Ezra's p.o.v

I huffed as I almost dropped my lightsaber. Kanan had the marvelous idea to do some lightsaber training. I'm usually really exited to use my lightsaber but I was just not in mood today. Also, the new lightsaber moves Kanan was trying to teach me were too difficult.

I groaned as I lost my balance and fell on the ground.

"Get up. You'll have to do it again"

I didn't got up. I just wanted to get out of here. I am always doing my best in every lesson. Why can't Kanan just let me go for one time?

"Ezra?" Kanan raised an eyebrow at me.

"I don't want to" I said trying to hold back my anger. I don't even know why I was so angry today. Or why I was becoming so angry at Kanan. I guess I just had a bad day and Kanan wasn't helping.

"Ezra, you need to learn these moves"
Kanan said in a serious and strict tone. I hate it when he has that tone. It usually makes me behave but today it just increased my anger.

"I said no!" I answered raising my voice a little.

"Ezra!" Kanan said his voice becomes more threatening, like he was warning me. He wasn't yelling but I knew that I was getting on his nerves.

"Why should I listen to you?" I said getting more frustrated every moment.

"Because I'm your master!" Kanan shouted and shoved my shoulder a little bit. That got me.

"No! You're not! You never finished your training! Because you were too coward to save your master!" I shouted loosing my temperature.

Kanan gasped and took some steps back.

After I took some deep breaths, I realized what I just said. The anger quickly disappeared and I felt guilt welling up my whole body.

I looked up at Kanan who was looking down.

"Kanan I-"

"Lesson's over" he said as he walked away.

I took a sharp breath. My mind couldn't process what just happened. Why do I have to be so stupid?

I walked upstairs and straight to my room. The last thing I needed now is the crew making questions. Kanan probably told them everything that happened in training. They must be so angry at me.

But, I guess I'll have to deal with their and Kanan's didisappointment at dinner. I sighed as I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths. I dived into the force trying to sense Kanan's force signature. I found him on his room. As I dived more into the force I tried to feel his feelings. As I focused at his presence more I realized that.......he was blocking me?

Kanan had never done that before. He usually let's me in or if he doesn't want to he sends me a feeling of annoyance through the force. But now, it was not the same. His shields were up blocking me out of his mind.

I quickly stopped my connection with the force and opened my eyes. I have never seen Kanan like that. The sense of guilty and shame grew more if possible. I tried to ignore how terrible I felt and focus on something else.

I closed my eyes and dived into the force once more. This time I focused on the calm and peaceful force signature of the animals hiding in the fields outside the ship. Most of them were lothcats but some birds flying by were included. Everything was so calm and peaceful. Everything was in balance. Before I realized, I was out like a light.

The next day

Still Ezra's p.o.v

"Hey kid!"

I jerked up hitting my head on the ceiling. Zeb laughed his head out. I groan in pain clutching my head.

"What?" I asked annoyed.

"We're almost in Takodana kid. You've got to prepare for the mission" Zeb said.

"What?! The mission was tomorrow!" I said confused.

"Kid, you were sleeping all day yesterday and the half day today" Zeb said and for a split of a second I almost saw a sign of worry on his eyes.

"You had to be really tired. I tried to wake you up for dinner yesterday but you wouldn't wake up. You seemed exhausted and Hera insisted to let you sleep" he explained

For a moment I almost told Zeb the reason I was so tired, the reason my mood has been so bad lately but...I stopped myself.

He will think of you as a baby. Is this what you want?

A voice in Ezra's head whisper. I pit on a smile and looked up at Zeb.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little wored out from what happened in training yesterday" I answered making up an excuse.

"What do you mean what happened in training?" Zeb asked confused.

"Didn't Kanan told you?" I asked surprised by the fact he didn't knew.

"Kanan? Kanan hasn't come out of his room since yesterday" Zeb said. I was shocked. Was it because of me? I knew what I did was bad but, was it really that bad?

"Everyone in the cockpit" we heard Hera say through our comms.

"Come on kid" Zeb said and I jumped out of bed. When we reached the cockpit everyone was there.......exept Kanan.

I felt my heart break. Kanan would never loose a mission.

