"What's the best part about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: "They won't sell much ice cream driving that fast."

If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.

What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.

5/4 of people admit that they're bad with fractions.

Why couldn't the bike standup by itself? It was two tired.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!

The other day I told my students I have a dad bod. Kirishma said "I do too. But it's more of a father figure."

What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off."

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