XIX. summer child 

The group of friends followed the directions that the pawnshop lady gave them. It seemed like they had driving forever and all they saw was trees. Bridger felt unsettled, the road they were taking become somewhat familiar to him. "So they keep the money out here?" Pope voiced, he himself feeling weird about the situation.

"That's what she said." JJ nodded, then laughed. "That's what she said—"

"Stop." Pope immediately said, making his face fall.

Bridger shook his head but cracked a smile, not bothering to comment on the boy's dirty jokes anymore.

"I've never even heard of Resurrection Drive." Sarah stated and glanced at Bridger. "Have you?"

"Cause you're rich." JJ replied.

Kiara and Bridger rolled their eyes. "You haven't heard of it either." She defended the girl.

Sarah muttered a small thank you under her breath.

Bridger glanced out the window of the Twinkie, his eyes narrowing as he racked his brain. "It feels. . . somewhat familiar? I can't exactly remember?"

JJ hummed and leaned forward. "Is it one of the routes we took on our many late night drives?" He said with a smirk.

John B squinted his eyes. "I'm not sure if I want to ask about that."

The smirk on JJ's face and in his voice caused Bridger to give him a look, pushing his face away. "Stop. But no, I don't think so. . . I'm trying to remember."

"There's nothing but weeds out here." Kie said mentioned, looking out the same window that he was.

"All right, just 'cause it's just weeds, doesn't mean it's like—" JJ was cut off by the sound of police sirens going off behind them.

The teenagers immediately panicked. "What the hell?" The Kook voiced and sat up.

"Cops? Out here?" Kiara said in disbelief.

"God! Are you kidding me?" JJ groaned.

"What did we do?"

"Why are we getting pulled over?"

"John B, were you speeding?"

"This thing only goes so fast, Bridge." As they began to panic, John B quickly turned to them. "Chill, guys. Stash that."

JJ quickly hid the gold under one of the seats.

"Did you bring the gun?"

He quickly shook his head. "No, okay? Everyone told me to leave it back at the place."

Bridger patted his back. "That's good, J. That's good."

The panic rose to high heaven when the John B's door opened and revealed a man wearing a black mask that covered his face and he pointed a gun at him. They all immediately froze, Bridger instinctively moving in front of JJ. John B froze in the driver's seat.

"Why don't I go ahead and see them hands in the air." The masked man demanded threateningly and Bridger was battling himself, trying to know why his voice was so familiar.

John B didn't move, his body fighting against him. The others in the back clinged to each other, Bridger in front of JJ while holding onto Sarah's shaky hand.

"All of y'alls hands up in the air right now!" He shouted again, raising the gun higher.

Bridger was forced to let go of Sarah's hand and raise his own, his eyes glaring at the masked man with fury. He moved his body as much as he could in front of everyone without being caught.

"You out of the car, lets go!" The guy yelled at John B. He slowly got out of the van with his hands raised. "Let them out!"

John B walked around the van with the gun pointed at him. He slid open the van door and saw the fear on his friend's faces. The man pointed the gun at them again and shouted for them all to get out of the van. "Let's go, pretty girl." He said to Sarah, causing an angry feeling to go off in Bridger's chest.

One by one, they climbed out of the van with their hands raised, and the masked man laughed comically when his eyes landed on Bridger. "Oh, shit! If it isn't the puppy!"

His blood went cold when the familiar voices finally clicked. Barry.

JJ moved in front of his boyfriend. "Look, we're—"

"Shut the hell up!" Barry shouted and pointed the gun at JJ, causing Bridger to go stiff.

"All right! Just relax!"

"Shut the hell up! Shut up! Blow your damn head off!"

"Alright, hey!" Bridger finally shouted, but was immediately cut off by a blunt force to his head.

"HEY!"

"Whoa, whoa!"

"Bridger!"

Bridger fell to the harsh ground, already feeling a liquid substance seep from his head. 

"Lay down in the ditch! Lay down in the ditch! On your goddamn hands and knees! Now! Down! Put your face on the ground!" Barry shouted at the others and backed them up into the dirt.

JJ didn't move and his eyes widened in horror at his bleeding boyfriend on the ground. 

"Get on the goddamn ground! Now!" Barry shouted again at him while shoving the gun in his face.

"All right! All right!" JJ bellowed and got down on his knees along with the others, lying flat on the dirt. 

