August 22, 2022

Saturday morning I'm packing frantically despite the fact I really don't see much good coming from this trip. The only reason I think I even convinced myself to go is that it's Olivia's birthday and god knows I could use seeing that angel's sweet smile. She has a strange way of lifting my spirits. Zoe says she's been that way since birth. A little ray of sunshine that child is; just like her mother.

Daisy was going to drive me and Zoe this morning, but Zoe had the grand idea that the girls should all go together for the road trip. Namely her, Daisy, Leah and Seth's sister Lucy. I think in all honesty she's just excited to have three gorgeous girls to play with. My friend is a special person that's for sure.

The down side, is that I'm stuck going to pick up Jace and Jasper. Seth was going to come, but he said he and Charlie need to talk so they wanted to drive alone. I'd also have gone with Zaq, but even with the seven-seat van, he has to bring; Jared, his boyfriend, Olivia, Grams and Rhys & Kyle.

So lucky me, not being allowed to ride alone without someone to manage my food, water and vitamin intake (according to--once again--my lovely friend, Zoe) I'm stuck riding with the object of my affection and the bastard who has claim over him. Who may also be abusive and who very much so has a hate on for me.

I sigh as I grab my tooth brush and comb and chuck them into the trunk of clothing. This is going to be a long week.

"You're going to be fine. Zoe wouldn't do anything that wouldn't benefit you, would she?" Seth says through my phone as I stumble around the flat half asleep.

"No, but how can I trust that she really understands how bad this could end? Shoving everyone together? I mean--"

"You just do. She's right. It's time we all quit running from our issues and we face them, no matter how intimidating it can be," he says, sounding more like he's talking to himself than me.

I roll my eyes and attempt a light chuckle, "I'm proud of you, but god I miss cynical Seth sometimes. Who's going to relate to me on a deep emotional level now?"

Seth actually laughs at this and I can hear Charlie question him in the background, "No worries, you'll figure it out, and until then you still have Leah. She is the queen of pessimism."

I agree and chat a bit more until Seth cuts me off, "Sorry, I really got to hurry and pack or Charlie said he'll have my head and to be honest I'm not sure which one."

"Alright, but did you take care of things with B? Should I-"

He snickers and sighs happily, "The crazy bitch cornered me in her office and came onto me a few weeks back, so I told her if she doesn't give you this time off I'll tell her higher ups. Safe to say you're good to go."

I sigh at my crazy friend and thank him before hanging up and hurrying myself, having gotten distracted. It's already eight fifty and I promised Jace I'd pick him and Jasper up for nine thirty because it's a two hour ride and with a pee stop in between, that got us all to the camp just before noon. Enough time to clean it up, settle in our rooms or wherever we're sleeping and then collect wood for bonfire and wood stoves and other necessary camp chores.

**

Fourty minutes later I'm parked outside of Jace's place. When no one comes out after a while, I shoot him a text saying I'm here, but when that front door still remains shut I can't help my imagination running wild, making me get out and walk up to it.

I lift my fist to knock, but as soon as my fist meets the door, it creaks open, having not been properly shut. I go to just call for Jace, but the sound of angry voices makes me pause. I step in awkwardly and kind of just tip toe down the hall to hear better.

"How could you think any of this would be okay with me!? The loser's been pining after you since the day he stormed out of the restaurant! You've fucking kissed him already and then you expect me to feel bad for him and go hangout with him at some stupid camp, and now you tell me I have to sit in a car with you two!?" Jasper shouts angrily.

I can hear the sadness and frustration as Jace sighs and replies weakly, "It doesn't matter how he feels, what matters is how I feel Jas. I'm with you aren't I!?"

"Just barely! Anytime he needs you it doesn't matter what we're doing, you run right to him! You do realize how pathetic you're being right!? I'm what's good for you! He's just a stupid attention whore. You had a thing when you were love-struck teens, get over it! No one knows you like I do now! He wouldn't put up with the you I know. Hell, no one would because you're impossible and selfish! Do you really think he loves you like I do? No, no one would. No one could ever love you like I do. I'm the one who can deal with you and make you see when you're being a blind idiot!" Jasper huffs, sounds following that make me believe he just shoved a chair aside.