"Hera, where's Kanan?" I asked fearfully.

"Kanan won't be joining us in this mission so we need to change the plan. But, don't worry, as long as you lay attention to what I say you'll be fine" Hera reassured us.

She started explaining the new plan but, I couldn't focus. My thoughts were on Kanan. I tried to look at the bond through the force but Kanan was still blocking me. I felt my heart shatter as the terrible voice came back.

He hates you

You let him down

You were so selfish

He wants to get rid of you

You're just a pain

A wasted

A burden

Useless

Street rat

"Everyone got the plan?" Hera's voice brought me back to reality.

Sabine and Zeb nodded and Choper came in beeping, letting us know that we reached Takodana.
I didn't really cared about the mission or the fact that I didn't even knew the plan. Only one thing was going through my mind. Kanan hates me.

Time skip (because I can)
After the  mission
Still Ezra's p.o.v

I really should have paid attention to Hera. I messed up so bad that we were lucky to get out alive. I was sitting on a crate as Hera came in furious.

"Ezra! What was that about?! You totally messed up and....."

She kept yelling just like me nightmares. The whole week I keep seeing nightmares of the crew getting rid of me. Yesterday the tiredness and the negativity of the nightmares were probably the reason I was so angry. And now because of that I let down the whole crew. First Kanan, now everyone else. Before I realize it they will just dump me back in Lothal. O felt tears forming on my eyes.

"Ezra! Are you even listening to me?!" Hera yelled sounding more angry than before. I looked up to see the anger and disappointment on her face. That did it. The tears started rolling down my face and a sob escaped my eyes.

"Ezra?" Hera asked worried as her face softened.

"I'm sorry" I cried out and ran away from her. I heard her calling my name but I couldn't look back. I ran up to Kanan room. I knocked on the door as the tears were still running down my face. When I got no answer I tried to put on the code. It surprisingly worked as the door opened to reveal an empty room. When I disn't saw Kanan in I started sobbing harder than before as I ran and and dropped my self on his bed, burying my face on my arms.

"Kanan, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you! Please forgive me! I'll do anything! I'll give you everything you want but, please, please forgive me!" I cried.

"Ezra?" I heard a soft voice from behind. I turned my head to see Kanan. I quickly looked down Imin shame.

"Ezra are you alright?" he said kneeling beside me. I looked up at him and he gasped when he saw me on tears. He cupped my left cheek and I felt more tears forming.

"I'm sorry" I whispered as the tears fell.

"Oh Ez" he said hugging me.

"I'm sorry too" he said tightening his hold on me.

"What are you sorry for?" I asked unable to understand what he meant. He didn't do anything wrong.

"For not showing up yesterday or today and for blocking you" he said guilty clear on his voice.

"But, when you said what you said" he continued as I biting head on his shoulder. "I though you said it because you thought I was a coward. I felt like I was letting you down. What happened, the night she died was really traumatic for me" he said laying us down in bed still holding me.

"The only reason I reacted like that was because of.....my nightmares. Nightmares where you and the others hated me. I have been having them the whole week and I guess I let them affect me" I explained as Kanan started rubbing my back trying to comfort me.

"Ezra, why didn't you told me?" Kanan asked.

"I didn't wanted you to think as a weak baby that can't handle some stupid nightmares" I said truthfully.

"Oh Ezra. I would never think of you like that. You're the strongest person I know" Kanan said and I smiled suddenly feeling exhausted.

"Thanks Kanan" I said closing my eyes.

"It's okay. I'm here" I heard Kanan said as I drift off into the fist peaceful sleep in a long time.

Hera's p.o.v

After what happened with Ezra I decided to give him some time. He has been acting strange the last couple of days. When I saw it was getting late I went to search for him. After twenty minutes of pointless searching, I decided to asked Kanan of he saw him. When I opened the door I was met with the cutest sight. My boys were sleeping, Ezra protectively curled close to Kanan and Kanan hugging him on his sleep. I smiled as I saw the happiness in Ezra face. For a moment I thought he was a little child on his father's hold. That moment I forgot about the war, the empire, everything bad on this world. And then I got out, coaling the door behind me, leaving them to rest.