30, THERAPY
Jeongguk slammed his phone into his pocket, the frustration burning inside him. He'd been sending emails to V for three days straight—every message filled with worry and frustration.
Are you okay? Where are you?
he'd typed out, sending email after email, only to be met with silence. It was like shouting into a void.
He knew the time zone difference could cause delays, but this was pushing it. "Come on, V. What the hell’s going on?" he muttered, slamming his hand on the dashboard of his car. He'd even tried contacting V through Wattpad (message board), but that had turned up nothing too.
Jeongguk shoved his stuff into his bag, his movements rough and angry. He let out a frustrated growl before dropping into the driver’s seat, feeling the weight of his worries pressing down.
"Seriously, where are you?" he muttered under his breath. "Why aren’t you answering? Did something happen?"
These days, he’d been trying to reach Shezam too, but even that was hit or miss. He glanced at his phone, seeing missed calls and texts to his boyfriend, all unanswered. It was all too much, and it left him feeling oddly uneasy and confused.
Jeongguk rubbed his temples, trying to push away the gnawing anxiety. "Man, what’s going on? It’s like everything’s falling apart," he said, trying to steady his breath. His mind was spinning with worry and frustration, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was really wrong.
Jeongguk stumbled through the door after his shift, his shoulders heavy with exhaustion. Bam greeted him with an excited bark and a wagging tail.
"Hey, buddy," Jeongguk said, bending down to scratch Bam behind the ears. He quickly fed him, trying to push the thoughts of V out of his mind. It wasn’t working.
He shuffled into the bathroom, letting the hot water hit his back. As the steam wrapped around him, he leaned against the tiles, feeling the heat seeping into his sore muscles. His tattoos glistened under the water, the veins in his arms standing out.
"What’s going on, V?" he wondered aloud, the water washing away his frustration but not his worry. "Why haven’t you replied? Are you okay?"
He finished up, wrapped himself in a towel, and pulled on some sweatpants. Grabbing a tub of salsa and some cardboard-like chips, he plopped down on the couch. His mind was a mess, his focus drifting between the TV and his phone.
"Still nothing," he muttered, scrolling through his emails. "What the hell’s going on?"
Bam jumped up beside him, curling up as Jeongguk flipped on the TV. The flickering light was the only thing cutting through the darkness of the room. Bam nuzzled close, but Jeongguk’s thoughts were miles away.
He dipped a chip into the salsa, but the taste was bland and unremarkable. He barely noticed, his mind entirely consumed by thoughts of V. "Man, where are you?" he sighed, pushing the chip around in the salsa without really eating it. The food had no taste, lost in the haze of his worry and frustration.
The room was quiet except for the low hum of the TV and the occasional crunch of the chips. Jeongguk tried to focus on the show, but all he could think about was V and what could be keeping him from replying.
Taehyung walked into Jung Hoseok’s office, his therapist, instantly hit by that same lavender scent. The room was just as he remembered—spotless. Everything was in its place, like Hoseok had some kind of obsession with order. The books on the shelves were lined up like soldiers, and that damn chair of his looked as if it had never been sat in.
"Man, it’s like I never left," Taehyung muttered as he slumped into his usual spot, eyeing the perfectly fluffed throw pillows with a hint of annoyance.
"Yeah, I keep it nice for you," Hoseok grinned, settling into his own chair, all calm and collected. "Seven months, Tae. Must’ve really missed me."
"Missed?" Taehyung shot him a look. "More like I needed a break from all this lavender. I swear, I was starting to smell it in my dreams."
Hoseok chuckled, leaning back. "So, what’s been going on? Heard you’ve been MIA for a couple of days. Not even at the airlines."
Taehyung sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah… Didn’t even step out. Han Jisung showed up, and it was like—boom—I’m back to square one."
Hoseok’s smile faded a bit, but his eyes stayed soft. "You wanna talk about it?"
"What’s there to say?" Taehyung shrugged, trying to play it off. "He’s like a bad rash that just won’t go away, and I’m the genius who keeps scratching."
