The thing about hospitals is that it's a place where you can either feel immense pain or sigh in relief.  When your loved one is in the hospital, you are plagued with this fear. It's the type of fear that eats you up inside. The hospital fuels this energy to the point where you can't sit still for even a second. But that's not the worst thing. 

It's the feeling where the world stops, where you feel that overwhelming feeling to sit down. Your brain can't function long enough to even take a proper breath. Going through that is one of the worst feelings a person can go through, 

Natasha understood that feeling. Sitting on that cold tile flooring for what felt like days, listening to nothing, in particular, the medical chemicals filling the air. She tried to focus her attention on something- anything, that could bring her back down to earth. She needed that feeling of stability. 

It's been a few days since James discovered the death of his younger sister, days since Natasha has seen her son, days since anyone has eaten a proper meal. Steve sat beside her, occasionally attempting to get her to eat something. He was her rock. He held it together enough for the both of them. 

"babe come on you have to eat something," 

"I can't hold anything down anyways," Natasha mumbled placing her head on Steve's shoulder as he slid down to the floor to be beside his wife.  Steve looked at her with a sad frown lacing his face.  He so badly wanted to cheer her up, to see the smile that he fell in love with. 

She always said she liked listening to him speak- to tell stories to the kids, and that sparked an idea in his head. 
"Remember when we had our first break up," At the start of their relationship there were a lot of complications and no one really thought that they would make it, the number of breaks they had was ridiculous but the pair agreed it made them stronger. 

"What? Why are you bringing that up?" She asked scrunching her nose. Steve let out a soft laugh. 

"Bear with me okay? I swear this has a point to it." He laughed lightly. 

"Okay, yes I remember. I broke up with you after a mission where you pushed me out of the way thus getting yourself shot in the chest." She looked down at the round. "I remember being so angry with you." 

"and I would have felt bad for the amount of worrying you did but I just found it so cute. My point being, as much as you deny it, you wear your heart on your sleeve. You have an endless amount of worry in you, Nat. But the thing is you don't have to worry alone anymore. I know you're grieving over Sarah," Natasha looked away at her daughter's name. "and I know you want to protect James. But you can't do that unless you are okay. So please. Eat something." 

Natasha knew Steve was right. He was usually the sensible one in a situation. So after a minute, she allowed Steve to drag her down to the corner of the waiting room where he had a meal prepared for her. How lucky was she to have him? Maybe it's time she fixes other relationships in her life as well. 

|~|

Tony had done many things in his life, many that leave scars on his heart, yet he couldn't explain why he felt so guilty after his fall out with Natasha and Steve. They've fought before, all the damn time, so why was this time any different? Probably cause lives were lost this time around. 

He had tried to make his way over to their house and explain himself but he couldn't justify bringing them more pain. He lied to them and that's something he could never take back. No matter how hard he tried. He thought he was helping them. 

Pepper was a saint. She didn't deserve to be hated because of a secret he practically demanded she keeps. She was so close with Natasha, maybe not as close as Maria, but definitely close. He could tell that she missed their evening conversations and family dinners. And let's be honest they all pretty much agreed Morgan and James would somehow end up married at some point. 

Now he wasn't even sure if  Morgan and James were friends. He knew James had every right to shut everyone out, but that doesn't mean it's the healthiest thing to do. He would do anything to make this right. He just doesn't know-how. 

"Are you still in here mopping?" Pepper's voice came pushing through his thoughts as she walked into his office. 

"I am not mopping. Tony Stark doesn't mop." He sassed back. 

"Oh really? Who told you that, because they are clearly wrong." 

"Funny. I could sue you for that," He joked at the strawberry blonde. She only smiled at his nonsense.

"I'd like to see you try." She answered. "How are you doing, really doing?" 

"You know, thinking about how madly I messed up. I should have told them, I should have done something, anything. Instead, I sat around and did nothing. I fucked up your relationship with them, Morgans, and my own. I don't know how to fix it." 

"I believe that you can do so much. You are the best person I know and eventually, when things start to settle down you could talk to them, and clear the air." 

"I really hope that happens Pep, they, much as I hate to say it, are family." Pepper smiled at her husband's words and was about to say something else when the doorbell rang. 

"Who could that be?" 

