Chapter 20: A While Isn't Long Enough

Jay gently takes my face into his hands, meeting my distressed gaze. He touches my cheek and makes me look at him, quickly figuring out what's going on after first assessing the situation. "Keep your eyes on me, Aqueela. You're having a panic attack. You're not dying. You're going to be fine, alright? I'm right here."

Wheezing, I frantically shake my head at him, still short of breath. Involuntary tears fill my eyes and I suddenly feel hot all over.

"Hey," he says calmly, caressing the side of my neck, trying to soothe me, "I need you to breathe, okay? Just breathe."

"I-I can't," I whimper, my chest hurting from how fast my heart is beating.

"You absolutely can," he tells me quietly, keeping a level-head. "We need to get you out of this state. Try to focus on your five senses and not on what's happening. What can you see, hear, feel, smell, taste?"

I nod and attempt to concentrate on everything he just asked. It takes me a few seconds but I notice my heart rate start to lower and as fast as the attack came, it leaves just as fast. The dizziness, warmth, anxiety, and chest pain evaporate into pure exhaustion, leaving me fatigued and out of it.

After a few minutes of silence, I suck in a deep breath and exhale in relief, able to breathe again. Oxygen fills my lungs and the feeling is indescribable. Max's phone strangulation was a joke compared to this.

"How did you know?" I eventually ask Jay once I'm sure I've recovered.

"I've experienced a panic attack or two before," he tells me, breaking my heart in the process – who was there for him when he thought he was dying?

"I'm sorry," I reply, not knowing what else to say to him.

He chuckles, amused and caught off guard by my words. "I'm alright but let's focus on you, okay? This isn't about me. You feeling any better?"

"Well, let's put it this way, I am...but only because of your electric blue eyes, your tranquil voice, your warmth, your cologne, and lastly, hopefully, you on my lips," I answer him, referring to the five senses that I focused on earlier.

He grins in realization and pecks my lips, granting me my wish, before leaning his forehead against mine. "Glad I could help, even if it was indirectly," he whispers and kisses me again.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Jay," I admit, feeling the slightest bit vulnerable for saying it but still, it's true. Jay is my real-life hero; he has saved me from so many things and I don't even think he knows it.

He smiles at me sadly, understanding my fear. He suddenly leans forward and embraces me tightly from his kneeling position in front of me. "Lucky for you, you never have to find out," he assures me in confidence.

I smile against his chest, collapsing into him while finding solace in his arms – there's no other place that I'd rather be right now or ever. "Lucky me," I hum, content, agreeing with him.

"I mean...until death do we part, obviously," he adds teasingly, unintentionally upsetting me.

I'm reminded of what Zac just revealed to me and I instantly tense up. "He killed their baby," I suddenly speak life into my thoughts. "And he nearly killed them."

Max and Bells are precious to me; they've been through so much with me and have stuck it out with me through everything – I can't imagine life without them.

Jay pulls away from me and nods, acknowledging it, deep sorrow flashing through his eyes. "He told me everything."

My gaze falls on Zac when he steps into the room, his eyes still red from either his drugs or his tears. I automatically frown. I don't want to be in his presence or anywhere near him. I don't want to see him or hear him. He's a mess and I just want him gone.

"Aqueela," Zac starts pathetically, twiddling his thumbs nervously, "I'm so sor—"

Sorry.

"Don't speak to me right now," I cut him off abruptly. "I need time." I need a lot of time. My so-called friend is a killer.

Jay stands up and approaches Zac. He says something to him before Zac nods and reluctantly leaves the room but not after first sending me a lingering gaze full of guilt and regret.

"Are you siding with him?" I ask Jay from my place on the floor, befuddled. "Why are you not angry at him?" There's no way that I'm being unreasonable with this – his confession just ripped me apart; I'm still trying to fathom it. "Why are you not slapping him around a bit?"

Jay grabs the first aid kit and calmly makes his way back to me. "I am angry," he states, seemingly undisturbed by it all – however, I know he definitely cares which means he must be putting on a stoic mask for my sake.

"You don't look it," I say with a scowl. In all honesty, I'm having an extremely difficult time wrapping my head around all of this. I can't help but think back: if Zac never followed me to Minnesota, if I never went to New York in the first place....

