If Roman was being honest, she would say that she was way too excited for graduation. Every part of her screamed that this was the moment that everything amounted to. Life would change after this.

But she wasn't being honest, she was more than willing to lie to herself in the mirror as she claimed that everything was fine. That there would be no momentary change as she continued to make herself unnecessarily anxious.

Because she wasn't anxious. She wasn't nervous or unprepared.

For some reason, she wanted to be, wanted to be upset and believe that it wasn't going to work out for her in the end. She wanted something to go wrong just to let her know that she was dreaming or something.

She wasn't dreaming though, she told herself, running her fingers over the soft fabric of her dress. It had been Leah's before she had refused to wear it ever again, a pretty thing the girl had gotten when she was still happily in love.

It was white, off the shoulder, ruffle sleeved dress with a pretty flower arrangement that faded toward the bottom with a blouson waist topped with a little bow. The skirt would flutter and cling as she moved -- twisting and soft against her bare thighs.

Alice would approve, though, maybe not of the nude boots she wore with it. The girl didn't like wearing the same clothes twice, no matter how nice they were.

"Are you done looking at yourself?" Leah asks, shoulder leaned against the doorway. "You're going to be late if we don't get going."

"That wouldn't be too bad," she remarks, twisting this way and that so the dress brushed against her legs. "Can't I just pick up my diploma?"

"No way. You have to go. You only..." Leah trails off, jaw tightening. "Graduate once."

"Leah..."

"Don't."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Don't."

Roman pulls away from the mirror, crossing the room so she could face her friend fully. "I'm not stupid. I know you know. Just say what you want to say."

"I'm not going to say anything I'll regret."

"You'll regret not saying it," she pushes, shrugging a shoulder nonchalantly. "Nothing you say is going to hurt my feelings."

"I don't want you to be with them if it means you have to change. They should be happy with the way you are."

"They are, Leah. They are happy. I'm the one that isn't happy. I want eternity with them and the only way to get that is by... is by being better than I am now," Roman explains, smiling softly. "I'm not changing that much in the end. I'm just going to be less fragile. More permanent. I'm not becoming a different person."

"Not a different person. A different species. You're going to be a bloodsucker — a leech."

"I'm going to be happy. I'm going to have the chance to be in love forever. Until the sun don't shine!" She corrects, a warmth spreading through her chest that built with each word.

How easy it was to pull the romantic in her heart free, to make the rhythm of her soul sing. Just thinking about them, about the future she had planned, made her head light and dizzy.

She wasn't going to be persuaded against what she wanted now. She was selfish that way, disgustingly so, and she wasn't going to let that fall away from her.

Bella and Edward were it for her.

"You don't have to like what I'm choosing to become, Leah, I'll understand if you'll never want to speak to me again, but you have to understand if only a little," Roman says, breathing the words out lightly, a soft whisper that catches him her throat. "I love them more than life itself and if I have the chance of forever with them then the beating of my heart doesn't matter."

Leah sighs, gently pulling her into a hug. "I can only hope that I can love someone as much as you love them someday."

Grinning devilishly, Roman eyes her friend knowingly. "I think you might be in the way to it soon," she hints. "You've been in an incredibly wonderful mood lately, and I don't know who it is or what's actually going on, but I hope it's wonderful — better than anything ever felt."

"I'm not seeing anyone," she grumbles, trying to push her away gently.

"Uh-huh. You might not be, but you've got a glow."

"There is no glow."

"There's a glow!"

"There is no glow!"

Roman laughs. "There is!"

"Seth! Seth, come and take her away!" Leah demands, shoving at her with a gentle force.

The boy appears at her side, popping up as if he was waiting for permission as he moves to swoop in toward her, easily pulling her away from his sister as he starts to tell her how excited he is about the party and the ceremony and how happy he is for her — not forgetting to tease her about how glad he is she actually passed.

He was like that, though, the happiness that burst from his like the sun's rays. There was no way she could dampen his spirits and no way she would want to.

There was no stopping him once he was in a good mood — it was practically criminal.

By the time they arrived at the Swan house, the Clearwater's going in to visit Charlie before they had to leave, Bella and Edward were leaving the house, the girl glancing around nervously, worried, as she dragged her feet.

Roman frowns, glancing between them thoughtfully. Something wasn't right, though, Bella did get uncomfortable by things that drew attention to her.

"That's a new blouse," she comments, motioning to the pretty colour that compliments the length of her beautiful neck. "Is something wrong?"

"What? Why would you ask?"

"You look upset. What's wrong?"

Bella shakes her head far too quickly. "Nothing. Come on, we're going with Charlie in the cruiser."

