XXXVIII.   I wish I knew then what I know now

Bridger was fourteen the first time he experimented with drugs. Rafe was seventeen. He was still mourning his mother and his father wasn't making it any better. Barry stuck him in the arm with heroine, his fresh, young teenager skin, and he made the kid promise that it'd be the last time. He didn't need cops showing up at his place arresting him for giving a rich kid drugs. He already had enough of that with Rafe. Of course Bridger promised it would be the last time. But sure enough, it wasn't.

When Dawson gave him a black eye, Bridger went to Rafe crying his eyes out. He was still fourteen. He thought of Rafe as his brother, the only person he could turn to in needs of protection. Rafe always said he'd protect Bridger, no matter the cost. He just never thought it would be Rafe to put him in danger.

"Don't think too much of it, alright? This'll help you relax." The eldest Cameron had assured him that day.

Bridger was the youngest person to ever go to Barry's trailer. There was so many men there, Rafe being the only one close to his age. He let Bridger fall asleep on the couch and he didn't leave his side, until Barry told him about the collection of drugs he had in his room. Then Rafe was too fucked up to notice him.

His father was barely home. Bridger was getting older. He went to more parties with Rafe and Sarah, he got drunker and drunker each day and each year. His title of the Kook Prince stuck with him. But Bridger would always think back to that day he was fourteen years old and the feeling that the drugs gave him, serenity. That's all he wanted to feel.

But then he went back to Barry's, Rafe by his side. The drugs continued and continued until Bridger couldn't get enough. His alcoholic intake increased. Suddenly, he was at Barry's trailer every night. But nobody except Rafe knew, not even Sarah, who Bridger told everything.

Bridger should've known better to not go to Barry's alone. He was just a kid, a stupid teenager with a dead mom and an abusive dad. He felt like he had no other place to go. He should've left with when he saw all the men doing drugs in the trailer and on the lawn. He should've left when Barry took him to his bedroom and showed him the bag of drugs. But he didn't. God, he wished he would have left.

Bridger knew it was his fault that he got addicted to drugs but he also blamed Rafe. He was only fourteen. Rafe was older. He knew better. He was his best friend and he put his life in danger. But Bridger still loved him. He knew how Ward treated him compared to Sarah and Wheezie. Rafe and Bridger were two sides of the same coin, so he continued to be his best friend because nobody understood each other like they did.

Now, at the age of seventeen, Bridger knew better. Rafe wasn't a good person. He didn't care about him or anyone else. All he cared about was getting the gold and the cross and taking the money for himself, not caring if he had to kill someone who got in his way. Bridger felt like a fool.

He spent the whole morning freaking out. He paced around John B's backyard with his head in his hands. "This is bad. This is really bad."

"Bridger, stop pacing." Sarah begged him in a sickly voice. She put her own head in her hands.

"I fucking knew it would be them to catch us back. How did I know?" He continued to panic and threw his hands up.

JJ walked up to him and put his hand on his back. "Okay, B, you gotta chill—"

Bridger swatted his hand away. "No. Chill? How are you not freaking out right now?" He raised his voice. He looked over to John B, who was leaning against the hot tub. "How are you not freaking out right now?"

"I am freaking out. I'm just doing it more silently." John B replied truthfully, seeing as he was completely panicking inside his head.

"Oh, great. Yeah." Bridger sarcastically said and went back to pacing. "We gotta get the hell out of here. Where the hell are Pope and Kiara—" On cue, Pope and Kiara made their way through the marsh on the HMS Pogue. "Finally!"

The Pogues ran to the dock. "Don't tie up!" JJ shouted at Kiara as she reached for the rope.

"What?" She called out.

"We're gettin' the fuck out of here!" Bridger made known.

Pope stared at them. "Wait, why?"

"Rafe and Barry showed up last night after you guys left. Where'd y'all go?"

"We, uh. . . We slept on the break." Pope hesitated.

The boyfriends looked at each other and smirked. "Slept. Right, yeah." Said JJ.

Kiara rolled her eyes. "Shut up. Now's not the time."

They quickly climbed inside the HMS Pogue. They directed Pope where to go and they ended up at a deserted clearing of the island. Bridger had stopped pacing and he sat on the grassy ground with his back leaned against the log that Sarah was sitting on.

They were silent for a while as they tried figuring things out. "Look, if Rafe and Barry know, it's only a matter of time." Sarah stated the obvious.

"Before everyone knows." Pope concluded.

JJ shook his head. "I told you. We should've gone South, man." He said to John B. "Why does no one ever listen?"

