Well, chaps. This is not an update to my main story arch, but I did not really promise you in the beginning it would be a straight story. This is why it's called Fandomly Things and not a real book title. I really hope you're not too upset with me.

Anyway. Today on my peculiar children poster it's Bad Poetry Day. So songs rhyme, right? So I'm going to post all of my fandom-themed song parodies I've ever written. This should be an experience. Feel free to prepare for the cringe.

Alright, let's get started. This first one isn't even a song. It's from a freakin' Honda commercial. You know, "You could be driving a Honda?" Doesn't matter.

You could be driving a hollow
Hey, peculiar folks!
Have you ever wished you were the ones controlling those horrible monsters, rather than put the trust in a sixteen year old irresponsible boy? Well now you can!
With a little bit of Jacob Portman's soul, obtained through seriously illegal methods, you too can drive a hollow today! *wink*
You could be driving a hollow.

This next one is based off the song La Isla Bonita by Madonna. This is Percy Jackson singing about how much he loves Camp Half-Blood.

Far Away From Monsters

Wait 11 seconds, then say normally
luchar contra los monstruos

Wait 8 seconds

Last night I dreamt of Camp Half-Blood
Even though I'd never gone I know
something's wrong
A young boy with eyes like the green sea
It only seems like yesterday, not far away

Gross and nasty pegasus fleas
All the nymphs are wild and free
It's always where I want to be
Far away from monsters
And when the songs are played
The fire raised so high
Chants through my ears, flames
sting my eyes
Your demigods, so am I.

Wait ten seconds

I fell in love with Camp Half-Blood
My fathers from the sea
He calls to me
Gives off scent in a salty breeze
I wish that summer days would last
They go by so fast

Chorus repeated

Wait ten seconds

Id like to be where Zeus rules them all
It feels really great when that first monster falls
Friendly camp counsellors no cares in the world.
Where a young kid grows up in a safe,
Happy world.

Wait ten seconds

Last night I dreamt of Camp Half-Blood
It all seems like yesterday, not far away

Lalalalalala
Kill the monsters
Lalalalalala
Kill the monsters, de-mi-gods

This next one I'm not going to put a video, because it's Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Enoch O'Connor set adrift in the sea-style.

Someone Found The Bathmat

Thank god, someone found the bathmat
And peculiar tales, too
Because you're all idiots, we've nothing to eat
In this sea of blue

Thank god, someone found the bathmat
I'm never picking you to pack again
And I'll bet you we will starve
And we'll die here, my stupid friends

If I could wish upon a star
We'd end up somewhere far away from this hell
But I'm not a princess, oh bloody well.
And I could sit, ignoring you all
And away from us, the island'd fall
But we would be better off.

The seagulls fly from Cairnholm, I guess Olive too can fly
If Olive flies over the smoke clouds, why oh why can't I?

Once again Percy Jackson. Set to the tune of Bananarama's Cruel Summer. About Gabe, the evil husband of Percy's mom.

Cruel Husband

I've just come home
The apartments not burning
I'll stick around.

Why would I smile, the air is so stinky and dry

Poker players are saying
What do they say
Rude things I can't stand
It's been way to long
Smelly Gabe has got right out of hand

He's a fool, bad husband
Leaving my mom, leaving me here on my own
He's a fool, bad husband
Hope he's gone

I order him out
And he looks up at me and says
Get to your room

Told you he's evil, really he has got to go

Repeat

Even more Percy Jackson. Well, rather this time it's Heroes Of Olympus. This one's all about Octavian. It's Taylor Swift's You Belong With Me.

You Should Vote For Me

I saw him on the phone with his girlfriend
She's upset, she's going off about something that he said
Guess Percy gets more drama than I do
I'm in the 5th Cohort it's a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to your problems for once, I know, right?
Percy doesn't know your stories like I do.

But he wears tee shirts
I wear togas
He's just Greek
Now come on, that's bogus
I'm thinking about the day, when you clear your heads
And realize, I've been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who really knows you
Been here longer than he was, can't you see?
You should vote for me
You should vote for me

Walk in New Rome, and this is what I see
Percy's being a fool, the people prefer me
Laughing on a park bench thinking to myself
Well this is pretty easy!