I clench my fists in anger. Who could say something so cruel to Jace! My Jace! How dare he assume he could ever know Jace--dammit love him more than I!? Jesus Jace, please don't stand there and take that! It's not true!

"I-I know, Jas. He needs me though--"

"What about me!? I need you too, you know?" Jasper snaps.

"I know? But, Kai's... Look, I'm sorry, I didn't think--"

"No, you didn't and that's the problem! You never think!"

I step into what I assume is the lounge and see a messy living room with Jasper facing away from me, but Jace's eyes quickly lock on mine. Shock and something else quite apparent. He shakes his head subtly before shifting his gaze quickly back to Jasper.

"If you don't want to come, then don't. I'm going with or without you. As much as you hate it, I do care about him. You're just going to have to accept that and realize I'm still with you and not him--"

His words are cut off sharply by Jasper's hand swiftly slapping across his cheek, causing Jace's face whip to the side and his glasses to fly to the floor.

"Jace... I-I didn't mean to, you just made me so mad... Babe--" Jasper stumbles over his words trying to make Jace look up at him, but he keeps his face hidden from us both.

I yearn to step out of my hiding spot by the wall, but I know Jace doesn't want that and I could very well just cause more trouble. I pray he knows what he's doing and can handle this, I don't think I can stand here and take much more. I want to kill the bastard. My hands clench so tight I swear my nails are drawing blood from my palms.

"Don't. Just..." Jace sighs shakily and bends over to pick up his glasses. "Please, just go finish packing. I do want you there."

Jasper sighs in annoyance, mumbling a barely audible 'whatever' before leaving through (luckily) a different exit leading to a different hall. Saving us all from an even more awkward encounter.

Once he's gone, I step in and Jace immediately looks up at me with glassy, red eyes and shakes his head, "Please... Please, don't say I told you so, because I don't want to hear it, Kai."

I shake my head amd keep advancing towards him, opening my arms to him, "No, I won't say that. I just want to hug you and make you feel even a little bit better, okay?"

He sniffles and leans into me, burying his face in my shoulder as he collects himself, "I know you're thinking it."

"What I'm thinking is I want to punch that bastard and take you as far from him as possible," I sigh. "And, that you look kinda cute in that star shirt, even if it looks like a pyjama top."

He laughs, but shakes his head, "Please don't say anything to anyone. Honestly this isn't exactly like you think. Just... trust I can handle this, yeah? It's complicated."

"I understand complicated, actually some might say I'm the master of complicatedness," I say with a slight smirk, trying to lighten the mood.

He playfully shoves me off and shakes his head, "Come help me carry my things out you dork."

I smile and even though I'm angry and frustrated and hate being within a twenty foot radius of that awful human being, I oblige and carry on with this happy charade because Jace needs it and I need it and sometimes ignoring the problem can help, but the consequence is the problem always comes back, and I speak from experience when I say it tends to blow up in your face completely.

**

To say the last hour has been awkward as hell is putting it lightly. Jasper insisted several times that he should sit up front with me, but Jace saved me the torture by explaining he can't sit in the back because he's prone to motion sickness. Which I know is not true, but hey I'm not complaining.

Then Jasper was sighing constantly and glaring at me whenever I got too playful with Jace and even cut me off a time or two. Honestly, I'm so close to turning around and strangling him. I'd take chilling in prison with my deadbeat father over any more quality time with this twat. And that's saying something.

Jace reaches forward, probably tired of the awkward silence we've once again lapsed into and one of my favourite songs come on.

I wanna go back to, the sweet beginnings.
When I was young and, full of innocence
I wanna go back to, complete surrender of you
The Sweet beginnings

I quickly turn the station and scratch at the back of my neck awkwardly, chuckling at the strange looks I get from Jace and Jasper, "I'm not a huge Bebe Rexha fan."

