Adeline's POV:

Theres a lot to be said about growing up in a family like mine. Almost everyone looks at your life and thinks that you have been given this special gift but for me, living life in the spotlight is anything but. Don't get me wrong, it has been rewarding beyond belief. But with Each reward comes a down fall. And out down fall? Having a grandfather that is a former NFL couch turned team owner in NASCAR. For everyone in my family, we all learned at a very early age that your private life is not private at all -no matter how much you want it to be. Strangers seem to know things about you that you wouldn't think are important. People expect you to be happy all the time because you have been born into a life of luxury. And for a while, I was just like them, thinking that I was untouchable, that nothing bad could happen to me. I lived life, embracing the name that I was given at birth, cashing in on it more times that I would like to admit. I had a good life. That is until November 6th, 2022 -a day that I will forever remember as the day my life changed in ways that I never imagined.

What's the significance of that date you ask? Well, that's the day that the first man I ever loved, the first man to every have my whole heart, the man I looked up to in every aspect of life passed away suddenly. And honestly, I think that knowing that his time was coming would have been easier to have dealt with versus the way that it happened. The night before, we had been celebrating my little brother's first championship win, having the time of our lives and being one big happy family. Had I know that night would be the last time I would have seen my father alive and breathing, I would have held him a little tighter. I would have told him I loved him one more time. I would have apologized for everything that I ever did that left him disappointed in me. Now, I didn't have that chance.

There was no denying that losing a parent is hard to deal with no matter who you are. It's a pain that you never really heal from... ever; especially when you were the one to have found him slumped over the small desk that had been his makeshift workstation since mom had been in the process of having his home office remodeled. But when you are from a family that has a long history of being a household name for because of your connections to football and NASCAR, it's even worse. Everywhere you go, you are recognized. People ask what happened. They want to know how you are coping with the loss. They want to know how your family is coping with the loss. I honestly don't think that any of them mean any harm but when you cant even go get a pint of ice cream to drown your sorrows in without being bombarded with people asking the same questions over and over, it gets a little tiring; even puts you on edge and has you lashing out at people just so they will leave you alone and let you deal with your troubles. I can't tell you how many times over the past few months I have wished that I had been born onto a different family, one that wasn't as well known or one that was your typical blue-collar family. I bet they didn't get hounded when they lost a loved one like someone who was a household name did.

But just as soon as those thoughts drift in, so does the guilt. Guilt from wishing you weren't one of the infamous Gibbs associated with NASCAR and football. Guilt that you get pissed and lash out at people who are just trying to be sincere in making sure that you are okay since they feel like they have known you all of your life even if you have never met them a single time. But most of all, you feel guilty because as much as you feel fine on the outside, you feel like a ticking timebomb ready to detonate at any moment -well that or burst into tears spontaneously; maybe even both.

Want me to tell you what's worse that that? The guilt eats at you but it's the thoughts that creep in when you least expect them making you question the relationship that you had with the parent that you recently loss. You start to wonder if you called them enough. You start to wonder if you created this image of them that portrayed them as perfect when in reality they weren't. And then when stories start coming out about how they passed or what led to their passing, you start to wonder if you really knew them at all. And believe me, in the couple of weeks that have passed since Daddy's passing, the rumors have spanned from everything from him having a massive heart attack to him overdosing on pain pills -which is hilarious since daddy never wanted to even so much as take a Goody powder for a headache, insisting that he could push through the pain.

"Hey Addie, I got those press photos you wanted to approve." Said Boris, my right hand in the digital world that encompasses Joe Gibbs Racing -JGR for short.

"Thanks." I said, taking the proffered stack of 8x10 photos, pushing my wayward thoughts to the back of my mind to deal with later.

Most people preferred to do things digitally but there was something about holding a paper copy of a photo that just felt right. Which is ironic since I'm the digital coordinator for the company. I handled everything from short clips that were posted to our website, approval of sponsorship photos, and now, since the whole covid thing, I was responsible for making sure that our virtual meetings went off without a hitch. Thankfully, now that the world had a better understanding of Covid, those virtual meetings weren't used as often.

