I can't sleep. Cassian lays in his bed, his covers wrapped right around him, and his head cushioned to the side. He had no choice but to fall asleep, with all that grief exhausting him. But my eyes remain open, even though they sting for sleep. My mind cannot turn off, like a dripping faucet.

I sit on one of the sofas, which I quietly positioned to face both Cassian and the chamber door. My mind makes up things - another man bursting in, clutching a dagger. I imagine tackling him to the ground, driving his own dagger into his eyes. It makes me wonder if I have perhaps lost my touch - if my shadowy presence is no longer threatening to some.

Perhaps I've let myself slip too far into the shadows. And perhaps the king is right - I should slaughter them all. Anyone who is suspected to be a part of the rebellion must die. It would get rid of them all, or at least frighten the remainders into submission. And it would underline my presence once again. Or, the purpose of my presence, and that is to be the prince's blade.

I glance over at the fire, cracking and spitting without an end. It's warm light bathes my skin, warding the cool night air away. But it does little to melt the cold self-commendation in my very bones. I keep thinking what would've happened, had I not seen the man.

I wonder what people truly think of me - if my example of him yesterday is not enough to ward off any others. Itching with restlessness, I rise up onto my feet and quietly step to the window. The curtains blow outside of it. I stare down at the towns, the remaining lights and the dimming ones. No one roams the streets at night, leaving them to be empty, gray pavements.

I pull the window shut and draw the curtains. My head turns towards the door and I feel the compulsion - the will of my sword. He's right, I think. He's right.

My gaze sweeps over to Cassian, who remains in a deep, saddened slumber. All the other windows are shut. His own scabbard lays on the bedside table next to his bed. He's capable, I think, for one night. I silently glide to his bedside table and open the drawer, where a pile of papers hide.

They're usually letters and other royal formalities, but I know that there is a mix of darker matters, too. For example, the list of all those suspected or confirmed to be in the rebellion. I flick through the stack, swiftly scanning each paper until I find the one. I take it and slip the others back, taking extra care to close the drawer without a squeak.

There's two parts to the list - confirmed and unknown. Both are long, full of names I can't quite put a face to. But perhaps it is better that way.

I fold it and tuck it into a spare slot in my scabbard. The names roll through my head as I walk towards the door and noiselessly nudge it open. The two guards on either side turn their heads but snap them back into their forward positions once they realise it's me. I close the door just as carefully behind me.

"Make sure you check on him," I instruct both of them, which I normally wouldn't - since it is not my place to serve commands, and of course, I would usually be with Cassian anyway. Why would I ever need their help?

They both nod.

I cast them both a grave glare before I take to the stairs. The castle is dead silent, with not even the servants darting about. The only sound that fills the halls and the colossal rooms are the heavy clacks of my boots. I can't bring myself to care - I want anyone who shouldn't be here to know of my presence. To know that I am coming.

The guards at the front door frown at my approach.

"King's business," is all I tell them, which grants my passage through.

I step out into the frigid night's air. Everything is quiet. I peer out at each of the houses, some still alight and others submerged in darkness. I think of all the families in their homes, preparing for bed if not already asleep. They expect another night, another day to come for them.

But not all of them have the blessing of seeing another day.

"Forgive me," I say under my breath. But not to myself or to the gods - to Cassian. Whatever I do, I do for you.

I start down the town's path and unsheathe my sword.