After that, I pretty much just shut up and let Jace control the radio and try to make small talk. Me? Lord knows I just want to get there so I can escape this stupid car.

**

The camp is beautiful as it turns out. It's a lovely wood cabin, slightly modernized with a pretty grey stone path winding up to the entrance. To the left there's a path leading a little ways to what looks like two guest cabins that are about a quarter of the size of the main cabin, but with a fire pit between them. Behind the cabin, through the trees, I can see and hear the water lapping at the shore. To say the least, it's gorgeous. I take a deep breath and sigh blissfully.

"It smells like dirt," Jasper says with disdain, wrinkling his nose.

I dead pan and look at him, speaking directly to him for the first time since he got in the car, "Well, we are out in the woods, and nature is known for consisting of dirt."

He sneers at me and makes me stomach knot in disgust as he wraps an arm around Jace who despite his best effort, still snickers at my little remark.

"Kaily!" I hear a shout, seeing Zoe tumble out of her car and come leaping into my arms. "Isn't it beautiful!? The pictures Jared showed me didn't do it justice!"

"It is Zo, it's lovely and it will look even lovelier after we decorate for little miss ollie's birthday!" I say grinning as said little girl comes running over from her daddy's side and practically jumps so I have to catch her and settle her on my hip. "Happy almost-birthday, kiddo!"

She giggles and hugs me tight, "Thanks uncle Kaily! Oh and look! Look! I lost another tooth!"

I grin and tickle her a bit, walking with everyone as we move inside, "Wow! You're growing up so quick! Before we know it you'll be all grown up."

"Maybe I'll be as tall as you or uncle Jace!" She giggles excitedly.

Jace comes up then and lands a peck on her cheek, "You'll have to eat all your veggies if you want to get that tall. Kai is practically a giant!"

Olivia snorts a cute little laugh and I fake offence, "Excuse me! You're taller than me!"

Everyone but Jasper laughs at our playful banter as we go inside and get shown around by Leah and Jared. It's even more beautiful inside, with many earth tones and cozy camp furniture facing a large stone fireplace rather than your usual TV.

"Zoe, Zaq and Ollie can take my aunt and uncle's room, since it's the largest. I'll take my room with Lucy in the loft. Kai and Daisy can take cabin number one, and Jace and Jasper can take number two. Bro, you and Ben are obviously taking your room. Charlie and Seth can take our cousin's room. Rhys and Kyle can have our parents' room, and Grams you can have the spare bedroom next to the kitchen there," Leah says pointing everyone in their locations. "If you all don't mind, I'm exhausted and would like to take a nap, so... Yeah. Sort yourselves out and wake me before dinner."

I take Daisy's hand and follow Jace and Jasper out towards the separate cabins. I feel like Leah put us and our drama all out here on purpose. I'm a good person, why must I be punished?

"You packed sunscreen, right? I'm going to be pissed if I get burned," Jasper complains.

Pure, torturous punishment.

Jace turns to us just before we head inside to unpack, "Uhm, thanks for driving us and... Yeah."

I know what he's getting at and I just nod, "No problem, Jace."

He smiles and turns to follow Jasper when I suddenly say, "I was thinking of going down and checking out the lake later, you know? Check out the scenery. Did you want to come?"

Jasper steps forward, making me grit my teeth in annoyance, "No thanks, kind of tired. Probably just going to--"

"To be honest, I'd love to! I'll meet up with you after we're done unpacking?" He offers, looking nervous, but making me proud that he's speaking for himself.

To Jaspers chagrin I grin and nod, "Sounds good. C'mon Dai."

Once inside, I let out an irritated sigh and chuck my bag on the bed angrily, running my fingers through my hair in frustration.

"What did that bag ever do to you?" Daisy says with a light chuckle, but stops and brings me to sit on the bed when I don't smile back. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"I hate him, so much," I grumble.

"Jace?"

"No! Jasper! He's a whiny, prissy, rude little shit and I just want to bash his head against a wall!" I exclaim, falling back on the bed.