Jay crouches down before me and gently wipes the dried blood off of the side of my face, disinfecting the shallow scrape. "Of course, I'm angry, Aqueela," he raises his voice a bit, his emotions finally escaping him. His fierce tone completely contradicts his current, tender actions. "He took a life; how can I not be? My heart is broken over this."

"That's all I wanted to hear," I admit and take his hand off of my face for a second to kiss his knuckles. "I don't want you to shut me out. Tell me how you feel."

He doesn't look at me and continues cleaning my face but opens up to me anyway. "You're right; he killed their baby. That's a fact. As much as I want to knock sense into Zac, I can't because no matter what he's done, he still needs help. That's another fact. He's not going to change and stop being reckless without rehab. He's going to go on to hurt more people if he doesn't get the help that he needs. I hate what he's done but he needs support. Those are all the facts, Aqueela. I'm just working with what I have."

Jay Taylor...pure gold, people, pure gold.

Unable to deal with the facts that he's throwing at me, I lift a lock of my blonde hair and see the blood that's encrusted in it. "Ewe. I'm going to have to wash my hair," I say aloud, hoping to distract myself, but when I feel Jay's eyes on me, I look at him again and sigh, feeling conflicted. "So, you're still taking him then?"

He nods while picking me up and carefully placing me on the couch. "He's really remorseful, Aqueela," he says, sitting down beside me. "I can't just abandon him, not right now. I don't want him to slip through the cracks again. I want to see healing. I want to see forgiveness. I want to see fresh starts. I know it's possible but I also know that it's a long way off. I'm still taking him to a rehab but I don't expect you to come with us. You come first, always, and I don't want to force you to commit to this when he's hurt you and done all of this."

I lean against him and exhale softly, closing my eyes. "I get it. You do what you need to do, Jay, and I promise not to hold it against you as long as you promise not to hold my current reaction against me," I tell him, drained of all my energy. "I can't be there for Zac like I thought I could. I can't even stomach to see him right now. I'm sorry but you're going to have to carry this part of it alone. That's how I feel right now and I hope you can understand why."

"I do," he replies and kisses the top of my head. "I do understand, completely...and I'll never hold anything against you ever again."

"I could just fall asleep like this," I mumble, tired but comfortable. "I could sleep the rest of the day away. Sleep and sleep and sleep."

Man...panic attacks sure do a number on you...

He runs his fingers through my hair and I find it relaxing. "As long as it's not forever. You really scared me back there, Aqueela," he says quietly, his voice giving him away: I didn't just scare him, I terrified him back there.

"Don't worry...or do, depending on how you take this...but I have a feeling that you're going to be stuck with me for a while, JJ," I tell him sleepily, meaning it. I still have many visions of us together and I'm not about to give up on them anytime soon.

He takes in a breath and exhales sharply. "In truth, a while with you isn't long enough for me."

*~*~*~**~*~*~*

I groan into Jay's arm when I hear voices, voices that are pulling me from my glorious and deep slumber. Annoyed, I open my eyes, only to find dark eyes looking down into my own. I squeal in shock and jump far away from him, practically hopping right out of my seat in the process.

Last time I checked, Jay's eyes are blue.

The guy bursts out laughing, watching my facial expressions closely as I begin to register my surroundings. "Look who's finally up," he retorts and I get the feeling that I'm being mocked. "Heya, lazy kid."

Bleary-eyed, I rub at my face to make sure that I'm not going crazy. I raise my eyebrows in surprise once my vision clears. "BoyBand?"

"And his much better half, AJ!" AJ chips in from the seat across from us with Slobber on her lap – I didn't even see her.

Once I realize that I'm fully awake and not dreaming, a massive smile takes over my features. I leap forward and engulf Benley in a hug. "It feels like forever since I last saw you guys!"

AJ joins us on the couch, squishing in beside me with Slobber. She eagerly reaches over and forces her way in on our hug, making me laugh. "I missed you, Aqueela," she chimes into my shoulder, slowly and subtly pulling me away from Benley and into her arms, nearly suffocating me.

I'm not sure I like being the middle part of an 'AJ-Benley' sandwich.

I move back from AJ and her grip of steel to take in their appearances. Both of them look as perfect as always. AJ has opted for a new hair color. She's looking naturally beautiful with her red and more rich brownish hair. Benley has changed his hairstyle a bit, having grown out the front part of his hair, now truly looking like a kid in a boy band. Still, it suites him. Unsurprisingly, he pulls it off.

