Chapter 31: A Marked Man

By the time, I get home, it's just starting to get dark. I let out a yawn as I enter the new house. Today's been quite the productive day.

I pass by Grey and Laik in the kitchen. Grey stops making food when he sees me. "Are you just getting back now?"

I nod. "Yup."

"Did Lan drop you off?"

"Nope." I reach over him and grab a slice of bread. "I took a long stroll."

I hate running but I do enjoy my walks.

"What is wrong with him?" he says to himself and takes out his phone. "I'm calling him."

I step into his space and snatch his phone from him. "Don't you dare! We just became best friends!"

He blinks down at me. "Are you stupid?" he asks and then waits for an answer.

I scrunch up my nose. "Am I supposed to—"

"It's not safe for women to come home after dark alone!" he snaps at me, not giving me a chance to speak. He crosses his arms over his chest. "I'm telling Jay."

"I would expect nothing less from his lackey," I reply, yawning a second time. It's not even fully dark yet.

"You should have called me," he criticizes.

"I don't know your number," I lie.

"I'm sending it to you. Save it and memorize it," he commands.

I shrug his worries off. "Why do you care though?"

He gray eyes darken at hearing my question. "You really are stupid if you still think I don't care."

I look up to see Laiken watching our interaction closely.

I search the room. "Where is Jay anyway? Is he still sleeping?"

"He had another meeting to go to," Grey enlightens me.

This is what I mean; Jay is always busy.

I sigh to myself. "Great, so I'm stuck with you two."

"Hey!" Laiken chips in, offended. "I didn't even say anything."

I meet his dark brown eyes and notice a glimmer of sadness there. It's then that I remember where he's been all day. I want to ask him about Zac but...

Grey whips me out of my thoughts, "Where are your gloves?! Your hands are blue! Do you want to get a cold?"

"Sorry, Dad." I roll my eyes at him. I can't believe I'm getting scolded at.

"Ew, gross. Don't say that," he mutters angrily.

Laik, trying to conceal a smirk, arches an eyebrow at me.

"Laiken doesn't even have a jacket on," I point out. He and Zac never seem to feel the cold.

"That's because he has zero brain cells. I thought we've already established this," Grey remarks with venom.

I guess their bonding isn't going so well then...

"Again, I didn't even say a thing," Laik whines. "Do I have a target painted on my back or something? I feel like a marked man."

Grey sighs before pushing a covered plate my way. "I made you food."

"You did?" I ask in surprise.

"Yeah. I didn't know if you had eaten or not." He grabs his own plate and starts heading out of the room. "If you don't like it..." he stops and turns to look at me, shifting his feet, "throw it out or whatever. Can't be worse than your green soup though."

"You didn't make me food!" Laik carps in dismay, watching him leave the room. "And after I told you that I'm starving!"

"Thank you!" I call after the ferret, still in shock.

Laiken clears his throat, demanding my attention. I look his way. His eyes speak volumes; he's looking for trouble.

"Say what you want to say," I huff and gesture for him to proceed.

"I have nothing to say," he busies himself with making his own dinner.

I frown and place my hands on my hips. "Yeah, you do. It's written all over you dumb face."

He begins to protest, "No, I don—"

"Tell me!" I yell over him.

"There's nothing to tell. I have nothing to—"

I pick up a piece of broccoli from my plate and toss it at his head. It hits.

Annoyed, he stares at me blankly.

"Well...?" I press.

"The dude's in love with you."

My response to that is to throw another broccoli at his stupid face.

Psh. What does he know?

He stares me down. "I'm serious."

"Just when I thought you couldn't get any denser," I verbalize my thoughts, unimpressed by his illogical assumptions. "He loves me; he's not in love with me. There's a difference."

"Nah, there's something there, Law," he says with the utmost confidence. "I can tell when a guy's interested."

I pull a face. 

"What? I'm a good-looking guy who's been hit on by all genders," he replies in nonchalance. "Can't blame dudes for trying when I look the way I look."

"I should've expected that kind of answer from you." He's so vain.

Grey comes back into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. Laiken and I instantly stop talking. I know Grey's noticed the sudden silence, but he doesn't seem to care enough to ask why. He sips his water and glances over at us once, minding his own business, before attempting to leave the room.

