"You are the poem I
never knew how to
write and this life is
the story I have
always wanted to tell."

~~Tyler Knott Gregson

****************

~Nova~

I wanted to wrap my arms around him, hold him close as panic and grief continued to swirl around us like gale force winds. But I didn't move, I couldn't. I sat frozen on the floor, my mind and body struggling to communicate or function on any level resembling normalcy. The air in the room felt harsh and bitter on my tongue, thick and heavy with a suppressed storm no one could see.

He had asked me a question, my brain able to process that fact but incapable of forming a response. It was so hard to tell if what I felt belong to me or if it was only him, but fuck it felt like we were both on the edge of drowning with no hope for air. It was terrifying.

I opened my mouth in an attempt to respond but, much to my humiliation, only a choked noise came out. Robbie's face was more pale than usual, liquid gold eyes haunted and I could almost see the fractures hidden beneath the depths. Fresh tears welled in my eyes, blurring my vision and I tried to blink them away but I felt them fall, tracing after the ones before.

I hated crying, especially in front of other people, and Robbie didn't need this right now. Hastily wiping my eyes, I forced a watery smile, taking solace in the fact that he was awake and lucid.

"Yeah," I finally answered with a nod as I turned around to finish wiping my face with the hem of my shirt. "Yeah, I'll go somewhere with you."

When I turned back around to face him, Robbie had an odd look on his face but when I blinked it was gone. He nodded but didn't say anything for a while and didn't move. I raised my hand to reach for him, to offer comfort if I could, but I paused just before touching him. Having no idea what he had just gone through, or possibly still going through, I didn't want to risk upsetting him further.

Everything still felt chaotic and jumbled, my thoughts frayed and my nerves shredded, but I did my best to appear outwardly calm. Robbie didn't need to worry about me, not when he seemed to have had some sort of mental break or something. 

"I'm sorry if I worried you," Robbie whispered, his head bowed and his chocolate locks falling forward to shield his face more. "I wasn't expecting… that."

I bit my tongue to keep from pushing him. He needed to tell me when he was ready.

If he ever is, I thought but squashed it down quickly. I knew Robbie would tell me one day, maybe not today or anytime soon, but someday he would. I had to hope that he would someday trust me enough… I had to… 

"It's okay," I replied, my voice cracking slightly and drew in a slow, deep breath.

Robbie looked up with a grimace and ran a hand through his already disheveled hair before climbing to his feet.

"Pack a bag, a few days worth should be fine." His eyes held mine, shuttered yet almost vulnerable at the same time as I climbed to my feet. "I need to talk to August but we'll leave in a couple of hours."

I nodded and he turned to leave the room, the muscles in his body filled with tension. 

"Robbie?" I called, quickly following after him. 

He paused at the door and looked back at me, the strange look back in his eyes but slipping away before I could grasp it.

"Are you okay?" I asked hesitantly but clenching my hands at my sides to keep from touching him.

A sad smile graced his gorgeous mouth before he gripped the back of my head and pulled me to him. Robbie's mouth crashed into mine, quick and desperate, and he pulled away before I could shake out of my shocked state. His lips hovered above mine, feather light brushes as he whispered against them. 

"For you?… With you?… Because of you?…," his whispered questions brought goosebumps to my skin, " …Gods, after that I sure as hell hope the answer is 'yes'." 

He left me standing there, dazed and confused with a loss for words. Such simple words but there was so much meaning weighing them, I could only hope I wouldn't crumble under the pressure.

●●●●

An hour later, I was still staring at my duffel bag, the interior empty and mocking, when a light knock sounded on my door.

"Come in," I called out absentmindedly.

Irritatingly enough, I was biting my thumbnail which was a nervous habit I thought I had managed to break years ago. Also unfortunately, Nevada chose that moment to point it out as if I hadn't noticed. 

"You're biting your nail again. What happened?" she asked as she stopped beside me. "How's Hatter?"

"He's… I honestly have no idea," I said dejectedly and threw my hands up in the air dramatically before facing her. "What about you? Feeling okay? Was he… good to you?"

