Chapter 16: Damaged Goods

It's later in the day and I've successfully recovered from our 'run' but I'm now I'm in a state over something else.

I frantically call his number again but it just goes to voicemail. It feels like this is the millionth time that I've tried reaching him. He's obviously put his phone off. My hands are shaking and I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack.

I rub my temples, keeping my tears at bay. "He's still not answering, Jay," I say into the silent room, seeking advice, comfort, anything really at this point – I'm desperate and I'm frustrated and I'm exhausted from worry.

Jay's soft gaze of concern is enough to make me cry. He steps forward and embraces me tightly. "Breathe, Aqueela. We'll find him," he assures me. "I'm as scared as you are but you need to understand that Zac makes his own decisions and sometimes, we have to let people make their own mistakes too, even if we see it coming from a long way off."

Greg pats me on the back, not sure how to help. "I'm sorry, Aqueela. Zac should never have left such a distressing message on your phone and then not answer any of your calls or tell you where he is. He's always struck me as selfish and irresponsible."

He's not any of those things. Zac...he's just so hopelessly lost. Earlier, I opened a voice note from him where he's telling me that he's in serious trouble and that he's afraid something disastrous is going to happen tonight if he doesn't get out right now. I can hear that he's stoned but I can also hear that he truly needs me, that he truly needs someone to be there for him, someone to save him from himself.

"Jay..." I drawl warily, afraid to voice my thoughts in case they become real, "what if he overdoses before we find him?"

Jay's quiet for a moment before pushing back from me ever so slightly so that he can look me in the eyes. "Whatever happens to him, and I sincerely hope to God that nothing does, you need to realize that if anything does happen, it's not on you. You've tried to help him in the past. He seems drawn to the darker side of life and that's not your fault. Still, I don't want you fretting over this. We're going to find him, okay?"

I suck in a deep breath and try to control my racing nerves. "Why does he do this to me? Why does he insist on making me feel like this? It's not fair."

"It isn't fair," Jay agrees with me. "But this is a drug addict we're talking about. Zac's not currently in his right frame of mind and the last thing that he's thinking about is others. I've been there. Right now, the Zac we know doesn't exist and he's not going to exist again until he gets off of those pills for good."

"We're going to help him, Aqueela. I promise," Greg adds, seeking to calm me down.

I nod. "I know. I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little wired from all the coffee I drank earlier." I don't even like coffee.

"You're allowed to feel the way you feel, Aqueela," my fiancé tells me gently. "Drugs don't just break people; they break friends and families too."

"Why did he have to start in the first place?" I ask aloud, the thought bugging me to no avail. "Maybe I should try to call Mia or Laiken?" I'm sure either of them might be able to help him more than us.

"Don't call Laiken just yet. Mase told me that his football interview with the NFL is today. Let's first find Zac and assess the situation before disturbing Laik. I don't want anything to throw him off of his game," Jay carefully reasons with me, thinking of how he'd feel in Laiken's predicament. "But I can try Mia again if you want?"

"No, I'll call her. You pour your focus into finding out where Zac is," I suggest. I just want to know if he's okay, that's it. Why can't he just pick up the phone and let me know if he's fine or not?!

"I'm going to trace his phone and see where he was last," Jay tells me, keeping me updated.

"You guys make your calls and I'll make mine," Greg says before leaving the kitchen area.

I dial Mia's number and it's not long before she answers:

"Hi, Aqueela."

"Hi, Mia," I greet her without giving anything away. "It's been a while," I note.

"Sure has," she agrees softly. "I guess that's more on me than you, I'm sorry. Things have been...rough this side," she tries to justify her absence even though I don't need an explanation from her.

"Well, I miss you," I confess truthfully. "And I know I'm not the only one. You should know that you're always welcome by us."

"Aqueela...thank you," she replies with so much emotion in her voice. "That means a lot to me."

"Sure," I reply in ease. "But I'll admit, I'm also calling with an ulterior motive in mind. I'm looking for—"

"Zac," she says his name before I can. "That makes two of us."

