FATAL IMPACT

[ 005 ] do not approach
[season one, episode five]

Amy Harrison was dead.

She'd died to the ambient sound of her sisters sobs ― a sound that would haunt Tessa for years to come. Every night when she went to close her eyes she'd hear Andrea's screams, repeating her sisters name over and over again, stopping only when her voice became hoarse. Death was a cruel master.

Tessa had been unable to remain in the camp. The blood and the bodies had all been too much; a reminder that no matter what you did you were bound to fail eventually.

In the early hours of the morning she'd wandered down to the lake, sitting beside it in shocked silence. She didn't how long she'd been down there. Two hours? Three? Six? It had been a long time.

Small, choked gasps would occasionally leave her mouth as she tried to filter out the memories of the evening, with little success. It was as if she could still hear the sound of teeth grinding on flesh and bones. Every scream and cry was still there in her mind and as she drew her hands to her face she noticed the thick layer of sticky, maroon blood that coated her skin.

The sight sent agonising fear through her and she began to hyperventilate, scratching at the blood in a panic. She could barely feel her nails against her palms as she tugged at the skin trying to remove every last trace of the walker from her body.

Her panic only grew as she realised that her efforts to remove the substance were futile. She cried out, standing so quickly her head spun and she was forced to sit again. It was if she could feel the blood soaking into every crease and crevice of her skin, infecting her.

"Get it off. Get it off." She sobbed, dropping to her hands and knees and crawling towards the lake.

Mud squelched between her fingertips and under her knees, flicking up to coat her body. Tessa barely noticed.

Her hands reached the water first and she dug her fingers into the mud, pulling herself underwater. Below the surface of the lake the world stilled. The screaming in her ears stopped and the ache in her muscles fizzled out. Everything stopped under the pressure of the cool water.

It was as if time itself had paused.

The memories of the night before were replaced by something gentle and comforting. Screams were taken over by laughter and the sight of the dead became that of sunlit bathed children. Effy and Ruth's faces flashed across her memories as if they were pillars of peace.

With the world of horrors around her gone it felt as if Tessa could finally be free. To die would mean she could see her daughters again. She would never have to witness the horror of the walkers or see the people she cared for eaten alive. There was little she'd miss.

She was ready to accept her fate when someone's arms wrapped around her torso and dragged her to the surface, spluttering and gasping for breath.

"The hell are you doing?" Daryl yelled, releasing Tessa onto the muddy embankment. "Trynna kill yourself?!"

"I'd rather be dead than go through the hell of losing everyone again." Tessa cried. "I hate it here. I hate this world!"

The redneck blinked in surprise as Tessa sat up screaming. She'd seemed so composed only a few days prior. From what he knew she could handle herself. Rick had boasted proudly that she didn't seem to fear the dead and Glenn had agreed. This new Tessa, this traumatised Tessa, was unfamiliar to him.

"Go away! Go away Daryl!." She continued to yell, her voice breaking. "Just leave me alone... I want to be alone."

Tessa curled into herself, wrapping her arms around her legs and sobbing into her knees. Daryl hovered beside her for a few minutes trying to find something nice to say to her and, ultimately, coming up empty handed.

Tessa waited until the man had left before standing on shaky feet. Her sobs had slowed, her tears drying up. She felt cold and empty even in the heat. The water in front of her was tempting but she didn't have the energy to try a second time.

She stumbled slowly back to the camp just in time to witness Andrea release a bullet into her sisters head. The sight tipped Tessa over the edge and she turned to the bushes beside her, emptying the entire contents of her stomach onto the greenery.

⋆ ★

The clothes Shane had given Tessa were large and misshapen on her starved frame. The woman had been careful to avoid offers of clothing that had belonged to the dead. It seemed wrong to take even more from people who had already lost so much and so she had settled for a shirt and pants belonging to the cop.

They fit oddly but Tessa was glad for the change. She'd burned her old things with the the dead and an hour had passed before she remembered that Wayne Dunlap's license had been in the pocket of her jeans. She hoped the little plastic card had melted quickly, removing the final trace of Wayne from Earth.

The early morning fear shared by the group had grown slowly to a feeling of numbness as each person was able to bury the bodies of their loved ones. Tessa had been careful to avoid the graves. The camp already reeked of death and she had no desire to venture to a place that would, no doubt, only be haunted by the smell of decaying bodies.

Carols daughter, Sophia, had found comfort in the Tessa's silence. She'd taken the older woman's hand at some point in the afternoon and refused to let go no matter how much Carol tried to coax her. Both women had eventually come to accept that, at least for the time being, Sophia would be safe with Tessa.