"Try to behave, okay? If not to be the mature one, then at least for Jace's sake. It can't be easy having the people you love most hating each other," she says, being the sympathetic and sweet person she is.

I sigh and nod, "Why must you be so reasonable? If it was Zoe here she'd say she hopes karma bites him in the arse. If it were Leah, hell she'd want to be karma."

I sit up and lean my head against her shoulder and sigh, "Let's just unpack, make the best of this and hope everyone leaves mostly unscathed."

**

"It's not going to fit."

"Of course it will! I've done this before."

"No! It's too tight a squeeze!"

I walk into the spare bedroom to see Seth and charlie arguing, trying to zip themselves into one hoodie. We make eye contact for a split second before I turn around to leave, but charlie quickly bursts out laughing and calls me back.

"You know, out of context... I was concerned. To be honest I still am. What are you doing?" I say, confused as to what they are trying to accomplish and why.

"Well!" Seth begins and I already know this will be interesting. "I was super cold and tried cuddling up to charlie, but he complained about me making him cold. So! He then decided to put on a sweater and then cuddle, but then I couldn't feel his body heat! So, I suggested we both wear the sweater and he said it's not possible, soI'm now trying to prove him wrong."

I shake my head and Charlie just sighs, "Seth doesn't quite understand that two men won't fit in--"

Just then Seth gives one last yank and then they're both wrapped tightly in the ready to burst sweater. "Ah hah!"

I laugh and walk out, "Well, have fun. Dinner's in an hour!"

In the living room I go and sit next to Kyle, while Rhys tickles an ever giggly Olivia. "She's never not smiling."

Kyle nods and grins at his husband playing with their grand daughter, "She's a true blessing, Kai. This old man at one point couldn't even bear people knowing he was gay let alone having hopes of a beautiful husband, a beautiful daughter and son in law and now a gorgeous granddaughter. It just goes to show that life can change so fast."

I smile, knowing just how right he is, "I hardly know her and I love her. I still don't feel like I quite deserve the title of god father."

"The first thing Zoe said when she had her and we were all gathered around was that she wished you could have been there," he admits, making me hang my head in shame. "But, she wasn't sad, she just looked at her beautiful little girl and told her 'You'll always be able to trust you can run to Kai, just like I could. He'll love you in more ways than I probably ever could, baby. He's special like that, his love is a gift.'"

I wipe a tear from my cheek and shake my head, "I don't think she sees that she's the gift, not me."

"No, she's right," Grams says coming and sitting next to me on the sofa. "You're a special kind of person, I'm proud to consider you family."

I chuckle and stand up, "Okay, I'm going to go check on Jace before you guys reduce me to a puddle of emotions."

I hear them laugh all the way until I'm out the door. I love them all, but I sometimes feel like they see me as this wonderful person I can't possibly be. Not in this lifetime. At Jace's cabin I rap my knuckles against the oak door, but at the sound of angry voices I shove open the door and stand there with my arms crossed, receiving a sharp glare from Jasper.

"Can we help you?" He says sharply, making Jace sigh and shake his head tiredly.

"Yeah, Jared and Ben are chopping firewood and Grams asked me to tell you to give them a hand," I lie.

He grumbles, but places a quick kiss on Jace's lips before leaving grudgingly. "What was he mad about n--"

"You didn't have to do that," He says in annoyance. "We were just talking."

"You call that talking? Gee, Jace. I wonder what your idea of an argument is," I say sarcastically.

"You're hilarious," he sighs, rubbing his still pink cheek.

"I won't just stand by and let him-"

"It's not your problem, Kai!" He snaps. "You don't even know what's going on with us. It's my relationship, not yours, so lay off!"

I feel my throat tighten along with my fists as I nod, "You're right. Thanks so much for reminding me."

"Kai--" he starts apologizing, but I just shrug and step back.

"No, you're absolutely right. You're not mine. You're his. I have no say in how your relationship should be, how you should be treated. I should--yeah, I should just go," I mutter, feeling myself breaking ever so slightly.