"What are you guys doing here?" I ask them, unable to contain my excitement. Weirdly enough, I no longer feel exhausted. "And where is my husband-thing?" I glance around for my blue eyes but I can't seem to spot him anywhere which frankly, is a huge disappointment.

"He said that he has to take the pubescent killing machine somewhere," Ben informs me, and judging by the look on his face, he and AJ are still in the dark about Zac – Jay didn't tell them; he must have only told them the necessities. "He said that you've been stressed and that you had a panic attack earlier. He was worried about leaving you alone and asked us to keep you company."

"And Benjy thought that it would be funny if he took Jay's place beside you so that when you were to wake up, you'd wake up to him rather than to Jay," AJ adds giddily. "He was right. Totally worth it. Your face...priceless."

"Because I woke up to a genuine and legitimate nightmare of mine," I joke, shooting Ben a wink before turning my full attention on AJ. "You know...as your ultimate best friend, I'm morally obligated to tell you that you are way too good for Benley."

Touched, AJ pouts and places a hand over her heart in raw sincerity. "Aww, Aqueela, thank you. I know but thank you. That means a lot and it's so very true."

I glance at both of them, unable to stop grinning – my mouth is getting sore. These two are exactly what I need right now; I love them so much. "I'm so ecstatic that you guys actually came."

"Of course, girl!" AJ insists, clearly in a chipper mood herself – truly, when isn't she? "We had zero reservations about being here."

My eyes widen in disbelief. "Even Benley?"

"First of all," Benley meets my curious gaze, quickly explaining himself to me before I can safely assume that he loves me, "the astoundment in your voice is very flattering," he remarks sarcastically, "and second, AJie is lying, I had some reservations about being here."

I pout, having expected such a reply from him. "But for why?"

He glowers at me before giving me my answer. "Call me crazy but because I thought you might insult me for no reason, something like saying that it's a nightmare to wake up to me or telling my fiancée that she's too good for me – that kind of thing, you know? Luckily, I was wrong, right?" he concludes, salty, sour, and bitter at the same time, everything but sweet.

I fold my arms over my chest and arch an eyebrow at him, intrigued. "Yet here you are, the Big Ben himself sitting right beside me, the legend?"

He shrugs, easily brushing it off as if it's no biggie. "Because friendship...and stuff."

I internally aww at him while holding my smile. "That's so cute."

He shakes his head furiously and rolls his eyes at me. "It's not. It's manly and rugged."

I nod. "Sure, Ley, eat those cute feelings of yours. You're a manly man like Landon," I tell him, only messing with him.

"If I want to eat my stupid feelings then I will, and not that it has anything to do with you, but my appetite is currently shot anyway so I'll eat them later," he replies back menacingly, looking down on me with apparent superiority.

I feign a sigh just as Slobs leaves AJ's lap to curl onto my lap. "I wish I could chow down on my stupid feelings. If only I could be as half as cool as you," I humor Ben while scratching Slobs behind his ears.

Ley-Ley flips the front of his hair back – he grew it out just to do this, I swear. "Well, you're on the right track, the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem. Even Landon, the manly man, knows that."

I grin, amused by his 'innate coolness'. "True that. Words of wisdom right there, Ben-Ben."

"So, what's up?" AJ asks me before Lagger-Dragger can reply. "How are you doing lately?" she fishes for answers, wanting to understand more of what's going on. She knows that Jay had an underlying reason for inviting them over.

I shrug, not wanting to delve into any of it right now. "Ah, you know, good, just doing the things."

"The wounding yourself things?" Ben asks me, leaning forward and touching the side of my head, reminding me of the burn I'm feeling. "That's a nasty cut you got there, oddball."

I flinch and hiss at him before slapping his hand away. "I fell and hit my head on the table when I had my panic attack," I update them, giving no mind to Benley who is clearly stifling a chuckle at the news – yeah, yeah, typical of the klutz, we all get it. "But anyway, the real question here is how are you guys doing?"

AJ runs a hand through her auburn locks. "Stressful, I guess. I'm still looking for a new job and Ben is close to finishing his masters. Financially, it's been rough on us. I've been a bit homesick too. I'm missing my family in New York and it's because I'm finding it difficult to adjust to Minnesota. We're also still trying to find our feet with wedding venues, preparations, and all that."

