"Johnny, no, please! Tell me this this isn't real. Look at me, talk to me. Help me, anyone, please!" I'm screaming, but no one is answering. Where is everyone?  Why isn't anyone coming?

"Bex, wake up, it's okay. It's not real, it's just a nightmare!" his voice is soft but stern as he shakes me gently.

"Johnny, you're okay," I whisper hoarsely. My throat is sore and scratchy from screaming. I attempt to sit up, but his arm is across my chest, pinning me in place.

"No, it's me, Hayden. You were having one of your nightmares, again" he whispers in the dark. This time helping me to sit up, rather than keeping me down. I'm dizzy, it feels like the room is spinning. Everything is foggy, I'm so confused. It felt so real. I was holding him in my arms while his body jerked and twitched. The blood was flowing out of him onto the pavement. Each time he jerked another gush of blood spewed out. I can still feel the warmth of his blood oozing through my fingers as I attempted to apply pressure to his wounds. No matter what I tried or how hard I pressed, it wouldn't stop.

The bed rises as Hayden slides off. The room is pitch dark, except for a small sliver of light coming from the window behind me. I can't see anything. There's no noise except for him rummaging around for something nearby. It takes a second to remember where I am. My eyes slowly begin adjusting to the darkness, vaguely making a few shapes out.

"Here, I know you probably need this," He says handing me a clean t-shirt from my drawer. I assume he felt the wetness on my back while helping me to sit up. The thin wet material is clinging to my back. Without hesitating, I pull the moist shirt over my head, tossing it to the ground. Throwing the dry one on it slides down easily despite my sweaty skin. For once, I'm thankful for the darkness. We don't need a repeat of earlier.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up," I mumble. My eyes shift away from his face towards the ground. I can't help but feel guilty. As the light from outside cascades over his face, he looks tired and worn out.

"Don't worry, you didn't. I've been awake for hours. I couldn't sleep after earlier. Besides you were tossing and turning so much that I thought you might fall out of bed. Didn't want to miss that, did I?" he says teasingly, clearly trying to lighten the sour mood. It works, I smile. Out of habit, I turn away so he doesn't see my reaction. 

"You don't have to hide from me, you know? I'm just making sure you're okay," he whispers. His eyes lowered for a few seconds before returning to mine. I like seeing this gentle side of him. It's different than the one he gives off around everyone else. He's always angry and hateful around everyone else. 

"I'm good" I whimper. A  wave of embarrassment hits me. Why does he always have to see me at my weakest? My most vulnerable moments are when the nightmares take over. I hate the fact he's witnessed them several times. I hope he's never told anyone. I couldn't deal with it if everyone knew.  "Be honest, you think I'm a freak? Some weirdo that has night terrors. I'm such a baby, right? " I ask, feeling like I'm two inches tall. Instinctively, I shrink back away from him, slamming against the headboard. A soft thud echoes in the silence as the headboard bounces against the wall from my added weight.

He sits silent for a minute. His eyes trained on the ground. I'm almost afraid of his answer. What if he thinks I'm weird? Or if he tells people about my nightmares. My breath catches in my throat at the thought of everyone knowing the truth.

"No, I don't. I swear. But maybe you should think about talking to someone," he sighs, reaching over to rub my back. His touch is gentle but firm. It brings me a sense of comfort and security. My body relaxes as his hands work across my lower back.

"I'm here for you whenever you decide to open up. I know we don't know each other like that, but I am a good listener. And besides, I'm not that horrible. Even though I know sometimes, it may seem like it," he grins sheepishly. The light glides over his face as he scoots closer towards me. A soft glow radiates from him as he looks into my eyes. 

I know it's wrong. I know better than to let my emotions control the situation. But I can't help myself. I don't want to. I shouldn't have to. I'm done denying the fact that I'm sexually attracted to him. Whenever I would get upset in the past, I would lash out using sex. It's how I've been for years. It's how I handle stress and ease the pain. I have been trying so hard to behave and learn self-control. I don't want to be that girl anymore. But how can I let her go? She's a part of me. She is me. 

Right now we're all alone and nobody will know. Old habits are hard to kick, especially when you can't move forward because your past has a death grip on you. There's a voice in the back of your head constantly reminding you of what a horrible person you are. You can't run or hide because it's always with you. My self-consciousness is begging me to stop and think about what I'm about to do. But my body is urging me in the other direction. I know this is a mistake. Deep down, I know the truth. That what I'm doing is wrong. But I don't care. Why should I?

 I'm an addict and he's my drug of choice. He's the only thing that can make this feeling go away and make my pain stop. I want him to make me numb to the emotions swirling around inside of me. My thoughts are constantly about Johnny and my past. I want to forget it all. I want to erase it, pretend it never happened, and get lost in Hayden. I don't care if he never talks to me again. Or if Skylar finds out and hates me. I want him right here, right now.

