Xander's POV:

"Relax," I murmured next to her ear as we descended the steps. "I've got you."

I hated she was anxious but I loved the way it made her cling to me. Her fingers were laced between mine, holding on as if I was a lifeline. I could get used to that.

Tess let Mateo in so he was standing in the doorway when we reached the bottom. Luckily, Mateo was one of the less intimidating leaders in the area. It wasn't that he couldn't hold his own, it was that he didn't care to give off the air of intimidation a lot of other leaders liked to have. It made him more approachable and I was thankful he was the first one Addie was meeting tonight because Lynn was Mateo's opposite and a little harder to soften up.

"You probably don't remember me from the other night," Mateo said, stepping forward and smiling. "It's nice to formally meet you, Luna Adira. I'm Alpha Mateo."

She released my hand to shake his and smiled. "Nice to meet you, too."

The moment her hand was out of his, it was back to mine. Yeah, I could get used to this.

"This is my Beta, Charlie," he said, nodding to the woman next to him. "Two of my deltas, Louisa and Dominic."

He gestured behind him to the other people and Addie smiled and nodded to each of them.

"Nice to meet all of you. I can't thank you enough for helping Xander get to me that night. I wouldn't be here without you," she said.

Mateo's smile widened and he shook his head. "Your invitation into the pack was more than enough, Luna Adira. We were happy to help our friends," Mateo said, stepping forward and setting a hand on my shoulder. "Alpha Xander. Good to see you."

"You as well, Alpha Mateo," I nodded. "Please come in, we have food and drinks set up just through here," I said, waving them down the hallway.

"Alpha Mateo," Kaden greeted, coming around the corner.

He bowed his head and Mateo smiled, passing by the formalities and pulling him into a hug. Kaden had that effect on people.

"I'm hoping you saved some energy for a rematch tonight," Mateo said. "Glad to see you're doing well."

"I've been waiting for you to arrive for just that," Kaden grinned. "Charlie, Louisa, Dominic," he greeted, nodding. "Let's get some food first shall we? Our Luna made spaghetti and the sauce smells amazing."

They followed Kaden down the hall and I tugged Addie close, whispering in her ear. "That wasn't so bad, now was it?"

"I guess not," she breathed.

"Come on," I said, tugging on her hand. "Others will be arriving soon. We should meet them at the door."

Addie stayed by my side the whole night. I wasn't sure if it was because she was honoring what I asked or because she was too nervous to leave but I was fine with it, either way I got to touch her. All through the night I either had my hand on her back or her fingers laced with mine. I felt less stressed than I had the last several days.

Her spaghetti was a hit. Everyone raved about it and at first I wondered if it was because she was the Luna but then I tasted it and, no, it was just incredible. Mateo complimented her on it so much I felt myself unconsciously pulling her tighter to me. He caught on but thankfully understood and backed off, allowing me to breathe. Addie rolled her eyes at me then shrugged and muttered "mate thing" under her breath.

I wasn't surprised when many of the guests got drunk. Werewolves, especially in my pack, tended to drink heavily. Lynn drank so much we set her and her Beta up in the guest room so she could sleep it off. The night was a success and I couldn't help but feel proud of my Luna. She was already so good at being a leader. She was perfect for me, for the pack.

Once everyone else was settled I found her in the kitchen trying to clean up but getting shooed away by Ginny.

"Rest your arm, Luna. Gina and I can handle clean up," Ginny insisted.

"Are you sure?" Addie asked, frowning.

I walked over and wrapped my arm around her waist. "Ginny's right, love. You need to give your arm a rest."

It didn't escape my attention, the way she rubbed her arm all night. She'd overdone it preparing for the dinner. Addie sighed but nodded, saying goodnight to Ginny and walking with me up the stairs.

We paused in front of her door and she turned to me, tucking her hair behind her ears. "I'm uh... I'm going to go to sleep. It was a long day and I'm really tired."

I tried to not let the disappointment show. I hoped after how close we were before the dinner, she would want to at least stay in the same bed as me.

"We could sleep together," I suggested. "Just sleep, nothing else. I promise."

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Addie said, biting her lip. "I... I don't trust myself around you. Especially after what happened today, I just... I need to think and I can't do that with you so close. You fog my head up too much."

"What's holding you back, love?" I asked, setting my hand on her face. "What can I do to assure you?"

"You don't have to do anything," Addie sighed. "You've done plenty. You're very sweet, you're really not the problem. I just... I'm used to definitely knowing how I feel about everything and when it comes to you it's so... Different. So intense. I understand being mates is enough for you but can't you understand it isn't for me? I need to know my feelings for you are based more than just the attraction I have to you."