"You haven't heard from him?" I ask, curious. There's something going on here. Are they not supposed to be living together and madly in love and blah blah blah?

A beat of silence passes before Mia clears her throat. "Zac and I parted ways a week or so ago."

I read into her words. "You know...don't you?" I ask, slowly putting two and two together.

"When he started using, he changed. I didn't recognize him anymore," she admits, her voice thick with regret and sadness. "Some of my stuff started to go missing and I realized he was selling it." She sighs deeply. "It's been hell, Aqueela. He even lied to my face. He gave me no choice but to kick him out. I haven't heard from him since."

I wince. Zac is messing up so much lately. I've been too preoccupied with my engagement and new life to check in with him. "I'm sorry, Mia," I reply, not knowing what else to say to all of that.

"I know relationships have ups and downs and I know I messed up with Laiken but I don't know how to deal with this, Aqueela. Zac means a lot to me but it's not my job to fix him. I can't be with him until he gives up this other, darker side of him," she elaborates on her emotions and thoughts. "I don't know what to do anymore."

"Mia, as much as I want to be there for you, and I do, I really do, I can't right now. Zac's in trouble and I need to find him. And it's not your fault. None of this is your fault. But once I find Zac and kick him to the curb for putting all of us through this emotional torment, we'll talk. And we'll talk for a while, okay?" I tell her, hoping that I haven't offended her.

"I get it. Thanks for looking out for him while I can't. You're a good person. I look forward to our talk. Take care," she says before the phone goes dead.

My heart is aching and I hate this feeling. I almost hate Zac for doing this to all of us. But life is short and times are tough and if you're not there for the people you care about, then why are you even here to begin with? Why do you exist? What is your purpose if not to love those that need love?

"I found him," Jay's voice tears me from my own lingering thoughts.

I swallow nervously, expecting the worst. "Where is he?"

Jay looks into my eyes for a second as if deciding whether to tell me or not. "He's downtown," he eventually answers me with the truth, "the very dodgy area where drugs and gangs are rampant. I know the place well."

"I don't care how well you know the place, you're not coming with me," I tell him bluntly, choosing the straight-up approach. I have to be completely honest with him in order to get through to him.

"Isn't that supposed to be the line I use on you?" he asks, taken aback by how serious I'm being.

"I agree with Aqueela," Greg cuts in as he steps back into the room, his phone in hand. "It's too much of a temptation for you, Jay. You can't be in that area and around those kinds of people. We know that you're strong, mentally, but you shouldn't be putting yourself in harm's way. We can't bear to see you go backward. We won't."

"And I don't want you reliving horrible things or running into terrible people that you used to know," I voice my opinion on the matter, praying that he'll somehow agree to stay behind on this one.

Jay nods and drops his head into his hands. "I'm hearing both of you and I get what you guys are saying but what else am I supposed to do? Let my fiancée go without me into an extremely dangerous part of town?"

"Jay, Boss Man will come with me. I'll be fine," I try to reassure him but I know how stubborn he can be. "'Careful' is like my middle name," I attempt a lame joke in the hopes of getting him to ease up on the matter.

He shakes his head at me, barely suppressing a smile. "You must be living in an alternate reality because in no world is that true."

"Yeah..." Greg interrupts us with a sheepish grin, "I actually can't go with you, Aqueela," he tells me with an apologetic look to his eyes. "We're short on staff today and one of our machines isn't working. I gotta get down to the bar STAT."

Jay turns to look at me before I can get any ideas. "Let's get something out of the way right now, you're not going alone," he utters in determination. "That's that. That's final."

"But we need to strike while the iron is hot! We're wasting time here!" I argue, feeling the valuable seconds tick by.

"Hold on a sec', let me run something by you," Jay says, watching my face for any signs of distress as he carefully goes on, "why not ask your uncle to go?"

"He's out of town. I already thought about that," I reply with a huff, growing impatient. Zac may be rough around the edges but he's no some lost cause. He doesn't deserve to be written off. He's not damaged goods.

