"Sorry about last night. I was drunk and super out of it. I didn't mean to come straight home and crash on you," Skylar apologizes. She continues talking as she strips her old t-shirt off and replaces it with a black sweatshirt. This is the first time we have spoken since the party last night. There wasn't much conversation on the ride home. Everyone snuggled up with their partners. Well, besides me, the oddball out. The third wheel with both sets of my friends.

"It's cool. Don't worry about it. It was an exhausting day, anyway. I did a lot of dancing and walking around. Besides, I was a little tipsy myself. Those pink drinks were a tad bit strong," I said reassuring her. My mind goes back to last night in the bathroom with Hayden. I don't know what it is about him, but he was right. I can't get enough of him. Despite knowing I need to stop. This whole situation is toxic to not only me but everyone close to me as well.

Not wanting to get caught up reminiscing, I pull out a giant stack of binders. Studying will help me get my mind on something other than Hayden. At least I hope it will. I need to catch up on some of my notes, anyway. My grades are excellent but lately, I haven't been too enthused about schoolwork. That needs to change. My education needs to be my priority. Not my secret sex life.

"Rhonda or Roxie, whatever her name is, told me that Hayden got into a fight with some jock last night. Then he took off and left. Did you see what happened?" She asks, coming over to climb into bed with me.

She sits Indian style with her legs crossed, her body leaned back against the footboard.

"Yeah, I saw it. I'm kind of the one who pried him off of the other guy," I mumble. My cheeks burn, turning bright red. I hope she doesn't read too much into this incident. I avoid making eye contact with her, looking down, while pretending to read over a random section of notes.

"Wow, that's surprising. He rarely listens to anyone. Especially when he is in one of his blind rages. But I'm glad you were there to stop it. He has so much trouble controlling his anger sometimes. I'm so stupid for believing in him. I thought he was doing better," she sobs. A single tear rolls down her cheek before landing between us on my stack of folders.

I can't help feeling guilty. I keep lying to her about everything. Yes, I was the one that stopped the fight, but I was also the whole reason it got started. My stomach churns. I'm feeling even worse now. Especially considering she thinks he's messing up again. I can't help but feel somewhat responsible for his drinking last night. If I hadn't been hanging on that dude the way I was, they would have never got into it. I should tell her the truth. She's going to find out anyway, eventually.

People always do. I learned that lesson the hard way with Johnny. We tried to hide our relationship from the start. It didn't work. Once one person found out, it was like a line of dominos crashing down, one after another. I remember my mom used to tell me a little, saying, "Whatever you do in the dark always has a way of coming into the light". It was stupid to me at first. I didn't even fully understand it or what she meant by it. But the more I screwed up in life and tried to hide it from everyone, the more I realized what she had meant by it.

"Umm actually....." I'm cut off by someone knocking firmly on the door.

"Come in," Skylar yells to whoever is on the other side of the door.

It's probably someone for her. I don't have friends here, so I know it's not for me. Without paying much attention to who it is, I pick up one of my notebooks and begin flipping through the pages.

"Well, hey there, stranger. It's been a minute, ain't it gorgeous?" a deep familiar male voice makes me stop dead in my tracks. I hesitate before looking up. There's no way he could be here. Could he?

"Zane, oh my God! What are you doing here" The words sound strange coming out of my mouth as I look up to match the voice with a face. It is him.

My notes scatter onto the floor as I jump up and run straight towards him.

I throw my hands around his neck, knocking him backward slightly off balance. I inhale a deep breath. He smells so good, so familiar, like home.

"I was in town doing some work and your mom told me what dorm I could find you in," he says, squeezing his arms tighter around me. I can't believe he's here. It feels so strange after all this time. It's even weirder for him to be here hugging me. I thought he hated me. When you consider everything that happened between us, I would hate myself.

"I couldn't be in town this close to you and not make an effort to see you," he smiles. I release him, taking a step back to admire his physique.

I'm surprised by how different he looks. His jet-black hair is a lot shorter than I remember. It's buzzed close to the scalp, almost like an army-style cut. Not at all like his usual hairdo. Which was shorter on the sides and longer on the top. He kept the top section tied back in a tightly wound ponytail. I used to love his hair. But I have to say this look works for him. Not a lot of guys can pull off a buzz cut. And not one that is on the heftier side like Zane is.

