August 15, 2022

I freeze, eyes locked on the sight before me. Everyone in the room seems to go still, before I inevitably burst out laughing. Daisy blinks in distress, and Jace looks utterly confused at the situation and slightly concerned for me.

"Zoe, dear. What on earth are you doing with my girlfriend?" I say, wiping a tear from my eye.

Zoe had been sprawled on the ground, with tiny little Daisy straddling her with her hands over Zoe's mouth in a way that tells me she was trying to silence her. Which only makes me wonder more about what the hell went on in here only moments earlier.

"I know the truth!" Zoe half shouts, half gasps, as she tears her mouth free from under Daisy's tiny hands.

My brow furrows for a moment, but the sound of something clanging in a backroom makes my eyes widen. oh! That truth! Now it makes sense why Daisy would try to shut her up.

Quickly, I turn to Jace and shove him out the door, "I forgot I owe Daisy something, could you run down to the car and grab my wallet? Thanks!"

With that, I shut the door in the face of a very much confused Jace, ignoring his protests and locking the door. Letting out a big sigh, I turn towards Zoe and raise my hands as if I'm calming a wild animal.

"Okay, Zo? I know this is going to sound really weird, and I know what you're thinking, but just listen okay?" I say gently.

Daisy finally gets off of Zoe and takes a seat on the couch, looking tired and slightly awkward. "Oh I'll tell you what I'm thinking! Your hunny bunny here is a two timing skink!"

I try to smile, but it comes out forced as I shake my head, "No, she's not."

Zoe ignores that though and nods profusely, "Yes she is! Look, Charlie called me all worried about you, so I came to check up on ya, but by the time I showed up Charlie said you never came home from work. So! I went to your workplace and you weren't there either, but one of your co-workers gave me Seth's address, so I went and hounded him down and he then told me that you also weren't there and that you ran out. He gave me Daisy's address, assuming that since you were upset, you might have stopped here. What do I find upon walking in the unlocked door?"

She turns to Daisy for a second, "When trying to conceal an affair, at least lock the door. Sheesh! Anyway! I walk in and see her making out with some chick! Like, bam! Mind blown! So I freaked out and then your lovely girlfriend went like Jackie Chan on my ass and that's about when you walked in."

I chuckled awkwardly and rubbed at my jaw in frustration, "Is that Sam back there, Daisy?"

She blushes and nods, "I know I should have told you. But, when you went out last week, and then stopped returning my calls, I figured that was answer enough."

Zoe looks between us utterly confused, "Wait... what!? Back it up. Kaily, you best explain what's going on here, and explain it well, because someone is getting some Zoe fury."

I really wish it hadn't come to this. I'd always hoped to keep this a secret, because in all honesty, it's pathetic and shameful. It just happens to be what worked for Daisy and I.

"Alright! Sit, and I'll explain, but this doesn't leave this room, got it?" Zoe nods and plops down on the couch opposite Daisy as I sit next to my girlfriend. "Okay... Daisy and I don't exactly have the most conventional relationship."

"Yeah, I got that much so far," Zoe deadpans.

I roll my eyes and continue on, "Anyway, I guess I should start from the beginning. I didn't date in the slightest after I lost Jace. I just couldn't. It felt wrong to let myself feel for anyone, it repulsed me to imagine anyone else touching me or loving me. It just wasn't something I was capable of doing, and trust me I tried. I tried so hard, for years, and it just wasn't happening for me."

"Oh, Kai," Zoe sighs sadly.

"Just over a year ago, I met Daisy. We'd met during university originally, but we ran into each other and got to talking and the next thing I knew we were hanging out all the time. I liked being around her because... well, she reminded me a lot of Jace, and she made me feel comfortable like he did and it was the first time in a long time I actually felt happy. Of course, she knew that I was gay, and I knew she was as well."

"Then, why the hell are you dating?" Zoe asks the big question, making me bite my lip, knowing this is the part that will be hard to make her understand.

"Everyone was worried about me, because they hated seeing me alone. They were worried I'd resigned myself to being alone forever. Leah and Seth were constantly trying to set me up on dates and it annoyed the hell out of me," I admit.

"And... my parents are very traditional people and don't exactly know that I'm a lesbian. They're always asking where my man is, or when I'm going to get married and give them grand kids. So..." Daisy adds on, looking at me with a sad smile.

"So, we came to a sort of agreement. We were sort of each other's beards. I covered her in front of her parents, and she covered me in front of my friends. I love Daisy to bits, but what we have is nothing sexual and the relationship itself is open on her part," I say, before quickly adding on, "I suggested she be allowed to date. She gave me company and affection to an extent, and I did the same for her, but she deserves more than that if she can get it."