That last bit...current story of my life...other than Pause...

I put my hand over AJ's and offer her a smile, empathizing with her. "I'm sorry. That sounds hectic. If you ever need a girl's day out..." I trail off in doubt and change my train of thought, "phone Bell, but if you need a fun day out, call me."

AJ laughs. "Thanks. I will definitely take you up on that offer soon. In the meantime, I said to Benjy that we should just have a baby together. Things will inevitably calm down after that."

B-Dawg shakes his head at her in disbelief. "How, Babe? We've been over this. How? No sound logic whatsoever." He looks over at me in thought and then grins. "How about you guys, though? Jay knocked you up yet?"

I grin back at him playfully. "Now, now, BoyBand, I can't spill all my secrets to you guys."

"Well then, how many seconds do we have to wait?" he teases, knowing me well.

"Precisely one second," I reply before telling them the truth. "Although Jay's tried knocking me up, I'm not pregnant," I confess, "but are you?" I ask Ley-Ley directly, waiting patiently for an answer from him.

He scowls at me when I don't take my eyes off of him. "Why are you looking at me?! I'm trying to not be offended but you're really cheesing me off." He lifts his hand and turns my face in AJ's direction. "Fix your mistake."

I giggle in realization. "Oops. You're so pretty that I forget that you're a man, sometimes," I profess, only joking with him.

"Honest mistake," AJ nods in understanding. "It gets confusing, even for me."

"You sleep with me," Benley counters, narrowing his eyes at her. "I'm extremely concerned if you're getting confused."

Before they can argue, I take the leap and ask AJ the inevitable. "So...are you?"

"Well, as I said, we're trying, kind of," AJ tells me with a big smile while Mr. Lagger shakes his head fervently the entire time, dismissing everything that she's saying.

"Super glad that you're both on the same page about this," I chuckle before glancing over at Ben with a smile. I have to push down the urge to hug my lag of a drag again. It's no secret that I adore him. When I got back from my five-year disappearance, he was the only one who was constantly there for me when I needed him.

"And how's your take on life?" I ask Benley, interested in what he has to say – kind of.

He smiles at my thoughtfulness and takes a deep breath before coming out with it, "Well, what AJ said but from my perspective, things are—"

"Sounds like a promising story," I finish for him.

It's a story that I no longer have an interest in hearing. I was merely asking out common courtesy. Jeez! Some people...

Benley closes his mouth again and glares at me, getting the gist of things, somewhat offended. "Really? This is how you're operating now? Your system is broken."

Broken systems are amazing! I thrive in broken systems.

"You guys want something to drink?" I ask them, ignoring the death stare that I'm currently receiving.

They both nod eagerly and Ben seems to momentarily forget that he's irritated with me.

"Please," AJ answers me with excited anticipation – everything is awesome to her and I love it.

I nod at her and snap my fingers at her fiancé in expectancy. "You, Ben, get them, thanks." When he doesn't budge, I keep snapping my fingers at him, refusing to stop until I get my own way.

He crosses his arms over his chest and stares at me blankly. "And why can't you get them?"

I gasp at his audacity and finally stop snapping my fingers. "By myself?! And with my own arms?!"

This guy is ridiculous.

He lets out a low whistle and shakes his head. "I see what's happening here, Jay's spoiling you."

I nod, not denying it. "As he should."

After everything in life, I deserve to be frickin spoilt!

"Let's not talk, Mr. I-Need-A-Back-Massage-Every-Morning-And-Promise-To-Give-My-Fiancée-One-In-The-Evening-In-Return-But-I'm-Always-Conveniently-Asleep-Unless-It's-For-Sex," AJ shoots her very own husband-thing a deathly look, standing up for me like the wonderful, legendary, fan-freaken-tastic person that she is.

Benley merely blinks back at her in silence, a blank look on his face. "In my defense, I really like having sex with you."

I slap my forehead for him. "Oh, Benley..." I shake my head, "Benley, Benley, Benley, that was definitely the wrong answer."

And he's supposed to be the smooth one...

"Wait!" Benley panics at discovering where he went wrong. "I want to rewind! I want to rewind my whole life! That came out wrong!"

"You came out wrong!" AJ retorts, succeeding at making me fall into a fit of laughter – these two are my entertainment for the rest of the day.

At a loss for words, Benley stares fearfully at AJ, too afraid to open his mouth again in case more stupidity comes out.

