I only started walking towards my house again once I had made absolutely sure he hadn't turned around again or something sneaky like that. I didn't want this to turn into an even bigger disaster than it already was. At the moment, I needed some motherly advice on how to deal with this.

When I entered, Alexander raced towards me to hug me. I leaned down and pulled him close to me, letting the tears I hadn't realized I had been holding back, fall. Worried because of my sobbing, my Mom came around the corner and saw me sitting on my knees hugging the life out of my little boy and frowned at me.

"What's going on?" she mouthed at me.

So she hadn't fully realized what had been going on with the Alpha earlier, or maybe she was trying not to jump the gun and giving me some time to explain. Whichever it was, I wasn't ready yet to talk so I hugged Alexander some more. I wished we could simply leave, but I doubted Caleb would let that happen. He had probably already told every patrol member that I was a flight risk, so there was no way for us to simply disappear again.

I honestly didn't know what to do at this point.

"Alexander." I whispered after a few more cuddles. "Go play a little in our room while I talk to Nana okay?"

He nodded and I watched him ascend the stairs before I finally turned towards my Mom who was already waiting for me to walk into her open arms. 

She wrapped me in her arms and started rocking me while gently guiding me over towards the couch so we could sit down. Funny how quickly our roles are reversed again. 

"I don't know what to do, Mom. How can I be an Alpha's mate?" I sobbed.

"Well honey, you are a Beta's daughter after all." she answered, matter-of-factly.

"I know, but I'm useless, I don't have a wolf, how can I be a Luna? An example of strength for a pack? How do I tell him about Alexander, he'll never forgive me." I was full blown crying again by now.

She pulled me back towards her and hugged me again, trying to get me to calm down.

"Shht, honey." she cooed, rubbing my back softly.

Once I'd calmed down enough, I leaned away from her slightly and pulled my knees up to my chest and sighed.

"Baby, no one said having a mate would be easy, it can be of course, but it rarely ever is. it's a bond created by someone who cannot foresee which life-altering events will happen. It is simply the person who is destined to make you whole, that doesn't mean you don't have to work to make it work, much like humans need to."

I nodded, of course I understood hat, but it didn't really help me cope or see a way out of this mess.

"That being said," my Mom continued, "He is your fated match, he might get mad, he might not understand at first, but you will work this out, if you both keep an open mind about it. Hiding it from him, or waiting until he finds out from someone else, isn't going to do either of you good."

I nodded, although I didn't believe Caleb would be able to forgive me. I hadn't even forgiven myself for my mistake so how could I expect someone else to ever do? Thinking about Alexander as a mistake was making me feel even worse than I already did, but of course, I deserved that. How could I ever have believed in fairy tale endings and happily ever afters?

I sighed, trying to get my breathing under control so I wouldn't start crying again. 

All of a sudden, there were knocks at the door, but we weren't suspecting anyone, so I instantly became wary. I couldn't even tell Alexander to stay upstairs because whoever was out there would hear me and that would raise even more questions. 

So all I could do was hope Alexander would just stay upstairs until I had gotten rid of the person at the door. 

I stood up, to walk over to the door and gave my Mom a slight nod, hoping she'd catch on and would go make sure Alex stayed upstairs. Thankfully, she did, so I tried to conjure up a smile and opened the door.

In front of me stood Caleb, looking not so very calm.

"Can you please, explain to me, why you and your Mom needed a nanny, while you were at the funeral?"

Oh shit.

I joined him on the porch and pulled the door closed behind me to protect the contents of my house. I could handle him hurting me, if he shifted, but I couldn't handle him ever laying a hand on Alexander.

"Well.." I started, trying to stall while finding a good explanation that he would accept.

"And don't try to tell me you have a little brother, because I checked the records first and your mom never remarried or took a new mate, so you don't have a little brother."

Well there goes option one.

"Maybe we should take a walk." I tried.

"What good would a walk do?" He seethed.

"For one, you might calm down, and two, if you don't, at least you won't shift on my porch and end up breaking it or something." 

He accepted my explanation and was of the porch in mili-seconds. I couldn't even see him move. For my dull human eyes it was as if he blinked from one spot to the other. Unfair.

I walked after him, noticing how he wasn't reaching out, trying to touch me. It already hurt that he didn't want to hold me anymore, just as I had expected, I was going to end up hurt and discarded.

"Speak." he commanded and I felt the heaviness of the command resound in my head. Great, so I can't have any of the benefits of being a wolf, but Alpha-commands still work on me.

"What do you want to know." I tried stalling again, to make sure we were a safe distance from the house before I started telling him. 

He growled and I flinched a little.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"I told you I had done unforgivable things, stuff that makes me unworthy of being your mate. This is one of those things."

This time, he didn't remind me that nothing was bad enough to make him reject me, so I started mentally preparing myself for the pain of what was coming.

"I lost my virtue a long time ago." I started. Not knowing where else to begin, and thought this was one of the things that was more easily to forgive. And if he didn't, maybe I wouldn't have to tell him about the other reason, the one that was near impossible to forgive.

He struggled with his temper even more, but eventually, he managed to grunt out.

"So did I, that doesn't explain anything." 

At least he didn't wait either then, I guess that should make me feel better, but it actually made me feel worse, because I had always wanted to wait for my mate, but one drunken party and that idea had gone out the window. So I wanted to know why he didn't wait for me, but I knew had no right to ask those questions.

I struggled even harder to say the next words, different ways of telling him played like a movie inside my mind, different outcomes to different ways of telling him, but none that pictured us together in the end.

"It's how I ended up having a pup." I finally decided to say, the simplest, most complete way of explaining everything, in just one sentence.