“So what did my parents get me?” I ask curiously, staring up at the stars. I’m lying on the roof, staring up at the perfect twinkling sky. To my left, is Emery, with his arms stretched underneath his head. To my right, is Mary, who’s humming a song I’m unfamiliar with. Were slanted so that the whole, sparkling sky looks like were sitting in front of a movie screen.

“You’re not allowed to know until tomorrow,” Emery laughs, kicking my left leg with his foot. “Stop asking.” I had been asking all day, and so far I wasn’t getting any hints. My parents had said I wouldn’t be getting my car for my birthday, but I knew them well enough to not let my celebration go without a gift.

“Okay,” I giggle mischievously. I nudge both Emery and Mary in the sides with my elbows. “What did you guys get me then?” Mary stops humming and rolls her eyes while Emery refuses to look at me.

“Well, you’ll get my present tomorrow because it kind of goes with your parent’s present,” Mary grins and I sit up to smack her arm with the back of my hand.

“No fair!” I whine. I hated waiting for my presents, especially considering it’s the night of my birthday and I’m officially another year older.

“Hey, I bet Emery got you something nice,” she winks, and sits up as I cross my legs on the slanted roof. “Right Emery?” His head snaps towards Mary and his eyes squint into a glare. “Well,” she mumbles awkwardly as she stands up. “I’m going to go get a drink.” Without meeting my eyes, she crawls towards my open window and jumps through. I hear her walk along the floor and shut the door to my room. Once she’s gone, we’re left in silence. The only noise is the sounds of the chirping crickets in the grass below us.

“What you said to Ocean,” I mumble after a few moments of silence. “It was really nice.” Emery doesn’t respond, but instead nods. “So,” I say five minutes later. I’ve been thinking of the conversation between Mary and I all day. “What are you going to do once your probations up?”

Emery sits up and raises his eyebrows at me. “You really want to discuss this on your birthday?” I think about that, and decide that yes, I do. If I didn’t, I would be wondering about it until I asked again. I nod my head and he sighs. “I don’t really know yet.”

“You don’t know?” I ask curiously. “I thought you were counting the days until you could run off out of our lives,” I snap annoyed, and then close my mouth tightly. Sure, Emery had hated me before, but things have changed. I guess I’m just really mad that he hasn’t talked about it with me.

“River,” he sighs, and takes my left hand in his right. “I meant that I don’t have anywhere to go at this point.” I don’t meet his eyes and instead stare at the rooftop underneath us. “Can we just talk about this later?” When I don’t respond, he squeezes my hand tightly. “I want to give you something.”

I can’t help myself as I look at Emery. He reaches into his jean pocket and removes a small, silver box. He smiles shyly, and holds it out to me. “I saw it while I was in town today and thought of you.” I take the delicate looking box in my hands and wonder how someone like Emery could get me something without it being a death threat. When he sees my cautious eyes, he rolls his own. “Go ahead, open it.”

I smile at the tiny silver bow and avoid ruining it as I lift the lid of the palm-sized box. Inside, the present catches my eye immediately. Like the box, it’s shiny silver, but that’s not what makes me smile. It’s a necklace, with the charm being a small horse, mid gallop. Every piece of it is in beautiful detail, from the eyes to the tail. I can’t form words as Emery takes the box from my hands. He takes the necklace out, and gestures for me to turn around.

I grab my wavy hair and put it over my left shoulder. Emery’s hands brush my neck as he lays the necklace on my chest, and pulls the ends around back. It takes him a minute to clasp it together, and it makes me smirk. When he’s done, I turn around and twirl the horse between my fingers.

“What do you think?” He asks nervously, and I smack his arm.

“Emery!” I gently drop the horse and lean towards him. “It’s absolutely gorgeous!” I wrap my arms around him and snuggle my head into his black sweater. When I feel his arms around me, I breathe in his smell. It’s mostly the smell of cigarettes, and as much as I disliked them, the smell on him gives me comfort.

“So you like it?” I pull back and glare at him. “You don’t like it.” He stares down at his feet and I grab his chin to make him meet my eyes.

