wasn't so perfect anymore and he loved it. He loved the chaos. He used to think the Pogues were just a bunch of low class delinquents that had nothing going for them in life. And now, he was in love with one. He was done being fake. Bridger found Inez watching from across the room and she smiled at him. It was an encouraging smile.

"Bridger!" His dad said again.

Bridger walked down the steps and looked around at the Kooks. "Oh yeah, and if what I said before wasn't clarified, I'm fucking gay! So, do with that what you will."

He jogged off and JJ smiled at him brightly. He took the Pogue's hand and JJ dragged him away with his friends. "Did you just fucking come out?"

"I did," Bridger nodded breathlessly. "It felt fucking amazing."

JJ led out a loud cheer and continued to drag him away with his friends. For the first time in a year, Bridger felt like his old self again. He had finally broken out of the shell he was trapped in.