Ren

NOVEMBER 2009

I wake up on Sunday groggy and slightly hungover after a restless sleep. Through bleary eyes, I spy the empty wine bottle on my bedside table. Proof that I had come in after slamming Gio's car door, grabbed an open bottle of wine in the fridge, and spent the rest of the evening in my room drinking and watching more Sex in the City on my laptop.

My head hurts. I can't face my mom for breakfast feeling like this. She will see my mood written all over my face and want to talk about it, and then I will have to tell her who I actually had dinner with and why.

Nope. Not yet.

I decide to duck out of the house to go get coffee and a muffin. Walking back through the park with my coffee, my brain replays every detail of my evening with Gio yesterday on a loop in my head. It's making me go a bit crazy—but I can't seem to stop it, either. I stop at a bench to further delay the eventual interaction with my mother, mindlessly flicking through Facebook on my phone.

I forcefully attempt to push him from my mind, but not even two minutes pass before I realize he's snuck back in and plopped himself in the center of my thoughts again. Ugh! I need to call Sydney. I forgot to call her back after dropping that bomb on her yesterday, and maybe she can help me figure out what happened. Pulling my cell from my sweatshirt pocket, I dial Sydney's number. 

It rings twice before she picks up. "Hello?"

"Hey Syd, it's me."

"Finally!" she huffs "What the hell, Ren? Were you serious?!"

"Oh yeah!" I drawl, smiling ear to ear as I imagine her face right now.

She screams so loudly that I pull my face back from the phone. "No freakin way! And here I thought I was coming through for you with his number, but apparently, you have it and are going on dates with him already! Ren, I can't believe you sometimes."

I try to calm her down. "Look, I don't have his number yet, actually, so thank you. And I think that one date... was it."        

"What? Why?"

"I don't really know. It was totally hot and cold with him," I sigh, still at a loss. "We had a pretty good time, and then, we were in his car, and like, I told him I wanted to see him again, but he said he didn't want to start anything! So I asked him why, and then he went and kissed me!"

She gasps. "He kissed you!"

"Yeah, but I mean, like, really kissed me."

"How was it?" she whispers loudly.

"Syd. I can't even describe how hot his kiss was!" I sigh and close my eyes, reliving it in my mind again. Damn. I wish I could live inside that memory all day. 

"Look, absolutely nothing's changed in that department. But then he totally freaked the fuck out and told me to leave. So I did." I shrug my shoulders even though she can't see me.

"What?" she shrieks.

"Yeah, exactly, Sydney!" I say, feeling vindicated. "I don't know what to think."

She quiets for a moment, thinking. "But he can be emotionally dramatic like that sometimes, right? If he kissed you like that, then he still wants you." 

"It felt like that in the moment, but—"

"I mean, it's been years since you guys saw each other.  Maybe he just needs a moment to process it," she rationalizes.

"Yes and no. I mean, I kinda feel emotionally confused about him too. But... I think it's more than that for him, Syd. I don't know what it is, but I've got a bad feeling about it. I don't know if he'll ever give me a chance again," I moan.

My ears perk up to the sound of shoes crunching on gravel behind me, and its growing louder.

"Lauren?" a happily surprised voice asks me. I look up. It's Bryce walking an adorable yellow lab. Crap.

"Hey, Bryce," I say with hesitancy. "Sydney? I'll call you back," and I end the call.

"Hi! I was wondering if I might ever see you here," he says with a wide smile. He looks fresh and bright this morning, whereas I feel like I've emerged from a dumpster.

What am I even wearing?

I check myself. I'm in leggings, a stained collage sweatshirt over the shirt I wore to bed, and... no bra. I even slept in my make-up.

Oh. My. God. I was in such a hurry that I didn't even check myself before sneaking out the door this morning. I think I might seriously look like a dumpster raccoon right now.

"Yeah. I just came back from getting coffee," holding up my cup stupidly, not quite meeting his eyes. He looks quite fit this morning—his shirt hugs his chest and biceps, and I can't help noticing.

"Hey, who's this?" I add, smiling as his adorable young lab comes up against my legs, sniffing hungrily at my half-eaten muffin. I pet his ears, feeling their silky soft texture.

A textured chuckle emanates from deep in his throat, "That's Ginger. No, Ginger, not for you." He tugs on the leash. "Sorry, she's constantly on the hunt for food."

He pulls harder on her leash to no effect through his apology and finally pries Ginger away from my legs with his hands, and I can't help but smile.

"It's okay, she's very cute." The interaction with Ginger is wonderfully boosting my mood, and I wish she would stay a little longer, but she's already off sniffing around the back of the bench.

"So, did you have any luck finding apartments? You got more to go see today?" he asks, the morning sun sparkling fiery steaks into his auburn hair.

"I got one, actually. I move in on the first. Only one more week till I have my own place."

"Congratulations! You must be stoked. Let me know if you need a hand moving," he offers with a dashing smile.

"That's okay. I literally have nothing to move right now. I'm planning on an Ikea trip on Black Friday for some basics."

He grins at me with his cute dimples now on full display. "Well, I'm great at putting together Ikea furniture."Then he reaches around to scratch his neck—covertly showing off his arm muscles even more. "Basically, I'd love to help out if you need anything."

Heat rises to my cheeks. "Alright, thanks. I'll keep that in mind." 