"How can I help?" I asked. I would do anything to ease her concern.

"I don't know if you can. I think I have to just figure it out."

"You regret what we did before dinner."

"No," she said quickly, shaking her head. "I don't. I don't at all. It was..." she trailed off, her cheeks turning red. "Um... It was nice. Of course I don't regret it. I just want a level head, that's all. And if I'm alone with you too much I... Have like zero self-control," she admitted. "And I'm not used to it. I always have self-control in everything. You're a first for me."

"You have just as much control over me," I pointed out. "It's not one-sided."

"That's not the problem," she sighed, darting her eyes away. "Look, I'm going to be really real with you for a second. Think you can handle it?" She asked, bringing her eyes back to mine, the apprehension clear in her expression and tone.

"Of course I can," I nodded. I could. Didn't mean I wasn't slightly concerned about whatever she wanted to say.

"I..." She started then paused, biting on her lip and breaking eye contact. "I have a really hard time trusting," she admitted, looking over at me only for a second before looking away. "I just.... Shit," she said, shaking her head. "Look, I'm really not good at articulating my feelings. Can I just try to show you instead?"

"Okay," I nodded, frowning because I wasn't sure where she was going with this.

"Okay, look," she said, opening up her bedroom door and waving me ahead.

I looked at her curiously but stepped inside. She stepped in with me and wrung her hands together. As if it wasn't clear from her body language she was anxious, I felt it so intensely in our bond I just wanted to hold her to try to ease the tension.

"This isn't easy for me," she sighed. "I don't do this, Xander. I don't let people close to me. Tash and Travis are like... Really my only real friends. I'm just not good at being close to people so... Just remember that because what I'm about to say will probably sound crazy to you."

"You can tell me anything," I said, reaching over and taking her hand, giving her a reassuring squeeze.

"Right," she said, darting her eyes away and gesturing to the room. "When you come home or walk into a room like this, what's the first thing you do?"

"First thing I do?" I repeated, frowning. She nodded, giving me no other information. "Well, I guess it depends on what I'm doing. If I'm in for the day then I guess... The first thing I'd do is take a shower or get comfortable or something."

"Right," she nodded. "I mean, that seems normal," she added with a nervous laugh. "You wanna know what the first thing I do is?"

"What?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.

"Based on the layout of this particular room," she said, darting her eyes around the room. "I'd start with the bed."

I frowned in confusion and she looked over at me nervously, taking her hand from mine and tucking her hands behind her back. Her shoulders lifted in a slight shrug and a touch of pink reached her cheeks.

"I'd keep my gun or my TASER with me and check under the bed first. Then I'd check the closet but I'd be careful that I still had an eye on that bathroom door," she said, gesturing to the bathroom. "Because if someone is hiding, waiting for me, I need to make sure that I check everything in a way that means they couldn't sneak past me and hide somewhere I've already checked."

My frown only deepened, wondering why the hell she would feel the need to do that.

"Then I'd check the bathroom," she said, swallowing hard. "I'd check the shower, I'd check the cabinets to see if everything is where I left it. Then I'd check the balcony and make sure everything was locked up. Lastly I'd check the vents which I've already rigged with thread so if the thread is gone or moved, I know the room has been disturbed and at that point I need to start checking for cameras or bugs. I do this every time I go into a room, every time I come home from somewhere," she said, darting her eyes over to me. "Every time, Xander. I can't relax until I do."

"Why?" I asked, reaching for her hand again and feeling thankful she let me. She let me take her hand and even squeezed back.

"Because I'm paranoid," she sighed, darting her eyes away. "Really paranoid. Growing up with my mom was like a constant test. If I couldn't identify that she'd been in my room or that something was off..." she sighed and shook her head. "I don't think I'm capable of relaxing, honestly. I'm just not. I'm paranoid about everything and if I'm that paranoid about my own space that I should feel safe in, can you understand that paranoia is much worse when it comes to my heart?"

It hurt, to know she was always on edge like that. I didn't know what to say except pushing her wasn't fair. She was right. She'd been through a lot even if it wasn't for all the things in her past. I still wanted to help her though, be close to her.

"You want to know my trick?" I asked.

"What?" 

"I can smell if someone's been in my room," I said simply. "I can hear if there's a heartbeat, if anything is off. I don't have to check. So, why don't you let me worry about checking your room?" I suggested. "I do anyway, Adira. I always scent your room to make sure nothing seems off. You don't have to feel unsafe with me."