"I was against it, for the longest time," Daisy explains. "Fake relationship or not, if the truth came out, it would just make me look bad and bring more pity towards Kai. It wasn't until Jace came back into his life and I saw the way they looked at each other, that I changed my mind and sort of decided that it's my time to slide out of the picture."

Daisy turns to me with an apologetic smile, "I should have told you before I did anything, though. I just thought something had happened between you and Jace, and so I thought-"

"It's okay, love," I say with a small smile, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. "I'm not mad, you know that. I've been meaning to tell you anyway that I did kiss Jace a couple weeks ago, so consider us even."

Her brows furrow comically, "Why didn't you tell me before now?"

"I felt bad, because I knew you could have been out meeting someone who can actually make you happy, but chose not to for me. Meanwhile, I was out kissing my ex. I just felt-"

"This is so fuuuucked," Zoe squeaks, staring at us with wide, confused eyes.

I wince and nibble at my lip as I look at my best friend, who is--in the nicest words possible--losing her shit. "Zo, please understand. It was what made us both happy, no one is in the wrong here."

She looks between us without any expression before a wide grin stretches across her face, "This is kind of great, isn't it!? You should tell Jace! Now you can get back together! Screw Jasper, you're always going to be better anyway, what kind of ship name can you even make out of Jace and Jas-"

"No!" I exclaim. "You can't tell Jace. This stays between us, Zoe. It's bad enough that I've lied to everyone, but he'll just think me pathetic for not moving on at all after all this time. He has moved on. At least, more than myself. He has Jasper and I don't want to be the one who ruins that for him. I won't be that selfish."

Her shoulders slouch in defeat as a sad frown replaces her smile, "Dangit. Stop being such a good guy Kai-bear, it really bums me out."

I smile and open my mouth to say something, but suddenly there's a knock at the door and the sound of an impatient Jace sighing, "I got your stupid wallet. Can you let me in now?"

My eyes widen as they flicker to the door I'd heard the clanging come from before, where surely Sam (The person Daisy has told me she's had feelings for for quite some time) is hiding. I need to think fast or else this will all fall apart and I really don't want Jace knowing about this. At least, not any time soon. Maybe when things are better between us, but not right now.

"Daisy, go tell Sam she needs to be absolutely silent and I'll make sure I get Jace out of here as soon as I can. I'm going to tell him I just told you about the kiss, just try to seem kind of understanding, but put off at the same time, yeah?" I say, slightly out of breath in my panic.

She nods firmly and rushes out of the room.

I take one last look at Zoe and hold up a finger to my lips and she looks conflicted before frowning as she nods in agreement. I mouth a thank you and hurry to let Jace in. "Thank you! I appreciate it, Jace."

Taking my wallet, I usher him in as he just 'uh huh's' in response, making me wince. Naturally, and understandably, he's still not happy with me after everything, and making him suspicious of me isn't helping. Lady luck just isn't on my side these days.

Daisy comes out of the room, which happens to be her bathroom, and has tissue in hand, looking somewhat upset. Damn, this girl can act when she needs to. "Oh, hello Jace."

He looks at her with concern before his eyes dart to me, "I told her."

His eyes widen and he quickly turns to Daisy, ready to explain and apologize, but she lifts a hand, "You don't need to say anything. Kai told me it was a one time thing, and like I said, I understand you two and I'll always put his feelings before my own when it comes to you. If you can promise this won't be a common thing, I can put it behind us."

Wow. Just... wow.

Jace nods profusely, "Yes, of course. I respect you Daisy, and I didn't mean for you to get hurt by any of this. I wish for nothing more than Kai's friendship, I promise you."

Okay, that one hurt.

"So, what are you doing here, Zoe?" Jace asks out of the blue.

I decide I should cover this one, "Oh, after my melt down on the radio, Charlie called her and since he didn't know I was in Reading, he basically sent her on a wild goose chase and she ended up here, and Daisy let her wait for me."

"Okay.. but, what was that we walked in on?" He chuckles.

Daisy looks to me and I open my mouth, but can't seem to find an excuse, but suddenly Zoe pipes up to save the day, "Oh that? I simply found Daisy adorable and kept telling her all about how I'd totally do her if I was single and you know--a lesbian. But, ha-ha, I'm not, and she's totally not."

Both mine and Daisy's eyes widen in shock, but I sigh in relief when Zoe continues, rather than leaving it at that idiotic comment, "Then I kind of crossed the line and teased her about her height which resulted in her tackling me. Clearly 'tis a beautiful friendship we've formed."