Bridger gave him a crazed look. "You're the one who wanted to stay here Mr. Stupid Things Have Good Outcomes All the Time! Well, guess what? This isn't a good outcome!"

JJ pointed at him. "Don't make fun of my philosophy!" He matched his tone of voice.

"Alright, alright!" Pope hollered over them.

"Look, I have an idea." Sarah spoke again, the boyfriends stopping their argument. "With me back, my dad's going to have a chose between me and Rafe."

Bridger knew where she was going. He leaned up from the log and looked at her. "No. Absolutely not."

She gave him pleading eyes. "He's going to choose me."

"Sarah, Sarah, just please listen. Ward keeps lying to you, Sarah." John B tried reasoning with her.

Her expression fell and she bit her lip.

"He won't agree after everything that's happened." Kiara stepped in, her voice soft.

"No. I. . .I know it sounds crazy—"

Bridger scoffed. "Yeah,"

"I know!" She bellowed. "But he's my dad. And I know him, and he loves me."

He felt a sliver of guilt. Sarah was always a daddy's girl. It was never a secret that Ward favored her over his other children. But Sarah was too naive to see through Ward's conviction. How he was manipulating her. And it angered Bridger to his core. She didn't deserve any of it and he sure as hell wasn't going to let her go back.

"I'm just asking for two hours." She continued.

Bridger stood from his spot on the ground. "No, Sarah. It's not happening." He denied.

"Bridger!"

"I'm not letting him keep doing this to you, Sare. Any of them!" He raised his voice, his face going red. "If you're needing permission then, no. Permission denied."

Her face fell again and her lips started to waver. It was clear that the others agreed with him, but none of them had the courage to speak up. "Please just trust me on this one, B." Sarah pleaded again.

But Bridger stood is ground. "I trust you. I don't trust him, or Rafe."

It was silent and the others looked between him and Sarah. It was a rare thing that the best friends ever fought, but Bridger only wanted to protect her because he loved her. He didn't trust her family one bit.

Ultimately, Sarah stood from the log and looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry." She stated and walked off.

"Wha—Sarah!" He called her name. He was ignored. "Sarah!"

John B stood up. "I got 'er." He said and quickly went after her.

Bridger exhaled dramatically and fell to the ground again. He pressed his back to the log and rubbed his eyes.

JJ slowly went and sat beside him. He patted him on the knee.

"At least you tried." Said Kiara.

"Not hard enough, apparently." Bridger grumbled.

Bridger could remember how much peace he felt when he'd sit on the beach, feeling the wind in his hair and the water from the ocean splash on his face. How his toes would dig into the hot sand and the sun would beam on his skin. There was nothing more peaceful than the beach, it was always so calm and inviting.

Now he couldn't remember the good days he had before he got involved with drugs, before his dad started hurting him, or before he got involved in the stupid treasure hunt. Even sitting at the beach now wasn't enough to calm him down because he was worried sick about Sarah.

John B stood close by, overlooking the water as well. He glanced at Bridger occasionally, seeing and feeling his worry. "She'll be alright." He spoke first.

"I really want to believe that, but, I can't." Bridger shook his head. He looked at John B with squinted eyes. "I know that family, John B. I've been in that house so many times. I've seen all the secrets. I got wrapped up in the danger. I don't want her apart of it anymore."

John B understood perfectly. "Believe me, I don't want her to either."

Bridger nodded, a mutual understanding. They both wanted what was best for Sarah. Pope walked up and looked between them. "Hey, uh, can we talk for just a second?" He asked John B.

The pair walked down the shoreline. Bridger heard laughter behind him and he looked over his shoulder, seeing JJ and Kiara carrying back sticks for a fire. He stood from the sand and brushed it off his clothes.

JJ's smile widened. "Hey, baby."

He walked up to him and brushed his hand against his bare shoulder. "Hey, sweetheart." Kiara walked away to set down the sticks. "I hate this shit. Waiting like this."

JJ sat down his pile of sticks. "I know, but you gotta trust Sarah. She'll always come back." He assured him.

Bridger hummed. "Yeah, she does. Kinda like you."

The blonde smiled again, it going crooked. "Can't ever get rid of me."

"Unfortunately."

"Oh, ha ha." JJ sarcastically said and cupped his face. "Don't act like you don't love it."

Again, Bridger hummed, but he started to smile. "Depends on the day."

They kissed and he began to relax. That's when Bridger realized the only peace he had left in his life was JJ. He was his serenity.

"Guys, she's back!" He heard John B announced.

Bridger quickly looked over and saw Sarah float back to them on the HMS Pogue. "Thank fucking god!" He yelled with excitement.

