Mishti :)

I sat down on the floor quietly, Abir sat just beside me, his hands securely wrapped around me.. My body has stopped functioning after hearing the terrific soul shattering words, it shook me completely.. With my quivering hands I closed my ears, but his words were still ringing in my mind..

"Tell me it's a joke, " I murmured, he pressed his forehead on my shoulder and looked down..  I became numb and just kept staring at nowhere. Life felt aimless all of a sudden.. I felt a lump in my throat.. Abir was crying, keeping his head on my shoulder while I didn't feel any emotions at all.

I had planned a beautiful future.. I let out a deep breath and made Abir look at me.. I cupped his cheek, when his eyes met mine, a wave of sadness hit me.. From the last one week he has been dealing it all alone, and I was angry at him.. I wiped his tears by my thumb and just stared at him..

"I am sorry, I wanted to tell you but I couldn't.. " he whispered, I held his hand in a tight grip.. "Let's, let's just consult another doctor , please? Or let's just do those tests again? " I whisper-asked , he looked at me and just looked at me unbelievably.. I was still not accepting the truth, because no way it can be true..

My other hand automatically wrapped around my belly, I gulped hard.. "Please! " I begged, he held my palm and placed a kiss above it. "Ishita? You remember? Actually she's my school friend. We were not in touch, but I had this kinda idea that she's a gynecologist now. I had heard a lot about her, that's why I showed her your reports and she said the exact same thing!" he confessed..

I shook my head and left his hand..

I felt like my heart was ripping apart, I was at the verge of crying.. My throat, my eyes, my nose, everything was burning. I could feel the nervousness and anxiety in my gut..

"I have never harmed people intentionally, then why? Why did all the bad things happen to me? " I asked God and broke down completely.. "Ssshhhh! Please calm down! " he pulled me into his embrace, I clutched his shirt tightly and started crying.. Everything started looking black and blurry.. I was crying like a six years old kid ..

"It's not true.. It's just a nightmare! " I cried and punched the ground, he held my both hands and made me sit on his lap.. "Stop crying, I can't see you like this, " he brushed my face with his fingers , I hugged him and started crying more..

"Is there any possibilities? " I asked him, "I won't take any risk when it's about you! Even if there's any possibilities , I won't take that! " he said strictly.. "Achha just tell me what did she say about my pregnancy? "

"She told me that you can conceive but you can't carry the baby. At first you won't face much problem but with time and with the increase of baby's weight, it will be difficult for you. Anything can happen! She said that there are medicines and vitamins, but it will affect your hormones completely, leading mood swings and you know you will face a lot of emotional battles.. You have to eat healthy,you have to do yoga,meditation and a lot more.. And also there's no guarantee that you both will be safe! " he explained..

It gave me some hope..

"So there's some positive chance as well.. I swear I will take a good care of mine-"

"Shut up! " his words echoed in the surrounding, and hit me like a strong wave. I shut my eyes and got startled.. For the first time he had raised his voice on me like this, after marriage..

"Let me tell you something, when it comes to you I won't take any risk! Put that in your mind.. I can't live without you, have you gone insane? I don't want babies, what if I will lose you forever? What will I do? How could you even think something like that? " he scolded, I was looking at my trembling hands with tears filled eyes..

"But I have seen cases where both the mother and baby lead a normal life! " I mumbled , I didn't dare to look at him because I could already feel the rage of his eyes without even looking at him.. A drop of tear fell down my cheek.. He pulled me into his embrace and started caressing my cheeks.

"I am sorry for taking this decision alone, but we won't plan a baby from now on . That's it! " he stated, the uncontrollable tears were just falling, wetting the thin fabric of his shirt.. I didn't say anything, I just kept crying.. He carried me to the bedroom and layed me on the bed.. I curled my body into a ball, he placed a kiss on my cheek and pulled my head to his embrace again..

"Take a nap! You will feel better.. I am here.. We will go on a night drive today! " he said, I shut my eyes tightly feeling the pain inside my chest.. I was tired of crying so sleep took over me..

