So this author wanted to remain anonymous, so I decided to do it so I don't forget. Their story isn't a fanfic or anything but it's lesbian so like, gay. So I guess I'll be doing original stories too if y'all wanna submit any of those.

This is also like fairy land/bunny soft mode yo so I hope I'm soft enough-

If any of y'all ever think I'm too harsh, let me know. If you, author, ever think I'm too harsh, I'm so sorry. I really don't want to offend you or anything like that. Let me know if I upset you, please. I swear I'm not trying to.

It starts out with like, the cutest little letter. The grammar is very good, and the note doesn't feel forced at all. Reading through, none of them do. The chapter is a little short but that honestly doesn't have anything to do with the quality of the book. It wasn't rushed or anything. It's a good start to the story! I see a few places commas could go, but other than that, you're gucci hun. A good start to an adorable story. 

*Cue me being careful not to vote on it so people don't see it in my activity sHRIEK*

The notes have some grammatical errors in them, I noticed. BUT, it was written by a character. The character may not have perfect grammar. That could be just a part of who they are, so I can't discount you for that. I really like the original feel of the letter. Like they were really written by the character. Super good! 

The chapters, again, are short. But like, who cares? It's a good story. You could add a little more detail into them to make them longer if you wanted, but they're fine the way they are as well. And the main character is very adorable smh. 

Third chapter is a lot longer than the others! This is a tip for everyone out there that when a new character starts talking, you need to start a new paragraph! It's just a grammatical thing, I guess. Don't panic if you do this! I used to as well, and it's not a big deal. It just makes your writing a little easier to read and understand if you separate! 

Example:

"Hey, Joey," she said with a smile. Joey couldn't help but grin back. Macy was, in every sense of the word, beautiful. He wasn't sure what made her that way. She just... was. It wasn't just her hair, or just her eyes. It was all of her, without a doubt. 

"Hey," he grinned, "you're looking as awake as ever. And at this hour, too." 

"Oh, shut up." She slapped him lightly on the arm. 

____

Another tip you could maybe use is adding commas before and after names when you're addressing someone or introducing them! Like, 

"Hey, Ella!"

"This is my friend, Hollow." 

"Jeremy, don't do that. Really, don't."

"I didn't ask your opinion, Sherry."

"What the actual fuck, Karen?" 

Like that! Only if you want, though. Your grammar is already very good. This is really a good tip for any writer out there who's really concerned about their grammar, but if you're just looking to write for fun, you're all good! Your plot is moving very smoothly, by the way. 

I see almost nothing wrong with your grammar, to be honest. The only thing you could maybe do is start a new paragraph when someone new speaks, but really, it's very easy to read without you doing that. There isn't a letter this chapter (chapter 5), but that's just a part of the story. I'm just trying to let you know where I'm looking at the moment-

The chapters are getting a lot longer, and I love the build up from shorter to longer. Very good job, there. I'm not sure if that was your intention, but bravo nonetheless! Your characters are unique, your plot is quality and moving along nicely, and your grammar is amazing! I'm serious- the only thing I think you could do majorly is put a few commas in separate the paragraphs when someone new speaks. No shit, bro. Your story rad. 

Now in chapter seven, I notice a lot of caps lock. Now, if you were to ever try and publish this (you have a real shot at getting it published if you add some more detail and spot edit, by the way~ It's that good~), that probably wouldn't be accepted. Caps lock is common in fanfiction, noticeably, but in originals it's not used nearly as much. That's not to say you can't use it, of course! It's perfectly fine! It does make the last chapter just a little erratic (which again, is perfectly fine!), like you're trying to write a crack fic rather than a story. But that's in wattpad terms, of course! And I think it adds a good touch of humor to your story! 

Overall, you've got a great story going. I'll definitely be adding it to my library (;