"With callused hands
i tasted
the softness of the moon

in the coldest winds
i discovered
my soul's
warmest fireplace

in the roughness
of his stubble
the tenderest love."

~~Sanober Khan
~A Thousand Flamingos

****************

~Nova~

"This reminds me of a horror movie I've seen before," I told Robbie as I stepped from the SUV and squinted into the darkness. "There's probably a necromancer book under the floorboards with a pet zombie in the cellar."

"You're being a little dramatic don't you think?" Robbie asked with a roll of his eyes causing me to smirk.

"First, let me point out you've been around me too much because you're rolling your eyes," I retorted, earning another eye roll but this one exaggerated, making me laugh. "Second, unlike you, I can't see perfectly at night, Mr. Wolf eyes, so it's looking pretty fucking creepy to me."

Robbie scoffed, "Your eyes would be fine if you had just slept on the way here like I told you to."

"I do as I please, thanks," I shot back with a grin that threatened to falter but I managed until he turned away.

I swallowed down the sigh that bubbled up and followed behind him. The truth was, I had wanted to sleep and even tried to despite his 'instructions'. But between my overactive brain and Robbie's scattered emotions I felt like a fucking crackhead wanting to just rock in the corner while mumbling to myself. At one point, I wanted to bang my head repeatedly on the window but decided just to turn the music up instead.

Something was weighing on him, more than seeing the graves for the first time and trying to move on from his own death. I could see it as clearly as I could see that this fucking cabin was creepy; obvious and unavoidable. Except we were avoiding it, at least we had for the ride here. With each step I took towards the cabin, the higher his nerves shot and the more I wished for a shot of whiskey.

"Ugh," I groaned out loud, rubbing my temples.

"Headache?" Robbie asked, looking over his shoulders as we crunched over the gravel drive.

"I'm fine," I lied, squinting my eyes again at the cabin looming ahead of us.

In the darkness, eerie shadows distorted the features a bit but I could tell the cabin was small but not tiny. The porch spanned the entire front of the structure and it held a small round outdoor table with two matching chairs on one side of the front door, and a porch swing hung on the other. The breeze caused the swing to sway lightly, the chains holding it up squeaking every now and then. 

As we climbed the three small steps to the porch, the old boards creaked under our weight with the rest of the deck following suit as we crossed the short distance. Robbie dug in his pocket as he pulled open the white screen door to reveal a heavier dark wood behind it with a small stand glass cut out at the top. Glancing around, my eyes landed on the windows but I couldn't see anything inside. Growing impatient, I crossed my arms and glanced around the empty yard.

"Relax before you have a stroke, Nova," Robbie chided as he slid a key into the lock. "This is my grandmother's cabin, well one of them."

Surprised, my head snapped back to look at him just as he pushed the door open and easily slipped inside into the darkness. Crossing the threshold, my thought reeling, I was momentarily blinded as the room suddenly illuminated in a warm, yellow glow.

"Shit pixie sticks, Robbie," I exclaimed, shielding my eyes. "Warn a motherfucker, will ya?"

"Sorry," he muttered but didn't sound like he meant it entirely. 

Struggling not to stick my tongue out at him, I blinked my eyes to help them transition before looking around the room. I was standing in a small living area that was comfortably furnished with a large, overstuffed couch and a rocking recliner in the center. A rectangle coffee table sat between them and an empty fireplace. Minimal personal decorations were scattered around, mostly small porcelain figures or candles but what caught my attention was the rug in front of the hearth.

"Robbie, why does your grandmother have a wolf skin rug in her cabin?" I asked, feeling alarmed. 

"It's not real," he commented without looking up as he flopped onto the couch. "I'll get our stuff in a little bit. Join me?"

His uncertain tone drew my attention away from the beaded curtain I had just discovered that appeared to cover another doorway. Nodding and swallowing audibly, I sunk down into the cushions and only briefly wondered if it would eat me. Robbie didn't say anything at first, his amber eyes downcast as he picked at a stray thread on his dark jeans. The look just from the profile of his face made me want to reach for him and that's exactly what I did.