"Sarah!" Kiara waved happily at her friend.

The three of them ran down the sandy hill. "You made it!" JJ cheered.

He helped her dock the boat when she came to shore. Bridger's smile fell when he saw that she was crying. "How'd it go?"

Sarah ran up to him and fell into his arms. She sniffled into his neck. "I'm sorry. You were right. It didn't work."

Bridger stumbled back in slight shock. He wrapped his arms around her torso and glanced at the others. "It's alright. It's gonna be okay." He told her when on the inside, he was fuming.

"Welp, then that settles it, guys." JJ huffed. "Now, y'all need to load up the paddy wagon and get the hell out of Dodge right now."

"Right. You'll need supplies and you'll have to split as soon as possible." Pope stated quickly.

"I think it's too late."

Sarah let go of Bridger and they looked forward, seeing a dozen police boats headed their way. The sirens echoed against the water. "Oh, fuck."

"Your father must've called them." John B said out loud.

"We gotta go. We gotta go!" Bridger yelled and the six of them immediately sprinted off, running away from the police yelling at them to stop.

His heart was lodged in his throat. Blood pounded in his ears, making everything go silent. Bridger ran as fast as his legs could carry him through the woods, the Pogues following suit. They stopped when they approached the marsh.

"We gotta swim across!" Said Pope.

He wasted no time drenching his clothes in the water. He sloshed as quick as possible, the water slowing him down, but Bridger's adrenaline was high. "Come on. Come on!" He hurried the others.

The cops were close behind them, still yelling at them to stop. When they swam across, the six teenagers hid behind a large tree, but it didn't help them any. The police knew where they were. Where John B was. That's who they were after.

Sure enough, the police cars showed up. They had nowhere to go. Bridger kept a tight grip on Sarah's hand, that girl shaking in fear. "We're trapped. They surrounded us." JJ spoke the obvious.

Bridger tried to think of a plan, but he came up blank. There was nothing they could do. "This is it." He stared dreadfully.

"We gotta make a stand." JJ took out his gun and scrambled to load it.

"What the hell are you going to do, shoot all of em?" Bridger blurted out with a shaky voice.

"If that's what I have to do!"

Sarah began to cry. Kiara was freaking out which made her start to cry. Bridger squatted between them, allowing them both to take his hands. He couldn't be brave right now. There were so many cops, so many guns. If he made the wrong move, one of them was sure to shoot him. Bridger came to the conclusion that none of the cops in Kildare cared about him, or any of his friends. To them, they were low lives. They had nothing to offer. They didn't have a problem leaving them to the dust if it meant catching their suspected killer.

John B took the gun from JJ, the best friend's locking eyes, and JJ knew what he was thinking. He shook his head no but John B pressed his hand to his cheek, silently talking to him. He was tired of running, of putting his friends in danger. They didn't deserve it. He was innocent but nobody knew it. They'd never believe it.

Sarah looked at her boyfriend with terror written all over her face. Bridger shook his head at him, telling him not to do it. But John B made his decision. "It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

He handed Bridger the gun. He let go of Sarah's hand and took it, immediately hiding it behind him. "Take care of them, Bridge." John B said.

Bridger nodded. "Always, JB."

John B walked forward with his hands raised. "I'm surrendering!" He shouted fearfully.

"The rest of y'all, stay right where you're at! Keep your hands where we can see them!" Shoupe screamed with his gun raised.

"Hey, listen, Shoupe, I want to testify!"

"Well, it's about time." The cop declared and walked closer to him. "Get down. Do not move a muscle. Everybody else, don't move."

Bridger was sure the girls were going to break his hands from how tight they were holding on, but at that point he couldn't feel anything. Fear overtook any feeling he had. That was until one of the officers started beating him up, and then anger spiked. "Fucking get off of him!" He screamed and stood up.

When JJ saw him start to charge at the cop, he immediately grabbed him. "NO!" He hollered. "Let him go!"

Plumb and other officers pointed their guns at them but all Bridger could focus on was John B. "He didn't fucking do anything, Shoupe. Stop!"

"Stay back, Bridger!" Shoupe hollered at him.

The screams of the Pogues mixed together. Let him go. Stop. He's just a kid. The cops don't care. All they knew was that John B killed an officer. He ran away and took Sarah with him, likely holding her hostage. He was the cause of all the problems happening.

JJ made Bridger sit back down and they raised their hands. Sarah wrapped her arms around him and cried. Bridger held her close while keeping one of his hands raised and he stared at the cops with blazing eyes.