“Did you not just hear me, silly? I love it!” I’ve never initiated it before, but now I feel like this is the perfect time. I slowly lean my head towards his and close my eyes. A moment later, our lips meet and I never want this moment to end. This has been the best birthday ever, despite it being uninteresting up until this point.

Emery’s hands push me down until I’m lying on the roof, but our lips don’t part. He climbs onto my waist, and pins me down, much like he had when he choked me. But those memories are too far away to reach. My hands thread themselves into his soft hair, as his fingertips trail my collarbone. They tickle as they make their way down my shoulder and along my arm.

“Emery,” I gasp, suddenly realizing how unsafe this is. What if we both fell off the roof? “This is dangerous.” His lips kiss the side of my mouth and travel down to my shoulder.

“I’ve been in more dangerous situations,” he murmurs, meeting my lips once again. I want to ask him what are the situations, but I concentrate on making my lips touch his instead.

My heart feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest at any second. I’ve never had this connection with someone before. I could never tell the boy Mary introduced me to about my twin sister, but I was okay talking about it with Emery. He’s told me bits and pieces of his life, and from my understanding, he’s never really told anyone willingly before. I think about Mary’s words about me being defensive, and I pull back from Emery. We’re barely apart, and our lips touch each other’s as we breathe.

“Emery Hastings,” I murmur breathlessly. My fingers that had been grasping his dark hair settle. “I think I’m in love with you.”

Emery doesn’t say anything, and my heart skips a beat, but in a horrible way. We stare into each other’s eyes as my cheeks grow pink. Realization hits me pretty quickly and I let my hands drop onto the roof. The small thump they make is the only sound other than the crickets and breaks the silence.

First, he pulls his head farther away from me. I tilt my head to the right, not wanting to look at him. He climbs off of me, and returns to his sitting position from before. Emery doesn’t love me. I’m in love with him, but the feeling is mutual. I had ruined a perfectly good moment, and things are going to be weird from now on. Was telling him how I felt the wrong thing to do?

“What did I miss?” Mary asks, climbing through the window. Caught up in the moment, I hadn’t even heard her open my bedroom door. I sit up, and look down at my feet as I pick invisible pieces of lint off my shorts.

“Nothing at all,” murmurs Emery and Mary returns to her place on my right. Emery’s words are like individual bullets into my heart. Each one hurting more than the other. My head tells me that he just doesn’t want the things that go on between us to include Mary. But my heart tells me that my words really meant nothing to him. How many girls had said those important words to him before? How many girls had he said them to?

“Oh my gosh, the necklace is so pretty!” Mary gushes, carefully scooping it in her palm. She lets it gently fall back down as she grins at me. I nod silently, and awkwardly. I had turned the best birthday ever into the absolute worst in a matter of seconds. I should have known that things have been too good to be true lately. Nothing good or interesting ever happened to boring old River Snow.

“I’m going to head to bed,” Emery says, heading towards the window. “Night Mary.” I watch secretly out of the corner of my eye as he gives a small wave to her. His eyes don’t even glance my way before he crawls into the window, and out of my room. He had said goodnight to Mary, and not me. I know it’s only because of the stupid words I had said.

I hear the kitchen door swing close and watch the dark figure of Emery in the night. He heads towards the barn, ready to go to bed in his loft. But deep down I know that he’s just making an excuse to get away from me.

“What happened?” asks Mary, turning towards me curiously. “I want details!” I scoot my legs closer to me and hug my knees. As I stare up at the night sky, Mary finally realizes that something’s wrong. “River.” She rests a comforting hand on my shoulder but I barely feel it. “What happened?”

I asses my life up until this point and sigh. Even after what just happened, I wouldn’t wish for Emery to not have showed up in my barn that one night. Mary squeezes my right shoulder, bringing me back to reality. I meet her wide, concerned eyes then look towards the dimly lit barn.

“He doesn’t love me,” I whisper, knowing things will never be the same. I had just ruined the best thing that ever happened to me.