After a few minutes, Happy walked down the steps with a shocked and perplexed look on his face. "Who was at the door?" Pepper asked, and before Happy could speak Natasha's form came into view. The pair both stood up. "Nat?" 

"Hi. Can we talk?" 

|~|
 

"I've done a lot of, not to sound cheesy, but a lot of soul searching. I've been thinking. It's kinda hard to not think when you have nothing but time." Natasha wasn't looking at them, but rather the floor as she tried to form the thoughts that made up her head. "When Sarah passed, I was in the worst place I've ever been. I've never felt this kinda pain since the red room, but even then the physical scars were nothing compared to the scar on my heart.

After learning that you had a role in death, although you didn't do anything, I was angry. I needed someone to be angry at, and that person couldn't be James, I couldn't lose both of my children. That stupid bitch was locked up and you guys happened to be in the crosshairs. I latched on to you guys with such a fit of anger, something you guys didn't deserve, and I wanted to apologize, I needed to apologize." 

"Natasha you have nothing to apologize for," Pepper said. "We understand your anger, we understood the consequences. We should have come to you, we are sorry for that," 

"And sorry doesn't even begin to say how much we owe you and Steve, nothing will ever be able to repair the damage that was done," Tony was quick to say. "We thought- I thought- I was doing the right thing." 

"Sarah's gone." Natasha looked up with tears in her eyes at the couple. "And I can't speak for Steve when I say this but I can't lose anyone else. I am so tired of wanting revenge and all of this stupid ass drama. I want to start finding the new normal. I want you guys to be in the world with us." 

"Nat-" Tony tried to say. 

"There is still a lot of drama, but for now, it has to be water under the bridge because I need to focus on his recovery. I need to focus on him. He's my baby. I need to be there for him. I want to protect him. I can't bring myself to talk to Thor, not yet. But soon, I figured this was a good starting point on my journey of forgiveness or whatever the hell you call this." 

"What I am about to say is a shitting excuse of an apology but I am sorry Natasha," Tony said. "And If I could change what happened, just know I would." 

"I know you would." She said and looked back down. "We can't go back, only forward and I wanna have you guys in my life. Sarah loved you both, she loved your son, and I don't want to lose that love she had. I want to live more like Sarah." 

"And Steve? He's okay with this?" 

"Steve doesn't know what to think. He's so busy protecting me and James I don't think he's been given time to breathe." She sighed. "it's going to take time, but deep down I think we all know it's worth it." 

|~| 

"I said I didn't want visitors," James's voice was rough as he heard the door to his room open. Everything seemed darker to him, dull and painful. He expected it nonetheless, in his mind he deserved it. It was only a fraction of the pain he thought he deserved. 

"It's a real shame I don't care what you think isn't it?" Nicole was standing before him. "You look like hell." 

"Get out," James said not bothering to turn to her. 

"No." She took a seat at the end of his bed. "God, you even smell terrible, what the hell. Haven't you taken a shower?" 

"Nicole either get the fuck out of here or shut up."

"Okay fine." That silence only lasted half a minute. "Not even a quick shower?" 

"Why are you here?" James asked annoyed. 

"I came to see my friend in the hospital because despite what you might have otherwise heard, I have a heart." 

"You didn't bring Morgan, or Torunn did you." 

"I haven't spoken to either of them actually. Not since..." Her voice faded off. 

"The fight? I hope you got a few good punches in." He said lightly. Nicole was surprised to hear even a small bit of humor in his voice. 

"How did you hear about the fight?" Nicole asked. 

"The nurses love to gossip." He told her. Nicole had an amused look on her face, that was the last time she talked to Nurse Suzy in the halls. "How are my parents?" 

"I didn't come in here to bring you pain or any other stupid emotion," Nicole said. "I came here to show you that you have a friend." 

"I've been an asshole to everyone." 

"Yeah well, you have a reason to be." She shrugged. "Wanna watch some TV?" James nodded slowly. He hated where he was in life, but at some point, he knew he would have to stop pushing people away, one person at a time. He was glad Nicole didn't push him, she was truly just there so he wouldn't be alone. 

"Thank you for being here." Nicole didn't answer and James was grateful for that. This was looking to be a good start to moving forward. 

|Happy Black Widow Day|