Barry turned his attention back to the Kook on the ground and laughed. "Get up, bitch!"

Bridger let out a painful groan and lifted his head, his vision blurring. 

"I said get up, bitch!" He repeated loudly and kicked him in the back.

"Hey!" JJ shouted at the top of his lungs, resulting in the gun being pointed at him again.

"Bridger!" Sarah cried out, watching her best friend wither on the ground.

Barry grabbed Bridger by his shirt and yanked him up from the ground, throwing him into the van. "I've been looking for you, rich boy. You and Country Club! You disappeared on me!"

"Barry, w-wait," Bridger breathed out and weakly raised his hands.

"Imma teach you what happens when you steal from me!" He threatened and punched him across the face,  sending him to the ground again and the Pogues shouted out.

"Stop!" JJ cried out but didn't move from his spot,  knowing what would happen if he did.

Barry kicked Bridger in the stomach again, the Kook coughing violently. "Yeah, you can thank your little friend for this one. Stay down, bitch!" He climbed inside the van, immediately going to where the golf was. 

"John B, don't be a hero!" Pope hissed quietly as John B began to get up from the ground.

"Bridge, hey, can you hear me?" Sarah whispered to the boy with teary eyes.

Painful groans escaped him. His face leaked blood. It was exactly why Bridger didn't want to deal with Barry in the first place, because he knew what would happen, and all Rafe had done was drag him six feet under the ground with him.

As John B snuck to the cop car, Barry jumped out of the van with the gold in his hand. He pointed to the gun at everyone. "Y'all stay just like that unless you want your brains blown out all over the road. Don't move your goddamn heads, okay?" He bellowed. He turned to Bridger, who finally opened his eyes. "So this is where you been huh, rich boy? Slumming with the Pogues? Who would've thought."

Bridger lifted his head the best he could and glared at him, blood slowly sliding down his face. "This thing you have with Rafe, it had nothing to do with me."

Barry let out another sinister laugh and pointed the gun at him again. "Oh, you're so wrong, bro. Remember all those times you and Country Club came to my crib, hoping to score a little candy?"

The group of Pogues looked at each other as they listened, confusion striking them.

"That was a long time ago—"

"You just be sure to tell ole Country Club what'll happen to his friend if he don't give me my money." Barry threatened again. He walked away from them and to the car.

"Bridge, are you okay?" JJ immediately asked, his voice laced in worry.

"Not at all." He coughed in pain and groaned.

"What the hell is he talking about?" Kiara voiced.

It dawned on him that none of them knew about his drug addiction. Bridger never even told JJ, as he tried so hard to keep the demons of his past locked away. He knew if they ever found it, the would look at him differently, and he cousins afford to lose more people. Not again.

When John B got ahold of Barry, everyone jumped up from the ground, Bridger struggling in the process. Sarah helped him up and the rest of them charged at the drug dealer, resulting in him hitting JJ across the face.

With red clouded eyes, Bridger clenched his jaw and marched forward, swinging his fist into the side of Barry's face. The memories of he and Rafe being in his house, drugs surrounding them, and Bridger passing out came back to him and it made him angrier. He remembered being too fucked up to get home and do he passed out in Barry's living room, all alone, because Rafe had left him there. Barry and Rafe were the center of his downfall.

John B slammed the gun into the back of Barry's head, making him fall to the ground. Bridger sent a kick to his back, and another one, and another one.

"I got the gold!" Pope shouted and held up the gold bar.

The group took turns beating the shit out of the drug dealer but nobody had the wrath that Bridger did. "You ruined my fucking life! All of you!" He shouted at him, angry tears threatening to come.

"Hey. Hey, Bridger." Sarah said and grabbed his arm, pulling him back.

The other stared at the angry boy, feeling very confused and also sympathetic. JJ bent down and pulled the mask off, revealing Barry's face. "I know this piece of shit. He's a basehead."

"He knows my brother." Sarah sneered and glared down at him.

"He sells coke to my dad." JJ added and hit Barry in the face with the gun.

Bridger watched as he beat him again and that's when he realized how similar him and JJ really were. Barry was a life ruiner and he had ruined his father. The anger he felt was exactly like the Kook's and he wanted to make the drug dealer pay for all the years of pain.