"I thought he was going with Sue?" 

"He nearly had a conniption when I told him I wanted to go with you and Edward."

Roman tilts her head, pursing her lips. She can feel the smooth brush of raspberry red lipstick as they slide together. "Maybe I should just go with them, then."

"No, I want to go with you also," Bella urges, twining their fingers together.

"But that won't be fair to them, babe."

Her girlfriend's cheeks colour pink. "Right, it totally defeats the purpose, but fine."

Roman's laugh is airy. "Oh, don't be upset," she says, leaning forward to steal a quick kiss. "We'll have plenty of opportunities to graduate, after all."

"It seems like it won't be the same then, but fine, okay," she agrees, doing a little Charlie Brown walk toward the cruiser with the softest frown she had ever seen.

It took all that she had not to kiss those pouty lips breathless.

She waits for the Clearwater's to step back out, standing patiently as Edward and Bella nestle into the cruiser.

They were unfairly wonderful together, a beautiful picture that she wanted to nestle in between. It wasn't her place this time, her longing and jealousy something stupid and pathetic knowing that she was theirs just as much as they were hers. 

Roman was theirs, destined to be with them always. 

Pulling herself from her thoughts, she crawls back into the Clearwater's vehicle and buckled herself in, clearing her thoughts and her mind as she thinks it over, thinks it through. This was going to be the start of a new chapter, a new life. 

She was all grown up now. No turning back. Roman didn't want to. 

Smiling as Seth jumps into the seat next to her, unable to sit still in his excitement, she lets it bleed into her, using his infectious joy to burst her own good mood. It was going to be a good day, she was sure of it. 

Okay, so she had graduated. She had graduated and she didn't have to go back for at least a few years, at the least. It wasn't that she cared all that much that it was over with, but it felt like an accomplishment somehow, someway. 

But still, it didn't leave like much of a change as she came up to the Cullen home, skipping her way up to the front door to let herself in. 

The party hadn't started yet, of course, Alice had wanted to make sure people actually spent time with their family before they all hurried over to her home. The buzzing around the Cullen party was enough that she knew the home was going to be full by the time people actually turned up. 

Roman was early, her excitement and always open invitation had made it so that she didn't want to hang around too long with the pack and the buzzing sort of undercurrent of knowing of what would come soon. 

Slipping the door shut silently, she shrugged out of her faux leather jacket, exposing the open cut of her dress along her bare back and the way it hugged tightly at her waist and chest. She hummed, readily falling into Edward's arms as his hands smoothed over exposed skin. 

"Hey, babe." 

"Why do you torture me so?" he murmured, lips grazing the length of her jaw. 

"Alice helped me pick it out. She wanted to give you and Bella a night to remember."

His hand slid up her side. "My sister's the devil." 

Giggling, she captured his lips in a kiss, drawing him down to her greedily as she breathed in the scent of him -- savouring his taste as she sought him out, gripping the shoulders of his black shirt as she clung to his closely. He was drowning her, pulling her under his siren spell. 

God, how could she ever love a person so fully. 

He pulls away slowly, forcing her face away to rest his forehead against hers. "You're a sinful temptation." 

"You don't seem very upset by that." 

"I could never expect anything less from you," 

Heart bursting in her chest, she pulled herself back against him tightly, crushing her lips to his as she chased the feeling of him and the love that radiated from cold skin that brushed over her tantalizingly. Roman never would have imagined she was into icy more than anything else. 

Arms wrap around her middle, lifting her so her toes graze the ground, holding her tighter until she pushes higher, pulling up so he had no choice but to tilt his head back. She wanted to fill her lungs with him, fill her entire being, and despite the cold of him, she was burning up, heat curling in her core as it knotted and filled her with unmistakable pleasure. 

Edward pushed her away, breath held as he sets her down and backs away -- eyes dark and lustful as he watches her gasp for air. God, he was going to drive her crazy. 

"Alice is waiting for you. She wants your opinion on snacks," he says, a poor excuse for them to separate. 

"She knows that she did well. She doesn't really need my opinion," Roman breathes, drawing a finger down his arm. 

"I really do need your opinion," Alice chirps swooping in to pull her away quickly. She staggers after her on wobbly legs. "Besides, I can't leave you to make-out with my brother at the front door." 

"You certainly could have," she grumbles, adjusting her dress with a pouty lip before tucking back her hair in a lazy attempt to fix it. 

Alice's smile is humouring, playful as she watches Roman pick at the snacks, moving along the table and popping a few in her mouth as she went. 

