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𝑁𝐼𝑁𝐸

It was strange, the feeling that had resided in her over the past few days. It was a bubbling feeling, floating through her stomach all the way to her toes that made her feel lighter than a feather yet as fast falling as a rock to the ocean. All at once, it was both familiar and foreign. It felt like happiness, the type of happiness that she had felt with Josephine and Will, yet different: melancholy, wrong, soaking with guilt.

The feeling persisted. Even as she walked down the harbour with Mr and Mrs Bagley in tow. They hadn't had a cloudy day yet, the sun being just as enduring as every other aspect of her life, hanging boldly in the clear sky each day. It was so hot, that Anna had been reduced to wearing a sun dress each day, her legs bare beneath the thin material. The only thing to cool them, was ice cream.

Matthew had argued with Anna for ten minutes about the best flavour. She loved vanilla- sweet and simple- but he loved chocolate- rich and flavourful. Molly like strawberry. They reached the edge of the pier, spying the road which Anna had already grown familiar to, having spent most of her few days at the secluded bit of the beach, swimming or playing football with Elliot and Maya.

"Elliot's waiting for you."

Sure enough, the boy sat against the pebbles road, the ball resting in his arms. Elliot stood abruptly as he saw her, waving and waiting for her to come over, a wide smile never leaving his face.

"I think he likes you," Molly whispered, and Anna felt a playful dog at her ribs.

"Oh?"

Mrs Bagley nodded. "Go, we'll see you later."

As Anna walked the small distance toward the cut down to the beach, she couldn't help but think about what Molly had said. I think he likes you. Elliot couldn't like her. They had know each other a little over a week and a half. She had been in Australia for two weeks now. He blushed a lot, but that didn't mean he likes her, surely? Elliot joined her side as they walked through the tiny clearing of the bushes down to the sand.

"Maya's with my brother. She said you wouldn't mind if she couldn't come see you just this once," he said.

"No, that's fine."

Anna was blushing. At sixteen years old, she thought she could control her own body and yet her cheeks were burning red at the mere thought of Elliot liking her. A boy had never liked her like that before. Her heart riding calm in relief as she saw Elliot, also blushing.

"So I was thinking... would you like to go get ice cream?" He asked, the football now on the sand and kicking in front of him.

"I just went with Molly and Matthew," she said quietly.

"Oh." He looked around. "Football?"

"Maybe we could take a walk," she suggested.

He nodded. Anna stopped in her tracks.

"Elliot. Is there something you want to tell me?"

She knew what he wanted to tell her. If Molly was truly right, which Anna had come to learn, she was, then he would tell her that he liked her.

"No, why would you think that there something..." the look she gave him was enough to make him sigh and change his mind. "Okay, fine, yes."

"I like you, Anna."

She knew what he wanted to tell her. Elliot was telling her that he liked her, as more than a friend, but she couldn't understand, or at least, she couldn't act as if she did. How would she leave if she accepted the fact that he liked her just as she had liked Will. It would break his heart, and hers too.

She smiled, brushing it off. "I like you too, even though you smack me with your football."

"No, I mean..." he trailed off.

"Yes?"

"Never mind."

Elliot paused, looking out across the beach where they had stopped. It was empty, as it almost always was, the glistening sand tainted only by their footsteps that trailed behind them. In front, the water was inviting, creeping up to their shoes as if it wanted to pull them in.

So he asked. "Run to the water?"

Anna smiled, relief lifting her shoulders from a slump. "I'll beat you there."

And then she was running. Running as she had done so often in Stafford. Running almost as fast as she had done all those months ago. This felt different too. She turned her head, half expecting to see Josephine struggling to catch up but giggling in her care free pitch as she always did, but instead it was Elliot, his smile wide and eyes sparkling as if he was ready to cry, but she knew it was only the bite of the salty wind.

Everything was different, she realised. It was the same but so different.

The cool water was a relief against her feet, the liquid pooling over her skin that was scraped by the sand as she ran. Once she had been fast, the fastest of her friends as she ran for miles on end. But now... it was so different.

Elliot splashed behind her, stopping as the waves lapsed against his knees, soaking the blue material of his trousers a dark navy. She had waxed deeper, the sea water reaching up to her waist, the skirt of her dress light enough to be pulled back and forth, floating to pool around her like the body of a jelly fish, sparkling against the sun and hiding bony legs beneath the surface. Anna turned, reaching for Elliot's hand as she dragged him forward. He was the same height as her, mostly, and the water bled to soak his cotton shirt, sticking to his skin like a second layer.