His once nice clean-shaven baby face is now covered in a rather large dark wiry beard. Seeing him like this makes me realize how much time truly has passed. The only thing that still looks familiar is his eyes. His dark oval-shaped eyes still hold the same innocence as they had before.

He's dressed in his work clothes. A simple pair of jeans with a long-sleeved red shirt. His company logo sprawled across the front. "Ryan and Bros painting" stitched in big, bold black letters. Two paintbrushes are adorned on either end of the wording shaped into an x. A rainbow of assorted paint splashes completes his outfit. You can't even tell what color his work boots are originally supposed to be.

"I see college has done well for you at least," he grins. His eyes rake over me. I choose not to respond to his comment. Instead, I take his hand, pulling him over to where Sky is now standing. She's pretending she wasn't eavesdropping on us. But the enormous smile on her lips tells me otherwise. Noticing all my notes sprawled across the floor, I bend down, gathering them up. Zane, of course, bends down to help. He's still a gentleman.

I'm not even in the mood to study anymore. It takes a few minutes to clean the mess up. I had to file them away into their correct folders, placing them neatly on my desk for later.

"Sky, this is one of my oldest and dearest friends from back home, Zane. Zane, this is my roommate slash best friend here, Skylar." I state, introducing them. The three of us sit there talking for a couple of hours. Me and him reminiscing about our childhood. And against my wishes, he had to tell embarrassing stories about me from my childhood. It included one about me getting lost in the woods. When they finally found me I had peed my pants because I was too scared to go into the bathroom alone. In my defense, I was eight, and the bathroom was in a creepy old cabin with hardly any lights. I'm glad he chooses mainly family-related stories and none from my wild days. He can probably sense I'm trying to forget that part of my past.

"How about we all go get some dinner before I head out? I'm sure you both know the best places to eat. Well better than I do," Zane proposes, glancing down at his black wristwatch.

"Sounds good to me. I'm starving. I haven't eaten all day. Plus it might help this massive hangover that won't go away," Skylar whines, holding her hand to her forehead. Not waiting for my answer, she jumps up to grab her shoes. I follow suit behind her, freshening up a bit before we're ready to go.

When we arrived at the restaurant, it appeared packed. We had argued the entire way here about what sounded good to eat. Each one of us insisted on something different. Of course, since Zane was the guest, he won. Pizza it is.

We finally settled on a small mom-and-pop shop named "Mommas". I'm not complaining though they serve the best Italian food I've ever had. Each one of their pizzas comes custom-made to your order. They make them all right in front of you. It's kind of like a Subway or Chipotle but with pizza. You can get as many toppings as you want and make up any crazy combination your heart desires. They serve other dishes as well, such as lasagna and spaghetti.

"Hmm, I guess you guys were in the mood for Italian too" My blood runs cold. He's right behind me. I don't have to turn around. I would know that laugh anywhere.

"No, but hey it's food," Sky laughs, shrugging her shoulders. She had wanted tacos from the truck nearby.

"You should come and sit with us. That way you can tell me about your fight last night," she smiles at Hayden as she links her arm through his.

"It's no big deal. This dude was being an asshole. He kept making unwanted advances on some drunk chick," he mumbles under his breath. He glances back at me over his shoulder, showcasing his famous smirk plastered on his face. Sky was thankfully busy texting on her phone and didn't notice.

"Zane, this is my brother Hayden, and this is Zane Bex's friend" She turns around talking more to Zane than Hayden. I shrink back into the shadows a little. I'm not sure how that statement came across to Hayden. Does he think Zane is more than a friend?

I'm relieved that the line moves by quickly. We're able to place our orders before getting shown to our seats. Zane and Hayden each slide into the shiny red plastic booths first. Of course, on opposite sides.

I wait until Skylar chooses the seat next to Hayden before sliding in beside Zane.

Our server arrives, bringing us our drinks. He's an older man. Maybe somewhere close to sixty or sixty-five. His body type is rather thin, with a full head and beard of snow-white hair. A thin pair of silver rectangular glasses sit on his head. I watch his hands shake uncontrollably as he places our drinks on the table. His tremors cause some liquid to spill down over the sides of the glasses. No one seems to mind, though.