Running a brush through the young girls hair Tessa kept her attention on Shane and the plan he was relaying to the group. "I've uh... I've been thinking about Ricks plan. Now look, there are no.. there are no guarantees either way. I'll be the first one to admit that. I've know this man a long time. I trust his instincts. I say the most important thing here is that we need to stay together."

Tessa sighed and took a look around the group. It was easy to see that it would be a difficult decision for people to make. After the nights events not everyone agreed that Rick was the best person to trust. It was not his fault the dead had come but he should have been there. All those men should have. Perhaps then the casualties would not have been so large.

"So those of you that agree, we leave first thing in the morning." Shane said softly.

Tessa could see the reluctance in his eyes. He knew there would be people who wouldn't join them. Men, women and children who would decide to take a risk elsewhere. There would people they never saw again.

Tessa's own decision was on the fence. Going to the CDC seemed smart and, with Jim bitten, it provided hope of a cure. On the other hand she knew that she was not a part of Ricks family. There was no one in the group that saw her as such. She would just be another mouth to feed, another body to clothe. Returning to Atlanta was tempting. With a bit of luck her hideout would have remained standing and she could go back to her solitary life looting abandoned stores and waiting by her radio for any sign of human life.

Releasing Sophia back to her mother, Tessa took herself a few steps away from the group. She could see families talking back and forth, their decision hanging in the air, and she wondered how many people would make the journey with Rick and Shane. She was so distracted she didn't notice the woman approaching her.

"I suppose you're gonna go all saintly on me and stay here?" Jacqui asked, her hand going to Tessa's arm.

The blonde shrugged. "I don't know yet. Do you want me to come?"

"I'd like you to come but at the end of the day it's your decision."

"I'll go as long as you don't make the decision to suddenly die on me." Tessa laughed but there was a serious undertone to her statement. She'd been grateful for Jacqui's friendship and perhaps, if things played out, the woman would be her attachment to the group.

"We have a deal then." Jacqui agreed. "I gotta stay alive to keep an eye on those stitches of yours anyway. I'm still surprised you managed not to tear them a second time."

"I guess I'm just lucky." Tessa murmured.

⋆ ★

There had been a sullen silence as people packed, beginning their clean-up before the sun had even begun to rise. Tessa had helped as best she could. It saddened her to see the lack of hope on people' faces yet she knew her expression mirrored theirs.

The more she thought about it the further away the CDC seemed and Jim's life was quickly fading. She wondered if Rick and Shane had made the right decision for their people. An infected man was a ticking time bomb and should he turn when no one was watching him . . . Tessa didn't feel like considering the consequences.

"Everybody listen up," Shane announced loudly. "Those of you with CB's, we're gonna be on channel forty. Let's keep the chatter down, okay? Now you got a problem, don't have a CB, can't get a signal or anything at all, you're gonna hit your horn one time. That'll stop the caravan. Any questions?"

His explanation seemed simple enough and Tessa went to move when Morales's voice stopped her. "We're uh... we're not going."

"We have family in Birmingham." His wife chimed in. "We want to be with out people."

"You can't." Tessa couldn't stop herself. "It ain't safe out there. You're alone. You have kids."

"Tessa." Rick warned, his eyes trailing over to Morales. "You sure?"

"We talked about it. We're sure."

"All right." Rick sighed and reached into the bag by his feet, handing Morales a gun and a half full box of ammo.

False safety, Tessa thought wiping away the sweat on her brow. She knew Morales was doing he thought what was best for his family but she'd been out there, alone, and she knew that hell was the only thing awaiting them in Birmingham. That was, if they made it that far.

She watched the family give out their tearful goodbyes, sharing hugs with the people they cared about. The people they'd never see again. There was hope in their words as they made false promises to find each other but Tessa knew it wouldn't come to that.

"Tessa..." Rick started, placing his hand on the woman's shoulder.

"Don't. You're sending that family to their death, you mark my words. They ain't gon' make it." She knew her outlook was pessimistic but she understood the horrors of the new world better than Rick did. She'd seen more than enough death and adding Morales and his family to her list of bodies buried hadn't been a part of her plan.

Tessa didn't waste her tears on the family. She gave Morales a quick nod, an ode to their brief friendship, before stepping into the RV.

The drive was far from peaceful. Every bump in the road, every unpredicted shake of the caravan, set Jim off. His whines of pain were unsettling and no matter how many cold compresses Jacqui pressed to his sweating skin his groans never ceased. His fever heightened each minute and occasionally he'd let out a terrifying scream ―  no doubt evidence of nightmares. Even a blind man could see Jim was too far gone to save.