"Old habits die hard," she said, almost smiling. "But I appreciate the offer," she sighed. "I move at a slow pace when it comes to relationships, Xander. Slow even by human standards. I don't have a lot of past relationships and that's because guys do not have the patience to take it as slow as I need to."

I sighed because I really wanted to make progress with her but if I was going to make progress I needed to be patient. "Very well, love," I nodded. "I understand. Can I take you on a date then?"

"A date?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Yes, that is the human way of doing things, isn't it? I take you out and pretend I'm not already completely infatuated with you and we get to know each other, right?" I tried.

She giggled and nodded. "Right, yeah, I guess so."

"All right. Then tomorrow. Tomorrow at eleven. Be ready and maybe bring your camera," I suggested.

"Okay," she said, the smile growing on her face. "But no funny business. Like don't take me to a dark theater or a lake to swim where we would have to take off our clothes and inevitably end up hooking up like in the movies. I want a real date where I can actually talk to you."

"Okay," I agreed, biting back the smile. "A real date, no tricks."

"Okay," she said, her smile growing still. "I have to sleep now."

I nodded and cupped her face with both my hands. "Goodnight, love," I said, kissing her forehead because if I kissed her anywhere else, I'd be in trouble. I backed out of the room although it was the last thing I wanted to do.

"Goodnight," she said, giving me a small smile before shutting the door.

I sighed and stared at the door for a long time, seriously considering going in and just kissing her to see what happened. We were so close earlier. I was so close to touching her...

I shook my head to try to stop the memory from repeating in my mind and driving me insane. I told her a date, the human way. I could do that. I could be patient for her if that's what she needed.

Instead of chasing after her I went to my room and tried to sleep. It felt like hours before I started to doze but then I could hear her. Dreaming again. Dreaming about me again. I growled in frustration and glared at the ceiling. Lynn and her Beta were only across the hall, they would hear her...

I rolled out of bed and left my room, entering hers. I had to get her to stop. Maybe if I stayed with her until she fell asleep, it wouldn't happen again. I wished the damn Elders would respond to my most recent email. Renzo said he heard a rumor that sleeping next to each other might make the dreams stop but until they responded or we tested it, it was only a rumor. I walked over to the bed and brushed her shoulder with my fingertips.

"Addie," I murmured, her scent hitting me strong. I growled lowly and bent my head next to hers. "Addie."

She startled awake, her expression confused and eyes glazed over. Fuck. I whimpered and couldn't stop myself from pressing a kiss against her neck.

"Xander," she breathed, her hands coming up behind my head.

"I'm going to need ear plugs because you're driving me fucking insane," I admitted, nuzzling into her neck.

"Xander," she whined, her hands drifting down between her legs. "Nothing's easing it. I tried before bed."

"It's part of it, love. Until we mate," I rasped, nipping at her neck.

"That's the only way?" She whined, her hands fisting her pajama bottoms. "Nothing else will ease it?"

"It'll ease more if I do it, I told you that," I reminded her, my hand sliding down her arm. "We can try something, I'll stay with you until you fall asleep. It might help, it's just a theory Renzo told me. You want to try it?"

She whimpered and squirmed, her eyes looking up at me pleadingly, darting to my lips.

"You want some help, my love?" I murmured, placing a kiss on the corner of her mouth.

She whimpered and turned towards me, her lips brushing against mine. I sucked in a breath and leaned down, placing my hands on either side of her neck.

"I have to go," I told her, my craving for her increasing as our hot breaths mingled together. "I can't stay in here with you like this. I thought I could but it's too much."

"Stay," she pleaded, her hands grabbing hold of my hips. "Stay with me."

"Stay?" I breathed out, pressing my forehead against hers.

"Stay," she confirmed, bringing her hands behind my head and pulling me into a kiss.

I moaned and crawled over her, settling my body down on hers and feeling more complete than I had in weeks. She melted under me, her hands pulling me deeper into the kiss. It was as if that kiss intensified our bond and I could feel more of her. I could feel more of her and I desperately wanted to touch every inch of her body. I groaned and slid my hands down from her neck to her breasts. I squeezed both and she moaned, arching her back into my hands.

Goddess, she was going to undo me. I slid one hand down to her legs, resting on her thighs, fingers dancing just beneath the hem of her pajama bottoms. I wanted to touch her. I broke the kiss both to catch my breath and ask for permission but she was ahead of me.

"Touch me," she whispered, grabbing hold of my hand and sliding it up between her legs.