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"Butterfly, wake up! I have brought your dinner, " I heard Abir's sweet voice which broke my sleep.. Hearing the word dinner I became stunned and sat down quickly, it's already night. And again reality hit me hard .. I became numb.. Abir held the back of my neck and pulled me into his solace.

I was wondering if he's trying to comfort me or finding comfort in my solace.. Again tears started beaming from my eyes, he buried his face in the crook of my neck.. I shifted my place and hovered over him completely. I was feeling completely empty . Even my most comfort person could not fill the void of my heart today..

I gripped his shirt tightly, but the tears were not just stopping.. "Ssshhhh! Please do your dinner, stop crying! " he caressed my back and carried me in his arms.. He made me sit on his lap, I held the plate and he started feeding me.. I was still crying..

"Stop crying otherwise you will choke-"

He hasn't even completed saying, I started coughing as the food got stuck in my throat.. I drank water, but I chocked on water as well.. It became worse, I ran to washroom and vomited whatever I had taken today.. Abir held my hair in a fist and started brushing my back.. I was feeling worse..

"See I told you to be careful! " he scolded me, but keeping his voice low.. "Don't behave like a mom! " I muttered and again puked out.. I was feeling disgusting and my throat was burning.. When I felt like I won't vomit anymore I cleaned my face..

"You go from here, I will clean all this! " Abir told me, but I refused and shook my head negatively.. "Gooooooo! " he voiced, there's no use of fighting with each other.. I came out of the washroom and changed my clothes.. Seeing the food I felt nausea, so I covered it with another plate..

I was sitting on the swing and Abir joined me. "For the first time I had no idea of how to bring a smile on your face or atleast erase these tears! " he expressed, his tone was quivering.. I wrapped my arm around his bicep and kept my head on his shoulder.. "I won't cry, pakka! Don't be sad for me! " I whispered.. But tears were already gathered in my eyes.. I dunno how to stop this pain or these tears. I was feeling terrible..

"That last few minutes of seeing you in pain broke my heart, scared my soul. How can you expecting me to take this risk? " he whispered, I felt guilty for putting him into such a trouble situation.. I made a little distance and gestured him to sleep on my lap.

He layed down and kept his head on my lap.. I started caressing his hair, he flipped his position and pressed his face on my tummy, wrapped his arms around my waist.. He placed a soft feathery kiss on my belly and closed his eyes.. It's more heartbreaking for me because I imagined him kissing my baby bump, but now it won't happen.. It brought tears into my eyes again, but I controlled myself..

It's not just about me getting pregnant, it's about him to. He was so excited to enjoy our pregnancy phase, I used to say how I will behave due to my mood swings and he used to say Abir Rajvansh knows how to handle his wife very well, he would love to pamper her and can take her tantrums without complaining..

He really wanted to celebrate this phase, he wanted to pamper me, his first baby was always me..

I can't even manifest for any miracle because the way I love him, he love me too. He loves me even more. He can't live a life without me, he had already lost some precious people in his life, I don't want him to lose me.

Why both of our life are so complicated?

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Just a normal morning. I woke up beside Abir. The past few days have been hard for both of us. We both know that we're in pain, but nobody's expressing thinking the other will get sad.. It's not like we are pretending, but it's just we are doing our best to make each other smile..

He was sleeping peacefully, I ran my fingers in his smooth silk hair.. After kissing his cheek, I left to the washroom.. I was doing my brush and vomited again, all of a sudden . That's something unnatural, because I have been eating all the good and healthy stuff. My heartbeat increased, I came out of the washroom and checked the calendar.

In all this I forgot about my periods. My date was a week before and I still didn't get my periods.. Two weeks before I had done a pregnancy test and it came negative. After that we had one or twice unprotected sex, but I stopped doing these tests because first Abir denied to have a baby and then I got to know about my pregnancy complications. I still had a pregnancy kit..

I looked at Abir, he was still sleeping.. I took the kit and went to the washroom to do my pregnancy test.. I was unsure, nervous and anxious. I was not even able to pray to God, because what will I ask? I can't manifest a positive result nor a negative result..