I flipped through the photos, well aware of Boris still standing in front of my cluttered desk. Out of my prereferral, I could see him ringing his hands as if he wanted to ask something but he was too nervous to do it. Which wasn't unusual for Boris at all. For him to be my right-hand and someone that I spent quite a bit of time with, I cant help but feel this vibe around him. Not that I think he's a creep or anything but there is something there that I don't really know how to explain.

But it wasn't just Boris that I had that vibe around. Pretty much everyone in the office seemed to be walking around on eggshells. I knew it was because I was at work when they thought that I could be at home with my family but sitting home with nothing to meant I had all the time in the world to think about all the things that I could have said to daddy on that last day. It left me with nothing but free time for the memory of finding him to creep in and make my life a living hell. Sure, I would like to crawl in a hole and avoid everyone until I felt like I had dealt with my father's passing but I knew that would be pointless since I knew that I would never be fine ever again.

"Boris, just ask what you need to and get it over with." I said, not meaning to sound exasperated but unable to help it.

"Well, umm, you know there is that fundraising banquet coming up at he end of the week and were all expected to go and be the face of the company. Well, I was just.. I mean since were both going anyway, I was thinking that we could just go together." Said Boris, squirming as he spoke.

"Boris..." I sighed. "I don't mean this to be harsh but you and I work together. And I think that we have a good working relationship. I think it needs to stay that way. You know just as well as I do that if the two of us were to show up at that banquet together, the rumor mill would start churning out all kinds of gossip. And frankly, that the last thing I need right now." tossing the photos onto the desk, and sitting back in my chair, looking up at him. Dressed in winkled khakis that looked like they hadn't seen an iron since the day they were purchased, a button blue down with the sleeves rolled up showing off his small arms, his unruly dark brown hair standing up in every direction, and his glasses perched on the end of his nose as if he was 80, he was the picture of what society portrayed people who hid behind a camera to look like -nerdy, unkept, and downright awkward- something that I was too even if no one knew about it since I'd ditched the glasses for contacts, paid a stylist to straighten my hair chemically as often as possible, and religiously took all my clothes to the drycleaners to be laundered and immediately placed in the closest so that they didn't wrinkle.

"Oh, okay." He replied. "I was just -you know since you have been having a hard time- I didn't want you to have to go by yourself." I could tell he was trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice, that he was trying to sound happier than he felt, but it was pointless. Then again, I was pretty good at picking up things that were left unsaid.

"Look, I'm going to say this once and then you and I can go back to being coworkers. If I'm reading this all wrong, I want you to be honest with me. Okay?" I asked.

"Always." Said Boris.

"Alright then." I said with a yet another sigh as I stood from my desk chair and walked around the oak desk, stopping in front of him but making sure to keep an appropriate amount of space between us. Placing a small smile on my face that was just as fake as my cheating ex's new tits, I added "I'm not looking to date anyone, neither at work nor outside of it. I have enough on my plate right now as it is without bringing a man into the mix. From what I know of you, you are a great man. Any woman would be lucky to have you in her life. But I'm just not the one." I watched as a blush crept up over his cheeks, turning his fair skin very tomatoish. Still, he wouldn't look me in the eye.

I don't know how long he and I stood there in awkward silence –and I know that it wasn't fair of me to feel myself getting angry at him for his lack of words- but that didn't mean that I wasn't still feeling it. I could feel my anger bubbling, I could feel the rage that was about to let loose, when he finally spoke. "Okay."

It was just a simple word. One that could mean anything really. But from the set of his shoulders as he turned to walk out of the office to the look on his face, I knew that the simple 'okay' meant that I had hurt his feelings. He as just about though the office door when he stopped. Without turning to look at me he added "I'll see you at the banquet. Until then, if you need me, I'll just be at my desk."

Not wanting to focus anything going on in my life other than work, I sank back down into my desk chair and once more picked up the press photos. Joy and pride mixed in my heart dulling the pain and agony that had taken up residence there since daddy's passing as I stared at my little brother in the photos. He had a huge smile on his face but it was fake. His fans wouldn't know that the smile he gave them from whatever magazine or website their photos landed on was all make-believe. They would never know that when he wasn't plastering a fake smile on his face, he was lashing out at people who cared about him and doing whatever he could to dull the ache in his heart. They would never know any of that because it was my job as his big sister to protect him and make sure that he got pulled back from the darkness -even if I needed someone to pull me back just as much as he did.