"Swirling shades of blue
Slow dancing in your eyes
The sun kisses the earth
And I hush my urge to cry, cry"

~~Flyleaf
- 'There for you'

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~Nova~

I looked at Nevada, her eyes wide as saucers as she met my gaze. Unable to stop myself, I glanced out the window as if I expect there to be a horde of homicidal maniacs storming towards the house. Fortunately it was merely my imagination, the courtyard outside the kitchen windows remained empty and undisturbed.

"Do you think it'll actually touch here?" Nevada's voice was tinged with fear and I knew she was wishing we could find a safe haven for once in all this mess, somewhere we didn't have to always be afraid. "I mean, who knows to look for us here?"

Dominic turned, the hardness in his eyes softening a fraction when they met her's. "One can never be too prepared. I would rather us be too careful than be caught off guard."

He hadn't exactly answered her questions but it seemed to ease her worry, at least marginally and maybe that was the best any of us could hope for. I scrubbed a hand over my face, a bit overwhelmed and frustrated with the constant fight for survival Nevada and I seemed to be experiencing on a regular basis these days.

"Is there anyone that doesn't want to kill us or make us their weapon?" I asked, my words more clipped than I had intended. "I'm sad to say but this feels like high school all over again. I feel like I'm just waiting for the bucket of pig's blood to be dumped on my head."

August and Dominic frowned with confusion, not catching the reference of my words. Nevada, on the other hand, let out an unladylike snort followed by a knowing look. Her eyes glinted with laughter, masking the notes of hidden fear mixed with renewed determination as she looped her arm through mine.

"Don't worry, big brother. If they ruin your dress we'll lock them inside..."

"... and burn it to the ground," I finished for her.

August and Dominic were looking at the two of us as if we had lost our minds, still not understanding, and maybe we had. The thought of catching everyone that wanted to do us harm, locking them in a room and setting it aflame, ignited a spark of darkness inside of me that I didn't know I had. Maybe I should have been concerned, or at least hesitant to acknowledge it, but I wasn't. I just wanted the bullshit to stop.

"Do you ever think they're on drugs?" Dominic mumbled to August, his brows drawn together. "Your nose works better than mine. Do they smell like... what is that stuff people smoke?"

"Crack?" I offered innocently. "Never seen it except on those crime shows."

"He's talking about weed, dumbass," Nevada giggled with a roll of her eyes before looking at Dominic. "No, we haven't. It fuzzes our magick. This is just us."

"Unless you're offering? I mean, I could use a moment to chill." I shrugged casually, happy that Nevada and I seemed to have diffused the tension in the room along with allowing us time to ground ourselves before buckling down again. "Always looking for a reason to eat."

Dominic scowled. "This is no time for ridiculous behavior, Nova. Things are getting serious out there and it will only continue to get worse before this is all over."

All traces of humor fled my system and my eyes instantly narrowed on the man that had helped create me. My fists clenched at my sides and I had to draw in a few deep breaths to keep from blowing up and trashing August's kitchen again.

"You don't think I know that?" I asked, my voice low and deceptively calm. "You think I'm just playing at a game that I don't understand?"

"I didn't say that," Dominic replied calmly, his tone matching my own. "That doesn't mean that you have any idea the kind of horror that awaits us. There is no way to prepare for the bloodshed that will greet us, that we will have to endure and inflict with our own hands. I have seen countless battles in multiple wars and it still doesn't get any easier.

"There are very few of us in this house and who knows how many souls that would love nothing more than to end our lives. If we aren't all at full strength and ready to go to battle at a moment's notice, we will die."

I considered his words, knowing he was right but I wasn't about to admit that to him. The implications that I was ignorant to what lay ahead pissed me off, but I held my tongue. Fighting over petty shit wouldn't make my life, or Nevada's, any easier and I was trying to find solid ground with Dominic. He had no idea what I had been through during the earliest years of my life and I wasn't about to spill my guts when I was still struggling to forgive him.

"We're taking a day." Dominic opened his mouth as if to argue, August stoic behind him as he watched our exchange in silence. "No arguments. Nevada is not entirely healed and we went through a lot of shit less than twenty-four hours ago. Putting us through whatever training plan you have in mind won't do any good if we jump in head first without a breath of air."

Dominic's eyes traveled from mine to Nevada, a mix of understanding and indecision crossing his face. Finally, he nodded reluctantly and ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm not trying to be a hard ass, I hope you both know that. But I can't stand the idea that what happened last night could easily happen again if we don't stay vigilant." His eyes met mine once more, silently pleading for me to understand. "I couldn't be there to protect either of you before and that was my fault, but I'm not going to lose you again. I can't."

I didn't say anything, my chest tight with an emotion I couldn't even begin to describe. Instead I pressed my lips together and gave him a short nod before turning away. Dwelling on what could have or should have been wouldn't change anything and I needed to be able to move on from that. I understood that he had meant well in the beginning, and then everything had fallen apart in his hands, but that didn't ease the hurt of the little boy tucked away in my mind that was so twisted up inside that he had no idea what to feel anymore.