"Then Dean's dad or just the normal police force?" he tosses more ideas my way, desperately trying to stop me from going out there on my own.

"Dean's dad arrests his own son, all the time, for minor offenses. Imagine what he'll do to Zac," I say, in turn. "No," I shake my head, "the police will just arrest him and I can't watch Zac go back to jail. It's not like he'll be shown any mercy. He already has a criminal record."

"What about Landon?" Jay suggests thoughtfully. "He's the only one, other than Greg, who I trust fully to take care of you."

I nod, beaming. "Landon, yay! He's always a blast!"

"Okay, don't get too excited, it might concern me just a little," he teases, playfully nudging me with his arm.

Before I can defend my reaction, the front doorbell rings. I frown and glance Jay's way seeing as we're not expecting anyone. Jay's facial expression matches mine – he's just as lost as me.

"I may have found someone that you trust just a little bit more than Landon," Greg speaks up, directing his gaze to Jay. He leaves the room and walks over to the front door.

"What was that about?" I ask Jay, puzzled.

Jay merely shrugs. "I don't know."

"Thanks for coming, Grey," I hear the words leave Boss Man's mouth, and immediately, I take off sprinting to the front door without a second thought in mind.

I stop in my tracks the second I see him. It feels surreal. He's talking to Boss Man and looks so sleep-deprived yet here he is. For whatever reason that he's been gone, all that matters is that he's here now. He shows up when it counts and I should never have doubted that about him. If anything, Grey Ferrot is the essence of integrity.

I take in his appearance. His hair isn't even spiky like it usually is, it's just messy -- that's the first indicator that he hasn't been himself for a while; the second is his five o'clock shadow. I don't bother to read into it too much because I'm just so ecstatic that he's actually here.

Grey's dark eyes meet mine over Boss Man's shoulders. The corner of his mouth turns up into the smallest of smiles at spotting me. I place both my hands over my mouth and shake my head in disbelief. I can tell, just by his facial expression, that he's here to stay. He won't be leaving us again.

"My ferret!" I shout at the top of my voice before launching forward like a rocket to squeeze him fiercely. "You're back!" I squeal into his neck, overjoyed, as I clutch onto him tightly, refusing to let him go again.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm back, you psycho," he states in an uncaring voice. "Let's not make a big deal out of this. Now remove your arms from me before I rip them off myself. Moment over." When I ignore him, he groans in dismay, unwilling to show any affection in return. "It's like you're born to be annoying," he grumbles out in defeat.

I step back and release him, giving him the space that he wants. "When will you learn that your insults only give me strength? They power me up, level me up, and your general meanness fuels me," I tell him in earnest. "I revel in your hatred."

"Ah, I've missed this," Boss Man chimes in, content with our ongoing feud. "You two make my day. All is right in the world again. Order has been restored in the land."

"Is that supposed to emotionally resonate with me?" Grey arches an eyebrow at Boss Man, unfazed by his statement.

"Yeah, Boss Man, is it suppose to? Because from what I understand and from what Grey's told me on many the occasion, only I emotionally resonate with him!" I chip in and hug Grey again, unable to help myself. I wrap my arms around him and clasp onto his back, beyond satisfied to have him back in our lives.

"I've never said that to her, hinted at it, or given her the slightest inkling of such things," Grey clarifies before Boss Man chooses to believe me. "Just talking to her actively destroys my brain cells."

Boss Man chuckles, amused. "Play nice, Grey."

"I already want off the team," Grey replies, gesturing down to me with his hand, showing Boss Man how I'm still embracing the life out of him despite his countless attempts to try and push me off of him.

"I've missed you so, my brazen, heavy-footed brute," I sigh happily into his chest. "Never leave us again, you big oaf."

He rolls his eyes at my dramatics, unimpressed. "I detest every second of this. Are you ever going to stop hugging me?"

"Not until our heartbeats join as one," I reply firmly, carefree and happy-go-lucky as ever. This is the bestest day ever!

