Trigger warning: death mention, depression, suicidal thoughts, and romo pda (nothing gets sexual)
Read at your own risk please.

You had loved him so much. You were so close, and there's nothing but the emptiness in your heart. The ghost of his laughter and mischievous smirks are etched into your mind and haunting your dreams. He was so young and brave. He never deserved what he got. He deserved so much more, but I guess bad things happen to good people.

After the death of your boyfriend your nights became restless and consumed with fear and paranoia. You had been staying with the Weasley's since you had nowhere to go yourself. Not that it mattered because you had no motivation to start a life. Everything was empty and bare, dull and evil. Sometimes your mind would play tricks on you and you would dream that he wasn't really dead. He was just joking and he'd never leave you all like that, but then you would wake up and realize it wasn't real. He was still gone, and you were left alone again with your thoughts.

Days and nights grew colder and more lonely. You barely would ever get out of bed, and if you did, it would be onto the roof to watch the sunrise. You had refused to sleep unless you were heavily medicated or intoxicated, so that you didn't dream at all. The grief was all too unbearable and real. Sometimes you would lose yourself in a daydream and refused to talk to anyone. You felt numb and empty, as if some part of you had died along with Fred. Maybe it did.

Around this time, you had finally forgotten why you were still alive. You wondered endlessly why you hadn't taken your own life yet if you were so miserable. I mean, all you want is to see Fred again, right? The part of you that was humorous and admiring was just as devastating to lose as much as it was to lose Fred. You felt there was nothing left you anymore since the one thing you admired about yourself was burned away.

That's why this particular night was restless and terrifying. Did this make you suicidal? I suppose it did since you feel like you had fully given up. No, wrong word, that you were stripped away from your life. The night seemed endless and you begged yourself to stay awake for just one more day. It had been two days already since the freezing deaths of nostalgia was carved into your mind, and I guess this made you feel again.

Your mind had replayed all the times he laughed, the way he'd talk to his brother, all the pranks he pulled, all the things he achieved, all the people he comforted, that smirk, his genuine smile, your little small talks together, the way he held you, the way he'd kiss you...

You pulled your pillow over your face and sobbed loudly into it. Your screaming cries muffled by the soft fabric. Your tears soaked up into the pillow and burned with cold on your face, and it only reminded you to cry more. You screamed again, but nothing seemed to change. Nothing seemed to make it better. You felt the air leave your lungs, and you felt yourself suffocate on depression. Your doubt and panic startled you and you didn't know what to do anymore. You didn't know who to go to, who would care, or what to say. You need something, anything. The pain inside you burned like fire, and you missed him. You missed him so much, and you wished you could've seen all the good he would have done in the world. You wondered if he had died in vain.

After about an hour you laid on your back on top of the covers, your soaked pillow under you burning the back of your neck. The night shadows gathered around you, and it's cold froze you, but you refused to get under the covers. You didn't get under the covers because you didn't think it would stop your chill anymore. You laid on your bed and stared up at the ceiling, refusing to think of anything at all. The moon was bright around the room, and you grew more and more numb again. You grew numb enough to continue living.

Your eyes stung from all the tears and your body ached from exhaustion, but you didn't seem tired at all. You watched the shadows dance across your room from the night, and the silence seemed to calm you. You almost felt better. You wondered if Fred ever loved stuff like this.

Your eyes watered again and you shut them tightly, your heart aching, but you forced yourself to bite it down. You forced yourself to stop thinking of him.

But you couldn't anymore, so you got up, deciding that dawn would arrive soon. When your legs had hit the ground and was forced to put pressure on them you had felt like jello. You kept moving, though, and headed downstairs. A fire had just died with Harry sleeping on the couch, and Ron and Hermione on the floor, sleeping soundly. You had wondered why they slept there tonight. Maybe they had hung out into the late hours of the night and had accidentally fallen asleep? Sounds realistic.

You tip-toed through the dark and quiet house, trying to rummage your way through it without waking anyone. You had gotten to the front door and almost felt guilty for opening up and walking out. The air was freezing in the early spring air, and bit your skin as you stepped fully out. You had almost regretted it. Almost.