Daisy giggles and we manage to chat about randomness for a few minutes, and then I'm ushering Jace out the door and hugging the girls goodbye. Just as I'm pulling away from Zoe, I whisper in her ear, "I'm sorry to drag you into this... thank you."

She gives me a stern look, but covers it with a smile as she shrugs, "Sure thing! I'm headed back to Reading tonight, but I'll call you about the plans for Ollie's birthday soon! "

We both know that means she's forgiven me for lying, and I'm thankful. She's my one true best friend and I love her like a sister. It would kill me to have her angry at me again.

**

A mere fourty minutes later, Jace and I are making our way into BBC to talk to B. Jace's eyes widen at the size of the tall building and I smile, feeling kind of professional and 'up there' as I bring him into the place I work and show him around. It feels nice to finally show off the one thing I'm proud of myself for. Seeing the pride glow in his eyes makes my heart pound and a wide grin plant itself on my face.

Knocking on my boss' office door, I stand up straight and try to look professional. This is important, this is the only thing standing between me having a job and me being a bum looking for work. I'd really be using Martyn if I lost this job and left him to pay for everything.

"Again... thank you for this," I say earnestly.

He nods curtly in response, "I'm only doing this because I know how much this job means to you. I'm still not happy with you."

I nod and decide it best not to say anything else, and good thing too, because seconds later we're called in and walking up to B's desk.

"B, I got him here like you asked," I say, not entirely sure what I'm supposed to say.

"Oh, good. So, you can do something right," She sneers, not even looking up from some paperwork.

I bite my tongue to hold myself back from saying something sarcastic and nod, "Yeah... so?"

Her pen stops scribbling and it feels like minutes pass before she looks up to me with a blank stare, "So... You're on at eleven, with this Jace person here. I'll let you know my decision of what I'm doing with you after I see how the show goes."

I feel my eye twitch in frustration, but know that she's just testing my temper and instead let out a soft sigh and nod in resignation, "Alright. Goodnight then."

She nods and doesn't even bother to see us out. Jace grabs me by the shoulders once we're down the hall and laughs lightly as he gives me a light shake. "You handled that well, just breathe."

Not realizing I'd been holding my breath, I let it out in a heavy sigh and listened, leaning into his comforting touch, "I hate her. She was trying to make me mad on purpose."

He smirks at me and I can't help but notice that it's nearly that crooked grin that he's always reserved for me, "She might be an ass, but she does her job well. If she lets you back on the air, she needs to make sure you can control your temper. You do have a bit of a temper, Love."

I roll my eyes and shove him playfully as I walk away, laughing as he chases after me, "See! There's that temper!"

"Oh, shut up you dork," I chuckle, shaking my head at him when he grins at me.

We're laughing and joking and smiling like friends, and all the while I can't stop thinking 'This. This is nice.'

**

Jace was about to head to his parents for the night, but for some reason, I really just wanted to spend some more time with him. I regret wholeheartedly leaving him that morning. It was a stupid mistake, and a childish one. I'm a grown man, I can't be running away from things all the time because of my feelings.

"Are you sure? I can just come over tomorrow," He says, but not actually looking like he's planning on leaving.

I nod with a genuine smile, "I'm sure. Besides, if you're there, maybe Charlie won't hound me about where I went or making him worry or something along those lines."

Jace laughs at that, but agrees to come over, so the two of us exit the car and head upstairs, for once actually walking in a pleasantly comfortable silence. I know that he hasn't forgiven me, but I'm grateful he's trying to. I don't want to blow this chance, because there's only so many each of us can get before this friendship becomes impossible to maintain.

The second I push open the door to my flat, I am bombarded by Charlie, "Where on earth have you been!? Seth called me all worried, and then Zoe called and said you weren't at Daisy's either! Jesus. You act all depressed and bitter and distant all week and then you just- Oh. Hi, Jace."

I smile apologetically as I take Jace's coat along with mine and hang them up, "I'm really sorry I worried everyone. I didn't just disappear though. B sent me to get Jace for a show to make up for the disaster today. I went to Reading, but I should have told someone rather than just storming out of there I guess."

"You guess? Damn right you should have," Charlie exclaims, placing a hand over his head. "You're going to give everyone a stroke someday with your sudden out bursts and disappearing acts you know."

I nod sadly, "I know. I'm sorry. Look, Jace is going to hang out here for a bit. Care for some tea?"

Charlie looks between the two of us and smiles to himself, making me wonder what's going through his head as he nods, "Sure, sounds good."

