Sapphire Nightborne

My heart ached with every step he took out the door. I turned to see a sea of eyes staring at me, waiting for what I would do next after the treason I committed against their Alpha. Jared stood beside Alissa as she drank water, I looked at the other room to see Emery staring open-mouthed at me.

Jared, watch them while I am gone. No one leaves this room till I return.

Jared nodded before gesturing with his head for me to go after Xander. I ran out of the door, trying my best to sniff out his scent. It took me to his office, my heart dropped as I saw Emery and Alissa's records in pieces all over the room. He was here just seconds ago, I looked out the window to see a huge black wolf racing into the forest. Without hesitation, I shifted and followed.

"Xander!"

I tried my best to mindlink with him, but he had shut me out. We weaved through the dense forest, narrowly avoiding the large trees. Xander was trying to lose me, he ducked under fallen logs and jumped over boulders in an attempt to shake me off. There were a few times where I almost lost him, before I decided to break away. I knew where he was going.

I slowed down as I saw the biggest tree in the forest, I could just make out the colours of peony bushes. This was where he had asked me to become his Alpha Female, this is where I first kissed him, where I gave him my trust and today... I lost his.

I had stared death in the face multiple times and cursed at it, I spat in the eyes of hunters and ran through the flames of war, yet here I am, too scared to talk to Xander... my mate. He stood there silently, face pressed against the tree, lips moving soundlessly. I took a deep breath before approaching, his broad back was facing me, I reached out my hand to touch him. Before I could, he spun around and grabbed my hand. I forced myself to look him in the eyes, and once our eyes met, I really wish I didn't. I bit my lip as I saw the tears shining in his eyes, I had hurt him, I did this to him.

"Xander—"

"Why? Just tell me why, Sapphire."

"We needed the information, Xander, we were running out of—"

He didn't even let me finish, he let my hand go and walked to stand me, our backs facing each other, a million thoughts without the heart to express them.

"Xander, I know you are angry with me. I undermined your authori—"

"That has nothing with this!"

I flinched as he turned to me, eyes gold and fangs bared. This was the first time he had ever shouted at me, my hands instinctively balled into fist, throat tight as I watched his every move. His eyes moved down to my hands before sighing, his body deflating as the air escaped him.

"Sapphire, you undermined my authority, but my pride being wounded is the last on the list of things I am angry about. You went my back deliberately to stage your little act—"

"We were running out of time! We have no idea when Damien could strike, because I know for a fact that he will not follow the rules he himself laid out. Your way with Emery was not going to work, I have dealt—"

"Exactly. You have dealt with wolves like before, when you were the Head Warrior Commander. Sapphire, you are not one anymore, not here."

His last statement made my mouth go dry. He had just given me a reality check that I had been denying myself for all the months I had been away from Blackwater.

"You are not Sapphire Ragna Nightborne, Head Warrior Commander of the Blackwater Pack. You are Sapphire Ragna Nightborne, Alpha Female of the Shadow Mountain Pack. Even as an Alpha Female, there are rules to follow! Rules that even I myself do not dare break! As an Alpha Female, you are a role model to the rest of the pack! As a Head Warrior Commander, you might've been able to whatever you want, but as an Alpha Female you can't!"

"I—"

"What you have just shown to the rest of the pack is that if they think it is for what they think is the best for the pack, they can undermine me and take matters into their own hands. Some of the pack still hold a grudge against the werecats, but they have left them alone because I set the example of fairness, of giving a fair trial. What would happen should they decide to take matters into their own hands because their Alpha Female has done so? Would it be good for us if the pack and pride fought amongst ourselves?"

I could do nothing but look down at my feet, wishing the ground would open up and swallow me. I had not thought about anything Xander had mentioned, I had been short-sighted. All I thought of was that we needed the information Emery possessed now, never once did I think it would have a ripple effect. As a Head Warrior Commander of Blackwater, I was left with full authority to do whatever I wanted with captives as long as Ryder ended with the information he wanted, it had been that way for as long as I could remember. Xander was right, even if we did have the information, if the pack followed in my example and lashed out against the werecats, we would be fighting two battles when we were already struggling with the one at hand.

