The Alpha doesn't try to touch me again for the rest of the funeral. I've caught him stealing glances at me from time to time though, but I haven't reacted, I think. 

As soon as we've said our last goodbyes, I turn towards my mother, making sure Alpha is far enough away before I turn on a song on my phone before leaning into her, whispering in her ear.

"Can you please go back to Alexander by yourself?"

She nods, casting a knowing glance at Caleb. So she has noticed something's going on after all. She turns away, to follow everyone leaving and as soon as she does, a figure appears next to me.

"So, is now a good time to start working on all the time in the world?"

I watch him wearily, I wish he could just leave me alone and save me the heartache.

"Alpha." I begin, but I'm interrupted right away.

"Caleb."

I take a deep breath and test his name in my mind. I've used his name a couple of times in my thoughts, but saying it out loud makes it a lot realer, as though I'm accepting this, giving him hope when I shouldn't.

"Caleb." I try again and this time, he doesn't interrupt. "Even if you're right, I don't deserve you."

It hurts me so much to say this. All this time I've held on to the hope of meeting my mate and suddenly feeling my wolf awaken, how my mate was going to make everything better and how we would be a family, my mate, Alexander and I. I realize now how naive that has been, childish even. There's no hope for me, I can't even recognize my mate or feel any sort of connection, I'm useless, a waste of a mate bond.

"I'm so sorry you have ended up with a mate like me and I think it would serve you better if I just rejected you so.." I'm cut of again, by a large warm hand covering most of my face. Damn he's huge. I watch him, my eyes growing wider with surprise.

"Are you going to stay silent when I remove my hand?"

I find myself nodding, I don't want to reject him anyway, he could be my only shot at happiness, if I deserve such a thing. 

He removes his hand slowly, clearly not trusting me to not reject him anyway. 

Once he's fully removed it, he takes my hand in his, making circles on the back with his thumb. Still no tingles, I discover, with a slight pinch of disappointment. 

"You're Cassiopeia. "

I open my mouth to tell him I don't like to be called that, but he silences me by holding up a finger. Okay then.

"You came here, for your first shift, almost 7 years ago, but you didn't shift."

I nod, not understanding where he's going with this.

"I was called about it. I could have met you then already. If you hadn't run of.. I could have had you with me already. I was on my way, if only I had been a little bit faster."

I watch him, he looks so sad and I know it's my fault. Another thing I've done wrong.

"I'm sorry." I find myself saying, without realizing it.

He gently squeezes my hand, like I'm his lifeline. I wonder how the tingles feel for him.

"No, that's not why I'm telling you this, I don't want to make you feel guilty, but you intrigued me, I've never heard of a shift not happening. You must be special, that's what I meant."

I snort, is he serious? He must be high on mate hormones or something.

"I'm not special, Alp-Caleb, I'm a disappointment to my family, to you as your mate, I'm simply not worthy. Not having a wolf is not even the biggest part of it."

He frowns.

"Nothing could be bad enough for me to reject you, Cassiopeia, so stop looking for a reason."

"I like to be called Cassie. And I'm not looking for one, I already have plenty."

"Cassie then. Please enlighten me, so I can assure you none of those will convince me you're not good enough."

I open my mouth, but close it again when I realize I'm a coward. I can't admit to him how I lost my virginity on the evening of my arrival seven years ago, and how I got pregnant and had a baby without a matebond. I'm a disgrace and he should reject me, but I'm afraid that he actually will.

I shake my head and I try to pry my hand away from him, but of course that's impossible with my pathetic human strength against his alpha genes. So unfair. The disadvantages are just stacking up here.

"Cassie." he speaks again. "Don't run away from me please, my wolf is already on edge enough. I know you have little to no experience with the behavior of wolves, so please take my word for it, or I'll just mark you here and now."

Oh no, there will be no way back if he does that and I want him to fully know what kind of person I am before I ever consider letting him to that.

"Please don't, you'll regret tying yourself to me like that."

"What's so bad that has you convinced I won't want you." he tries again to make me tell him my secrets. 

I shake my head again, tears threatening to spill. He sniffs then reaches a hand underneath my chin to lift my head. Once he sees the tears he lets me go altogether as if i've burned him, which I greedily use to put some distance between us.

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you, you'll hate me and I don't think I can handle it. Maybe you should ask Luke, he knows what happened."

"Luke, your cousin? My beta, Will's brother? Why? Has he hurt you?"

"No, no nothing like that, I mean he knows why I'm not a good enough mate for you."

"Well, Cassie, I'm not going to ask him, if you don't want to tell me, so be it, but I'm not giving us up as long as you don't give me a valid reason to do so. Which I don't think you'll ever find to be honest."

I have to admit, he's quite good with his words and definitely not easily pushed away. A lot of guys would have long given up by now. But I guess that's how the mythical mate bond works. Pity I can't feel it.

"So.. What now then?"

He raises an eyebrow, clearly not understanding my question.

"Well, I kind of need to go home." I elaborate, just a little, already walking of a little.

"Why?" He asks, following me.

"I just need to." I stop walking, trying to halt his movements too

"Alright, I'll accompany you." he says, carrying on walking, as if I'm not even protesting.

"No!" I exclaim.

He turns towards me again, raising that eyebrow again. Goddess, he sure likes doing that a lot.

"You just can't." I fidget with my fingers.

I notice he's getting quite impatient with me now, and I wonder what he's thinking. He's probably already beginning to rethink wanting to be my mate. 

"Why?" he repeats his earlier question, although his tone is clipped, as if a lot of effort is going into staying calm.

I sigh, there's no way out of this.

"Never mind, you can walk me home, but you're not coming inside! My Mom's going to have a heartattack when she finds out you're claiming to be my mate and I don't want her dead." I lie, feeling bad about it, but I have to think about Alexander too.

"I'm not claiming anything, you are my mate." he grunts out, clearly holding onto the last straws of his calm demeanor.

"Yes, yes, whatever." I dismiss him. I never contemplated this was going to be so hard.

_______________________________________________________________________________

So, another update. I'm finally at the point in the story where I can start working towards the actual storyline. It was hard for me to get to this point, but I promise I'll be updating regularly now! 

Let me know what you think I loveeee comments!