He's nearly out of the kitchen when I open my big mouth on impulse:

"Grey!" I shout, ignoring Laiken's virtual elbowing in my side. When Grey stops and looks at me expectantly, I find myself scrambling for words, "You...you look dashing today."

He draws his eyebrows together, a puzzled frown forming on his face. He looks over at Laiken for clues. Instead, he finds Laiken smiling creepily at him. His gaze lands on my fidgety hands next. He shakes his head. "You guys are weird."

"You're weirder!" I accuse him. It's a knee-jerk reaction.

"Whatever," he mumbles, finally leaving the room.

"Did you feel that?" Laiken immediately asks me once he's out of hearing range.

"What?" I query.

"The charge in the room."

I stare up at him with an empty expression. I have no idea what he means.

"Sexual chemistry," he clarifies, treating me like a moron.

"That's it," I breathe out in irritation. I take my time in walking over to him before hitting him upside the head. "You deserved that."

He flinches from me. "No need for violence. I'm just telling you how it is, and how it is, is that the grumpy one wants to bang your brains out."

I'm smacked with a sense of déjà vu at hearing his stupidity. "You always said that about every guy that crossed paths with me back in New York," I remind him with a fiery look in my eyes.

"Yeah, but that was just to get to Mase. I knew he was into you -- probably still is, if I'm being honest," he tells me. "But this is real, though. This time, I mean it. Grey wants you."

"Because he made me food?" I raise a brow. He is being so irrational. "That's what you're basing this all on?"

"No. It's the way he treats you," he replies in certainty. "He treats you differently from other people. And tonight, he's been very over you. Sometimes, he acts like your boyfriend."

"Yeah..." I snort, not taking him seriously, "because boyfriends insult their girlfriends all the time, right?"

There was a time when Jay and I used to argue a lot but never as much as Grey and I do.

"Look, I'm not here to convince you of anything. You're the one who forced me to speak," he says, rubbing at his eyes, seemingly deadbeat. "All I know is that he's hot for you."

"You've lost it," I declare, unconvinced. "It's been a long day. I think you need some shut-eye."

He nods, suppressing a yawn. "You're not wrong."

When is he going back to New York? Why is he still here? 

I swallow down all my questions, choosing not to ask any of them now. I'm biding my time for the right moment.

Instead, I find myself asking him a different question. "Are you okay?"

I can see that I've caught him off guard. He wasn't expecting that. He swallows and averts his gaze from me. "Yeah. Fine."

Before I can dig deeper, I hear the front door open, followed by footsteps and a familiar voice. My heart immediately takes off.

Finally!

A moment later, Jay enters the room. I open my mouth to talk to him but my heart sinks into my chest when I see that he's on a call. He hugs me nonetheless and pecks my lips before lightly slapping Laik on the shoulder in greeting.

Laik gives him an acknowledging nod before glancing at me. "I'm going to bed. Night, Law. Try not to dream of the grumpy grouch too much."

I go to pick up a potato. He senses it coming and doges, laughing, before leaving Jay and I alone.

I hesitantly peek up at my husband-thing but it seems he's heard none of the conversation. He's too caught up in his business call.

I sigh internally. Is this what life is going to be like from now on? He hasn't even left yet and I'm already missing him.

As I dwell on my thoughts, all the noise around me becomes drowned out by the sound of my own heartbeat. I realize that I'm holding my breath. I'm freaking out a little. That conversation with Lan was as refreshing as it was terrifying.

Jay's gaze lands on me. He notes my silence. I look down at the floor, not ready to face him. Still, I feel his steady gaze remain on me.

"Yeah man, listen, I'm gonna have to call you back," he says to the person on the other end. He listens to the other person for a few seconds longer. "Well, it's just going to have to wait. This is more important," he says determinedly before ending the call.

My head shoots up in surprise. We make eye-contact. A wave of unease washes over me. He puts his phone down and redirects all of his attention onto me. There's a sense of disquietude budding behind his eyes as he carefully examines me.

"Aqueela," he clears his throat quietly, almost as if aware of my thoughts before I am, "you can tell me."

I release the breath I've been holding and take a seat at the kitchen counter. He does the same, sitting across from me.

"I've been having doubts," I confess, deciding to just rip the band-aid off.

He doesn't look surprised. His face remains neutral, not giving anything away. "I know, and I've been waiting for you to talk to me about it."