"Kai, please," Jace comes forward and grabs me by the forearm, stopping me from leaving. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"I know... And, I think that's the worst part, because either way it's the truth," I say with a broken smile. "Just... know you deserve better than him."

"Who could love me as I am, honestly?" He asks, looking so lost and confused it breaks my heart.

"So many people, Jace. Me most of all. Don't let him make you think otherwise," I say, pressing a kiss to his cheek before gently grabbing his wrist and pulling him from the cabin. "Now, let's stop this useless arguing and go make dinner... I'm hungry."

He smiles at that and I can't help, but smile in return.

**

Dinner is ready about an hour later and by then we all grab plates of burgers and fries and hot dogs and all the good basic barbecue food and went out to sit around the fire Jared, Ben and Jasper set up.

I find myself seated between Olivia and Daisy and Ollie is just too cute. The way her feet don't touch the ground in the tall chair so she just sways them back and forth as she munches on the burger thats practically the size of her face.

"I want to make a little toast," Grams says, quieting everyone. "To Leah and Kai's health, and especially to the reunion of this family. It's nice to see everyone together again, and it seems we just came back bigger and stronger with the wonderful addition of Seth and Ben and the ever lovely Daisy. To family."

I notice grams didn't mention Jasper and so when everyone raises their cups, I see that he does not, "To family."

After supper, I start gathering plates, volunteering to do the dishes so everyone else may enjoy the fire. As I'm leaving, Jace jumps up and offers to give me a hand, making a certain vein bulge in anger in the side of Jasper's neck, but I don't refuse.

"Thanks, but you didn't need to--" I start, but Jace hugs me to my surprise and chuckles under his breath.

"Shut up. I know you wanted alone time, but I'm not giving you any opportunities to sulk," he tells me and then pulls back smiling. "Oh, and I just couldn't help myself, you were such a teddy bear with Ollie, it was almost impossible not to go over and fawn over you two."

I glance down at my shoes awkwardly and turn to hide the blush creeping along my cheeks, "I love kids, and she's just... I don't know, she makes it impossible not to be happy around her."

"I know, she has the same effect on me," He says, filling up the sink with water and suds.

"I never really wanted kids before, mostly because I was scared I couldn't be a good parent or I'd make the same mistakes my mom did, but one day with Ollie and I can't help but change my mind," I admit, piling dishes into the sink and grabbing a dishcloth to start scrubbing while I give Jace the sink hose to rinse.

"You and Daisy planning on having kids, then?" He questions, a slight hint of... sadness?

I shake my head and smile, "No, we've never talked about it. I don't see us as being a lasting thing anyway."

"Oh? How come? She's lovely and you both seem to care for each other," He says, his tone becoming slightly lighter.

"I don't know... to be honest I hold her back. She deserves a lot more than I can give her," I say and in a way, I'm telling the truth.

"That's not true and you know it. You deserve the world, Kai. You're too good a person and been handed too much crap to not end up happy," He mumbles sadly.

I just shrug, not even sure what I can say to that. All it will turn into is an argument of "yes you do." And "No I don't."

I jump at the sound of a plate clattering onto the counter. Panic rising slightly, but rationality makes me look up and irritation replaces my fright at the sight of a pissed off Jasper.

"You forgot one," he says and I just bite my tongue, adding it to the pile. "Oh, and you burned the burgers."

I go to say something, but Jace quickly intervenes, "Actually, that was me."

Jasper looks between us and just sighs with a shrug, "You tried, babe."

I watch the sick freak get all up in Jace's face kissing him and holding him slightly inappropriately for being in front of somebody. I can't help but be very aware of the fact he's trying to make me jealous.

"Jas-"

"Want to come back to our room with me?" I hear jasper whisper in a deep, hoarse voice.

My throat constricts, my imagination going insane. I don't want to be here, I don't want to hear this. Please, just leave, get away from me.

"Jasper... Kai's right-"

"You promised me if I tried..." Jasper insists.