Still, you shut the door behind you and sat on the steps, looking out into the darkness, which stared right back at you. You shivered softly for awhile until you had become just as numb as your emotions. The silence echoed through the yard, and the only real sound was wind blowing through the trees, and those random gusts of air was almost as freezing as you felt. You looked up at the sky and watched the stars dance along in the galaxy. One of those stars had to be Fred, and he would be the one shining the brightest.

This time as your eyes watered, you smiled softly as you thought about it. You thought about how he must be looking down at you, and encouraging you to live wildly for the both of them. You thought how he would put a hand on your knee and would tell you that the pain wouldn't last long, and that everything was going to alright. Because it was always going to be alright when he was around. He made changes to make things okay again. To make other people okay again.

You sniffled in the darkness as sleepiness consumed you, only making your daydreams more vivid and real. You had to be hallucinating at this point, but you knew it was all fake as you thought on about your memories. You watched the dark night that fell upon you get brighter, and you were right, dawn had arrived soon. This made you feel less tired and more alive.

You closed your eyes and smiled through the newly found light that shined against your face, as if the light had saved you from all your demons. When you opened your eyes again you watched how the stars disappeared behind the bright blue sky. You could hear birds chirping their good mornings to their families and to yours. Crickets echoed in the grass, and you wondered if they had always been there. You watched the shadows of the birds flying high in the sky, and it sort of reminded you why you were still alive. But you still felt nothing was truly alive after he died. The world looked duller and boring.

In your exhaustion, you hadn't heard the door open behind you.

"Good morning, (y/n)." You swung around to see a certain ear less, red headed chap with a cup of coffee, and leaning against the door frame. It felt like you hadn't seen George in awhile even though you had lived in the same house as him for awhile now.

"Mornin', George." You responded softly and monotone, turning back around to observe the scenery around you once more.

"What are you doing out here at an hour like this?" He asked, and you could feel his presence behind you. It felt his life made you feel a little less lonely, and plus his deep voice had sort of soothed you.

"Waiting..." You answered ominously. In the silent morning you could hear George shuffle against the wooden porch.

"For?" He asked in a sing-songy tone, dragging out his question. You smiled softly into the blue sky.

"For him to come home."

"May I wait with you?" He asked and you could hear him taking a step forward. You simply nodded your head, but refused to look at him. George walked over and sat next to you on the step. He rested his pale arms on his knees, and looked at you for a second before staring at the deep contrasted blue sky with you. It was silent and felt like you were really waiting for someone to come home. It had felt like someone really was going to suddenly appear in a flying car in the distance. Your heart ached at the thought, and you glanced at George.

He looked almost exactly like Fred. There was barely a difference in his appearance and it was so overwhelming to know he was not Fred. His voice was deeper and his face was slimmer, as if more defined at his cheekbones. You watched him as he stared at the sky, his eyes fixed on the deep blue. His hair was messy, his skin pale, his eyes dark just like the circles under them, and his lips were chapped. He looked just like Fred. You wondered if it was just as painful for him to look in a mirror as it was for you to look at him. It was so overwhelming for him to not be Fred. You wished this was one of their greatest leading jokes...but it wasn't.

You covered your face with your hands and began crying again, your shoulders shaking with each breath you took. George looked over in concerned shock. The air wasn't so cold when your mind felt like a blizzard.

"Hey, hey, hey." He shushed, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you towards him. You didn't fight back and leaned against him. He felt so much warmer than you. "What's the matter? Did I do something?" He asked as he kept you sturdy as you shook from crying.

"I miss him so much." You cried and this time he hugged you completely, resting his chin under your head as you cried into his chest. He breathed deeply and longingly.

"I know... I do too." He held you tightly, his deep breaths calming you. Your cries softened until only your breaths were shaking. George rubbed your back, and you hadn't noticed how much warmer you felt in someone's arms. It was like his presence, his soul, was reviving yours. He held you tightly and occasionally rubbed your back.

