I knew the heavy pain meds were fresh

raccoon himself was wasted on them

not to mention several others also

it was odd I woke the next morning

sunshine full in my face .. thought I was dead

pinched myself .. couldn't believe I was alive

i'd taken enough quaaludes to kill a horse

later i'd realized good spirits kept me alive

it was as if i'd taken nothing .. not a thing

not even a hangover from all the drinking

i'd mixed plenty of alcohol with the pills

by all rights I should've been dead

I know God damnit i'd sure tried

all the pressure had gotten to me

an alcoholic mom .. no parents at home

I was left to raise five siblings

even one older than myself

losing my childhood at age nine

having to play mama and daddy

for all of my rambunctious siblings

then a forced wedding .. I, a future dad

taking two siblings into that marriage

sending two hitchhiking to another state

my oldest brother .. a helpless junkie

never knowing where he's the fuck at

never knowing if our mom

or jimmy don were alive

told to put tommy and kathy in the street

I was threatened if I left i'd never .. ever

get to see my son after he's born

thinking about my coward of a dad

he'd refused to give me his last name

pondered why my mom

was so intent on killing me

before i was even born

having to suffer and deal

with permanent bad health

mom's abuse had left me with

life sucked .. that's all there is to it

i'd tried to check out .. seemed i'd be better off dead

Copyright @ November 2014

StandingBear