I let Charlie lead Jace into the sitting room and listen to their conversation happily as I put on the tea. They seem to be getting on well and Charlie is very much content to finally get to sit down and reacquaint himself with Jace. I'd be a blind fool not to see the way he still loves him, but this time around, I know it's different. Charlie has grown a lot as a person, and I know that he isn't hung up on Jace in the way he used to be, but rather in the sense that anyone who's met Jace would be. He's impossible not to love. He brings a light into your life so pure, that when he's not around, you can't help but miss it.

Suddenly, Charlie's voice drops and I have to strain to hear him, "He's not eating well again, and I don't remember the last time he actually slept without waking up in a panic. Something's wrong, but he's not talking to any of us."

My heart pounds violently against my ribs. Stupid Charlie! Don't tell him that! Nothing's wrong! It's not your business, or Jace's or anyone's but my own. Stay out of it, dammit. I have it all under control.

"You don't need to say anything for me to know something is wrong. I'd know that look in his eyes anywhere. It's just the same as when I first met him. I'm worried it's because of me," Jace mumbles sadly.

That hurts me. Please, don't blame yourself for the mess I'm becoming, Jace. I don't want you to feel guilt just because I can't get my shit together.

"Just... I know this is weird coming from me, but please be careful with him. He's a lot more fragile then he lets on. Living with him, I can see how easily the slightest thing can effect him. He thinks about things I can't even fathom and I can see it in the way he looks at the world so bitterly. He's jaded, Jace. That may have a lot to do with what happened between you two, but it's not your fault. It just happened, and he'll work it out, but... in the mean time we just need to be careful with him, because I really do fear he'll break if we're not careful," Charlie says, making me realize truly just how much I must have let down my walls in front of him.

He's seen through me, and now he's worrying. That's not fair to him. I can't keep letting people get to me and allowing them to see how un-okay I am. Charlie doesn't need to be burdened by my problems, and neither does Jace. No one does. Not Seth, not Leah, not Zoe. None of them, and yet they all keep taking my bullshit problems onto their own shoulders. I'm a horrible person for always doing this to them.

The kettle whistles suddenly, making me jump as I quickly pull it from the stove and begin preparing the tea. When it's ready, I quickly bring it to the guys and join them in the living room. Jace smiles at me gratefully when I pass him his cup, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't get my pulse racing.

Sitting down I offer them both a pleasant smile, "To be honest this is really weird. I never thought the three of us would ever end up hanging out pleasantly."

They both laugh and Charlie shakes his head in shame, "I was a right ass to you. The fact you can stand me now is astounding to be honest."

"I mean, you two hated each other and were absolute idiots the way you always butt heads," Jace joins in on the laughter.

And that's how it goes. The three of us sort of reminisce and talk pleasantly and even play a round or two of Mario kart (Myself beating them every time of course) and soon it's almost eleven and Charlie is yawning obnoxiously and bidding us goodnight. Even I can see how fake that was.

Didn't help that he winked at me and made a kissy face at me behind Jace's back before disappearing into his room. Oh that little-

"This has been really nice," Jace says with a happy little smile. "I've missed Charlie, and it's nice to be able to hang out with you both without any drama."

I grin and poke his side, "Oh, don't get your hopes up. This is me we're talking about, I'm sure there's more drama just around the corner."

He shakes his head at me and leans against me lazily, "Why do you always talk about yourself so negatively? You're not as bad as you make yourself seem you know."

I shrug and lean against him as well, taking in his warmth shamelessly, "Don't act like I don't bring a lot of drama into your life."

"You bring a lot of things to my life, Kai. To be honest, life would seem quite dull if you weren't around," He admits, acting like he doesn't realize how much his words effect me.

Not sure how to respond without awkwardly stuttering along with the beat of my heart, I grab our empty cups and make my way to he kitchen. Just as I place the dishes in the sink and turn around, I gasp in surprise as I bump into Jace's chest.

"So, when are you planning on telling me what really happened at Daisy's today?" He asks.

My eyes widen slightly, but I quickly slap on my best stoic expression to hide my nervousness, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You do," He insists with a humorless smirk. "I'm not stupid. I know that wallet excuse, was exactly that. An excuse to get me out of there... what are you hiding from me, Kailas?"

I harden my expression and step up to him, "Fine. I'll tell you, but only if you tell me why exactly you and Jasper were fighting today and why you really have that bruise, Jacen."

His eyes harden at that as he steps back, regarding me for a second with weary eyes before sighing and pulling me in for a quick hug, kissing my forehead. "Goodnight, Kai. I'll see you in the morning."

With that, he turns and leaves me standing there, feeling both concerned and hurt that he doesn't trust me enough to tell me what's wrong. This just seems to be an endless cycle. Just more attempts, and more dead ends.

Just more secrets, more lies and more distance between us.

~Shay<3