How had she let this happen? Anna knew the exact answer. Robert has made it as clear: she trusted far too easy, and with that came attachment. It happened everywhere she went. She had trusted Mr Elsner and instead been thrown back in the dirt. She had trusted Robert, found a friend and then was forced to leave him behind. Will, Josephine, the little dog Darcy. Molly and Matthew. Maya and Elliot. Even the memory of her family, who, if she was being truthful with herself, she could barely remember, having been taken away at the age of three. But she never stopped caring or loving. There was a place in her hardened up heart for all of them.

Perhaps it was time to change that.

Elliot's hand was held tightly in her own. As she twisted to look at him, away from the horizon that the sea met, he was already smiling at her. Then she saw blue. A cold swept over her. He had dunked her!

Anna whipped her head from the water, pulling her hair away from her face as she peered through to glare at him. But Elliot was already swimming away, his arms making a bigger splash than she had. She launched herself forward with a laugh, taking him down with her into the water in a large hug.

☾

The path in front of her looked so real. Bordered with lush, green trees and spikes of tall grass, it was almost like a painting. There was nothing better, Anna felt, than the English country side. It was beautiful- filled with meadows of wildflowers, forests and lakes and all things pretty. It looked so real. She wanted it to be real.

But Anna knew that, once again, it was not.

When she had accidentally fallen asleep on the wooden bench in the Bagley's garden, she had been soaking wet. Molly had told her to stay in the garden and let the sun dry her off, to prevent getting water all over the house. After a day at the beach and an early morning, she was exhausted and had fallen asleep wet. 

But it must have been a dream that she was peering into, as real as it was, as her clothes were crisp dry but flecked with mud. She felt smaller too, her legs sturdier and bigger. She hadn't felt like this since she was younger. She must have been fifteen, to be exact, only a year and a bit younger.

Overhead, the tree branches entwined to make a canopy, like layers of beds of green. But through the holes, pockets of light were made, like street lamps guiding to the end of the woodland path. The crunch of leaves met her ears from behind and two people trudged to stand beside her.

"It's going to rain."

The voice met her ears before she saw her. Josephine sounded hopeless and tired, as if they had been walking all day.

They had been walking all day, Anna remembered. They had walked the wooded route to the town over, in hopes of seeing the circus that had slipped their area, but had been rejected at the door. Will had managed to sneak them through, but it ended with them running, as it always did. As if I'm cue, her legs began to ache, despite it being a dream.

"Come on, Josie. We can survive in the rain." Anna said, without even meaning to open her mouth.

"My hair can't. The minute it gets wet it'll bush straight up." Josephine appeared beside her, hair pinned to perfection.

"Don't worry. I can protect you." Will moved to spin her, to face him, by the waist.

Anna rolled her eyes as she began to walk quickly again. "Stop flirting, at this rate we'll never get home in time."

"You know, Anna, if you're going to use this against us any chance you get, I'll just have to stop telling you these things," Josephine said.

"Well if you want me to stop teasing, hurry up and get home."

Internally, Anna cringed. She had lived this before, many times if she included the regretful recounting she had done within the following hours. But she couldn't stop the words that would inevitably leave her mouth as she stared pointedly at Will.

"Either that or ask her out already!"

Josephine gasped, glaring at Anna. She had never glared at her like that before. Her heart sank as she watched her rush away, her hand in fists at her side.

"Well done, Anna," Will snapped.

She frowned .lI'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

Will sighed, placing a hand on her shoulder. She hated when he did that. It made her feel younger, even though she was. He was seventeen, close to two years older, like Josephine, but Anna never felt the difference. She could see the frown on his face to, and so she didn't shove him off, and instead let him guide her forward, walking slower down the path.

"I know. I have to tell you something," he said, pausing in thought. She was silent. "My mum wants a new start, away from my dad. She's taking us to Australia on a big boat."

"Australia?"

The pain still felt fresh, bubbling in her throat and making her want to cry. But she kept it on, not letting a single tear fall... yet.

"Yeah." He wouldn't look at her.

"When?"

"Two weeks."

"Two weeks!" She exclaimed. "I can't believe it."

She swallowed. "I'll miss you. One day we'll see you again."

"That's why Josephine got upset."

The explanation was enough to send a flood of tears down her cheeks, trickling down her cheeks and setting her nose. She burned red, she could feel it. Anna didn't care- Will was leaving, Josephine would be heartbroken and that was all she could care about. Her friends.

"We'll make the most of these two weeks," she said with a sniffle. "I promise."

"Let's go get her," Will said, before stopping abruptly. "Anna, take care of her when I'm gone."

"I will, don't worry."

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