Tessa did her best to ignore the noises the man made but that only made her own pain more prevalent. Her wounds had begun to heal and the feeling of her scabs pulling her skin taut, especially over her bruised knuckles, sent sharp stabbing pain through her joints. The RV would occasionally dip into a pothole and, in an effort to stay upright, she was forced to flex the muscles in her stomach. In turn her stitches would tug against her skin and tears would prick her eyes. No matter how strong she was she would never be entirely pain free.

Sometime during the afternoon the RV decided that it had had enough of the nonstop travel and plumes of white smoke swelled nonstop from its radiator. Tessa watched as Dale exited the motor vehicle, glad for a rest from the movement. Behind her Jim wailed and she turned to the man with a worried look on he face.

"How's he doing, Jacqui?"

The woman sighed and swiped sweat from her brow. "He's not... I don't think he can keep going."

"I'll go tell the others." Tessa stated, looking back at the sickly man before she exited the RV. "Y'all Jim ain't doing too good. I don't think... he ain't got much time left."

The crowd of people outside looked crestfallen at the news. Tessa knew how badly they'd wanted their friend to survive. There'd been hope with the idea of the CDC but the chances of delivering the bitten man before he turned were slim.

Tessa was grateful for the fresh air away from the RV. She could still hear Jim cry out every now and again, the sound raw and pained. She couldn't imagine what he was going through. She'd witnessed people turn before but it had been quick, early on in the virus when people's immune system had no chance of fighting the bacteria that infect them. Over time she'd noticed how the severity of their wound and the strength of their immune system had changed the time in which the living became the dead.

"You doing okay?" Lori's question drew Tessa from her thoughts and she forced a smile, giving the woman a nod.

"Yeah just all this... stuff. I ain't seen a lot of death. My daughters... they... they died early on and when my first camp fell-" Tessa dug her finger against her eyes trying to dispel the images in her mind. "I didn't stick around long enough to see. I couldn't"

Tessa couldn't hide the way her voice cracked as she relayed the memories. She'd done all she could to forget but it never seemed to be enough. Every sick, bloody memory still played in her brain like a horror movie she couldn't press pause on.

"I'm sorry" Lori croaked out unsure of herself. "We just have to keep going."

"Jim's not gonna make it to the CDC. He's gonna die out here. Or he's gonna turn and kill us all." Tessa laughed, a sound that was coarse and angry. "Shit, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

Lori didn't know how to respond. She wanted to say something, to assure the blonde that everything would be okay, but she knew Tessa was right. Everyone in the group could sense it.

When Rick called a meeting to discuss the mans fate, Tessa stayed at a distance. She didn't belong with the people who still carried hope with them. Yet, even from the distance, she could see the looks on their face. Each expression was slowly fading, accepting what they'd known all along, and only minutes later Rick and Shane carried Jim's frail body from the RV.

They sat him beneath a tree, the leaves casting tiny shadows across his sweat soaked body. Each person took their turn to say goodbye and Tessa knew that this was one person she couldn't bury without a farewell. She waited until almost everyone had walked away from the sorry sight before she stepped up to the man.

"Jim..." She began, waiting until his eyes focused on her to continue. "These people saved me. Your people. I wish I could do the same for you. I wish I could repay what I owe. But I don't know how. I'm sorry. I'm sorry this happened to you."

"You... you saved them. You brought 'em back." The man coughed and Tessa had to look away, the sight of his ribs tugging at his pale skin causing her to feel sick. "You have... to keep fighting... help them. Please..."

Crouching, so she was in the mans eye-line, she placed a gentle hand on his cheek. "They're gonna be okay Jim. They're gonna be just fine. I'll protect these people for you. I promise."

Her words felt empty, meaningless, but she couldn't allow the man to die hopeless. She wanted to say more. She wanted to tell him that they'd find a cure. They'd come back for him. She wanted to tell him he'd be just fine.

But she couldn't bring herself to tell him another lie.

⋆ ★

The CDC, a place which had once held so much hope for Tessa, remained just another building. As she stood in the grass by the RV, gazing up at the grand building, her heart felt like it was in her stomach. The place had been decorated by bodies.

Everywhere she looked the dead rotted. It could only be compared to the aftermath of a war. Every army uniform was limp and crusted with old blood. The smell of decay had drawn flies and they buzzed with delight at the bodies they'd claimed as their new nests. She wondered how long it had taken for them to die. Was it quick and painless? Did they do it to themselves or each other? From where she stood she couldn't tell.

