"Remember me and smile,
for it's better to forget
than to remember
me and cry."

~~Dr. Seuss

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~Hatter/Robbie~

I stood at the edge of a cliff, the entrance of a cave at my back and an endless forest filled with dark shadows below my feet. There was no breeze to caress my skin, just brilliant bursts of stars in the sky dancing around the moon. It was odd but a thin cloud of fog swirled just above the ground, part the way ahead of me as I slowly paced back and forth.

My chest ached as if my heart still beat but it had been cold for years so it should have been an impossible sensation. I paused at the edge again, looking down into the darkness. Something waited for me down there, wanted me or maybe needed me to be there, but fear consumed me as the thought of jumping crossed my mind.

Stepping away, I turned towards the cave, the entrance dark,  and a part of me knew if I ventured there that I would be lost forever. Whatever lay hidden in its depths was something that was no longer attainable, a lost fragment of beauty that the world would never see again. I longed to find it, to hold on with everything I had because, even lost forever in the darkness would be okay, better than losing it forever.

I fell to my knees, the rock beneath me cold and hard, unrelenting as I felt myself begin to crumble. No matter which way I went, I would lose. I had no idea how I had gotten to this place, or where it even was. Everything in my head was cloudy and distant except for the emotions thrashing violently, nearly drowning me from the inside out. I clutched my head in my hands, the storm brewing becoming too much.

"Relax, Robbie," a cool, soothing voice spoke beside me as a gentle hand rested on my shoulder.

My head shot up and I lost my balance, tumbling backwards with the grace of a newborn giraffe. Before me stood a woman I recognized, her name falling instantly from my lips.

"Selene," I whispered in shock as I stared up at the goddess. 

With wide eyes, I scrambled to my feet as she watched with a patient smile and her hands clasped loosely in front of her. 

"What's going on? Where am I?" I asked, eyeing the cave and fighting the temptation to flee into the cool respite it offered.

A frown marred her beautiful face, perfectly arched brows drawn together. "I had hoped this wouldn't happen but it was a risk I had to take."

"What happened? What risk?" I asked, my voice rising.

"Sshh, be still," Selene cooed softly as she raised her hand to my cheek. "Close your eyes."

I immediately obeyed as the warmth of her small hand pressed gently against my face, her elegant finger spread slightly to encompass the side of my jaw and temple. Images flooded my mind, sensations and sounds blending together and filling the emptiness as my mind cleared. Violet eyes bright with desire, golden strands slipping between my fingers like silk; hazel eyes dancing with laughter shaded by light brown locks; pale cheeks flushed with anger and hurt; tanned arms decorated with tattoos reaching for me as howls erupted around us; silver eyes finding me in the darkness as the smell of my own blood filled my nose and coated my tongue.

On and on it went as memory after memory barraged my mind, pouring in as if someone had cut open my skull and dumped them in like water. Seconds, minutes, or maybe hours, passed by and the only thing I was aware of outside of my head was Selene's hand hot against my face. Her touch anchored me, offering a focal point to keep from being swept away in the madness.

As the memories slowed and finally ceased, Selene slowly pulled her hand away and I staggered before dropping to one knee. My skin was damp with sweat, a single bead rolling down my back as I carefully reoriented myself. 

Resting my head on my knee, I closed my eyes and asked, "Where are we?"

"The last place I lived on this earth," Selene replied sadly, "or at least as I remember it."

"Is this real, then?" I shook my head and shakily stood to my feet. "Or are you in my head? Wait, am I in yours?"

"Your consciousness is on an alternate plain of sorts, one where we can converse safely," she replied, a wistful look in her eyes as she looked around. "Bringing you here clouded your mind, but I've cleared it so you should remember what brought this about to begin with."

The moment in the training played like a distant moving across my thoughts. August and Nevada together as he fed on her to heal, their love obvious in every inch of their bodies. It had reminded me of the night I had claimed James, sealing our souls together for a lifetime we had never gotten. When I had looked at Nova, the monster in my head had purred a single word that twined with the ones Selene had spoken only a few days ago… 

Mine… a second chance… 

The ache in my chest grew stronger, sharper like glass and a strangled noise tore from my throat as I gripped my shirt over my heart. In that one moment, the last threads I had held onto of my mate bond with James had slipped away from me. I felt it like a gaping wound in my soul, long ago trapped with Hades in darkness but it was still a part of me however distant.

"That can't be it!" I ground out. "Something is wrong."

Selene's eyes filled with sympathy and her words were tinged with sadness, "No, dear child, everything is as it should be."

"If that were true, why does it feel like he died all over again?" My voice was a broken whisper, my gaze once again drawn to the mouth of the cave.

"Because his soul let yours go." Her voice was just as quiet, soft but her words felt harsh and loud against my ears. "James held onto you as tightly as you did him, which is how you were able to keep going. But when the door of possibility opened, he made the choice for you so you could move on and love again."

"But what if I don't want to?"

"That's a decision you'll have to make on your own, I'm afraid. You've been given the tools to heal, but you have to choose it, Robbie." Selene turned towards the cave, nostalgia briefly etching her smooth features before a wistful smile graced her lips. "This place holds a lot of meaning, for you and for me. This is the birthplace of the first vampire, a home of hard decisions and sacrifice, of death and rebirth, love and loss. It's why I brought you here."

As I watched, the fog hovering over the ground began to swirl between myself and the cave entrance, slowly but steadily taking form as it rose just a few feet away. Riveted by the figure emerging from the vapors, translucent but not doubt the body of a man, I remained perfectly still. Disbelief and wonder washed over me when his face cleared and j recognized who it was.

