Soo, as I said, this chapter is a brief summary of Alexander's baby-years, next chapter the actual story will begin! So excited! Are you curious about her mate?

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3 hours old:

I awoke again, not knowing how long I had slept, but the first thought on my mind was my beautiful boy. Wincing a little from the pain in my lower regions, when I tried to sit up, I decided against it. So I leaned back against the pillows again, trying to get comfortable.

"Mom?" I called.

I heard movement from somewhere in the apartment and waited as patiently as I could.

Eventually she walked in, holding my little bundle of joy in her arms. I smiled, the pain temporarily forgotten.

"How's he doing?" I asked, as she handed him over, tucking him inside of my arms.

"He's perfect, honey, you did so good! 10 fingers, 10 toes, beautiful rosy cheeks and he slept almost the entire time. I gave him a bottle already, but if you want to try breastfeeding, you're going to have to wake him up soon, you can't wait with that for too long."

She paused, clearly trying not to overstep boundaries, she was always good at feeling where she was needed and held other people's feelings in high regard. But I was looking up at her expectantly, I was new at this, I needed her guidance and would take all the advice I could get!

"I didn't want to bring this up earlier, because you were a lot more exhausted than a werewolf mother usually is, so I let you sleep, but if you want to breastfeed, it's important to start right away, as it makes the bonding experience easier, and the more you try breastfeeding, the more milk you'll get.."

I nodded, staring down at my little boy's face. I already loved him so much, it was as though my world had turned completely upside down and he was my gravity now.

With a little help from my mother, which was pretty awkward, I got Alexander to latch on to my breast, to provide him with my milk. I looked at him, trying to find the right way to do it, but he caught on surprisingly fast, as though it ran deep in his dna, making it come natural to him. I could already feel how much he had changed me, and he was only a few hours old, I was almost fearful for how much more I'd come to love him.

3 days:

I was still on my pink cloud. I loved being a Mom and taking care of Alexander, with his little feet and tiny hands. Breastfeeding was hard though and I had to admit, I had cheated a few already and simply made him a bottle, especially at night, when I was too tired to breastfeed.

I was still sore, which surprised my mother at first, she couldn't remember it ever being as hard for her, but after a few talks, we settled it must be one of the side-effects of not having a wolf and therefore, not healing as fast.

That was another thing we were slowly growing out of. Neither of us added the word 'yet' anymore, when we were talking about the absence of my wolf, I guess I was coming to terms with not having it.

3 weeks:

Today, Alexander smiled at me for the first time. It's as if, in that moment, the world stopped turning and time stood still, that's how special it was to see him reacting to me, recognizing me. But today was important for a different reason too, it was a full moon, the first since giving birth to my pup and I had the cautious hope that I'd shift. Seeing as pregnant she-wolves can't shift and I had been pregnant during my first, I might get another chance now. I wasn't going back to the pack territory though, I didn't want to be the shame of the pack again.

Instead I was going to go to the edge of the city, to a forest. If nothing happened, I would be back with my pup in a little over two hours, and if I shifted, then I'd see him in the morning after I'd figured out how to shift back to my human form. I knew it was a long shot, but somehow, the explanation made sense and I couldn't help but feel hopeful, but hope was dangerous, because it meant there was a possibility of getting disappointed.

Leaving the house that night was hard. It was also the first time I left Alexander. For some reason, I felt extremely selfish for leaving him with my mother, to pursue a pipedream, but on the other hand, I couldn't risk shifting at the house. For all I knew, my wolf could go crazy, as she had been kept dormant another year, so there really was no other option than to go and see if anything was going to happen.

When midnight neared, I hid in the shadows of some trees, where I could still see the full moon rising to its highest point in the sky, with its perfectly round shape. It illuminated the scenery beautifully as I sat waiting next to the bank of a lake in this park. Thankfully there were no more visitors, hikers or homeless people any more. I checked to the best of my abilities and hoped I had been thorough enough.

I waited, and waited, until I had to admit to myself that nothing was going to happen. Another hope crushed, and I realized I was going to have to accept it, I had no wolf, or it would forever be dormant, all because of my mistake. Of course, that mistake had also given me the most precious gift ever, but I couldn't help regret it.

3 months:

When Alexander was three months, it was clear he wasn't developing as fast as a werewolfpup normally was, he could roll over if you gave him incentive to do so, by holding a toy just out of his reach, but he was nowhere near crawling, or sitting, like a pup of our kind would normally be able to do, as it was part of his heritage. It made me wonder about the father even more, was he a runt too and had we condemned our son to a wolfless life as well? I couldn't help but feel even more guilty as I worried about those things, how selfish had we been then, because of that one moment, we had ruined a life that had yet to begin.

It was hard for me to move on from these thoughts, I felt immensily guilty and wouldn't leave Alexander out f my sight, trying to make up for whatever wrong I had inflicted upon him. At night, I stood by his crib, watching, making sure he wouldn't experience nightmares, or to make him a bottle instantly when he woke up, or to soothe him when he cried. I was always holding him when he was awake, rarely putting him in his crib to let him fall asleep, instead I rocked him in my arms gently and sang him lullabies until he slept.

This went on for a couple of weeks, up to the point my Mom had finally had enough, because I was at the brink of complete and utter exhaustion, barely functioning at all and only responding to my baby's cries. She took Alexander from me that night and sat me down on the couch, telling me I couldn't go on like this, not for my son because I was corrupting him by holding on to him,like that, like a lifeline. But also not for myself, because my body was not coping with the way I pushed myself and neither was my mind.

She sent me to bed and forbade me to even think about getting up that night to go get Alexander. She told me we were going to be co-parents from here on, because she couldn't stand seeing her daughter that distraught. She wouldn't make major decisions, but she was going to take up some tasks to relieve me. In return, she wanted me to take some classes again, so I could learn some kind of profession or skill. I agreed, barely understanding what she was saying by now, as I had allowed my body to finally give in to the sleep deprivation and was shutting down right where I sat.

3 years:

By the time my little Alexander turned three, I had been able to control the demons haunting me. I still felt guilty for the unsure future I had given my son, but I was able to function around it and not hover so much. I ended up going to culinary school, which I was finishing up this year. My mother was still my co-parent, as she had called it, and it was working surprisingly wel. Alexander knew that she was his Nan and rarely asked about why he didn't have a Dad and the other kids at school did, instead he bragged he had his Nan with him all the time. Sometimes I think she's his favorite person, and not me, but he keeps on telling us we are all his best friend, but then again, so is his stuffed dinosaur.