"It's not fair." You finally said, breaking the silence. You almost could feel him staring into the abyss.

"I know..." He stopped for a minute and you could tell that he was getting choked up. "I know." You sat up and his arms fell back to his sides. You saw a few tears rolling down his cheeks, and you wrapped your arms around his neck, this time trying to comfort him. "Why was it him? Why couldn't he just lose an ear and I could have..."

"Shut yourself up right now." You interrupt and hug tighter, almost sitting on him at this point.

"I'm sorry." He responded quietly. You leaned back and kissed his cheek, staring at him. You had felt warmer than you had before as you watched his cheeks turn a few shades red. He stared back at you as his eyes also changed to a pretty turquoise. You both stared with emotionless looks, and it felt as if you could read each other's thoughts.

"You know, I often wonder why am still alive since i feel so worthless and depressed." You stated for him to know that you too had felt you'd rather have died than him. George removed his eye contact from you for a second.

"Well, why would you wonder a thing like that?" George asked, a hand finding it's way onto your waist, giving you permission to sit on his knee. Your faces even closer to each other. "I preferably would like it if you were alive." He smiled kindly, humor coated in his words. You smiled back softly and left speechless. You didn't know how to respond to that. The warmth in your chest grew and you leaned in close to him, locking your lips with his.

George didn't at all protest, both your eyes closing. Your lips moved in sync and parted almost instantly. His lips were dry, but soft, and tasted of the coffee he had been drinking mixed with honey. Oh, he tasted of honey! Your thoughts were numbed by the sweet pressure of him against you, and the warmness in your chest burned like wildfire.

You thought back to when you had kissed Fred. He hadn't at all tasted of honey. He tasted of butter beer and sex. Maybe that had always been your lust. George put both his hands on your waist and pulled you closer to him. Your fingers tangled in his hair with one hand while the other firmly held his neck in place. You broke the kiss and kissed his chin with a peck, and started to kiss down his neck to his adam's apple which was bobbing up and down. George's breath was heavy and he grunted.

"I don't know if we should be doing this." George spoke up as you kissed and nibbled along his neck, making him weak and vulnerable.

"Why not?" You start kissing up his neck again, and you could feel lust coursing through your veins, excitement blinding you warmly. "We both need this." You leave wet kisses from his chin to his cheek and back to his lips. You positioned your hips better against him and firmly hold yourself against him. His hands move onto your back and pushes you even further into him just as lustfully. You pulled at his hair as he kissed you, lips locking and unlocking. He licks your lips before letting himself in and you happily obliged. You breathed heavily into him, but refused to stop, and moved yourself closer until he was leaning against the porch.

"Oh my, George!" You and George swing your heads to face a very shocked Molly, George's mother. Both you and George turn red from embarrassment as you froze for a minute then slowly crawling off of him.

"Sorry mother."

"Sorry, Mrs. Weasley." You guys apologize while Molly continues to stare in a fearful shock. She never in her life thought she'd see one of her kids kissing like that. She cleared her throat and shook herself out of her thoughts.

"No need to apologize, but keep that in the bedrooms, please. Don't want the neighbors seeing anything." Molly turned and walked back inside, leaving you and George alone again. It was an awkward silence before you broke into laughter. George looked at you for a second and began laughing as well.

"Wow, I haven't felt so alive since..." You trailed off.

"Yeah..." He agreed and you guys fell back into silence. Except it wasn't that hollow silence you felt before. It was warm and filled with devastating passion. You both stared into the sky silently again, and George reached for your hand, holding it. You turned to look at him with a smile, and George smiled back innocently.

You had no idea you could be in a relationship with your lovers brother after he had passed, but if there was one thing that brought you two together, it was your grief. It was the biggest thing you both had in common, and while staring up at the sky, whomever you were waiting for to come back, had been home all along. The presence of both your loss' thrived once again from the passion and soul of both you and George together. That's all that mattered.

A/N okay I sobbed so much while reading this but it was incredibly fun to write and I hope you enjoyed reading it just as much I enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to leave a request for anything you would like written. No one requested this it just came to mind, but please request some more!