AJ keeps her scary glare fixated on him, beyond ticked.

Benley gulps before finally speaking again. "I'll uh...I'll just go and get those drinks now," he wisely excuses himself, seeking an immediate escape from the danger that is soon to be his beautiful bride.

"Chop-chop and don't forget the snacks!" I yell after him just as my phone buzzes, lighting up with a message from Jay. It's strange how excited I still get whenever I see his name appear on my phone.

'Hey, just letting you know that Zac's been booked in. I didn't have the heart to wake you up. I hope you don't mind the company I left in my place  😉 Hopefully, I'll be back soon, and call me if you need anything. Love you. X' ~ My Person

"You're marrying a saint," AJ says, reading the message with me, peering over my shoulder in a not-so-subtle fashion. "Can we swap guys?" she jokes but after what just happened with Mr. MacAllister, she may be half-serious.

"AJ, I love you but absolutely not," I reply without a second's hesitation as I type back a message to my fiancé.

'Hi, pretty boy 😍 just letting you know that it's all fine. Take your time. Don't worry about me. I have AJ and I'm tolerating Benley. Love you 2...somewhat...' ~ Legend Lawson

His reply comes instantaneously:

'Mrs. Right...we're gonna have to work on your nicknames for me...' ~ My Person

"He's right," AJ tells me, eavesdropping on my texting by using her eyes instead of her ears. "Guys don't like to be called 'pretty'...except for Ben and Dylan. They're the exceptions. They're always arguing about who's the prettier one between them."

Those two have a twisted bromance that no one other than themselves appreciates.

"They're both pretty," I reply with mirth in my eyes. Both Benley and Dylan are very handsome and 'pretty' men and I think everyone knows it by now, including them. "You might not know this but I've always told Ben that he sports pretty," I add while typing back to Jay again.

'Noted, Mr. Wrong😏...' ~ Legend Lawson

'I felt that one, Mrs. Taylor 😔' ~ My Person

'I didn't mean it, Mr. Lawson. See ya soon🥰' ~ Legend Lawson

' ❤️'~ My Person

"You guys are cute," AJ says with a carefree smile, watching me pocket my phone. "Has Jay always been like this with you? All affectionate and sweet?"

I laugh and snort before shaking my head. "Heck, no! It's been a journey getting this far with him. In fact, I never thought he'd reach this point," I explain to her while patting Slobber. I find his ticklish spot on his fluffy belly and send his back leg into overdrive.

"Same with Benjy," she chuckles at the irony of it all. "He didn't like me very much in the beginning."

I smile, feeling nostalgic over the good ol' days. "I can relate." Jay despised me. And now that she mentions it, Ley also hated me.

"Good thing we got our happily-ever-after in the end," AJ sighs in content, leaning her head against mine.

I'd only go back in time to give high-school me a medal for going after Jay, it was the best thing that I ever did for myself.

"It's because we were persistent and went after what we wanted!" I cheer and fist-bump AJ, proud of us – we both took the initiative with the two stubborn men in our lives. "Now, they're trapped with us and we stand undefeated! We're champions!"

"You best believe we are!" AJ applauds for us before hugging me again, ecstatic over our secret victory.

I love warm people like AJ. She has an addictive energy and somehow erases all hurt and replaces it with joy. I haven't known her for as long as I've known my other friends but, in all honesty, it feels like we've known each other for a lifetime. In my eyes, she's a sister.

"Are you two plotting evil together again?" Ben asks warily, handing each of us a glass of water and an apple, obviously having heard bits of our conversation.

I frown at the crap he's just handed to me. "Explain yourself," I tell him sternly, gesturing to the garbage he's given us. He opens his mouth to speak but I shush him. "Before you give me an answer, I must warn you that if it's an answer that I don't approve of, you will pay a heavy price."

AJ nods, agreeing with me. Together, we stand firm.

Benley sighs and clears his throat. "Permission to speak, Ma'am?" he asks me, using a tone of attitude on me and failing to hide it.

I pause for theatrics before answering him. "Beautiful, legendary Ma'am," I correct him.

He rolls his eyes but complies anyway. "Permission to speak, beautiful, legendary tyrant," he corrects himself, accidentally making a mistake – there's just no way my darling Benley would do that on purpose.