I rummaged absentmindedly through the cabinets and then the fridge, making certain to keep my back to the rest of the room. Over the years, I had gotten good at putting on a mask to keep the world at arms length and never closer than necessary. It was easier that way and allowed me to laugh and fuck my way through life as if I hadn't a care in the world. Lately however, it was getting harder and harder to keep my mask in place with my emotions just beneath the surface and threatening to break free.

When I heard Dominic's retreating steps, I allowed myself the freedom to turn around and face the other two still in the room. Nevada looked nervous and August was as unreadable as ever. Their eyes were locked with one another and, even though neither of them had made a move to get any closer, the tension and excited energy in the room was almost palpable.

Looking at the two of them, there was no mistaking the love they felt for each other. I glanced at the dish drainer where a few dishes and a glass were resting and couldn't stop the image of myself hurling the plates at August. It wasn't for any particular reason other than I just didn't like the guy and their affection for each other made my chest ache in an odd way that I wasn't fond of. Instead of throwing plates like a child and proving Dominic right, I let out a sigh and crossed the room to leave the kitchen.

I stopped to look at August. "Make sure she eats something."

"You're not eating with me?" Nevada asked, her attention fully on me. I shook my head and gave her a quick hug.

"No, not really hungry anymore. I think I'll explore this miniature castle for a bit."

I gave her one last easy smile and made my exit. It wasn't a complete lie, not really, but I wasn't about to spill my guts about anything in front of August. Then again, I didn't particularly want to talk to Nevada about it either for reasons that still confused me.

I wandered through the house, seemingly aimless if anyone else were to come around. The place was beautifully decorated, years of collecting different books and works of art were evident as they sat on display around the walls in each room. The place was truly magnificent and, when I found the library tucked away at the end of a small wing, I was momentarily tempted to spend the rest of the day surrounded in books.

But I kept going, circling back to the part of the house with the door I had originally set out for. It was a small door that looked like just another linen closet hidden behind it, but I knew it for what it was because I had been determined to find it the moment Nevada and I had come down the driveway that first day.

Behind the door was a relatively small room, the ceiling low and nothing but a few ancient looking chests pushed against the walls. I had no idea what was in them but they weren't what I was interested in this time. Just as it had the first time I had discovered this room, it took me a good five minutes to find the almost invisible notch pressed into the glossed wood overhead.

I pressed my finger into the small indentation, adding a bit of pressure until I heard the mechanism click and the piece of ceiling swung free. As it did so, a set of steep, narrow stairs unfolded and seemed to wait expectantly for me to ascend.

I felt the gentle pressure of Hatter's presence as I climbed, careful not to miss a step and fall despite the short distance down. When my head cleared the opening, I was greeted by his back as he stood facing away from the slowly setting sun. Hatter's head was bowed and a sniper rifle rested against the wall beside him. He didn't react as I joined him but I was painfully aware of him and knew he had heard me come up.

The tower stood high over the roof of the house, a clear view of the grounds in all directions and the forest beyond the main yard. It was a sight to behold, pink and orange hues dancing over the trees, casting the shadow of August's house across the grass. I could see how someone could stay up here all day without issue. It was beautiful and a kind of peaceful escape that was hard to find lately.

I took the time to look at Hatter, his head still down and his eyes closed. There was something clutched in his hand, a photo or maybe a folded piece of paper, I couldn't be sure. His lips moved soundlessly as if he were praying or whispering secrets to someone, no sounds leaving his mouth. I considered leaving him to his thoughts but something held me in place.

I looked out over the grounds, my heart hammering in my chest despite the calm in my mind, and let the breeze wash over me. The two of us hadn't spoken much since we had returned but it didn't feel as awkward or angry as I had thought that it would.

We both had our own secrets, our own stories that we had yet to share, and I had no idea if we would ever get there or if I wanted to. I did know that the air always felt charged when I was around him, like the smallest thing could set off an explosive change reaction.

"You found me." It wasn't a statement really, just more of an observation.

When I looked over at the sound of his voice, his hands were empty and his face was carefully blank as he looked out over the wall into the trees.

"It wasn't hard," I admitted. "I overheard August in the kitchen saying you would be here."

Hatter made a sound that sounded kind of like a grunt and inclined his head. "What are you doing here?"

I looked down at the stone wall beneath my hands as I braced them against the edge. It felt like everything was a moment of 'one wrong move could end it all in disaster' and I wasn't sure what move was the best.

"Honestly, I have no clue but I didn't want to not be here, if that makes any sense." It didn't to me but I hoped that Hatter had some secret insight that would let him understand somehow. "Maybe I thought you could use some company."

I gave a helpless shrug and turned, sliding my back down the wall and stretching my legs out in front of me. The stone was cool beneath me even with the sun still plainly visible in the sky. Unsure of what else to say, I fell silent and began to second guess my decision to come up here.

"Company would be good," Hatter replied after a few moments, taking a step closer causing his leg to settle gently against my arm and my shoulder. He didn't take his eyes off our surroundings but there was no mistaking the comfort he was offering or the warm affection that wrapped around my aura from his.

A sad smile graced my lips as I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his thigh, my heart pounding in my ears. It was a simple position, innocent by all rights but it somehow felt like... more.

In that moment, I realized that if the time ever came, I probably wouldn't be able to let it go and I knew I would never get enough.

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A/N: Hope you're enjoying so far!❣

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~SM~