I glare down at the last plate as I resist interfering again. It disgusts me that he pressures Jace and makes him so uncomfortable. I never did that to him. What we did was-

Tears cloud my vision as memories come flooding back, flashbacks of our most intimate moments, the sweet nothings, and secret 'I love you's. Without thinking I drop the cup I am washing and dash from the room.

"Kai!" Jace shouts, grabbing me like before and biting his lip anxiously when he sees my tears and bloody lip from biting it so hard to stop the sobs. "What's wrong?"

"D-Don't--"

Suddenly Jasper comes and shoves Jace and I apart and gets in my face, "What is your deal!? You get jealous so you need to throw a fit to have all the attention return to you? Is that it?"

"Jasper!" Jace exclaims angrily.

"N-No, please d-don't touch me," I whimper, feeling the air around me get hotter and my breathing escalate.

Oh no....

"You're such an attention seeker! I bet there's hardly a thing wrong with you except maybe an idiotic craving for everyone to always be worried about little Kai! Get over yourself and more importantly, get over Jace. He's mine, got it-"

"Jasper! That is enough!" Jace shouts, shoving him away from me.

Jasper stares at Jace in disbelief as he turns back to me, tears in his eyes, speechless and just shaking his head.

Feeling light headed and like I'm suffocating, I dash through the porch doors and around the corner of the house. The whole group by the fire turns towards my ruckus, shocked and starts calling after me as I stumble further around the house. Just looking to be alone, looking for an escape. I need to escape this, I can't breath.

"Kai! Wait!" Jace cries.

I turn, but I can't speak because suddenly I'm on the ground choking and grabbing at my shirt collar trying to breathe and calm myself but it's like I've forgotten what calm is. My Thoughts are racing a hundred miles a second.

I hear a collection of people shouting my name and people running towards me, but the only thing that matters is that Jace's arms are the first to wrap around me and I'm soon soothed by his familiar raspberry scent.

"Is it true or is it not Jace!?" Jasper snaps, catching up.

"Jasper, not now!" Jace growls placing a hand over my ear and rocking me gently without holding me too tightly, just like he used to when I had attacks.

"Kaily? Breathe sweetheart," Zoe says coming over and brushing my hair from my face. "You're okay. You're having a panic attack. Just deep breaths, okay?"

"Jace!" Jasper insists, ignoring everyone glaring at him. "Whose side are you on!?"

"Dammit, Jas! Go wait in the cabin!" Jace snaps, tears building in his eyes.

"No! This is exactly what he wants! He's nothing, but--"

I look up in time to see Leah sucker punch him in the jaw, "I've had it up to here with you pushy men! Get the fuck off my property!"

"Crazy bitch!" Jasper gasps, shoving her off.

"Enough you two!"Grams steps in along with Rhys and Kyle, turning on Jasper, "Don't you dare lay another finger on that child. Get out of here, now!"

Tears flow down my cheeks. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I didn't, I'm sorry. This is all my fault. We all watch as Jasper slowly gets escorted away by Rhys and Kyle. Jace quietly cries into my shoulder and as my breathing steadies, I pull away and force myself to sit up despite my protesting muscles.

"You should rest for a minute, Kai," Zoe says, touching my shoulder.

I shake my head and don't take any offered hands as I climb to my feet, wobbling slightly.

"Kai, are you alright?" Daisy asks worriedly as Charlie says, "Buddy, relax he's gone. Sit back down."

I ignore them anyway and stagger over to where Leah sits shaking in Seth's arms. The girl's just been assaulted by men and that poor excuse of a human sees it fit to hurt her? God, what a mess. I pull her gently into my arms and hug her tightly, "You're okay. I've got you."

"I sh-should be saying this to you," she stutters.

I breathe out a light laugh and hug her tighter, "Helping you is helping me, so let me?"

At this I feel her slump against me and nod. Focusing on her and not myself is better anyway and as everyone gathers around to make sure we're both alright, I see Jace slip away quietly towards the cabins all alone, head hanging low.

Well, this is off to a great start.  

~Shay<3