It showed a red line, I let out a deep breath. But as soon as it showed a double line my eyes popped up. I just put the kit on the basin and stared at it for a few minutes. I was just shocked.. A smile slowly appeared on my lips followed by happy tears in my eyes. I palmed my mouth in happiness and came outside.

I carefully sat above Abir, keeping my both legs at both side, I put his hand on my belly. He woke up and his eyes moved to my hand placement. He shook his negatively, I was not able to express anything. "We have already discussed about it before, I won't take any risk. I will do whatever you'll say but not this! It's final. " he just announced without even listening to me.. I stared at him and a tear dropped from my eyes..

He pulled me and made me lay beside him.. "Take as much as time you want, but you have to accept the truth because it's about you. I can't! Please! " he almost begged, I nodded my head and gave him a half smile.. Last night he came home late, he was tired so he slept again. I went to the washroom and hid the kit..

I took a bath, did my regular work and sat on the bed.. I booked an appointment because I don't want to take any false hope, I wanted to confirm it. I will tell Abir after it..

I went to the clinic, but told Abir that I will go to a temple and then go to office. He was happy because he thought I have started healing. It felt so difficult to keep such big news in me. He deserves to know, but the way he reacted it scarred me.. I talked with the gynaecologist and did my test.. I was really nervous..

I came outside of the hospital, I got three missed calls from Abir. My blood pressure went down in nervousness, I thought he got to know about it.. I called him, he answered the call but there's complete silence which made my heart stopped beating..

Oh sorry sorry, hello hello?

Ye.... Yes Abir..

You aren't in office! Where are you?

Oh me? Umh I told you na.. I am in temple..

Oh you are still there. Which temple? Tell me I will pick you up..

No no! I just left the temple. Why? What happened!

Government approved our project and the clients also. You can't imagine how happy I am right now. My morning started with such a big surprise , so I came running to the office to share it with you, but you are not here.. Anyway come soon..

Omg, congratulations.. You have been working on this project from last one year. I am so happy..

Yeah! And I am going to Dehradun tonight.. Come soon we will talk..

Give me five minutes, I will reach there..

Oh hello? No need to drive that fast. Take your own time and come safely..

Hm hm bye!

I got inside the car and for the first time I was driving at a moderate speed, I was careful for my baby. I have confidence on me, but I didn't want to take any risk. It took me twenty minutes to reach our office, I parked the car and took the elevator.. Abir was waiting for me in the chamber..

As soon as he saw me, he pulled me into his embrace. After so many days I saw him so happy, I had another news but I didn't know how he would react, so I didn't tell him. I was scared.. I let him celebrate his success. And I was still not confirmed about my pregnancy.. His secretary came with a sweet box and left..

Abir put one sweet in my mouth, my eyes went teary because we were celebrating for something else but not for our baby.. I took a sweet and put it in his mouth.. "Congratulations Abir Rajvansh! " I didn't understand why I congratulate him, because I definitely didn't congratulate him for the project, but for being parent..

"You should be happy right? Why are you looking stressed? " the way he read my face, it scares me sometimes.. "I am definitely happy, it's just you will go to Dehradun so I am little sad! " I made an excuse, but I was sad for this reason also. Everything is so messed up, I felt like banging my head somewhere..

"Aren't you going to Dehradun with me? No way! I won't go alone! " he protested, my eyes widened. I already have pregnancy complications, I didn't want to travel.. "Actually I am feeling very tired. I am not in a mood to travel. Please! " I made a puppy eyes, he pouted..

"Yarr, I will go there for a week! "

"Yah I know, but I swear I don't want to travel! "

"You would have fun there, " he muttered, I pulled his cheek and smiled.. "It's okay, we will visit some other day. Today you go! " I said, he nodded and left the cabin to complete his other work and formalities.. I sat down on the chair, my mind was exploding with all type of negative thoughts..

We returned back home before 6:00 PM. I was doing his packing while he was talking with clients. He went to terrace and I called the doctor. Thankfully she received my call..

