“The fence is finally finished,” sighs my dad at dinner. It’s taken two weeks, but now the horses can finally roam free. Well, kind of free. “Should last a few years.”

Vince watches me as he eats, sitting in Emery’s seat. For the two weeks he’s been here, he finds every excuse to talk to me. It seems as if we have sort of switched places since the last time I saw him.

“Just in time,” smiles my mom, looking past me. I turn around to see snow slowly falling in giant flakes. I gasp, and jump out of my seat. I’ve always thought the first snowfall is the most important. “Where are you going?” She calls after me, as I rush for my boots. Slinging my arms through my coat, I rush to get outside.

Staring up at the dark, cloudy sky, I let the snow fall on my face. Sticking out my tongue, I laugh as the first snowflake of the year hits it and quickly disappears. I twirl a few times, laughing and smiling, until I feel hands on my shoulders.

Vince spins me around to face him and I wiggle out of his grasp. “There’s the River I remember,” he smiles, but his eyes still watch my body.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I snap, pulling my wavy hair out of my jacket. My mood quickly goes from joyful to sour in a matter of seconds.

“I just mean that you haven’t been yourself lately. What’s up?” I avoid his eyes and turn my gaze up to the night sky.

“Nothing,” I mumble, trying to scavenge the happiness out of the first snowfall.

“You know,” he says, following my eyes. “Your dad briefly filled me in.” My head instantly snaps down and I stare at Vince through narrowed eyes. He’s wearing a light beige jacket that I’ve never seen before. “Don’t look so surprised. It’s obvious that you’re different.”

“Look, Vince,” I snap, shoving my hands in my grey coat pockets. “Just leave it alone, okay?”

Vince shrugs, following me by putting his hands in his pockets. “I just know where you’re coming from, and whoever this Emery guy is, it doesn’t sound like he’s helping you get over what happened.” He turns away and starts to walk towards the barn, abandoning his half-eaten dinner. He turns his head and calls over his shoulder. “If you want to talk, you know where to find me.”

Then he’s gone. Sighing, I turn and head into the house. My happy mood from the snow ruined, I trudge up the front steps. I wish that Emery could have been here to spend this moment with me, rather than Vince.

After I finish my dinner, and my parents are watching TV, I pick up the phone. Sliding down the length of the wall, I hug my knees. I dial Emery’s number. It rings, and I bite my tongue, praying he will answer. It rings a second time, and I wonder if this will be the time he will answer. By the third ring, I start to lose hope. Two weeks ago I had his number, and not once has anyone ever answered the phone.

By the time it stops ringing because no one answers; I sigh and hang up the phone. Still on the floor, I stop my head into my knees. I need Emery more than anything right now. Things don’t feel right without him, and sadly, Vince is right. Emery is the only one who can help me get over what happened, and he only made things worse.

The conversation that took place ten minutes ago repeats in my head and I slowly rise to my feet. Against every bone in my body, I head outside and walk slowly to the barn. By now, the ground is starting to accumulate snow and my boots leave footprints.

This will be the second time I’ve been in the barn, and this time by myself. I stop, take a deep breath, and step inside. Everywhere I look, makes me gasp. Memories of what happened in every place flood my mind.

Where I stand now is where Mr. Hastings first grabbed me. To my left, is the stall where the shotgun was thrown. A few feet ahead of me, is where Emery and I sat on the ground, drying. Holding my breath, I take a few more steps to where I shot Emery’s father.

“Hey,” Vince’s voice startles me and I flinch, instantly covering my heart with my hand. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” I nod, because I can’t find words. He’s standing on the stairs up to the loft, holding onto the railing. “Want me to leave?” He asks after a few minutes of silence.

“No,” I mumble, reaching over into the cow’s indoor pen. I pet one that’s close by and avoid Vince’s gaze. “I came here to see you.”

“Oh,” he says, walking down the steps. He slowly makes his way over to me, and leans against the wood that keeps the cows together. “Is there something you wanted to talk about?”

Sighing, I continue to avoid looking at Vince. Instead, I pretend that Emery is beside me, actually wanting to hear what I have to say. “Tell me that I did the right thing,” I whisper, hearing Emery’s words ring through my mind.

