Sapphire Nightborne

My feet slapped against the ground as I raced to my room to change before looking for Xander, deciding that my current attire was not appropriate for a serious conversation. I ignored the bewildered stares from the inhabitants of the stronghold as they watched their Alpha Female run through the house in just a blanket. My hand turned the doorknob to my bedroom, and my heart dropped when I looked in.

The room had been cleaned, it was now missing traces of its other inhabitant. His favourite book which he read every night was missing from the nightstand and his work materials were missing from the desk. Filled with dread, I stepped into the room which somehow felt colder. Biting my lip, I forced myself to walk around the room. The table no longer had his mug of coffee that he forgot to bring down to the kitchens everyday which resulted in that being a part of my morning routine. Our shared dresser had been emptied of his clothes, and his weapons that he hid around the room had been taken too. He was gone.

I dragged myself to our once shared bathroom, letting my blanket drop, I turned the knob so that the hot water could wash over me. It was almost laughable, Xander had moved his things into my room when I finally trusted him, now he removed his things when I showed that I didn't trust him. I stood for what must have been hours under the running water, caring not when it turned cold. My face was pressed against the black marble as I contemplated my actions and the consequences I now faced.

In the midst of my self-loathing, there was a knock at my door which sent me running out of the shower with just a towel to cover me. I hoped that it was Xander, so that I could finally talk to him about what had happened. I wrenched the door open, and tried not to show the disappointment on my face when I came face to face with Chloe and Angel. I was happy to see them, but they were not who I really wanted to see at the moment.

"Chloe, what are you doing out? Jared said you should not be wandering around in your state, you are due in a matter of weeks."

She huffed, annoyed, as she waddled into my room before plopping herself on my bed. Angel gave me a sad smile before doing the same.

"I swear, with the way that man is acting it feels like he is the one pregnant and not me. Don't worry, Sapphire, I had Angel follow me."

"Jared had told Chloe about what happened when you interrogated the outsiders, and she told me. We came here to see how you are doing."

The fake smile that I had plastered on my face fell as I silently walked to the chair near my bed. I sat down in my towel, and put my head in my hands.

"To be honest, I don't know. I feel like brain is about to be torn apart from the number of different emotions I am feeling at the same time. I feel guilty for betraying Xander's trust, anger at myself for hurting him, anger at him for saying certain things and leaving without a proper talk, worried about the inevitable attack and how we know next to nothing about how to defend themselves from Damien--"

My rambling was cut short when Angel came over to wear I sat, wrapping her arms around my shoulder and resting her head against my back.

"Breathe, Sapphire, breathe."

I took shaky breaths in an effort to calm myself, I lifted my head to see Angel staring at me with sad eyes and looked past to see Chloe doing the same.

"We have only just started to become... well, mates and I ruined it."

"You haven't ruined it, Sapph."

"You didn't see the look in his eyes, Chloe. It was like I was a stranger to him, and when he finally spoke to me, his voice was filled with so much pain. I was the one who did that to him, I took the trust he placed in me and shattered it right in front of his eyes. I wanted to talk it out with him so badly, when we were in the forest, but he started comparing me to Damien and I got so mad that I left to deal with the two... I guess now it is his turn to leave."

"Sapphire, you need to know that Xander loves you very much, he would never leave you."

Angel gave me a smile as I gestured to the emptier room.

"Well, I am not going to sugarcoat it, Sapph, you did hurt him. My brother has always been closed off when it came to negative emotions, and his way of dealing with it is to take time off to cool off. The only other way I have seen him deal with them is opening up to you."

Her last sentence caused a small sob to leave my lips as I put my head in my hands again.

"Angel!"

"I am just speaking the truth, Chloe. Sapphire, I love you, but I still have to speak for my brother. You have to understand, Sapphire, that you and Xander were raised very differently. My family built this pack on trust, they knew the power they had as Lycans and earned the respect of others by leading through example. They refused to dehumanise anybody, regardless of who there are and what crimes they might have committed, that is why our cells are so clean and the prisoners are treated well. Those are the principles that Xander and I have lived with our whole lives, and it is hard for us to deviate away from them. Xander is trying though, he doing his best to understand your way of life, and I can see you doing the same, but the problem is that the both of you are not communicating your hardships in trying to understand the way the other thinks."

I bit my lip as I contemplated Angel's words. There was truth in what she said, Xander and I had barely spoken to each other about anything besides the pack, putting every fiber of our being solely into protecting the lives of those who rely on us.

"Another reason why Xander took the news so badly is because the memory of losing Brendon is still fresh in his mind, he barely had anytime to heal and grieve. I am not saying that you are not grieving over Brendon's passing, but Brendon, Jared and Xander were inseparable since they were pups."

"Xander has excused Jared from most of his duties, but he is still a mess. Every night for the past two days, he sits by the window or goes into the forest to visit Brendon's tree."

My head snapped up, that must be where Xander is. Now my heart was torn, should I give him space to grieve and think, or do I go to him and talk? Chloe seemed to read my mind.

"Go to him, Sapph. Just be with him during this period until he is ready to talk to you. The both of you need to apologise to each other, and understand where the other is coming from so you know how to compromise. That is what strengthens you as mates."

I smiled at her before wrapping my arms around Angel, and walking towards Chloe to hug her as well. Angel stood up to help Chloe off my bed before moving to leave my room.

"We will hold down the fort here while you go find my brother."

"Thank you"Angel gave me a wink before walking out with Chloe. I waited for them to disappear down the hallway before turning towards my window. The sky was now dark, and I could feel the cold night air against my skin as I opened the window. I quickly grabbed some clothes in hand and walked down, still in my towel till I reached the main door. Letting my towel fall to the floor, I shifted and picked up the clothes with my mouth. A few warriors on patrol ran up to me and offered to escort me to wherever I wanted to go, but I mindlinked them to decline their offer and told them to focus on the territory perimeters. They nodded before going back to their duties while I set off towards the forest, feeling the bite of the night air as I ran.