CHAPTER THIRTEEN
( DON'T SAY THAT )

     CARMEN AWOKE WITH a start. Her mother clutched her chest, tears beginning to fall from her eyes as she realized her daughter was finally awake. Carmen glances around the room, her eyes adjusting to the bright light.

Her eyes find her mother's, of which she sucks in a breath.

"Mom?"

"Oh my gosh, thank goodness," Her mother gasps, placing her hand on Carmen's cheek as she cries. "I thought I had lost you."

Carmen smiles weakly, something that assured her mother that she was fine. She then looks around the room again, disappointed at what she finds.

Nothing.

"Where are the others?" Carmen asks, her voice cracking. "Zach, Aurora, Jonah, Callie . . . Where are they, mom?"

"In the waiting area," Her mother replies, wiping her tears with a crumbling tissue. "The nurses wouldn't allow them in since you're in the ICU."

"Can you find them?" She asks, her eyes begging. "Please? Tell the nurses."

"They'll only allow a few," She sighs in response. "Who would you want to be in here? That is- if I can convince them."

"Jonah, Aurora, and Zach." Carmen states without hesitation, her voice coming out in a croak.

"Okay."

---

Zach was relieved as Carmen's mother finally arrived in the waiting room, bringing the best news- Carmen was awake. And when she announced that she could have three guests, he was overjoyed to hear that he was one of them.

But when entering her hospital room, he winced at the sight of her. Carmen was staring up at the ceiling, a breathing tube placed in her nose. Her position was very uncomfortable, as Jonah, Aurora, and Zach noticed.

"Zach," Carmen says weakly, a smile spreading across her lips.

She moves to sit up- something that only caused her more pain. Carmen cries out as a pain erupts from her ribs, and sinks back down into the bed. Aurora places a hand over her mouth, and Zach rushes to her side.

"Are you okay?" He asks, surveying her as he takes her hand in his.

"I'm far from okay," She admits, motioning to her broken arm, her collar, ribs, and bandaged head. "But I was lucky."

"I'm sorry about Elle," Zach frowns, taking the seat next to her.

Carmen lays her head back against a soft pillow, holding back her tears. But she couldn't. Not when her best friend had just died before her very eyes.

"That shouldn't have happened," Carmen murmers as she stares at the ceiling, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "It should've been me."

"Don't say that," Zach shakes his head, tears filling his own eyes.

"And where would Zach be?" Aurora speaks up from the front of the room, holding Jonah's hand. "And the rest of us? No, it shouldn't have been you."

"I watched them die," Carmen says, her bottom lip quivering as she cries. "I watched the headlights flash in front of us, and the front of the car get smashed in. They held hands through the whole thing."

Zach squeezes her hand as her cries grow heavier, turning into sobs. "I-I should've done something- anything! But I didn't."

"You couldn't have done anything to stop it," Jonah says. "You weren't the driver, Carmen. What could you have done?"

"Jonah's right," Aurora says, stepping closer to her bed. "If anyone's to blame, it's me."
Zach glanced at her, shaking his head in disagreement. "I sent the text that distracted Mark. If it weren't for me, we wouldn't be in this situation right now."

Zach went to say something, but was cut off by Jonah. "None of you need to be blaming yourselves. Aurora, you didn't cause this. Carmen, you couldn't have done anything to stop it. And Zach, don't even think about placing any of the blame on yourself."

The room then fell silent. All that could be heard was Carmen's occasional sniffle- of which Zach tended to her- and the continuous beep of the heart monitor. But a nurse broke the silence moments later, tapping lightly on the door.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," He says. "But we need to lower the number of visitors to one."

And then, he was gone. Carmen wanted to disagree and argue with him, but she didn't get the chance. Jonah nodded, before turning back to Zach and Carmen. "Aurora and I will visit as soon as we're allowed," He promises.

"Bye, Caramel," Aurora mutters, waving weakly as Jonah tugged her back to the waiting room.

After the door was closed behind them, silence returned. Zach stared at Carmen, once again taking in her condition. And there was no doubt that he was heartbroken with the results.

"You scared me," He admits, catching her attention. "I thought I had lost you."

"My mom did, too." Carmen frowns as she looks into his brown eyes. "I didn't even know if I'd make it."

"I'm sorry," He apologizes immediately. "I shouldn't have let you go."

"It's not your fault. Jonah is right, none of us need to blame ourselves."

"Why did you call me?" Zach questions, seemingly lost in Carmen's eyes. "Out of everyone you could've possibly called, you called me. Why?"

"It was an instinct," Carmen pauses. "I didn't know if I'd make it. I wanted to hear your voice- to say goodbye. But I didn't get to, I dropped the phone."

Once again, tears fill his eyes. "I freaked out. You have no idea how much I wanted to be by your side. I've been waiting to see you all night."

"I might be here for another night." Carmen says with a sigh, turning her focus to the ceiling again. "I think you should go home and get some rest, Zach."

"I'm not leaving." Zach states, rubbing circles along the back of her hand. "When all this is over, you can come back to the house with me."

"But my mom-"

"Agrees," Zach interferes, a smile placed on his lips. "She said that if you wanted to live there, she'd allow it. I talked to her earlier, and she told me that you've been happier than ever."

"Okay."

"Really?" His face lights up.

"Yes," Carmen smiles. "But you should really go home. You can go take a shower and get some sleep, and you can come back tommorow."

"I don't want to leave you."

"Daniel can come in here, then," She offers. "Or my mom. You need to eat, Zach. Please do this for me, I'll be fine."

He hesitates, before standing with a huff. "Fine. I'll go home, take a shower, and get some food. And then I'm coming back."

"But-"

"I'll sleep on the couch," Zach chuckles. "Don't worry about me."

He then leans down, pressing his lips to hers. It only lasts a few moments, before Zach kisses her forehead, and leaves the hospital room with a smile.

Once he's gone, despite the occasion, Carmen couldn't help but smile too.

_____