Sliding over, I took his hand in mine while also draping one of my legs over his. Robbie looked up at me, relief relaxing his features for a moment before his eyes darkened again.

"Babe, you have to talk to me. I can't read minds," I teased gently as I rubbed my thumb across his knuckles. 

Offering him a reassuring smile, or what I hoped was one, I waited. The one thing we hadn't talked about, well the most important thing in my opinion, was what had happened to him in the training room. A small analog clock rested on the end table on the other side of him, letting me know it was well into the early hours of the morning. 

Forcing myself to breath in and out slowly, I leaned my head back against the cushions and let my eyes drift over him. Light brown stubble, more than a day's worth, shadowed his cheek and sharp jaw line, proof of his recently distracted state of mind. His normally light pink lips, slightly plump and drool worthy, were as pale as his skin and I realized I hadn't seen him with blood since yesterday morning. I knew he hadn't fed on anyone either which meant his body was suffering even as he ignored it. 

He needed to let me in, to tell me what was weighing him down because he couldn't keep going like this. I couldn't watch him do this to himself, not if there was anything I could do to help him. The problem was that I wouldn't know unless he opened his mouth.

"Robbie," I prodded, squeezing his hand.

His eyes were unfocused as if lost in thought, the amber rings staring at our joined hands.

"Hatter!" I said, much louder and with a little annoyance edging his nickname.

This snapped him back to reality, his head whipping towards me with a frown on his face. I had to bite my cheek to keep from smiling and maintain my own false scowl.

"You haven't called me that in a while," he commented, sounding displeased with the idea.

"Well you weren't listening," I shrugged innocently. "Don't ignore the pretty faery, Robbie. It's bad manners."

"I wasn't ignoring you," he mumbled looking apologetic, "just lost in thought."

"I know," I smiled, dropping the irritated facade, "but I wanted to make sure you were still with me."

Robbie sighed as he let his head fall back to rest against the cushion, his eyes glaring at the ceiling as if it had insulted him. "This is so fucked up yet it's not and I feel guilty but I actually don't, not entirely anyway."

"What's fucked up?" I asked calmly, tracing our joined hands with a finger on my free hand. "What do you feel guilty about yet don't? You can talk to me, babe. I'm not going anywhere."

How many times was I going to have to tell him that before he actually believed me. By the skeptical look in his eyes as they slanted towards me told me that it would most likely be quite a few. 

"Everything," Robbie practically whispered, an answer to my first question, "and you."

"Me?" I asked a bit incredulously but then clamped my mouth shut.

Of course he felt guilty. His soulmate had been killed, murdered by members of his pack because they hadn't agreed with their relationship. Robbie had lost the only true love he would ever have and here I was, scandalized because he felt guilty for being… whatever he was to me. Jealousy niggled at the back of my head which made me feel like shit but what surprised me was the sliver of disappointment slithering in beside it. 

I had no right to be jealous or disappointed. Many never found their soulmate and I expected the same for myself, even though my sister and father had gotten as lucky. Groaning inwardly, I realized I was disappointed about not being Robbie's soulmate and jealous that it had been someone else.

Yeah, because that's what Robbie needs right now, Nova., I scolded myself. Shove that shit down and pay attention. 

"I need to tell you something, explain what happened," Robbie began, his words slow and deliberate. "Promise me you won't freak out?"

"That sounds ominous," I answered, frowning even as I nodded my agreement.

Robbie bit his lip nervously and I found myself nibbling on my already raw thumb as I waited anxiously for him to speak. After what felt like forever, he finally opened his mouth and words slowly started to push themselves from his tongue.

"Yesterday in the training room, when everything happened between Dominic and August," he began, his words once again deliberate, "and then Nevada was with him…"

I recalled the interaction between the two very clearly, along with their feelings that had nearly made my knees buckle.