"Fuck," I growled, pressing my hand against her through her pajamas before slipping my fingers underneath it and her underwear, down between her legs where the excitement I smelled was waiting for me.

She was soaked, ready for me. I could slide into her like it was nothing right now. I slid my fingers along her clit and she hissed, her hands fisting my hair. I rubbed circles around her, making her gasp. I needed to feel her. Feel inside her. I slid my fingers down and sunk two inside her.

She cried out and gripped my shoulders, her body shuddering underneath me. Goddess, nothing had ever been more beautiful or sexy. I moved them in and out of her, my thumb pressing against her clit as I did. She moaned, her body shaking under my touch. If this was what it was like with just fingers, I couldn't imagine how it would be when I was actually inside of her. She felt so hot, so tight. She would feel fucking amazing.

I worked her over until her breathing came out sharp, her tone high as she gripped the sheets beneath her and cried out her release. The best fucking thing I'd ever heard but it was more than that. That moment of release came with another connection in our bond binding together like the strands of it had been floating around loosely, waiting for an opportunity to connect. The feeling was overwhelming, stronger than anything I'd ever felt before.

She melted into the bed, breathing heavily. I leaned forward and pressed a hot kiss to her lips. "Better?" I murmured against her lips.

She nodded weakly and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me into a deeper kiss. I thought it was intense before but this was different. This was more. Every movement of her lips and sweep of her tongue had every part of me becoming more attached and aware. Her hand slid down and over my boxers, brushing against the part of me I very desperately wanted to slide into her.

She slid her hand inside my boxers and I groaned, breaking our kiss. "Fuck," I muttered into her neck, squeezing my eyes shut as her hand wrapped around me.

"Xander," she murmured, turning her head and placing a kiss against my neck as she slowly stroked me. "You make me feel more than I ever thought I could."

You make me feel more than I ever thought I could.

Fuck. It was nothing. It meant nothing. Addie wasn't Ivory. I wasn't going to lose Addie. I wasn't going to hurt Addie like I hurt Ivory. It was a coincidence that they said the same thing. It was a coincidence, nothing more.

"Xander?" Addie asked, releasing me and pulling my head up to look at her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I breathed, resting my forehead against hers and staring in her eyes, hoping they would calm me down and I wouldn't spiral before I did something really fucking stupid.

Except it didn't help. Staring in her eyes just reminded me I was already fucking up with her. Hadn't she just asked me to take it slow? That wasn't what I was doing. I was going to hurt her. The situation with her was delicate just like it had been with Ivory, and here I was, not being careful again. I couldn't trust my judgement, not with this woman who meant so much to me.

"I can't stay, love. I'll lose my fucking mind after that," I said, grabbing her wrists and setting them down, pulling away from her and adjusting uncomfortably, starting to shake as I hovered over her.

It was too much. I was stupid to think I could handle being in here with her like this. I couldn't. I couldn't trust myself.

"Xander, please stay," Addie said, sitting up and looking at me so vulnerably I almost gave in. "Tell me what's wrong."

But I felt the shift I wasn't sure I could contain. My canines grew, desperately wanting to mark her. My body hurt from not getting the release it needed and although the way she looked at me made me want to wrap my arms around her and hold her all night, I couldn't. I couldn't trust myself. I'd fucked up way too many things in my life and she was more important than any of that. The last thing I wanted to do was take things too far and hurt her and if I didn't get ahold of myself, I would. So I shook my head and got off the bed.

"I'm so sorry, my love," I whispered. "I can't. Not right now. I don't trust myself with you. I'm sorry."

I bolted out of there and barely made it outside before I shifted.

A/N:

Heh, hey there readers :D I know it's not Friday BUT, I did mention I'd be changing the update schedule since I finished the book and I've decided on a schedule! I'm not going to do Wednesdays normally, I'm going to Tuesdays. I just did Wednesday this week because I spent all of yesterday hiking in the wilderness :) However, from now on you'll be getting twice a week updates! Tuesdays and Fridays :)

Thank you so much for the love and comments on the last chapter! And well, *nervous laugh* Let me know what you thought of this one! I mean... They didn't get interrupted this time exactly! They definitely made it further. Did you like it despite the cliffhanger? Please remember, I'm updating the day after tomorrow so it won't be too long of a wait :D

What did you think about Addie's confession of paranoia?

And what about that scene? (speaking of course prior to Xander panicking)

Ooh, who do we think Ivory is and why did he get so freaked out?

Ooof, how do we think Addie is going to take this? She did just tell him she didn't trust easily and he bolted after being pretty close to her, are we worried how she'll react?

Until Friday, my loves <3