"Do you know why I was crying, Sapphire?"

I couldn't even raise my head, the guilt and shame was too heavy, I felt so small.

"Sapphire, look at me."

I felt hands on either side of my face as Xander gently tilted my head so that our eyes met. I saw the pain behind his eyes and it hurt to know that I was the cause of it. I have hurt many people in my life, doing so without even feeling a tinge of remorse, but yet knowing that I hurt him, made me feel like tearing my heart out and offering it to him as an apology.

"I cried because I thought I lost you."

I tilted my head in confusion at his words.

"Sapphire, both of our hands are not clean from the blood we spilled, but I want blood spilled because we have no choice. When I saw you talk about torturing Alissa and forcing her to swallow that vial, I thought that I lost the girl I loved to the monster created from the hate of others. I know of your past better than anyone here, I know what happened to you in your younger years, what it moulded you into, but that doesn't have to be who you are. All I saw up there was Damien."

I jerked my head back, freeing myself from Xander's hands, mortified.

How could you say something like that?

"Are you that surprised? Damien is known for torturing his captives to get information, what you were doing was not so different. Emery was going to give up the information before your stunt."

"No he was not! He saw us as hopeless, there was no way he was divulging anything to you! Your scouts would have died before they give up any information on your pack, Emery was trained to do the same. I didn't even hurt Alissa, she knew about my plan and I got her to agree to it without doing anything to her!"

"I didn't know that because you refused to tell me!"

"Because I knew you would not agree to it! You are so stubborn in your ways, you might think that torture should only be used as a last resort, but when the chips are down and time is not on our side, it is necessary to use it immediately! I am not saying your way of doing things is useless, I used it to coerce Alissa into going along with my plan. What I am trying to say is you need to learn when to adapt and change tactics."

I was so angry at him for comparing me to that monster, I was not Damien and never will be. Yes, I have tortured people to get information out of them, but those were battle-hardened wolves, that would have stretched out the interrogation till kingdom come. Xander was speaking about me as if I would pull the claws out from a pup's hand if I wanted to know the location of the last cookie. He made me seem reckless and inexperienced, just like how all the generals did on my first day of training. However, I knew deep down that I was angry with myself because I was indeed reckless, I acted behind Xander's back without a care for the probable consequences. That was the only thing I was guilty of. I was not narrow-minded, I even adopted his way to get information from Alissa. I came here to apologise and beg for forgiveness, he was making it so difficult.

"Sapphire, we need to do something about the two soon."

"I hear you. I am coming back now."

Xander, I have to go. We are both riled up from what just happen and need time to cool off before we speak again.

He let out a sarcastic laugh.

"Fine, leave!"

"Xander—"

"Go and fix the mess you created."

I swallowed hard to prevent the tears from falling as my bones shifted. I wanted him to hold me and tell me that things were going to be okay, that I didn't hurt him... but I knew I did, and I knew things were not okay.

I took one last look at him before taking off back to the stronghold. My heart aching when he didn't look back at me.

"Sapphire, you said that I would not let you go ahead with your plan if you told me about it."

I kept silent as Xander's voice resonated in my mind.

"You were wrong, if I knew about your plan and how you intended to go about it, I would have let you put it into action."

I dug my paws into the dirt, chest heaving, and tongue lolling as I stood in the middle of the forest alone.

"Why?"

"Because I trusted you, and I wish you could have done the same."

I immediately shut him out and took off again, tears streaming down my large head as that sentence kept repeating itself over and over again. I blinked away my tears, pushing myself to run faster, running away from the Xander's voice looming over me, away from my guilt.

Hi my lovelies,

Whose side are you on?

Please leave your thoughts in the comments.

Please vote and comment.

Xoxo
SNNair