"Yeah?" I pressed, slightly confused and Robbie drew in a deep, still unnecessary, breath.

"Well, I know you're an empath so I'm guessing that you felt it between them," he said on his exhale, "but so did I…"

"What do you mean?" I asked, still confused and wondering why no one around me seemed to be able to spit anything out directly. 

"Not like that but… what they were feeling towards each other," Robbie tried to explain, sounding frustrated with himself, "it was palpable, damn near tangible. I could see it in their faces, in their body language, and everything they said…"

He trailed off and closed his eyes. "It made me think of James, and how it had felt to be with him… but then I looked at you and I… something snapped."

My body stiffened, wondering how I had possibly done anything to him from several feet away. How could just looking at me do that to him? Especially since it hadn't happened before or since. 

"Robbie, what did -," I began only to snap my teeth together at the pleading look in his eyes.

"Just… let me finish," he interjected, tightening his hold on my hand as I fell silent. "When I looked at you… I felt… I mean, I thought about… goddamn why is this so difficult?!"

Robbie's panic swamped me making me bite my thumb harder than I meant to, drawing a hiss from my lips. Pulling my thumb away, I saw blood begin to lightly bead on my skin. Quickly swiping it across my tongue, ignoring the metallic tang, I shoved my arm behind my back hoping to hide the damage before he noticed. When my eyes clashed with gold and silver ones, I knew I hadn't been quick enough.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, words tumbling out of my mouth, "I didn't mean to and then I tried to-,"

Robbie stopped my babbled explanation with a finger to my lips. "Let me see it."

"No, it's okay," I declined, shaking my head. "I'm listening so keep going."

"Nova," he said firmly, holding out his free hand. "Let me see it."

I hesitated, not because I thought he would maul me but because I didn't want my own stupidity to keep him from dealing with things. I had jokingly offered yesterday morning, before everything had gone to hell, although I had actually meant it. But fae blood was like a drug to vampires, intoxicating and addictive for reasons I didn't know, and he definitely needed to be sober to clear his head.

Slowly, mildly reluctantly, I pulled my arm from behind my back and held my ravaged thumb out to him. Remaining as still as possible, I watched as he inspected the damage. The pad of my thumb was painted crimson, the digit throbbing as his eyes raked over it. Robbie was careful not to touch the blood, the only indication of his awareness being the flare of his nostrils and the change in his eyes. The level of self control he was displaying was amazing, and a bit arousing if I was honest with myself but I refused the urge to squirm.

I felt heat flush my cheeks when he shot me a questioning look, acknowledging his awareness of the change. Their heightened sense of smell made it nearly impossible to hide things from vampires. While I wasn't a shy person or bashful about sex like my sister was, his extreme awareness of me was distracting for all the right and wrong reason right at that moment. 

Fixing a scowl on my face and pulling my hand back, I said, "Focus, Robbie."

Quirking a brow, one corner of his mouth kicking up, he leaned over the arm of the couch and reached into a drawer on the end table beside him. He came back with a large bandaid and snagged my hand before I slipped it behind my back again. Wordlessly, holding my hand without effort as I tried to tug it back again, he wrapped the bandage around my sluggishly bleeding thumb before releasing me. It was simple, nothing major or extravagant, but just like the night I had gotten shitfaced, Robbie had once again taken care of me.

Clearing my throat, I croaked out, "Thanks."

The warmth that spread through my chest made it hard to look at him so I put my attention on the same frayed thread of his jeans he had previously. Robbie sighed and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer.

"Nova, what happened yesterday was because of James," he said before the silence stretched on too long. 

"But… how? I thought you said it was because of me?" I asked, heart thundering.

"It was but…," he trailed off clenching his jaw. "James is the reason I didn't lose my mind after… everything happened. When I passed out, the moon goddess brought me to a place, some other plane of existence."

Trying to wrap my head out the fact a fucking deity had spoken to him, I blurted out, "But why did you pass out to begin with?"