"You're going to wear me down one of these days, Lawson," he mutters in irritation. "God forbid that day comes anytime soon."

"I'm giving you something, I'm giving you a warm, friendly hug, and you're persecuting me for it," I point out the facts before forcing his arms around me. "I know I'm a handful but that's why God blessed you with two hands."

"Yeah, but you're acting like a dog seeing its owner come back from war for the very first time," he responds with more sass, his arms dropping to his side again. "Except, you're an obstinate, rabid dog."

"I don't like to pull rank," that's a lie, yes, I do, "but I'm ordering you to embrace me until our heartbeats join as one," I command sternly, not budging, proving his point – I can be obstinate during the best of times.

"That sounds so gross! Why do you have to phrase things like this?" he manages to push me away from him for a split second before I'm all over him again. "Do you want me to throw up on you?!"

I shrug. "I wouldn't mind. Do what you want. I'm just glad you're home." I really, really don't care what he does at this point in time – that's how happy I am.

"I'm going to die like this, aren't I?" Grey asks Boss Man, bewildered and concerned for his life. "She's never going to let go. I'm going to die in her arms, she's going to be the last thing I ever see; I can't think of any worse way to go."

Serves him right, that will teach him to leave my life without my permission.

Boss Man eventually yanks me back from Grey, putting him out of his gleeful misery. "Alright, you had your fun. Let the poor guy breathe now."

"But we must doth breathe as one!" I protest jokingly.

Grey narrows his gaze at me. "Why don't you take one deep breath, hold it and die?"

"Are you looking for beef? Do you want beef with me? Is that it, Grey? Is that what you want?" I playfully threaten him. "Well, too bad, I'm vegetarian!"

"Hate to get caught in the crossfire of beef and whatever else is going on here but I just wanted to say thanks, once again, for sticking your neck out for us," Jay interrupts and enters the room, directing his attention to Grey.

"Listen, JT," Grey starts to ramble, "about all the phone calls, I'm sorry, I—"

Jay shakes his head and pulls Grey in for a bro-hug. "None of that, man. We're good. I understand. I'm just glad to see you again."

"Seriously?" Grey asks him, pulling back to look at him, stunned. "No interrogation from you or explanation from me? No ass-kicking?"

Jay shakes his head again, letting go of any stored bitterness or resentment. "It's not necessary. You've obviously been having a hard time. Why would I want to make it any worse for my wayward brother?" he replies teasingly with a downcast smile.

I can tell that Jay wants to know what's been going on, as do I, but I know Jay well enough to know that he's not going to force Grey to open up. He's going to wait patiently for Grey to open up all on his own and in his own time.

"Know that I'm here and I'm always going to be here if you need anything, I'll never turn you away," Jay feels the need to add, doing his best to express how much Grey's friendship means to him. "You're my best bud, no matter what. Nothing is going to ever change that. I'm always going to have your back, even if you don't want me to. We've been through too much to just let it all fall apart. I got you."

Grey grins in relief. "JT..." he falters, "I don't even know what to say."

Jay returns his grin and simply shrugs, having nothing else to say. "You're my brother."

Grey chuckles, now in a state of repose, the stress visibly leaving his face. "Alright, alright, stop, stop before you make me cry, man," he jokes.

I smile openly at the sight. I'm glad that nothing in this world can destroy their friendship. They will always bounce back from any trial and restore it. The way they look out for each other is admirable.

"You know what this means, right?" I ask excitedly, glancing around at the three of them.

Grey frowns in realization, snapping out of his jovial mood. "I swear, if you say—"

"Group hug!" I shout and try to embrace all three of them at the same time – my stupid arms are not long enough.

"I'm not going through this torture again," Grey complains, instinctively shoving me off of him. "Twice was more punishment than I can handle." He looks over at Jay for answers. "Why are you marrying her? Why? Why do you insist on punishing yourself and us with mediocracy and substandard-ness?" he questions while gesturing over to me. "It doesn't make any sense!"

"Says the man who calls me his best friend," I retort before Jay can open his mouth to, hopefully, defend me.