Nevada's cheeks flamed as red as a tomato but her smile nearly split her face. "Yeah, but we didn't…"

My eyes widen. "Seriously?! After all that and still nothing?! What the hell is wrong with him?"

I paused when I realized what I just said, momentarily questioning whether normal brothers reacted that way about someone sleeping with their sister. Then I realized I wasn't normal and Nevada had always felt like my sister even before we found out and I had acted this way. Shrugging and shaking away my strange musings, I focused my attention back on her.

"No, it's not like that," Nevada quickly corrected. "He wants to, we want to, but not right after that. It didn't feel perfect and he wants it to be."

"And what do you want?"

"To get laid…" she muttered before slapping her hand over her mouth, eyes as wide as saucers.

I couldn't contain my laughter, the sound spilling out of my throat and flooding the room. Nevada glared at me, her embarrassed flushed spreading down her neck and into her hair which only made me laugh harder. She continued to shoot daggers at me for a while longer until I was able to calm down and swallow the majority of my reaction. Grinning and chuckles still slipping free every so often, I slung my arm around her shoulders. 

"Then go get laid," I instructed with a snort.

"Nova," Nevada scolded in a whiny voice as she stomped her foot like a petulant child. "It's not funny."

"You're right, I'm sorry," I said, holding my hands up in surrender while pressing my lips together. 

My head seemed fried after everything lately and I felt near borderline manic. I needed a break, or vacation at least, but I had a feeling the few days Robbie had in mind weren't exactly going to be relaxing. The thought was immediately sober, the small burst of joy dissolving back into anxiety almost instantaneously. Removing my arm from around Nevada, I went back to staring at the still empty bag on my bed.

"Just make sure you're happy and that he takes care of you," I informed her, nibbling on the end of my thumbnail again. "If not, you better tell me and I'll take care of it."

"I'll be fine," Nevada assured me. "But it won't be happening today, not after earlier and especially not with them right down the hall!"

"Ah, yeah, might be awkward." My acknowledgement was half-assed and I knew it but it was the best I could muster as my thoughts began to wander.

Where could he possibly want to take me? Is it far? Warm or cold? What clothes do I actually need? More than one pair of shoes? The questions stretched on and on until it felt like my head was going to explode.

"Are you okay, Nova?" Nevada asked kindly from beside me.

I felt like shit for momentarily forgetting she was there. "Yeah, I'm good. You?"

"Why is your duffel bag out?" The patience in her voice made me feel exposed for some reason and I tried not to squirm. "Are you leaving?"

"Uh, yeah, but just for a few days," I replied scratching the back of my neck and walking to the closet. "Robbie asked me to go somewhere with him."

"Okay…," Nevada trailed off, still clearly confused. "Did he tell you where you're going?"

"Nope," I replied, popping the 'p' as I stared blankly into the open closet. "I don't know what happened; I don't know if he's okay; I don't know where we are going; I don't know anything… and jesus fuck I don't even know what to wear!"

I spun around and looked at Nevada wild eyed and so beyond frustrated I thought about screaming but I honestly didn't have the energy. Nevada looked thoughtfully from the empty bag on my bed, to me, and to the clothes hanging judgingly behind me. Without a word she moved about the room as I watched, pulling shirts from the hangers and shorts from the dresser pushed against the wall. After nearly folding a few things she looked back at me.

"Relax, I'm sure everything will be fine, Nova," she attempted to reassure me. "You said a few days, right? And you don't know where you're going or what you're doing but with these guys it's best to be prepared."

"What are you getting at?" My brain couldn't seem to follow her thought process. Generally, clothes options weren't an issue for me because I always knew what I wanted to wear. At this point, however, I couldn't get my head to figure out even what to sleep in, much less anything more complicated. 

Nevada sighed and smiled softly as she walked from the bag to wrap her arms around me in a comforting hug. I met her embrace with my own, resting my cheek on the top of her head as I took a deep breath in and tried to relax.

"I don't know what's going on anymore, Nev. Everything is constantly crazy and I think I'm losing my mind," I admitted into the quiet room. "And leaving you here with our stupid, slightly psycho father doesn't really put my mind at ease."