Stupid question but why the hell was he getting visits from the gods?! As far as I knew, they hadn't spoken to anyone in thousands of years. Or was that just what they wanted people to think? Jesus pickles, the universe has lost its mind lately.

"Because seeing August with Nevada like that, it…," Robbie paused, jaw clenching before whispering, "Because I missed what it felt like and wondered if I would ever have it again."

I wanted to tell him that he would but the chances were so slim I didn't want to lie to him. His inability to look at me made me realize he was leaving something out, his amber eyes looking everywhere but at me. Instead of saying anything for comfort, I simply narrowed my eyes.

"Okay." I drew out the word skeptically before changing the subject. "What happened with the goddess?"

His muscles tensed but he answered anyway. "She told me I needed to heal, to accept what she had given me and move on. But it wasn't that simple, still isn't."

Well that was vague if I ever heard it, I thought with a mental eye roll.

"What aren't you telling me? What did she give you?"

Robbie didn't say anything at first, merely tightening his arm around me as if he expected me to run which only made my heart threaten to explode and my legs twitch in anticipation of doing just that. 

"James severed the last tie between us yesterday when I looked at you," Robbie said quietly, his voice rough and his words falling heavily on my chest. "It felt like part of my soul had been ripped away which is what made my mind slip away. It hurt so fucking bad, Nova, but then…"

My pulse rushed in my ears, oxygen refusing to enter my lungs fast enough as bits of random information and their pieces tried to slide against each other. I couldn't let them do it, especially if they were wrong. If I let my mind jump anywhere it could be devastating and I just couldn't do it. 

"She let me say goodbye, Nova," Robbie choked out, the whites of his eyes turning red and emotions swirling in the depths. His words began tumbling out, almost tripping over themselves in a broken, heart wrenching way. "She let me see him and he… he told me to… to be happy and… let him go so I could… move on because I… you're…"

"Hey, hey, babe calm down," I said quickly but as calmly as I could which wasn't much. 

My hands were shaking like I had Parkinson's and my entire body was trembling like it would damn near shake to pieces. I twisted my body to face him but he tightened his arms again and I ended up basically on his lap as my shaking hands framed his face. Adrenaline coursed through my veins, dancing with the storm of emotions that pushed their way into every cell of my body. Moisture dampened his cheeks and I gently wiped it away with my hands.

"Sshh, Robbie baby, slow down," I soothed, voice shaking like the rest of me. "It's okay, you're okay."

Hope threatened to crush my lungs but it was too impossible. It was terrifying and… impossible. 

"You have to tell me, Robbie. I can think of a lot of things that I am or could be. My fucked up imagination can think up a hundred scenarios based on what you've just told me and I know I said I wouldn't freak out but you're making it difficult." I told him honestly, feeling like I was about to fall down the rabbit hole.

Between seeing him like this and being in the state I was in, I tried to ignore the unprompted welling of power tightening my already impossibly constricted chest as it seeped into my limbs. The lights in the room began to flicker and I mental rolled into a ball, doing my best to hold it tight. Robbie's eyes trailed over my face, tracing every inch before meeting mine. I held my breath trying not to implode… or explode for that matter.

"You're my second chance, Nova," Robbie whispered, holding my frantic gaze.

Time seemed to stop, I didn't move and I couldn't breathe for what felt like minutes but was only seconds. His words bounced around in my head like a possessed ping pong ball, playing over and over again as I stared at him. I was frozen, unable to look away.

"I love you, Nova," he whispered, "and you're mine."

I released my breath and every bulb in the cabin burst, the windows shattering outward like an invisible force had escaped its captivity. Ignoring it all as every thought and emotion fled from my body, I did the only thing I could think of. I kissed him.

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A/N: I'm absolutely in love with this chapter? Who else is with me?

Thanks for reading!!!!❣❣❣❣

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XOXO🖤❤

~SM~