She flits around, helping Alice in any way that she could, knowing that the vampire was only trying to keep her busy. There was something that Alice knew, that both she and Bella, and likely all of the others, knew that Roman had completely forgotten about until Alice made it ridiculously clear with the petty distractions.  

Roman didn't care enough to pry into it. They would tell her eventually, she was sure, and if it meant that she was free not to worry and could keep kissing Edward and Bella, then so be it. 

Distractions were right up her alley right now, and she was completely cool with it. 

That's what the dress was for. 

Edward disappears from where he leaned patiently against the wall, moving out the front door in a way that made her heart skip because the resounding slam of the truck door was oh so telling. 

Placing down the handful of napkins quickly, she darts for the door, meeting the pair on the patio with a beaming smile. 

The cold of the night air was familiar against her skin as she skids to a stop in the door, the light casting her silhouetted in the dark. She grinned, eagerly reaching for Bella as she came forth with Edward loosely wrapped around her. 

"Bella," she said, voice oozing with interest. 

"Roman," she greets, hugging her tightly.

Warm fingers press at her back, tracing along her spine, and she sighs, tipping her chin down to meet the wicked expression in Bella's eyes. 

"You're trying to kill me," she whispers. "How are you going to walk around in this all night?" 

"With a bucket load of confidence. You promise to keep a close eye on me?" 

"I won't be able to look away," Bella admits, a hand moving up to touch lightly at her neck. 

"Good, I don't want you to. I want all your attention on me, babe." 

The blush that burst across her cheeks is wonderful, tantalizing, and Roman is struck by how beautiful Bella was -- the gorgeous thing that she was, she loved this girl more than anyone. How could she ever get so lucky? 

"Come on, we have a lot to talk about," Edward says, leading the pair in. 

He brings them to Jasper, sitting them in front of the tense boy that regards them with only a quick glance. 

And then she learns everything, the pieces falling together as Edward explains, Bella glueing herself to her side as they discuss Victoria, and Roman can hardly stop the shiver that rolls down her spine at the name. 

She hated that woman as much as she hated her parents. 

Jasper didn't try to hide his desperation the way Edward had when he explained, or the way Bella had barely spoken a word, expression pinched. She bemoaned the entire situation, not bothering to hide her fear. 

The doorbell rang.

All at once, everything was surreally normal. A perfect smile, genuine and warm, replaced the stress on Carlisle's face. Alice turned the volume of the music up and then danced to get the door.

It was a suburban load of our friends, the faces of those that she knew from childhood making it easy to settle into the pretense that everything was fine, and Roman took that feeling and ran with it. She could play the role of a good friend. That would be easy. She could do that. 

She chattered and hummed with each person that came through, with each person that greeted her. 

 The party was a clear success, despite the instinctive edginess caused by the Cullens' presence — or maybe that simply added a thrill to the atmosphere. The music was infectious, the lights almost hypnotic. From the way the food disappeared, that must have been good, too. The room was soon crowded, though never claustrophobic. The entire senior class seemed to be there, along with most of the juniors. Bodies swayed to the beat that rumbled under the soles of their feet, the party constantly on the edge of breaking into a dance.

It was easy to be a teenager when Jessica and Lauren dragged her out to dance, swaying and jumping to the music happily -- laughter loud and light as Lauren traced at her body with a playful grin pulling at her lips. 

Even Bella joined her at one point, curling around Roman for a few songs, letting her girlfriend have her way when the normally shy girl would never. 

And if Edward stood back, watching them with darkened eyes and Roman's hands wandered a little lower as she teasingly bit at her lips, then no one could really blame the way her heart thundered against her ribs. 

Bella gasps, pulling away with a few mumbles words before she runs off in the direction of the door. 

Frowning, Roman feels herself spun in a circle as Jess grabs at her hands, turning her right into Tyler and Lauren, both eagerly reaching for her. 

Pouting, she pulls away, slipping back as quickly as she could to dart after Bella. 

Lauren yanks her back, pulling Roman to rest against her chest. "You can see them later, Ro, they get to keep you all the time." Her pout is like a punch to the gut. "Stay with us, sweet thing, have a little fun with your friends." 

Tracking Bella as she meets with Alice, both moving to the door, Roman sigh before turning back to her friend, spinning her around in a dizzy circle. 

"Maybe if I ask, Emmett will play Dancing Queen!" she calls to her friend, laughing as Jess and Angela jump at them. 

If this is what she was leaving behind, she would miss it, but none of it would ever compare to how much Roman would miss Bella and Edward otherwise. 

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sorry for the terribly long wait, all! I've been vibing other things and don't feel bad about it oof 

love y'all!!! thanks for reading lovelies!! 

unedited 

2020-02-08