"Against my terrible judgment, I'll allow it. Permission granted," I wave my hand flimsily at him, motioning for him to continue.

"There is literally nothing else to drink or eat in this house. Who does the shopping in this household?" he questions before taking a seat beside me again.

"We take turns," I answer. "But, when it's my turn, we all like to fast."

"So, in other words, you're too lazy to go shopping for groceries whenever it's your turn?" Ben-Ben raises his eyebrows at me knowingly.

I place my hands together and lean my chin on them before shooting him a filthy look. "I will not disclose such confidential information to you."

"I'll take that as a 'yes' then," he replies back cheekily.

"Anyway," I get back to the matter at hand, ignoring his bratty smirk, "it's Jay's turn this week and he only buys healthy stuff. We're only allowed to drink water and quite frankly, I prefer my weeks; I would rather starve and dehydrate than eat apples and drink water."

"You said it, sister!" AJ high-fives me.

Ben shakes his head at us. "You two are a problem."

I'm about to reply when my phone begins to ring. I fish it out again and when I see that it's Max, my heart drops. Knowing that I won't be able to speak to him right now, I decide it's best to decline his call, and this time, I'm not doing it for laughs.

Ben notices and immediately arches an eyebrow at me before taking my phone from me. He sees Max's name and raises his brows at me, confused. "Okay, I know that you don't always take his calls because he whines to me about it all the time but this feels different. You've been spun out about something since we got here, well, at least, since you woke up. What's going on?"

I suck in a deep breath and sigh. "I'm sorry. You're right," I tell him, deciding it's about time I talk about it with someone – Jay and I hardly covered how we're going to deal with this. "It's Zac."

AJ's up in my face within seconds, searching my eyes for answers, bombarding my personal space. "Did he touch you?" she asks, appalled. "If he did, I'll kill him! Has Jay gone to kill him?! I'll—"

I swallow a smile and shake my head. "No, no, nothing like that," I stop her in her tracks because I don't want them hating Zac more than they're about to.

Ben observes my body language before shaking his head to himself, figuring it out. "He's the reason behind your panic attack, isn't he?"

I hesitate for a second before I nod at him. "Yeah. Yeah, he is."

Without even thinking twice about it, as if a totally automatic response, Benley wraps a comforting arm around my shoulders. "Tell us what happened with Zac," he persists gently but in an assertive manner. "We're your friends. Let us be here for you. I can see that whatever it is, it's haunting you and I don't like seeing you, of all people, like this...like sad or whatever."

AJ loops her arm through mine and cuddles up to me. "What he said," she tells me when I glance over at her for her thoughts. "We just want to help," she adds before smiling wholeheartedly at me in reassurance.

"I've told you twice now that if you ever need anything, I'm your guy," Ben reminds me of words of the past and of all the multiple times that he's had my back. "I meant it then and I still mean it now and I'll always mean it forever."

I meet Benley's cautious gaze and send him an appreciative look before laying my head on his chest, relieved to still have him as such a close friend. "Zac's been on drugs for a while now," I inform both of them.

I feel Benley exhale sharply, visibly upset with the news. "Why would he go and get involved in all that now after turning everything around?"

I shrug against him, clueless. "I'm not sure that Zac will ever turn everything around for himself. I'm not entirely convinced that he wants to." If he wanted to, we wouldn't have had to force him to go to rehab – he would have volunteered on his own.

"Is that what's upsetting you so much?" AJ asks me, her big blue eyes filling up with pure concern for me.

Before I can answer her, her fiancé does. "No," he shakes his head at AJ before looking over at me again, "that's not enough to rattle thee Aqueela Lawson. There's more, isn't there?" he questions, lowering his head to look at me, knowing me all too well by now.

I avert my gaze from their stares and watch the ceiling instead – I'm pulling a Jay Taylor and honestly, I see why he does it so often now. "One night, Zac got super high," I start retelling the story I was just told, feeling the same heavy emotions all over again, "and he ended up losing control and landed up into a horrible car accident."

"Yikes," AJ comments with a frown, taken aback by the startling information. "But he's okay, though?"

I nod. "Fortunately, he walked away from it just fine but Bell and Max...they don't even know it yet but they lost their baby over it, over Zac's screw-up."

Teary-eyed, I wipe at my eyes, once again, putting myself in Bell's shoes and feeling the pain she must have felt when hearing that she lost her baby.