Congratulations Mrs Rajvansh! You are pregnant..

She didn't let me say anything and just announced my pregnancy.. I already knew it, but still it gave me goosebumps.. Fresh tears started flowing from my eyes.. I quickly wiped my tears..

Thank you doctor.. Umm can I ask you a favour?

Yes sure.

Please don't disclose it to Abir. I will tell him personally..

Sure Mrs Rajvansh..  And please come to the clinic tomorrow. We need to talk about your health..

Yes sure!

I cut the call and wrapped my arm around my belly.. I dropped the phone on the bed and went to the terrace.. It's raining outside, but our terrace had roof .. Mumbai and the rain!!! "I am so happy, " he said excitedly and hugged me, my feet left the ground as he picked me up  ..

I was about to blurt out, but seeing his happiness I applied a break. If I will tell him now he would definitely cancel all the work and will stay here. Which I didn't want because I had seen his hardwork and dedication for this particular project!!

He made me sit on the parapet, I was struggling with my own thoughts.. I tried to got off the parapet because the rain drops were drenching me, but he didn't let me.. He sprinkled some water on my face.. "I will get drenched, " I whispered, my back was already wet due to the constant rainfall.. "From when you started hating rain? " he whispered and leaned towards me.. I gulped and leaned back, after half a month we're being intimate ..

His brown intense orbs were giving me chills down the spine.. I moved back and the raindrops started falling on my face.. He hovered over my body and joined our lips together. I shut my eyes, we're kissing under the rain.. I held his collar tightly because I was scared what if I fall back.. He held me from my waist..

I ran my fingers in his wet hair while he held my neck and pulled me close to him, he deepened the kiss .. Both of our upper body got drenched in rain, I ran out of air and he pulled himself back.. "I will miss you there! " he whispered and pulled me back to my previous position.. I circled my arms around him and kissed his cheek..

"You remember, this is the exact place where we had shared our first kiss! " I said, that moment exactly flashed in front of my eyes. "I can never forget it! " he whispered, I hugged him... Cold caught me so easily, I started sniffing.. "I need to dry myself, " I pushed him back and went inside.. He said a sorry from my behind.. I should have been careful..

I changed my clothes and dried my hair.. I was standing in front of the mirror when Abir came and stood beside me.. He wrapped his arm around my belly and an unknown happiness hit me. I was not able to tell him, but the way he was holding my belly it's making me emotional.. He pulled me gently and my back hit his chest.. He buried his face in the crook of my neck..

"Don't you think nowadays you are looking extra beautiful, " he whispered, a smile spread on my lips.. "I am feeling super happy today, I don't know why I don't want to leave you here! " he added.. I was just staring at his face on the mirror.. It's all feeling so strange.. I turned back and hugged him.

I felt guilty for not sharing the good news with him, but I wanted him to go to Dehradun without any stress and tension. But once he will comeback I will share this news with him, after that I will tell others.. He placed a soft kiss on my crown and we parted away..

"I am getting late! " he said pointing at the watch, I gave him a half smile.. He sat on the bed and wore his socks.. I placed the bag beside him and stood there.. He looked at me, only I know how terrific these seven days will be. Because I was dying to share this news with me..

He held my hand and pulled me, he pressed his face on my belly. It's not something he's doing for the first time, he usually does this. But today it's making me emotional because I'm pregnant.. I ruffled his hair, he placed a kiss on my belly and stared at me.. "I will miss you, you should have accompany me! "

"Drop a message once you will reach there! " I said, he gave me an angry glare.. "Won't you miss me? Nobody misses me, huh! " he stood up, holding his bag.. I rolled my eyes.. "Even when you will have kid, you will still behave as a kid! " it just came out of my mouth, he stared at me.. I mentally slapped myself for blabbering anything. He gave me a half smile, oh I wish I could tell him the truth right there..

"Let's go! " I dragged him along with me, he bidbye everyone.. I went to the Airport with him.. "It's raining outside, so better you don't come with me.. You already caught the cold, " he suggested, I nodded.. I kissed him and hugged him once before he left.. My chest felt heavy because whatever happened should not have happened the way it happened..

