Packing light was a near impossible task when you're travelling with a child, but it was a necessity today. Because we had booked our plane tickets on such a short notice, we were only able to bring cabin luggage. It was that, or driving, and neither my Mom or I was very keen on that either. Alexander didn't like being crammed into a small space for long either, so travelling light was the best option. We weren't going to stay that long anyway. Just for the funeral and then for the beta ritual, a week tops. Both of us were eager to be able to return home, but we both knew we couldn't miss out on these events, it would be treason.

My heart felt heavy at the thought of facing everyone at home. They didn't even know of Alexander's existence, so I had no idea how they were going to react. I already knew they were pretty disappointed in the way I had left and had refused to return, so I couldn't imagine how they would feel when they found out. I hadn't thought about it, because returning never felt like a genuine option, but now that I had to think of the consequences, I was terrified. Grief could turn the nicest of people into spawns of pure evil. 

***

After we had survived the plainride, we rented a car and drove to the reserve with equally heavy hearts. For my Mom, it would be the first time she returned after Dad had been taken from us and I knew she was reliving all of those memories now because the events were so similar. My heart bled for her.

It also bled for me, as I also had memories I would rather forget for the rest of my life. But some things you can't escape.

As we drove past the gates, I held onto her arm, seeking and offering comfort. I looked back to Alexander, who was asleep in the backseat for now, he hadn't been able to contain his excitement and had blown through all of his energy in no-time. He looked so comfortable and innocent, not a worry in the world with his lips slightly parted and a stuffed toy clutched to his belly.

I turned back around as I noticed the car had stopped. In front of us, was our old home. The old Alpha had been nice enough to keep the deed in my Mom's name, even after she had decided to move, so we would always be able to return.

Here we were.

Home.

It felt weird to still think of it that way but I knew that sentiment would never change. No matter how much I wanted it, Minneapolis would never be my home. Looking over at my Mom, I knew she felt the same way. I reached out to her and squeezed her arm. 

"It's okay, Mom, we'll be fine."

She put her hand over mine and nodded.

"I know baby, it's just really hard."

I nodded, agreeing with her in silence. I was terrified myself, to see what was on the inside, if it would feel like stepping back in history, as if nothing had changed.

We exited the car quietly and as I grabbed Alexander from the back seat, my Mom made her way over to the door, with a slight tremor to her hand, making the keys jingle. I stayed behind a little, unsure of how to help her with this. 

I watched her run her hand over the wooden columns of the front porch, steadying herself a little before she took the next few steps over to the front door. I walked closer to her, gently putting Alexander on the ground now that he was waking up.

"Mommy, where are we?" he asked, looking around disorientedly.

"We're home baby, remember what Nana and I told you?"

He nodded, remembering now and looking around excitedly. He was already jumping from one foot to the other, clearly eager to explore the area.

"Why don't you explore the house first and then I'll go with you later?"

He looked over to the house now, as if it was the first time he was noticing it. He nodded eagerly and jolted of towards the house, which my Mom had entered by now. 

I walked behind him and entered, to find my Mom still standing in the middle of the entrance inside. I looked around and noticed the house had been cleaned thoroughly as if it hadn't been vacant for the better part of fifteen years. I had been expecting a thick layer of dust everywhere, sheets covering the furniture, but instead it looked and smelled homey and clean. Someone had even put up some flowers and candles. I wondered who had taken the time to do this, with the recent events.

I hadn't noticed the car who had pulled up next to ours until I heard a door slam shut. Coming out of my stupor I turned around, facing a familiar face. I smiled and walked out to the porch to welcome our visitor. Strange, to call him a visitor, when it was us who were visiting. It only took five minutes to call this house a home, however foreign it felt to us.

My cousin Luke stood in front of me, neither of us knowing how to behave after these last few years. I had fled of course and it was clear I wasn't forgiven yet.

"Luke.. How are you?" I spoke softly, remembering how he had lost his dad, but he still made an effort to come visit us as soon as we arrived.

He nodded, searching for the right words.

"Okay, I guess. Still feeling as if it's not real." 

It was my turn to nod. The memories of my own dad's passing were vague, but that dreamstate, I could still relate to. 

"How have you been?" he asked me, and right as I wanted to open my mouth to answer, Alexander came spiralling onto the porch, babbling about how big this house was in comparison to he apartment we lived in.

I caught him in my arms, steadying him a little and giggling.

"Slow down, little wolf, your feet won't be able to follow the rest of your body."

"But mommy! There's still so much to see! Can we go into the forest now?"

"Soon, baby, mommy's just talking to this man - "

I realized my error when I mentioned Luke and turned to face my cousin, who was watching us with an expression I couldn't decipher.

"Luke.." I said, taking a step towards him.

"You have a kid? How? " 

I watched him think out loud until the lightbolb went on in his brain.

"Oh no? That night?"

I nodded, silently begging him to not go on.

"Oh Cassie, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. It got me my most precious possession." It only took me a while to think of him that way, I added in silence, the familiar feeling of guilt coursing through my body.

A silence fell between us, neither knowing how to go on. 

"So how's Will? How's everything been here?" I tried to change the subject.

"He's busy, he has been preparing for the beta job for a long time, but now that it's finally here, he feels somewhat overwhelmed."

"I can imagine, yeah." 

"And then our Alpha is quite restless because he still doesn't have a Luna and aparently he can't feel her, so his parents are urging him to choose a mate, but he's refusing, he can't come to terms with his true soulmate possibly being dead."

"Aww, that's so sad for him. And he probably doesn't even have time to grief because of his workload." 

"Yeah.. Well, I better get going, my Mom asked to see if you had arrived alright and if everything was alright with the cabin."

"Yes, everything seems to be fine, did she clean it?"

"No, some lower ranked wolves that knew your Dad volunteered."

I nodded.

"Well, give them our thanks and I guess we'll see you tomorrow.."

"Yes, we will, bye Cassie and bye -" he turned towards my boy, but came up blank. I realized I hadn't told him his name. 

"It's Alexander."

He smiled and nodded.

"Bye Alexander."

I smiled and waved him goodbye as he got into his car.

A small hand grabbed hold of my jeans and tugged. 

"Momma, can we go explore now..." he said in a little whiney voice.

"Yeah, we can, let's tell Nana and we can go."

_________________________________________________________________

Hi! I guess it won't be a surprise as to who Cassie's mate is but still lol, slowly getting there!