Benley says nothing but his grip around my shoulders tightens.

"And it sucks," I continue, holding back the waterworks, "because I'm the reason he even knows them. I'm the reason that he's in their life. I'm the reason that he's here, in Minnesota, to begin with."

Slobber, as if sensing my despondency, looks up at me with his big, adoring brown eyes. He tilts his head to the side and barks at me, wanting assurance that I'm fine. When I don't respond, he leans up on my chest and presses his wet nose against mine, staring deeply into my eyes, doing his best to alleviate my sorrow.

"I'm alright, bud," I tell him with a ghost of a smile on my lips. I crane my head down slightly to kiss his nose.

Slobs licks my cheek in response before nuzzling into the crook of my neck, quickly falling back asleep. Meanwhile, AJ and Benley are both speechless after hearing what they just heard.

After a few more moments of silence, Ben eventually regains his composure. He moves away from me to hold me at shoulder's length. He levels his face with mine, his dark eyes piercing into mine. "Aqueela, you need to listen to me, this is not your fault. You didn't force Zac to follow you here, you didn't force him to take drugs, and you didn't force him to drive while high. You could never have predicted an outcome like this. You could never have prevented this."

"You say that but I haven't been much of a friend to him lately. I wasn't paying attention and I let the ball drop with him. I didn't see what was happening to him and I should have," I argue, determined to offer them my perspective on the matter. "I should have," I repeat.

I really do believe that this whole situation could have been prevented had Zac had someone to turn to earlier before any of this happened. He needed somebody but no one was there.

AJ tugs on my hand, willing my attention. "Zac could have also reached out but he didn't. He could have asked for help but he chose not to. You've got to look at both sides of the coin. You can't take the blame for this, Aqueela," she says in all seriousness – it's a side to her that I don't see often, "it will kill you."

I ponder over it again and slowly nod. "You guys are right but I still feel incredibly guilty."

Benley catches me off guard when he flashes me a warm grin. "When did your heart double in size, Ms. Lawson?"

An involuntary smile washes over my lips. "I feel like you're insulting me and complimenting me at the same time."

I've always cared about people but Benley's right, high-school Aqueela didn't show it as much as current adulting Aqueela does.

"So, that's why you don't want to speak to Max," AJ says in realization, everything finally making sense to her. She pauses for a second or two before asking me what's on her mind. "Are you going to tell them? Max and Bell, I mean?"

I bite my bottom lip and sigh for the millionth time. "What choice do I have? They're two of my best friends and I owe it to them to give them the closure they need. I feel like it should come from Zac but he isn't coping himself, so..."

Benley moves forward again and embraces me tightly, sharing in the apprehension I'm feeling, in the burden I'm carrying. "I'm so sorry, Aqueela. No wonder Jay is so paranoid over you right now. We had to force him to leave when we got here. It's so unlike you to have a panic attack. This is really taking a toll on you, huh?"

I nod into his chest and squeeze my eyes shut, my head beginning to pound again. "I guess."

I never thought that I'd be one to have a panic attack either. I don't get overwhelmed easily but things are beginning to change. Truthfully, I can't help but think that maybe there's more on my mind than I'm acknowledging.

"If you want, I'll make sure that we're both there when you decide to tell them," Benley kindly offers, polite and gentlemanly as always – alright, most times. "You know...for support."

"Thanks, Ben," I reply quietly. "I'll let you guys know."

AJ glances from Benley to me with an indecipherable look in her eyes before she suddenly jumps out of her seat. "You know what? No!" she yells abruptly as if making up her mind about something. With a sense of purpose in her step, she walks over to Boss Man's radio and switches it on. "Enough of this!"

I raise an eyebrow at Benley but he looks as lost as me.

"No, no, no!" AJ stomps her foot and continues to shout at us as, or herself, still unclear, as she begins to skip through a whole bunch of radio stations. She only stops when she finds an upbeat and happy song. "No more being sad!" she tells us and begins to sway to the beat of the tune.

I clap my hands, already on board. "I don't know what's going on but I like it!" I shriek in exhilaration, watching AJ perform silly dance moves for us. I openly laugh when she folds one arm behind her back and waves the other hand back and forth in front of her face, her head following the rhythm of her hand.

"C'mon, Benjy, you don't have a choice in the matter," AJ goofily dances her way toward us and offers Benley her hand, forcing him to get up off of the couch and join her in her sheer craziness.