"How'd you..."

He grins a little as if it's obvious. "Aqueela, c'mon, you don't want to plan our wedding. You get weird whenever I bring it up. And you seem to hold back with me...physically. And I'm not complaining or anything but it's hard not to pick up on."

My eyes cloud over with guilt, a stinging sensation soaring through my chest. I don't want to hurt him. "You deserve to have everything you've ever hoped for," I whisper.

"I already have you," he answers in the simplest form before sliding a to-go cup my way.

I stop short and lift it to my lips. It's delicious, hot cocoa. "Are you trying to bribe me?"

"No. It's freezing today, and I just thought of you while I was out," he answers before handing me a small packet, apparently not done with the gifts. "For you. I know you only had that one pair."

I open the packet and take out soft, purple gloves. He always makes me smile, even when I'm feeling low.

"Thank you." I look into his eyes and then remember what we're talking about. "No, but I don't mean me. I mean your racing, your hopes, your dreams..." I elaborate. "You deserve to have all that."

"But I told you that you're my priority now," he replies in confusion. "I thought I made that clear?"

"You did, but I still feel like you'd accomplish way more without me dragging you down," I explain my point of view to him. "I'm content where I am in life. You're not, and let's face it, you're never going to be. You're always going to be striving for something greater. It's who you are, and I love who you are, but it's not who I am."

"You talk to me as if I'm a level above you, sometimes. I hate it," he says slowly, processing everything, unhappy with what he's hearing. "I've told you before, I'm content. You're enough. You're more than enough."

"But I know you," I argue, putting up a protest. "And I know that you'll compromise on everything for me. You're happy, but you and I both know that you could be even happier."

He shakes his head adamantly. "Not without you. I wasn't truly happy in the five years that you were gone. Ask anyone and they'll all tell you the same thing."

"But you're Jay Taylor. You're meant to achieve great things," I say helplessly. "I don't want to be the one who stops you from doing exactly that. I can't promise that I'll always support your racing career, and I can't promise that I'll ever move out of Minnesota, and I can't promise that I'll travel and explore the world with you. I'm not sure if I'm ever going to want any of that."

He ponders over my words for a torturous minute, keeping me waiting, before finally finding his voice again. "No," he responds with a newfound clarity and an unwavering tenacity. "You know what, I'm not going to accept that from you," he tells me firmly, putting his foot down.

I start to ramble, "But we see the world differently. You aspire to higher things, and I–"

"Enough with the excuses. I might be Jay Taylor but you're Aqueela freaken Lawson. You're also meant to achieve great things," he cuts me off, frustrated. "You're also here for a purpose. You're also special. Your existence means something."

I blink up at him, not knowing that to say. Those are some profound words coming out of his mouth.

"You're just scared," he continues, seeing through me. "You're lacking ambition and drive because you're scared of change. You're scared to even dream. You're being non-committal and keeping me hanging because of fear."

Once upon a time, I used to have dreams. Childhood Aqueela would be disappointed in me.

"But that's fine," he assures me, "if you don't have enough faith to believe in yourself, I've enough in you for the both of us."

"Jay..." I drawl, moved. "I don't want things to ever change. You thrive on change. That's the fundamental difference between us."

"You're right, I can't promise that things are always going to be the same, but I can promise that I'll always be with you through all the changes. If you need something to stay the same, let it be me. Let me be the constant in your life," he asks, putting up a fight for us.

Where was this Jay five years ago?

"I can only be myself and give you myself, and I've already given you all of me," he says, speaking directly from his heart. "I made the choice. I've chosen you. I will keep choosing you," he says in conviction. "But," he pauses, showing vulnerability, his voice lowering, "I'm not so sure if you've actually chosen me."

His words strike a chord with me. It hurts to hear him say it, but he has a point.

"It sucks not knowing where I stand with you. I love you, and I'm prepared to follow you to the ends of the earth. I want to support you in all of your dreams, but you keep your cards so close to your chest. It's painful being shut out when I've given you all I can. I don't know what else to do. I can't make you want more out of life," he says softly.

"I don't want you to feel insecure," I reply sadly.

"Well, I do," he confesses, being completely open and honest with me. "Your indecisiveness makes me feel insecure about our future. You seem so positive that it's going to be a mess...but why haven't you considered it being great? We can be great."