"I've never mentioned your name and the word 'friend' in the same sentence and if for some reason, I lose my mind and ever do, I'm probably using the term extremely loosely," he remarks, just as mulish as me.

"Well, I consider you to be a very close friend and only top-quality people become my friends," I state, meaning every word of it.

Boss Man nods boastfully. "It's true, I'm her friend."

That's what he thinks...

"If you're going to hold out on being friends with me, then you're going to be one of my dispensable ones," Grey finalizes, leaving no room for argument.

I smile up at him, still unable to grasp that he's actually here voluntarily. "Works for me." I'll take what I can get when it comes to this pig-headed, lovable son of a sheep.

"I hate to break up this little reunion but you two should get going," Boss Man wisely advises. "Zac still needs you guys."

My eyes widen in alarm. "Zac!" I totally forgot about him. I got all caught up in my hate for Grey.

"Take care of her, yeah?" Jay says to Grey, motioning to me with his eyes. "That's my whole world you have there with you. I would go with but—"

Grey nods in understanding and stops him mid-sentence, "It's better you don't. I get it. Don't jeopardize your recovery. As much as it pains me to say it, I promise that I'll take care of Lawson."

"Naaaw," I elbow Grey and bat my eyes at him, just kidding around. "That's so—"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up, I don't want to hear it," he speaks over me before I can finish.

Jay grins at the both of us and then leans down to kiss me goodbye. "See you later. Call me if you need me. Don't forget that I put myself on speed dial on your phone," he reminds me, failing to hide his anxiety over this entire situation.

I grab either side of his face with both my hands and force him to look down at me. "Everything is going to be fine, Jay. I'm going to be fine. Okay?"

He nods and smiles slightly. "I know...but just in case." He moves to hug Grey next. "I appreciate you doing this, man," he says and slaps Grey on the back, grateful. "Thanks for being here. I've seriously missed you, bud."

"We all have," Boss Man agrees, stealing Jay's thunder like the lightning he is.

"When you guys get back," Jay continues, meeting Grey's gaze with a silent request, "please don't freeze me out again."

It takes Grey a moment before he speaks again. He seems momentarily lost in thought and for a second, I'm sure he's already decided that he'll be leaving again. However, he lifts his face and stares at all three of us with conviction in his eyes. "I'm not going to abandon any of you guys again."

This seriously calls for a group hug but I'm not going to bring it up again seeing as I was shut down before and met with an abundance of negative responses and a lack of critical acclaim.

*~*~*~**~*~*~*

I stare out of Grey's car window, watching nightfall set in. The light is fading fast and I find myself unable to stop thinking about Zac. There's a knot in my chest and it hurts. Zac is suffering and I don't even know for a certain if we can help him. He's had no easy life and the way things turned out for him; it all just seems so...unjust.

I feel Grey's gaze on me. I turn my head to meet those intense depths of gray. I send him a soft smile, not having much to say. I know that he knows that I'm not alright but I'm not ready to voice that just yet.

"You're unusually quiet?" he asks more than states, sensing my uneasiness. "It's nice but weird." When I don't reply, he takes it upon himself to converse with me in his own twisted way. "You know, I've been meaning to tell you that you look horrible as of late. Are you dying or something? Because you've aged terribly in these last few months. You look like a stray human."

So...a homeless person?!

Internally, I still smile. Grey's a gem. He truly is. He knows exactly what he's doing and I'm thankful for the brief distraction.

"Says the guy who's so old that he's already aged out of the system, all the systems. You're the grouchy, mummified pile of decaying flesh here, not me," I retaliate with an insult of my own.

He nods, concentrating on the road again. "That's more like it. Packing a punch in every comment is more your speed."

"Sorry," I clear my throat, "I guess I'm just overthinking again."

"Any thinking is overthinking to you," he jibes.

"I see your soul is still as dark as space," I utter, entertained for the moment. "Nothing's changed."

"And your head is still as empty as space," he counters. "Nothing's changed."