"Nah, you’re just someone who’s been through a lot," Hoseok corrected, his voice that perfect blend of gentle and firm. "But hey, you’re here now, and that’s a win."
"Barely," Taehyung muttered, feeling the weight in his chest. "I froze, Hobi. Like, straight up couldn’t move. All those years of therapy, and I’m still that kid who’s scared to be himself."
Hoseok leaned in a bit. "Two days you were stuck in your head?"
"Yeah," Taehyung nodded, his voice getting smaller. "Just sat there, replaying everything. All those times Jisung made me feel like crap for being gay. I thought I was past it, you know? But he’s got this way of bringing all that old stuff back, making me feel like I’m never gonna be enough."
"That’s some deep trauma, Tae," Hoseok said, not even blinking. “
"It’s okay to feel like that, though. But it’s not the truth. You’re more than enough."
"Feels like I’m not, though," Taehyung mumbled, his eyes staring at the perfect lines of Hoseok’s bookshelf.
"Feelings aren’t facts," Hoseok reminded him. "And those feelings? They don’t get to decide who you are. You do."
Taehyung let out a shaky breath, feeling a flicker of something in his chest—hope, maybe. "Thanks, Hobi. I guess I needed that kick in the ass."
"Anytime," Hoseok grinned, relaxing back into his chair. "Now, what about that crush you’ve been hinting at?"
Taehyung’s eyes widened, heat rushing to his face. "Crush? What crush? I don’t know what you’re talking about."
"Oh, sure, play dumb." Hoseok chuckled. "We’ll dig into that next time."
Taehyung rolled his eyes, but a small smile tugged at his lips. "Yeah, yeah. Next time."
Taehyung stepped out of Hoseok’s office, feeling a bit lighter but still kinda messed up. He made a quick stop to grab a Boba, hoping the sweetness would calm the weird mix of relief and lingering unease buzzing in his chest.
Sipping on his drink, he booked a taxi and slid into the backseat. As soon as he settled in, something hit him like a ton of bricks.
"Shit," he muttered, eyes widening. "I haven’t checked my emails."
His heart did a little flip as he fumbled with his phone, pulling up his email app. The number next to JK’s name nearly made him drop his Boba—nine unread emails, all in the last two days.
"Damn it," Taehyung cursed under his breath, scrolling through the subject lines. "I’m such an idiot."
He quickly opened the latest one, scanning the message as guilt clawed at his insides.
Subject:- Heyyyy
From:- [email protected]
To:- [email protected]
Hey, you alive? You’ve been MIA for two days. Kinda freaking me out here. Let me know you’re okay, yeah?
JK’s words jumped off the screen, dripping with concern.
Taehyung groaned, leaning his head back against the seat. "Way to be irresponsible, Tae. Real smooth."
He could practically hear JK’s voice in his head, worried and a little annoyed. Without wasting another second, he started typing a reply, trying to figure out how to explain his radio silence without sounding like a complete mess. But before he could even finish his first sentence, another notification popped up—another email from JK that was sent to him yesterday.
"Oh, for crying out loud…" Taehyung muttered, hurriedly opening the new message.
Subject:- kidnapped or wt??
From:- [email protected]
To:- [email protected]
Seriously, where are you? I’m starting to think you’ve been kidnapped or something. Should I call the cops?
A snort escaped Taehyung, despite the guilt gnawing at him. "JK, you drama queen."
Finally, he managed to shoot off a quick reply, trying to sound casual and not like he’d spent the last two days spiraling.
Subject:- Sorry
From:- [email protected]
To:- [email protected]
Hey, sorry about that. Been kinda out of it. But I’m good, I promise. Didn’t mean to worry you.
He hit send, hoping JK wasn’t too mad—or worse, freaking out. As the taxi moved through the city, Taehyung kept refreshing his inbox, waiting for a reply. His fingers drummed nervously on the side of his cup, the strange feeling still twisting in his gut, even as he tried to push it aside.
Taehyung felt that guilt digging deeper into his chest. JK was out there, practically begging for a reply, while he’d been wrapped up in his own mess, ignoring every single email. It wasn’t just careless; it was a total screw-up.