"So, how do you two know each other?" Hayden asks, taking a sip of his soda. I watch him using a napkin to soak up the excessive pop from the sides of his cup.

"Oh, we go way back since before preschool. We've always been close friends even after we broke up," Zane answers, reaching over to retrieve a napkin. He also uses it to wipe excess liquid off of his cup.

His answer catches me off guard, causing me to spit some of my soda back out.

Lucky for me, no one notices. Reaching over, Zane wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer toward him. My eyes stay focused on the table, refusing to look in Hayden's direction. I can imagine the look on his face right now. I pray he keeps his mouth shut.

I'm grateful when our food arrives moments later, causing Zane's arm to drop. The food looks and smells amazing, but I still don't have an appetite. I don't know why this keeps happening.

Zane and Hayden converse in small talk together. Something about cars and their favorite sports teams, anything other than me. I'm happy knowing my past isn't the subject of their conversation. I keep my head down for the rest of dinner, playing different scenarios over in my head.

"It was nice meeting you guys. If you are free I'd like to get together one weekend and do something. I'll be in town for a couple more months. It might be even longer until I finish this project," Zane tells us. He smiles, holding his hand out to shake both of theirs while standing in the parking lot.

"We'll wait for you over there. You know so you guys can say goodbye," Skylar jokes. She winks at me as she points towards the benches across the street.

I stay silent, watching them walk over to sit at one of the nearby tables. Hayden's eyes immediately lock onto mine the minute he sits down. I can feel his gaze despite trying to look everywhere else.

"My bad, I should have called first instead of showing up like this. But I didn't think you would have even taken my call," Zane whispers, breaking the awkward silence. The whole time he's vigorously rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

"And I couldn't take that chance. I wanted to see you. I miss you a lot, Bex. Despite being so far away, I check in with your mom to see how you're doing. That's how I knew where your dorm room was," he mumbles before going silent, waiting for me to say something.

My mind is blank. The last time I had talked to Zane face to face besides over text messages here and there, was when I had told him it was over. I wanted to be with Johnny and not him. It broke his heart. I had known he was in love with me. Despite us being so young, he always had a giant crush on me.

He had dropped to his knees, crying and begging me not to go. But I didn't care. I was selfish and could have cared less about his feelings. The drugs had taken over and changed me. I wasn't the sweet little girl he had thought I was. I left him there, kneeling in the rain, watching me as I walked away.

"I've missed you too, Zane," I whisper hoarsely. The words feel foreign in my mouth.

"There's so much going on and so much has changed. I'm not the same girl you remember" I tread, choosing my words cautiously. I don't want to hurt him again. But I can sense where he's trying to go with this conversation.

"None of that matters. The past is the past. You'll always be the same girl in my eyes. I know the real you. The girl that hides behind this mask," he coos, taking my face in his hands. His touch is so familiar, so safe. It almost feels the same way it used to once upon a time. I know what's going to happen before it even does. I could have stopped it. If I had wanted to, I could have. I should have pulled away. But like an idiot, I didn't.

My body stays frozen in place. Zane's a huge part of my past. A piece of me from before the pain. Before my life came crashing down in shambles around me. My innocent days. The times that I desperately want back. I would do anything to be that girl again. The one who always smiled and never cried. Who loved dancing in the rain and singing Christmas carols all year round? I was so young and carefree. Naïve even, for thinking I deserved to be happy.

Zane's lips are soft as he presses his against mine. He's so gentle, not like Hayden. There's a small spark, but it's nothing like how Hayden makes me feel. There are no fireworks or applause. It's nothing like it used to be. This isn't magic. You can't go back in time and make everything alright. No matter how hard you try or how many times you wish for it to happen. It never will and that's something I have to learn to live with and accept, even if I don't want to.

"I can't do this. I'm sorry I have to go," I mumble. Half stumbling backward as I pull away. My mind is all scrambled, a jumbled mess of thoughts. I do the only thing I know how to do. I run. My body trembles as I sprint as fast as I can towards where Sky is patiently waiting for me alone. All alone.

Haydens gone. And once again, I've screwed everything up. Not only did Hayden leave, but history has repeated itself. I left Zane standing there. Once again, watching me go with no explanation.