"James?" I whispered as his eyelids fluttered open and hazel green orbs looked back at me. "How… "

"Hades owed me a favor thanks to a losing poker hand," Selene winked as she swept by me. "Try to find your peace while he's here. It'll be better for all of you."

James' form glided through the fog, closing the short distance between us and crouched in front of me. Hazel eyes roamed my face, familiar as they had been six years ago, and bright even in death. 

"Oh babe, I'm dead but you look terrible," James teased fondly. 

"I still don't understand what's going on," I told him. "How are you here? Why am I here?"

"Because you fell in love and shit got hard so you did the manly thing and passed out," James smirk but it slipped away a moment later. "You're still in the land of the living but I'm not, babe, and I never will be again. Holding on to something lost won't bring it back. If I hadn't severed the link, you never would have and you wouldn't be able to be happy again. You felt that moment with him, and so did I."

"No!" I shook my head adamantly, refusing to accept what he was saying. "I don't feel that way about him, or anyone else. I can't, James. How can you even suggest that I just give up and move on like we were nothing?!"

I could feel my heartbreaking, cracking and dissolving like ice in the summer sun. James looked at me steadily, a patient smile playing on his lips. Lips I would never feel again and it was damn near agony to have him so close but still not with me or even able to touch him one more time.

"We were everything, Robbie, and don't ever think any differently. We were everything I never knew was possible for someone like me," James told me with a tone that left no chance of arguing. "It was perfect while we had it and I will love you until my soul turns to dust in the bowels of Hades."

"So why are you doing this?" I asked, my throat growing tight. 

"Because I was selfish and Selene is right. You need to heal and you couldn't, or wouldn't, have done that without me breaking our ties," James said with slight exasperation. "You didn't mourn me, Robbie, because you died before you got the chance and you didn't even mourn yourself. The threads of what was left of our bond was the only thing that kept you even remotely sane and from being overwhelmed by grief. That's no way to live, babe."

"I was fine," I growled but without much conviction because he was right. I had been floundering for a while with no sense of direction and just hoping to make it another day. 

"Liar," James said softly, lifting his hand to hover just above my cheek and I could almost feel his touch. "But you've been given a chance very few in history have ever survived to get or to deserve, and I can't be selfish anymore. Not with you."

A gentle breeze caressed my skin, a voice carrying lightly on the warm night air. Nova.

"Gods, come back to me, Robbie. Whatever is happening, I'm here."

My eyes widened and James smiled a bittersweet smile. "It's okay to love him, too. I've seen glimpses here and there, and I can see why you do."

I looked away, guilt crashing into me like a tidal wave. 

"It's not that easy and it shouldn't be. I don't deserve to have anyone else, nothing true, because I couldn't protect what I had the first time." I met his eyes again, amber clashing with hazel. "I'm sorry, James, I'm so sorry I let that happen to you."

James frowned, "I don't blame you for what happened, Robbie. I didn't then and I don't now, so don't blame yourself either. Everything happens for a reason, right?"

"That's what everyone keeps telling me," I muttered, "I just don't see the purpose of… that…"

"Maybe we'll never know but it doesn't matter to me anymore. I got to hold you, to love you, and even that short time was enough for me."

"He's too good," I whispered before I realized I was even speaking aloud.

"This is a shitty way to say you want some space but just so you know, I'm not going anywhere no matter what you say." Nova's voice danced around us and I could hear the panic beneath the words. 

"You know, I think my mom would like him," James said, his face thoughtful. "She was always a good judge of character."

"I'm not so sure, I mean she liked me," I replied and smiled despite myself.

"There's that smile," James beamed. "It's a good look for you."

"Time is almost up, Robbie," Selene informed us quietly but without interrupting. 

Panic seized me. "I can't go back."

"You can and you will, babe." James shook his head. "Move on, be happy again, heal, and save the fucking world. It's what you were meant for. No more brooding."

"I don't brood and I'm not ready for all of that," I argued.

The fog began to swirl and James slowly started to fade. "You will be and know that it's okay. I love you, Robbie Hatman, and we were epic. Smile, love, you're story isn't over. It's just a new chapter."

"Please, don't go!" I begged, my voice thick with denied emotions. 

James glanced at Selene before leaning towards me and for one brief moment, his lips met mine. It was as solid as the last time I had felt his kiss, my eyes fluttering closed.

He pulled away and whispered against my lips, "Be happy, baby. Please. I forgive you."

When I opened my eyes again, he was gone and so was the cliff. Selene and the cave, nowhere to be seen, the night sky vanished and replaced with the training room ceiling. My head was cradled in Nova's lap, his face peering down at me and etched with worry.

"Robbie! Hey, can you hear me?" Nova asked, carefully pushing stray hair from my forehead. "Talk to me, babe."

I sat up slowly, trying to process what I had just experienced and decide whether or not it was real. When I was leaning my back against the wall, I looked at Nova again and realized there were damp trails on his cheeks, cerulean blue eyes bright and bloodshot.

"You were all over the place," he whispered, his voice breaking. "Your energy was jagged and there was so much…"

Nova trailed off and shook his head. "Just tell me you're okay, say something. Tell me you hate me or call me little Tink, I don't care just say something."

I opened my mouth to try and explain but I couldn't bring myself to say the words. How do you explain that your ex-lover and dead soulmate told you to let it go? How do you tell someone how much it hurts when even you can't even begin to process the pain?

Instead of explaining, I simply looked at Nova and asked, "Will you go somewhere with me?"

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A/N: Aaww 💔💔 this was hard to write.

What did you think? Did it clear things up for you guys?

Thanks for reading!❣

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XOXO🖤❤🖤❤

~SM~