But he's got a smile that can light up the whole city
Meanwhile I'm an augur, and I'm sitting pretty
But I haven't seen him in a while
Since he got dragged down

I know some people who like stuff like that
In the long run is it really that bad?

But he wears sneakers
I use sandals
He's got a whole team
Politics, I've got no handles
Still thinking about the day, when you clear your heads
And realize, I've been here the whole time.

If you could see that I'm the one who really knows you
Been here longer than he was, can't you see
You should vote for me
You should vote for me

I'm right here, fighting for a position
Then Percy comes, he just sits right in, see?
You should vote for me
You should vote for me

I have awesome battle skills,
I train in case I fight
Percy is a stupid fool,
Who thinks he is always right
I found your prophecies
Jackson's head is full of sea
I'll bet you know where I belong
And it's not the augury

Can't you see that I'm the one who really knows you
Been here all along, so I suppose you see
You should vote for me
You should vote for me

Standing by, serving as an augur
Maybe it's time for a new job offer, see
You should vote for me
You should vote for me

Have you ever thought just maybe
You should vote for me
You should vote for me.

About a year ago, it was safe to say I was obsessed with this song. And I kind of still am. This is Madness' Our House. And another Percy Jackson one.

Our Camp

Percy fails at looking his best
Chiron's tired he needs a rest
Nico plays Mythomagic upstairs
The Oracle's sighing in her sleep
Annabeth has a board meeting to catch, she can't stay around

Our camp
In the middle of New York
Our camp
In the middle of New-

Camp Halfblood has a crowd
I bet there's something happening
Cause it's not always this loud
Grovers really nature proud
No plants ever slow him down
And pesticide is not allowed

Our camp
In the middle of New York
Our camp
In the middle of New-

Our camp
In the middle of New York
Our camp
In the middle of New-

Leo always burns his shirt
It's a wonder he doesn't get hurt
Kids love the summer, there's no school
All Piper wants is just one kiss
She's the one who loves Jason in lots of ways

Our camp
In the middle of New York
Our camp
In the middle of New-

I remember Kronos rised again
Percy would have killed him then
Camp would celebrate for a long time
A really great time
A really happy time
And I remember way back when
When bunker 9 was new again
Then Leo'd say
Holy cow this is much cleaner
There'd be streamers

Percy fails at looking his best
Chiron's exhausted he needs a rest
Neeks playing Mythomagic upstairs
Oracles sighing in her sleep
Annabeth has a board meeting to catch, she can't hang around

Our camp
In the middle of New York
Our camp
In the middle of New York
Our camp, was our home, we rest our feet
Our camp
In the middle of New York
Our camp
In the middle of New York
Our camp, it's where we always prefer sleep
Our camp
In the middle of New York

Miss Peregrine's this time! Set to the tune of Raise Your Glass by Pink! Woohoo!

Raise Your Glass

Right, right, turn off the lights
Bomb sirens going off tonight
What's the matter, yo?

I hate, it's way too much
'Bout five a.m. we turned the radio off
What don't we already know?

Hollowgaster
Thieving master
Call 'em in, we need them faster
Don't be a nancy, we're not that fancy
Are you serious?

So raise your glass if Jacob's wrong
But in the right ways
All the syndrigasts
We will never be never be
Anything but proud
And really witty, order to ymbrynes
Will you come on and come on and
Raise your glass
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass.

Man, man. Whatcha understand
Modern parties are super grand
Wish you'd leave the loop

Split delay

Bomb stops, searing and hot
I got knocked out right on the spot
So I'm embarrassed now

Strength-grip caster, undead master
Call them in, we need them faster
Don't be a nancy, we're not that fancy
You can't be serious

So raise your glass if Jacob's wrong
But in the right ways
All the syndrigasts
We will never be never be
Anything but proud
And really witty, order to ymbrynes
Will you come on and come on and
Raise your glass
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass.

Ah man, the cage is empty
We're stuck!