Nevada pulled away and looked up at me with a smile. "I'll be fine, don't worry about me. It's apparently just what August and Dominic do when they get mad at each other. I just happened to get caught in the crossfire this time."

Frowning, I looked down at her. "Well, that sounds stupid… overkill much?"

"It is and they know it," she retorted with a roll of her eyes. "It's like a supercharged bottle rocket war."

Memories of our childhood and earlier teenage years popped into my head and I could help but grin. "Firecrackers and smoke bombs?"

"Essentially, yeah," Nevada laughed as she went into my bathroom. Her voice called out a warning as she disappeared and I could hear her rummaging around. "Don't get any ideas from those two. I've got enough to think about without wondering if you're going to throw a firecracker in my cereal again."

I laughed and between the two of us, we managed to get my duffel bag packed. She left me alone after making sure I was going to be alright and I took the time to grab a quick shower. My hair was still damp and I had just pulled my jeans up my legs when another knock sounded on my door.

"Yeah?" I called without looking up.

I heard the whisper of the door as it was opened. Although I had assured Nevada I was okay, I found my hands shaking so bad now that I couldn't get the damn button through the hole to fasten them. Robbie's energy flooded the room and I turned my back to the door so he couldn't see my trembling fingers. 

"Are you ready?" Robbie asked, the timbre of his voice making my heart pound hard against the walls of its cage.

"Yeah, just, uh, almost." I stammered still fighting with the damn button and growing more frustrated. 

This is absolutely ridiculous. It's a goddamn button, Dumont!, I screamed in my head.

"Hey, look at me," Robbie instructed gently, putting his hand on my bare shoulder and turning me around.

This was humiliating and I kept my head down, glaring at the rebellious attachment. Breathing heavily through my nose, my chest rising and falling in rapid succession as I tried to reign in my anxiety or at least smother it with the rising frustration. Robbie's hand stilled my jerky movements, gripping the fingers of both of my hands with one of his, the mutinous device trapped between us.

"Nova?" Robbie used his other hand to tilt my face up to look at him. "Talk to me."

"How? What am I supposed to say, Robbie?" I asked, my eyes searching. "I don't know what's going on or what happened but…"

Trailing off, I took a slow, deep breath and pressed my lips together. I couldn't tell him that he had scared the absolute hell out of me. I couldn't tell him that I had felt his heart breaking as he had lay unconscious in my lap and that his grief had nearly choked me. And I sure as hell couldn't tell him that his own nerves, raw and sharp, were currently filleting me to the point that I wanted to crawl out of my skin. No, those weren't options, so what was I supposed to do?

Instead of pushing me to finish my thought, Robbie nodded slightly and released my chin before nudging my hands out of the way. Wordlessly, he slipped the treacherous button into place without issue and zipped my jeans. I held my breath as one hand traced across the sensitive skin above the waistband before slipping his fingers through mine.

"I know you want answers, and you'll get them, I promise." Robbie brought my hand up, placing a feather light kiss on the inside of my wrist. "I just need you to be patient…  please."

"I'm here, Robbie," I replied without hesitation, repeating the words I had whispered to him while he was fighting whatever demons had come for him. "I trust you."

It was true. All my life I had trusted very few people, most giving me a million reasons not to, but he hadn't. The problem wasn't that I didn't trust him. I could see the fragile cracks beneath his surface, even as he tried to hide them, and I knew where he was taking me wasn't just a road trip. This trip held meaning and its outcome, or where the road ended, could possibly do more damage. I knew it in my bones and I wasn't sure I was what he needed when the time would come. It was me I didn't trust.

"Thank you." Robbie stepped away, snatching my shirt from my bed and tossing it to me. "Get dressed, little Tink, it's time to hit the road. Oh, and stop chewing on your thumb."

He looked back at the door, a teasing smile on his lips as he winked and disappeared. I shook my head fighting my own smile as I pulled on my shirt. My hands were still shaky, adrenaline tiptoeing through my blood, but I felt a bit better. Maybe this trip wouldn't be so heart wrenching after all.

********************

A/N: What are we feeling? What do think?

Any thoughts on what, or where, Robbie has planned?

Thanks for reading!❣

VOTE. Comment. Follow.

XOXO🖤❤

~SM~