"Why do we always have to resort to things like this?" Ben asks, reluctant to be a participant in whatever the heck is happening.

AJ pouts up at him in a very persuasive manner. "C'mon, Babe, sink or swim?" she asks him while playfully tugging him to her against his will.

Ben stares at her for a second before he caves and starts twirling around on the spot, shaking his hips and moving his entire body like a worm, adding his own mix of stupid dance moves to AJ's.

Swim it is.

AJ stops dancing for a minute just to watch him. She joins in on my full-blown laughter, unable to contain herself. "Alright," she cheers Ben on and starts doing his latest dance move – the 'shoot' – with him, "doing it Burnsville style! For Aqueela! Get hyped, people! Now, it's a dance party!"

Benley rolls his eyes at her but chuckles anyway. He attempts to follow AJ in her moves and it only makes me laugh that much harder, simply because this isn't Ben's thing. He's totally out of his comfort zone and I love it.

"Watch me, MacAllister!" AJ scolds him, unimpressed with his own creative choreography. "It's all in the hips!"

I throw my head back and giggle at the sight of them trying to do 'the hula' in time with each other. "I love having a hype team!" I shout over the music and eagerly get up to move with them. "I'm officially hyped!"

Before we know it, FeeBee has joined in and is leading all of us in 'The Orange Justice'. I try to mimic her actions while Slobs balances on his two back legs and hops in circles around me but having two left feet of my own doesn't seem to work in my favor. I trip over myself and face-plant to the carpeted ground, my hair all over the place.

I roll onto my back and observe AJ laughing at seeing me on the floor. She ends up laughing so hard that she has to sit down. The final sight is the two of us lying down on the floor beside each other, barely able to breathe from laughter while FeeBee, Ben, and Slobs continue to hype each other up with their whacky and ridiculous dance moves.

"I hate to say this but..." Boss Man drawls, making himself known as he enters the room, looking around, taking everything in, "I think I prefer coming home to Jay and Aqueela half-naked than to whatever fresh hell this is."

Friendship...true and authentic friendship is what it is and Boss Man wouldn't know that even if it smacked him in the face and trust me, I'm about to.

Boss Man's gaze travels back over to Ben and FeeBee who are kicking their legs all over the place while flinging their arms around like deranged monkeys. "Did Zac leave some stuff behind? What are those two on?"

I shrug. "Joy. They're high on joy."

Boss Man frowns in thought, not buying it. "But I don't know Benley like this," he gestures to Benley who is looping arms with FeeBee and spinning her around as she attempts to piggyback him.

"That's because I have helped my husband-thing, as Aqueela says, evolve to a greater level, the supreme level of that of a hype friend. He's part of the hype team now. It's an exclusive and elite squad," AJ answers for me while I just nod along to everything she's saying -- she's sprouting pure genius with every word.

"Okay...I barely understood any of that but just don't come crying to me when FeeBee breaks her back," Boss Man states in return while moving past the two flapping their arms like chickens, half of Ben's body dangling over Feebs at this point.

"We won't but FeeBee just might!" I retaliate after him and then smile at AJ, grateful for friends like these -- not everyone has hype friends to call their own.

AJ shakes her head to herself. "That man seriously needs to get hyped."

I nod in agreement. "Tell me about it."

*~**~*

Hey guys :)

1. What was your favourite part of this chapter? 

2. Have any of you had a panic attack before? What did it feel like? How did you get through it? 

3. Thoughts on Zac right about now; do you feel sorry for him? 

4. Is Aqueela being too harsh with Zac? 

5. How do you think Max and Bell will respond to the news? 

6. Thoughts on Jay still supporting Zac? Do you agree/disagree? 

7. Thoughts on Aqueela's friendship with Ben and AJ?

 8. Thoughts on Ben and AJ's relationship with each other? 

9. Do you think Jay spoils Aqueela? 

10. Should Benley and AJ have a baby?

11. Who is more spoiled, Ben or Aqueela? 

12. Do you see parallels in the 2 couples' relationships? (Jayeela & BJ) 

13. Do you think the accident could have been prevented? How? 

14. Who should tell Max and Bell? Why? 

15. Do you have a hype team/hype friends when you need them? 

Thanks for supporting me despite the long waits. Quite busy right now but hope to update soon :)

Take care :D

~ CJ