Placing a hand over her nose she took a few quiet steps forward. Her hand shook slightly as she reached toward the closest body. It was a girl who couldn't have been older than sixteen. Her hair was caked with dried blood ― a gift from the round wound in her head. Tessa placed a finger against the dead, feeling bones and decomposition fluid. The girl had been dead for a long time. Flies bumped against her hand lazily and she was quick to swat them away from the body.

"Are you... do you... I'm sorry is she?..." Glenn's voice was quiet as he stepped in line beside Tessa.

"Oh! No she's not... she just reminded me of someone. Someone I lost." Tessa mumbled.

"We should..." Glenn motioned to Rick and Shane and she nodded.

"Yeah."

The two fell in line behind the group. The rancid smell only grew in intensity the closer they got to their destination. Tessa pressed down harder over her nose and mouth as she tried to avoid puking at the sight.

"Stay quiet. C'mon let's go." Shane whispered, keeping his gun ready.

The closer they got to the CDC the harder it became to move. The bodies were wedged in tightly next to each other, blood and bodily fluids sticking them together like some kind of sick Rice Krispy treat. The gaps of pavement were few and far between. There was not a living soul in sight.

Tessa had imagined they'd be welcomed with open arms. There should have been a testing facility, a tent ready with vaccines, doctors and armed guards keeping a close eye on everyone. There should have been something to find. Something other than death.

When they eventually came to a door it was locked. Shutters had been pulled down across every entry and every window. There was no way out, let alone a way in. The place looked as if it had been abandoned. Maybe it had. Maybe all the scientists had fled, gone somewhere else, somewhere safe. Maybe they were looking in the wrong place.

"There's gotta be something here right?" Tessa asked, she and Shane pressing their bodies up against one of the doors in an attempt to move it.

"There's nobody here." T-Dog shook his head after several more unsuccessful attempts to enter.

"Then why are the shutters down? It doesn't make sense." Tessa frowned and scrabbled at the metal trying to find something that resembled a button or handle.

"Walkers!" Daryl's warning was loud and clear, sending a ripple of panic through the group. Luckily he dealt with the problem before it could come any closer. "You lead us into a graveyard!"

"He made a decision. A decision that could save us." Tessa stepped between Rick and Daryl.

"Yeah? Well we ain't exactly saved, are we?!" The man hissed.

"You don't believe that do you? No there's gotta be something! I know it! This place... It doesn't just get like this!" Tessa argued, turning to bang loudly against the shutters. "If you're in there, if you're alive, let us in! Let us in you goddamn assholes!"

Her yells drowned out the sound of the panic behind her, everyone worrying where they'd go next. Tessa refused to stop her assault on the doors, even after Shane had grabbed her by the waist and tried to drag her away. She didn't want to give up. She couldn't. They'd left Jim behind for this. His death couldn't be for nothing.

"No! No come on! We can't give up! We'll starve out there!" Tessa's yells had become messy and incoherent. She knew she was scaring people but what other options did they have? It was just like Andrea said. They had no food. No fuel. To give up would be to die.

"The camera... it moved!" Rick shouted, stopping the group as they turned to leave. Everyone turned to see the miracle the cop mentioned but the small camera remained still.

"Rick, it's dead man." Shane huffed in impatience. "It's an automated device. It's gears, okay? They're probably just motion activated or something. Now come on!"

Shane tried to drag Rick away but he refused to budge, keeping a close eye on the device set into the wall. This only angered Rick. He pushed away from his friend and began banging on the shutters the way Tessa had done only moments prior.

Her heart was pounding in her chest as she watched the man, willing him to find a way in. There had to be something she'd missed. From behind her came the hungry growls of the dead and, in a final desperate attempt, she joined Rick by the shutters, banging at them until her hands were raw and stinging.

"Please! There's kids here. We have kids out here. If you do this, they die!" Tessa screamed.

"You're killing us! You're killing us!" Rick continued.

Lori couldn't stand to watch the sight any longer, getting between Rick, Tessa and the door, begging them to stop. With Lori's hand on her arm, Tessa withdrew. She watched Rick continue but her own attempts stopped. Behind her the children cried and she regretted her words. There was no one left. No one to save them.

Her middle finger went to the camera and she turned, gathering Carl in her arms. "C'mon kid. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

A biting scream of metal suddenly sounded behind her and the courtyard they were in was flooded with piercing white light as the roller doors began to slide into themselves.

⋆ ★

cdc time!!!! woo!!!
i love episode six. it's very . . . explosive . . .
i can't wait :)