"It's difficult to think that far ahead," I tell him. "I'm not like you."

"I don't need you to be me. I want you to be you," he says with a sigh. "I just...I need to know, in your heart of hearts, do you think we can work? Truthfully, do you think we have a shot, or am I looking at mending a broken heart again?"

At hearing his question, my chest feels lighter. An assurance and peace settle within my inner being. Confident in my answer, I nod fervently. "Of course, I think we have a shot. I would never have said yes to you if a part of me didn't believe that."

I wouldn't have moved in with him or mentioned kids if I thought, for even a second, that we're going nowhere.

He smiles in relief and takes hold of my hands across the counter. "We will work. I'll spend every day proving that to you." He lifts my hands and kisses both of them. "You'll see. I'm going to erase all of your doubts."

I do love this boy. I really do. It should be as straightforward as that. I'm unnecessarily complicating everything.

I laugh, taking him up on his word. "I believe you."

"But, 'Queels, I'm not in this by myself. If we're going to make it, I need you to tell me when you're scared or having doubts. Don't keep it to yourself. I can take your brutal truths, I promise," he reassures me.

"Okay," I agree.

I will put more effort into this because I'm not ready to say goodbye to him nor do I think I ever will be.

"And please try to let go of your expectations of the future. Try and be present with me," he suggests, giving me a better option.

"I'll try," I give him my word. "We'll tackle the changes as they come. Together," I emphasize.

My response seems to satisfy him because he's still smiling.

Who knew relationships could be this complicated?

Jay and I have been through the ringer -- any other couple and they might have fallen apart by now. Luckily, neither of us gives up easily.

"I probably say this too much, but I love you," he reminds me for the umpteenth time – I don't mind. "I really do."

"I do too," I reply, fighting back a huge smile. "Love you, I mean."

"I'm relieved; I thought you guys were breaking up," Grey says, interrupting us as he steps into the kitchen to wash his plate. "That would have been awkward."

Jay and I exchange looks.

"Sorry. I heard the last bits as I was about come in. I thought it was best to wait it out," he explains, looking sheepish.

When we keep looking at him, he changes from a normal stance to a fierce one, getting ready to strike. "In my defense, you guys are on my side of the house."

Jay grins, letting it go. "Relax, bud, we'll leave now." He looks around the room. "But first, where'd Edwards go?"

"He said he was going to bed," I answer him.

Grey scrunches up his face, annoyed. "But we didn't even show him a room yet. Where's he even sleeping?"

I shrug. "I practically lived with him for years. He's not shy about making himself at home."

"Which of your friends are?" Grey retaliates with cheek.

I purse my lips in thought. "Fair point."

"How long is he staying for? That 'getting homey' stuff is not gonna fly here, not while I'm living here," he grumbles.

"Cut him some slack," I rise to his defense, "he's clearly going through something."

Grey stubbornly folds his arms across his chest. "Everyone is. What's your point?"

I smack him on the chest. "It wouldn't hurt to show sympathy for once."

"You guys really need to learn to get along because I'm leaving this weekend," Jay tells both of us, updating us on the happenings of his life. "That's what my meeting was about."

"So soon?" I pout and slap Grey's chest again, taking it out on him.

I wasn't expecting this, especially not after the conversation we just had.

Jay nods. "Yeah, sorry, but I'm late to the season as is."

"Don't worry, we'll get along fine when you're gone," Grey attempts to put his friend at ease before turning around and swatting me on my arm.

"Owe!" I complain. I rub at my arm and sulk like a child. "What was that for?"

"You hit me first," he points out. "Twice."

On instinct, like second nature to me, I swat him back. It leads to a swatting fight. He automatically swats me, in turn, as if it's a reflex for him.

Jay regards us both with little patience. "Seriously?"

"What?" Grey shrugs innocently. "I said when you're gone. You're not gone yet."

*~**~*

Hey, guys :)

1. Thoughts on Laik's theory?

2. Why is Laik still hanging around? 

3. Were you expecting Jay to react the way he did?

4. Do you get where Aqueela is coming from? Why/why not? 

5. How should Jaqueela handle future challenges?

6. Favourite line of this chapter?

 7. Favourite part of this chapter?

~ CJ