John B grabbed JJ and pulled him back from Barry. "Come on, let's go." Pope spoke, eager to get out of the situation and place before anything could happen.

He reached down and grabbed Barry's wallet. "We got one more stop to make." JJ declared.

John B had taken the car keys and threw them into the woods. Bridger stared at the drug dealer with hate, his face full of his the man's violent anger. He lived his whole life in pain, and Bridger wondered how much longer that pain would continue.

JJ noticed that his boyfriend was still there and he walked up to him, placing a hand on his back. "Hey, baby, come on."

He pulled the kook away with the others, but Bridger's eyes never left Barry.

It was completely silent in the Twinkie. Tension was high. They were all on edge. The group's eyes looked between JJ and Bridger as he drove the van and the Kook was completely shaking from both high adrenaline and anger. JJ was worried, even in the midst of his own anger, he glanced at his partner in concern. He hadn't said a word since they left which was very unlike him.

"Since nobody's gonna ask, I will," Kiara spoke, breaking the silence, and she looked at Bridger. "What the hell was that?"

"Kie—"

She interrupted Pope and she almost glared at the boy. "How do you know him, Bridger?"

"It's none of your business." He responded and kept his voice calm as possible.

"It's is my business, actually, if you were in on something with him—"

"Kiara, stop." Sarah warned.

"Kiara—"

"You don't fucking know me!" Bridger nearly shouted, startling them. He looked at Kiara with hurtful eyes. "You don't know what I've been through so stop fucking acting like you do. I don't want to talk about it!"

"Hey, hey, hey," Sarah quickly started and climbed across the van to where her friend was sitting. She touched his arm. "It's okay. It's okay. We're not judging you."

He looked at her with teary eyed expression. "I'm not proud of it, Sarah." He said with a broken voice.

"Hey," JJ spoke that time and looked at him. "You're with us now, okay? Whatever you did before you came with us, doesn't matter. We're listening, Bridge. Right?"

Pope quickly nodded. "Right."

"Absolutely." John B agreed.

They looked at Kiara, who had a sour look on her face.  She was trying to make amends with the Kook for JJ's sake, and because Bridger was trying his hardest to change, but who could blame her for being concerned for the wellbeing of her friends? "Fine." She muttered under her breath, not making eye contact with them.

Bridger looked at Sarah and JJ, who looked back at him worrisomely. He felt as if they were the only two that understood and he trusted them more than anyone. Bridger spent him whole life hiding in a bubble, afraid that if the outside world knew his struggles, they would frown upon him. He was scared of being different. He never felt safe.

The Pogues made him feel safe. Bridger glanced at them all, one by one. "It stared after my mom died," he began to say. His voice was slow. "My, uh, my dad started getting rough with me. I-I was never home, 
a-a-and I tried anything and everything to not think about my mom." He looked at Sarah. "Rafe, he, uh—He took me to Barry's one day. He said it would help me to not think about it."

Sarah's face fell drastically. "Oh, Bridge. . ."

"I-I-I said it would only be that one time. I just wanted to stop hurting. . ." His eyes watered. He felt so stupid.  He hated being vulnerable because he bashed feeling weak. "But–it kept happening. Rafe promised that he would always be there, because he cared about me. We were best friends. But. . . this one day, m-my dad,  uh. . . something happened and I went to Barry's by myself. I did it once. . . and then I did it again. I-I don't know why I kept doing it. It got to the point where I passed out. I-I w-woke up in his yard. Nobody was there. I was alone."

"I'm so sorry." Sarah let out a cry and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

His hid his face in her shoulder and cried. "I'm sorry,  Sarah. I tried to stop. I'm sorry."

The others listened and watched the interaction with heavy hearts. Pope and John B glanced at each other,  feeling terrible. Pope especially, because he never liked to judge anyone, and he used to judge the boy all the time.

JJ drove the van in anger and he began to feel more hatred for Rafe and Barry as he watched his partner cry more than he had ever seen him before. He loved him completely, the good and the bad. He looked at the crying boy again and frowned. "I'm sorry, B. I'm sorry."

Bridger cried into his best friend's shoulder and felt the weight of embarrassment, vulnerability, and also freedom dawn on him. He didn't have to be afraid to show himself to them. They didn't judge him, but there would always be a fear in Bridger that they would abandon him if they knew everything he had been through.