I fold my arms over my chest and pout. "You're so unnecessarily mean to me."

A ghost of a smile forms on his lips. "It's very necessary. But, relax, you're still a whimsical, wide-eyed monstrosity of a person to me."

"Chee, thanks, so nice of you to say that," I respond in sarcasm.

He nods in agreement. "I'm not going to lie; it took a lot out of me."

I sigh and acknowledge my truth. "I miss you, Grey."

A troubled expression takes over his features and he's quiet for a few minutes. I'm about to drop it and let it go when I hear him eventually reply, "You don't have to miss me, I'm right here."

"Was it because of me?" I ask quietly. I've been wanting to know the answer for a while now but I never thought that I'd actually be brave enough to ask him. "Did you leave because of me?" I repeat, wanting to finally shed light on the topic.

A crease forms between his brows as the gravity of what I'm asking hits him. I notice the car slow down as he ponders over my question, and then I feel his hand settle lightly on my leg. "I know what you're really asking," he observes, biting on the inside of his cheek, one hand on the wheel, "and the answer is no. I don't want you thinking otherwise."

"Are you sure?" I ask again for absolute certainty – I have to know. The fact that he won't look at me, not even spare me a glance, is not very reassuring. "Because if it is me, it doesn't mean things have to end, we can figure things out. We can talk about it. We can—"

"My heart is with Leila, if that's what you're asking in that roundabout way of yours," he blurts out abruptly, stopping me from saying anything further.

I stare at him, shocked. "Yeah?"

He glances sideways at me and nods. "Yeah."

I muster up a smile and gently pat his hand. "Good. Because I value you so much, Grey, I do, and I don't want to lose you again."

He removes his hand from my leg and places it back on the wheel. "You never lost me, you stupid idiot. And you never will."

"I pray not because I love you a lot, you dumb imbecile," I tell him in earnest, needing him to hear it. I want him to know that no matter what's going on, there are people who still care about him. I want him to know that he matters to me and always will.

"If you're waiting for me to say it back, you're going to be waiting a long time," he hums slyly, not looking at me. "But at the rate you're aging, maybe it won't be that long."

Imma just pretend I didn't hear that!

"My life is not meant to be lived without my ferret and you don't have my permission to take that away from me. Think about that the next time you try and leave me," I tell him angrily, continuing my rant, letting him know exactly how it felt.

He frowns, seemingly regretful and upset with himself. "I'm sorry, Lawson."

His apology shocks me but it's not enough to throw me off course. "You mean a lot to me and I will not be left behind again," I command, dead serious. "Do you understand, you halfwit?"

He nods once. "Yeah, yeah, you simpleton, I won't leave you behind again, got it. Can you stop lashing out at me now? It's surprisingly intimidating and definitely something I don't want to get used to."

"As long as you know that our life paths are parallel to each other and that my future has to include you in it, then we're good," I conclude my speech, wrapping it up and placing a neat bow on top.

"It will include me but against my will," he replies, a smug smirk on his face. "And that better just be good enough for you."

I reach over my seat and hug him quickly, this time. "Glad to officially have you back, you sadist."

"Anytime, you barbarian, now get off of me, I'm driving," he swats me away with one hand, a faint smile taking over his expression.

We might be on different roads but eventually, we're all going to intersect. And that's exactly what's happened today. And now, I'm going to selfishly take him off of his road and force him to walk the rest of his journey, hand-in-hand, with his family, with us, because that's where he belongs. 

*~**~*

Hey guys :) 

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know your thoughts.

1. What do you think will happen in the next chapter?

2. What was your favourite part of this chapter?

3. Why do you think Zac messaged Aqueela?

4. Do you think Zac is okay?

5. In your opinion, should Jay have gone with Aqueela to look for Zac?

6. Thoughts on Mia and Zac's relationship?

7. Were you expecting Grey to pitch?

8. Why do you think Grey showed up?

9. Thoughts on Grey and Jay's friendship?

10. Thoughts on Aqueela's relationship with Grey?

See you in the next chapter! :D

~ CJ