“You did,” he nods, gently grabbing my shoulder. He spins me slowly to face him, and gives a sad smile. “You saved his life. That could never be the wrong thing, and you deserve so much better than what you’re getting for doing that.”

His hand squeezes my shoulder and I give a shy smile. I’m meeting with my Ms. Bartlett tomorrow, who says she has news. Even though things seem to be looking up, I can’t help but keep looking down.

“Life is too short,” Vince says, bringing me back into reality. He slides his hand down from my shoulder to my hand, and as much as I want to jerk away, I don’t. “You can’t keep living in the past.”

For a long while we stare at each other. Eventually, I lower my gaze and look at our hands clasped together. As much as I’ve never liked Vince, he feels like the only one I can talk to now. Mary got in trouble after her parents found out she came over, and now we’re back to not being able to even talk on the phone.

“I better go work on my homework,” I mumble, removing my hand and slowly taking a step back. Homeschooling started last week, because too much has been going on for me to even concentrate on it.

“If you ever need anything,” Vince says, smiling at me. “Don’t be afraid to ask.” I nod and turn around, starting to walk down the aisle of the barn. I feel his eyes on my and I get uncomfortable, but the memories on the way out distract me. To my right is the place where I got shot, where I walk now is where Emery did. I won’t ever be able to forget what happened in here.

After an hour of attempting to do my homework in my room, I give up. Rising from my desk, I slowly head over to my bed. Sitting beside the bedside table, I open the drawer. I fidget with the delicate silver box in my hands. I still can’t figure out why Emery left it and only took the necklace, but I think it’s something along the lines of ‘out of sight, out of mind.’ Sure, the box will remind still me of him, but maybe it being empty represents that I still have a life if he’s not in it.

Sighing, I drop the box in the drawer and slam it shut. Falling back on my bed, I concentrate on my breathing. I’m definitely overthinking things. Emery can’t be that deep as to leave the box to represent something, can he? Besides, he probably just left it so I didn’t notice it missing.

It’s clear to me that Emery is never coming back. My dad barely mentioned him coming for his court date, and leaving as soon as it was over. Things went well apparently, but that’s all I heard. No, he didn’t bother driving to see me, or even sending a message to me through my dad. The love of my life is never coming back, hates me, and refuses to even talk to me. Emery may be gone in person, but he will always be in my thoughts.

“River, promise me something.”

I don’t move to meet Emery’s eyes. “What is it?” I ask cautiously, not wanting him to make me upset.

“Promise me that if I don’t come back, you’ll move on.” Immediately I wretch my hand out of his and jump to my feet. Tears are already forming in my eyes as I glare down at him.

“Emery,” I snap, clenching my fists. “You just said you would only be gone a week or two!”

He slowly rises to his feet and grabs my shoulders. He looks down seriously into my eyes. “River, if I decide to stay with my aunt, I will only be coming back for the court date. I won’t be staying here, and I’ll be gone right after it happens.” I try to free myself from his grasp but he doesn’t let me. “Promise me, please, that you won’t stay this way, River!”

I laugh bitterly and take a step back. “I promise,” I say through clenched teeth. “But then again, you were the one who told me that promises are just lies in disguise.”

I wake up gasping for air. Wiping the sweat from my forehead, I climb out of bed. I can never get back to sleep after the dreams. Sitting on my window seat, I stare out at the barn. The light is on in the loft, indicating that Vince is still awake.

Sighing, I wonder if Emery had moves on. He wanted me to, and I question whether I’m going to or not. Something tells me that I’ve already started to, as I let Vince hold my hand in the barn. However I want to believe that we’re just friends. I’m just searching for someone to talk to, because Emery’s gone.

He doesn’t want me to stay this way, but how can I be happy after everything that’s happened? My heart aches, thinking about how easily Emery can get whatever girl he wants. Suddenly, all the sadness is erased from my heart. Or at least, it’s been shoved to the very bottom. Now I’m jealous, and angry. Emery doesn’t love me. If he did, he wouldn’t have left.

Staring up at the moon, I make a promise to myself. I know I have to keep it, because if I break it, my heart will get shattered again. I’ve never been good at resolutions on New Year’s, or promising to my parents that I’ll be good. However, this time is different.

“I promise to never love Emery Hastings again.”