I told the driver to take me to clinic.. I brought my reports and talked with my doctor. She advised me to be careful, gave me a diet plan and gave me some vitamins and medicines. She advised me about everything.. She didn't say anything negative because she didn't want to scare me, but she told me to stay careful and told me to visit her weekly..

I returned back to home, everyone was doing there work.. I went to the puja room and kept my reports on the floor and sat down.. I closed my eyes and chanted some mantra. I was scared because of this pregnancy. I was scared because of Abir and my baby. I wanted Abir to stay happy forever and want my baby to stay safe. I prayed for my safety as well ..

"Oh My God... You are pregnant! "

I gasped and opened my eyes.. It's Meera Maa.. Her voice was too loud, I wonder if anybody heard it or not.. "What? " I shut my eyes hearing dadi and the next moment everyone was in the puja room.. I stood up and stared at them.. I seriously wanted to share this news with Abir first , but I think he would be the last one to know..

"Omg you are pregnant! " Saanvi di was the first one to hug me , I was wondering about her reaction, but the way she showed her extreme happiness, it made me overwhelmed.. She had gone through the miscarriage due to me, but here she was looking the happiest.. She placed her palm above my belly.. "My God! " she whispered, I gulped..

"Congratulations mishti! " Papa whispered and side hugged me, he was already emotional.. "I can't believe it! " Dadi whispered, one by one everyone congratulated me and hugged me.. Adarsh bhai came at last and just looked at me.. He was overwhelmed.. "Do Abir know about this? " he asked me and I shook my head negatively.. "He would be the happiest! Congrats to both of you! " he brushed his palm on my hair, I looked down and smiled..

"And I would request everyone to keep this secret until he arrive here. She should be the one to share this news, so hopefully nobody will interfere! " he said strictly, everyone agreed.. "I can't wait to see his reaction, " he said excitedly.. "My baby is having a baby! " he added, I admired how much he loves his brother..

"From now on, you won't go to the office, you won't come to kitchen. Just call any one of us and we will be there in a second! " Saanvi di said, it made me so emotional. Because she's behaving like my own sibling, she always loved me like that only. But today it felt so wholesome. I went to her and hugged her again..

Everyone will behave extra protective for me, because di went through the miscarriage and it still scares everyone..

"Let's capture this moment! " bhai said, we stood together and clicked a selfie.. I missed Abir, he deserved to know it first.

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These last seven days were so difficult for me because I had to keep such a happy news away from him.. Today he's coming and I had decorated the whole room with blue and pink balloons.. Of course it's Aadarsh bhai and Saanvi di who did all the decorations, I was just helping them..

(For reference)

I have prepared two cakes as well.. Riddhi has come back from the hostel because it's her vacation time , she knows it too.. Naina was sad because she could not be here for the next four months due to her final semester.. Everyone was hell excited including me.. I wore a blue anaarkali and did a little makeup..

I heard the car horn sound, I went to the terrace to recheck if it's Abir or not.. It's him only.. My heartbeat increased.. I went to the mirror and looked at my belly. It's not even a month, so my belly bump was not even visible..

I became nervous, what will I tell him? I hope he will be happy with this news.. I felt like I was going for a job interview. I closed the door and went downstairs.. Abir was hugging dadi, I haven't even reached the last stair he came to me and lifted me in his arms, holding me from my waist.. I hugged him back..

"I missed you! " he whispered and twirled me around him, my head started spinning because his pace was way too fast... "Bhai, she's pregnant. Don't do that! " I shut my eyes, Abir stopped spinning me and put me down.. I looked at Riddhi, everyone was looking at her, but she was clueless..

"Why are you all staring at me? Did.. Did I say.. something wrong? " she shuttered, it's not even her fault. Because nobody had told her that Abir didn't know about this.. I moved my eyes from her to Abir, he was just staring at me with a shock filled expression, I gulped.. His eyes were not blinking..