"Man, you really dropped the ball," he mumbled to himself, his thumbs hovering over the keyboard. Part of him wanted to spill everything—just lay it all out there for JK. Maybe JK would get it, maybe he’d understand the weight Taehyung was carrying.
But before he could start typing, the taxi jerked to a stop. He looked up, realizing he was back at his apartment. "Seriously, right now?" he groaned, shoving his phone into his pocket as he paid the driver.
Walking up to his door, his mind kept racing. Should he tell JK? Would it freak him out, or maybe even push him away? He fumbled with his keys, thoughts spinning in a loop.
Once inside, he kicked off his shoes and made a beeline for the shower, stripping down as he went. The hot water should’ve been soothing, but it wasn’t doing much today. His mind was stuck on those emails, JK’s worried words, and his own crappy silence.
"Just some guy online... but still," Taehyung muttered under the spray, trying to shake off the unease. What if JK thought he was a flake? What if this was the thing that made JK back off?
Even as he stepped out of the shower, drying off and pulling on some fresh clothes, the question kept nagging at him. Should he really tell JK? Would that even help?
But by the time he was dressed, he knew what he had to do. He couldn’t keep dodging this. It was time to be real, no matter how messy that might get.
"Alright, Tae. You’ve got this." he whispered to himself, grabbing his phone again. His fingers flew over the screen as he started typing, ready to finally let JK in on what was really going on.
Subject: I Need to Tell You Something
From:- [email protected]
To:- [email protected]
Hey JK,
First off, I'm really sorry for ghosting you these past few days. I know I must’ve freaked you out, and that’s the last thing I ever wanted to do. You’ve been nothing but kind and understanding, and I’ve been a total mess. So, I’m here now, and I want to explain everything.
Things have been rough for me lately, and I’ve been struggling with some stuff I’ve never really talked about. It all started when Han Jisung, this toxic guy from my past, showed up out of nowhere. We had a thing, but it was messed up—he messed me up. Seeing him again brought back all these horrible memories and feelings I thought I’d buried.
I’ve been dealing with crap like this for as long as I can remember. Back in school, I was the target for every joke, every mean comment, just because I was different. Kids can be cruel, and trust me, they were. They’d call me names, make fun of the way I acted, and just make me feel like I didn’t belong. It was worse in flying school—where I thought things might get better. But nope, more of the same. People talked behind my back, mocked me whenever they got the chance. And college? It wasn’t any different. By then, I’d gotten used to it, but it still hurt every single time.
There was this one time, though, that really messed with my head. I had this crush—someone I thought might feel the same way. We were hanging out, and I decided to be brave and ask them out. I thought maybe things could be different, that I could finally have something real. But when I asked, they just laughed. They thought it was a joke, or worse, they thought I was a joke. That crushed me, JK. It made me question everything about myself.
And then there’s this whole thing with my sexuality. I’ve been trying to accept it, but the world hasn’t made it easy. The ridicule, the rejection, the constant feeling like there’s something wrong with me—it’s a lot to carry around. Even now, I still struggle with it. I still worry about what people will think, about whether I’ll ever find someone who’ll love me for who I am.
When Jisung came back, it was like all those old wounds got ripped open again. I didn’t leave my apartment for two days. I was just sitting there, spiraling, thinking about all the shit I’ve been through and wondering if I’ll ever really be okay.
I’m telling you all this because I trust you, and because I can’t keep hiding this part of myself. It’s been eating me alive, JK. I know this is heavy, and I don’t want to scare you off. I just... I need you to know why I’ve been so distant. I’ve been scared that if you knew the real me—the one who’s been hurt so much—you might not want to stick around.
I hope you can understand, and I’m really sorry for shutting you out. I’m here now, and if you’re still willing to talk, I’d really like that.
I am not okay,,,I wish I could hug you so hard, and tell you enough of my life,,,🥹...you are the moon of my starless sky Jk😭🌼
Take care,
V
(a/n:- finally taehyung revealed....everything gives me nostalgia of that dayyy :( )
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