So if you can't go to school
Normals treat you like a fool
You can always come back home
And you're always, and you're always
Able to just go roam

So raise your glass if Jacob's wrong
But in the right ways
All the syndrigasts
We will never be never be
Anything but proud
And really witty, order to ymbrynes
Will you come on and come on and
Raise your glass
For me
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass.
For me

Another Miss Peregrine one. Set to the tune of 99 Red Balloons. Which used to be 99 Luftballons before they made it American. Anyway, here goes. This is based off the time when Millard threw eggs at the Gypsy campsite.

99 Exploding Eggs

My friends and I, in a loop up top
Stuck on a mountain with a terrible drop
Were given eggs, to protect ourselves
One by one, they would be gone
In my opinion, that's hardcore software
It tells people, something's out there
Invisible to all their eyes
I'll make those Armageddon eggs fly by

99 exploding eggs
Given to protect ourselves
Gypsy cars, they're high alert
We're people here from somewhere else
On the road, running for our lives
Opening to all their eyes
Looking from the wights to hide
99 exploding eggs fly by

99 gypsies to meet
99 hazardous greet
I worry, worry, extra flurried
They locked my friends up in a hurry
Nows the time I've waited for
There's the keys unlock the door
And all their lives are on the line
99 exploding eggs will fly

99 fights, I don't care
I stick the eggs into their wares
I can be a superhero
Can't help but feel like a huge jerk
Explosions I've identified
It's with them I use all the time
Scrambled eggs, my, oh my.

99 exploding eggs go by

99 screams I heard bad
Probably from the spoiled food
Now it's over, and I stand shifty
My friends think I am pretty nifty
Wyn grabs a gypsy boy that's near
And for our lives I really fear
And I realize what we must do
Now let's go, put on a show

This is X-Men. I think you all know Do You Wanna build A Snowman. In which Charles locks himself in his room and Raven attempts to drag him out.

Do You Wanna Be Like Before?

Charles?
[Knocks]
Do you want to train some mutants?
I think a lot of them will stay
They never see you anymore
Open this door
I will not let you hide away

You used to be fantastic
But now you sit in here
I wish you would tell me why!

Do you want to see the new recruits?
Or at least eat something?

Go away, Raven.

Okay, bye...

[Musical interlude]

[Knocks]

Do you want to eat your dinner?
I think it's time you've roamed these halls
Jean needs some company, it's overdue
She's started smashing all
The pictures on the walls

(Including your parents.)

It gets really overwhelming
All these younger kids
Making sure to pay them mind
(Don't touch that!)

[Musical interlude]

[Partly crying]

[Knocks]

Charles, please, you're still in there
Moira's been asking where you've been
Hank says "Have courage, " and I'm trying to
We're all here for you
Just let us in

We've always been there for each other
Just you and me
What am I supposed to do?

Do you want to go to Cuba?

This last one is also X-Men. In which Erik is done being a good guy but Charles does not want him to go. Baby Pull Me Closer. Not necessarily finished.

Hey, I was doing just fine before I met you
Shaw killed my mom and that's an issue
But I killed him
Hey, tell your X-Men it was nice to meet them,
but I'm never doing this thing again

I know I broke your heart
Shot you in the back and just took off
And
Ten years no calls, broke me out of jail with Peter Maximoff
And I I I I I can't stop
No I I I I I can't stop

So Charles don't be stupid, ignore me because we're over
Probably won't be that hard
Cause I kind of stole your sister
Turned her over to the dark side I admit I may have kissed her
Look at you you're getting bolder
Jesus Christ, you've gotten older

Jesus Christ you've gotten older
Jesus Christ you've gotten older

Hey. Old friend I think you need some guidance
You can be part of my best clients
Please stay.
Hey. Come back with me go to the mansion
I'll prepare for a new expansion?
OK

You really broke my heart
Got me paralyzed and I'm stuck playing darts and
Ten years no call
We can fix it all take down your wall
And I I I I I can't stop
No I I I I I can't stop

Please Eric, I once saved you, I'm not accepting that we're over
Separation would be hard,
You're my oldest friend except Raven
Even though you're kind of bad that doesn't constitute you leaving
You know we've both been getting older
I'll never give you the cold shoulder