"So..." He draws the word out playfully, cocking his head to the side. "Are you sure we can't cash in that raincheck?"

"Oh, um..." 

Come on, why not? He's so cute. You know he's not a jerk. It's dancing... You can't wait on Gio after what happened yesterday. Say yes!

"Okay. Yeah."

"Really?" His eyes light up. "Great! How about this Thursday?"

"Um, sure. Actually, that sounds great. I'll be looking forward to it," I beam happily. It's been forever since someone took me dancing.

"Great! How about I pick you up at seven?" 

Bryce suddenly lurches forward, being tugged by Ginger's leash. He nearly trips but recovers just in time, blushing. "Okay, well, I better keep going. I'll text you."

"Okay," I laugh.

Smiling ear to ear, I watch him jog off with Ginger out front, tail high and wagging, searching every nook and cranny on the way.

♥︎♥︎♥︎

"You're not nervous. You're excited," I say to myself aloud as I study how I look in front of my full-length mirror. I'm wearing a dark-blue, boat neck, a-line dress for tonight because, in my book, it's not fun to swing dance if your skirt doesn't flair out a bit when you twirl. I am excited to go out dancing... but something is still niggling at me.

I think it's that I'm afraid to encourage Bryce too much. The office gossip has already started getting around, and I'm not too fond of that. It makes me feel unprofessional. But my other hesitation is... it's just a little too similar to how I got involved with Alex.

I met Alex at my first internship. He was twenty-six, and I was twenty-two, finishing up my degree. He was in marketing and such a sweet talker. He knew just how to market himself. Later, in arguments, he knew just how to gaslight me to make me feel like everything was my fault. I guess my heart is a bit wary of guys in that particular profession now.

Ding-dong. The sound doorbell breaks me from my reprieve.

"I'll get it!" I hear my mom yell from the kitchen. Crap!

I rush to put my earrings in as I hear my mom talking from downstairs.

"Hello, you must be Bryce."

My eyes fly wide open. He's meeting my mom! No, no, not yet!

"Yes, you must be Lauren's mother. Very nice to meet you."

Crap, crap. I grab my shoes and rush out of my bedroom. At the top of the stairs, I see him talking more with my mom, and he looks perfectly polished. Ungracefully, I race down the stairs with my heels in my hand. I struggle to put them on quickly, hoping awkwardly around on the cold tile floor of the entry on one foot as I attempt to keep my balance.

"Bryce. Hi. You're early," I say, trying not to sound irritated as I stand and smooth down my full skirt.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were so close. It's, like, only a five-minute drive from my place. Shall we go?"

"I'll be back later," I call back to my mom, and I can tell she's pretty pleased with Bryce by the tilt in her lips. My eyes close—already anticipating the topic of conversation over dinner tomorrow. I let myself into Bryce's red Mini Cooper, and we take off on our long-anticipated first date downtown.

"So... you learned to dance when?" He glances at me while driving.

"In my senior year of high school. My boyfriend and I used to go the Trinity Theater on the night a big band orchestra would practice there." Oops. I guess I should have said EX-boyfriend.

"At the Trinity? I was there, too!"

"Really? That's so crazy. I could have bumped into you."

"You might have! Though I think I'd remember someone as pretty as you," he said with his practiced dimpled smile.

"Stop," I say and roll my eyes. Most girls would have gone into a swoon over that, but I find myself cringing at his cheesy line.

"Sorry, Lauren. That came out wrong. My bad." he laughs, embarrassed. "I guess I'm used to..." he rubs his face with his hands to start over. "Never mind. It's just you're... you're different from other girls I usually go out with."

"I can't be that different. I'm from here, too."

"Yeah, but I don't know, you're just fun and genuine and smart... and talented."

Heat erupts on my cheeks. "Bryce, stop."

"I'm serious, though. I think you're beautiful. Both inside and out, and... I'm hoping you give me a chance to get to know you better... in a different setting—other than work," his blue eyes sparking in sincerity.

Soon, we pull into a parking space downtown along Main Street. I get out, and he takes my arm, and we walk down the tree-lined sidewalk till he stops in front of a stucco dark green storefront with tinted windows and a bud light sign—so far, I'm not impressed. But guess what? It was so great! We leave the bar a few hours later, slightly damp from sweat and laughing. God, I've missed this!

Not just dancing but having fun with a guy on a date. All the Saturday nights I can remember from the last few years of my marriage had been boring nights at home watching Netflix or drinking and arguing—Date Night had turned into Fight Night. Tonight with Bryce... was just what I needed.

Though the night air is crisp, I don't need my jacket because Bryce puts his arm around me and leads me back to his car amongst the loud street noise and nightlife on this busy Saturday night downtown.

"You are an amazing dancer. I'm impressed. I haven't danced like that in years," he says, hugging my shoulder.

"Me too. I had a really fun night," I say, smiling up at him. He smiles happily back with his perfect dimpled smile, and it feels good.

"I'd love to take you back ther—" He stops talking, following something with his eyes to the side of us.

My brow furrows. "What?"

"Oh, just that black Corvette there. Driving past us all slow."

I stop walking and turn, and as soon as I do, the car's engine growls and zooms faster down the street.

"Show off," Bryce grumbles. He wraps his arm around me tighter, leading me back toward his car.

Crap.

Gio... he saw us.

♥︎♥︎♥︎