"Nobody had informed him because he was away! " Aadarsh bhai scolded her, "How would I know? Because when you guys told me I was not here! " she mumbled in a low tone, I shut my eyes again. Abir's expression turned from shock to disappointment real quick.. He was just staring at me without blinking his eyes.. He's the one who deserves to know first but here it happened the complete opposite. So if he is angry, I won't be disappointed at all.. My reaction would be the same..

He walked passed to me without uttering anything, "I didn't want to ruin your special moment! " Riddhi was almost crying, I didn't have time to console her , I just gave her a assuring node and went behind Abir.. After opening the door he stood stunned, I stood near him..

"See, this is not how I wanted this to happen! " I mumbled, he walked to the bed and took the reports. I shut the door and went near him.. After seeing the reports he checked the date, the time of test was also mentioned there.. I palmed my face , and let out a deep breath.. He kept the paper back on the bed and went to change his clothes like nothing happened..

He was highly disappointed. He removed his coat and kept it on the sofa.. I held his hand and made him look at me.. I was so scared that my hands were trembling, but he was totally calm, pretending that he was calm. "You won't say anything? " I whisper-asked , "What will I say? " he questioned back.. Why the fuck nothing in my life happen according to me?

"We are pregnant! " I whispered, "Oh that's great. Congratulations! " he greeted me and left my hand.. He loosened the tie and sat on the bed.. I took a chair and sat in front of him.. "See! I have made all these decorations, i wanted to make it special for you..I seriously didn't want to make you feel like this.. " I whispered, he let out a deep breath..

"You got to know about it when I was here right? " he asked me, I gulped and nodded.. He nodded back, again he was disappointed..

"See, you remember that morning? I wanted to tell you, but the way you reacted saying you don't want a baby, you don't want to take any risk, so I became scared! " I whispered, he gave me an unbelievable look and stood up.. He walked away and stood in front of the window.. I back hugged him and apologized..

"I completely agree it's my fault, but then you were so happy about the dehradun project.. So I couldn't tell you, because you wouldn't have gone there! " I added, I was feeling like crying because he's not reacting to anything.. He held my hand and kept it above his heart.. "Can you feel the heartbeat? " he asked me and I nodded my head..

"You are standing behind me , how would I know if you will just nod your head? " he said sarcastically, I quickly moved to his front and nodded.. "You are not angry na? "

"I was just sad, because everyone knew about it except me! " he murmured, I held my ears and apologized again.. He sat down on the bed again and I stood in front of him.. He kept his palm on my belly, "We are going to have a baby! " he whispered and his eyes teared up.. He placed a kiss on my belly and pulled me into a hug, his arms wrapped around my waist and his head resting on my belly..

"I am just going through mixed emotions right now.. I am scared for you, promise me that you will never leave me, please! "  he mumbled against my skin, I gulped and caressed his hair.. "Promise me that you will be more careful, you won't eat anything unhealthy, you will take your medicines and avoid physical work except whatever the doctor recommends you! " he added..

"I got a caring husband, he won't let me do anything, don't worry about me! " I chuckled, he broke our hug and made me sit on his lap.. His hand was not leaving my belly, "I am still trying to process it, we are having a baby! " he expressed, I kissed on his cheek. He was happy but stressed for me..

"I have made two cakes, let's cut it! " I said, pointing at the cake box which was on the bed.. He gently pulled it towards us and opened it.. "It's so cute, " he said excitedly and handed me the box.. We both cut the cake and fed each other first..

"Okay, I will take one more bite for our baby! " he said and ate one more piece.. "Mr Rajvansh, it should be me who should eat one piece more because the baby is inside me not inside you! " I corrected, he forwarded a piece of cake towards me and all of a sudden I felt nausea.. I ran to washroom, "Be careful! " he shouted from behind.. I didn't vomit because nothing came out.. I felt irritated, he brushed my back..

"You will go through all these things for next nine months! " he mumbled, "It will be worth it! " I added, he smiled..

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And please give me some idea about pregnancy phase, like which type of scene you want.. I will exaggerate it.. You can dm me..