Before I rethink my actions, I climb over him, straddling his midsection. Catching him off guard he loses balance, falling back into my pillows. His lips taste as good as last time. This time with a slight hint of cinnamon as I brush mine against his. My tongue slides in over his lips, finding the warmth of his. They move together in a union, soft and slow. It's like he can read my mind. His tongue matches every stroke.

His hands slide up the back of my shirt. Aggressively digging his nails into my back, causing my body to press closer against him. With one quick move, he flips me over. Now he's on top, in control. I'm lying flat on my back, pinned down by his weight. I quickly take advantage of the situation, pulling his shirt over his head. I love his body, it's perfectly sculpted.  His tattoos give off a hint of danger, exciting me.

His lips move from my mouth, traveling down my jaw towards my ear. I inhale as he licks and sucks my earlobe before moving on. I tremble as he kisses down my neck. Cool air whips across my damp skin as he blows faintly onto it. I let out a small moan. I can feel his fingers at the hem of my shirt, gently pulling it upwards. Without thinking, I move to shove his hand away, but he stops me. The whole time staring straight into my eyes.

"I've already seen what you are hiding. There's no need to keep it covered, especially around me. It's a part of you, don't ever be ashamed of it" he whispers almost urgently. Letting out a sigh, I allow him to pull it up. "You're beautiful, you know, scars and all. Your flaws are a part of you, Bex. You should embrace them. Not try to hide from them." his words make me relax even more. I know he's only saying it to get in my pants, but I couldn't care less.

Without missing a beat, he goes back to nibbling on my collarbone. Little by little, his tongue licks down towards my chest. Stopping between my breasts he takes his finger, tracing along the cups of my bra. His other hand reaches underneath me, releasing the clasps. The entire time I stay motionless. He pulls each strap down, causing them to fall away. He stares at my bare breasts before cupping them in his hand, bringing his mouth down.

I moan even louder as he takes my nipple into his mouth. His tongue swirls around it, before fiercely sucking on it. Once again, taking it between his teeth and then biting down. The mixture of pain and pleasure is like ecstasy. I'm high on Hayden right now. I can feel the bulge in his pants pressing against me. His hand finds its way down my body, allowing his fingers to play along the hem of my pants. Going lower, he massages my clit through my clothing. I'm helpless beneath him. But I want more. I need more.

"Please touch me," I practically beg him, not caring how pathetic I sound. Shifting my hips helps allow his hand to slide in. He toys with the lace on my underwear, before his finger slides in. You can hear my moisture as his fingers continue exploring my body. Finding my clit, he massages it, slowly at first, then speeding up, rubbing it. The entire time still sucking tenderly on my breast, taking turns with each one. He pauses, allowing the cool air to smack across the moisture on one as he begins on the other.

He's driving me crazy. I can hardly see straight. He slides another finger in. This time, he's inside of me. The feeling of him startles me. It's been a while since anyone has entered me. The walls of my vagina hug snuggly around his finger as he pumps in and out. His thumb continues applying pressure on my clit. He's bringing me higher and higher. I can feel my body tensing. He's going to push me over.

I shut my mind off, giving in and allowing myself to release in his hands. The sudden out-pour of my juices soaks me. My legs stiffen in response to the wetness. I'm panting by the time he removes his hand. He reaches over, grabbing my dirty shirt to wipe his hands off. 

"You feel better now?" he smirks. While I lay there breathing hard, trying to pull my thoughts together. Even though my body feels better, my anger is rising. He sleeps with everyone but not me. I'm good enough to make out with and to finger, but not to sleep with. Wow, so basically I'm not even good enough for Hayden, the school slut, to want.

"What, are you too good to sleep with me?" I angrily question him. My waves of anger are getting the best of me. No one has ever turned me down before. He doesn't speak but instead laughs. He looks at me surprised by my outburst, with a puzzled expression.

"Yea, of course, I want to fuck you. What guy wouldn't?" he blushes, standing to adjust himself. Despite doing this the bulge in his pants is still quite visible. "But you were upset. I'm not gonna take advantage of you like that. I'm a dick, yeah, but not like that," he sighs, casually lying down beside me, acting like we aren't in the middle of an argument. Stretching out, he adjusts himself once again. His bulge is still standing, slowly going down.

"Umm, what are you doing?" I ask, raising my eyebrow.

"Well, I figured if you had another nightmare, I don't have to get up. I can reach over instead," he sits up, fluffing the pillow behind his head. Before I can respond, he lies back, rolling onto his side. 

"Now lay down and go to sleep, before I change my mind on being a gentleman," he teases, assuming he's funny. Rolling my eyes, I follow suit, fluffing my pillow and lying beside him. I roll onto my side facing the wall. I'm surprised to feel his arm wrapping around, cradling me. Enjoying the warmth of his embrace I close my eyes, falling asleep to Hayden's soft breathing.