There was nothing much she could say or do as she silently sat watching Bella move around and it felt like she was in a daze. Her eyes burned, tears having long since run dry, and it felt like she had left her mind and her heart back at the funeral. 

She couldn't stay there, she knew, every part of her being rebelled against the idea, and she had to flee from the service before she made a fool of herself. 

Roman just felt like she was getting in everyone's way. 

At least Bella didn't seem to think so as she busied herself making food, fluttering around her nervously as if she was going to fall apart. 

It was hard to convince herself that she wouldn't when she didn't feel connected to her body. It was like watching herself interact mechanically. 

Everything had just been piling up on her for the past two days, building until she wasn't sure if she could face it anymore. 

She thought that she was dealing with everything rather gracefully. Werewolves are real, Bella might love her, Bella's her girlfriend, vampires come after her, Harry's dead, more vampires, her girlfriend jumped off a cliff uncaring if she dies -- the world was crumbling and she still couldn't find the courage to actually look at Alice because if she did then she was going to start spewing everything and anything that came to mind. 

And she had yelled at her that night, Roman despairs, biting down on her tongue viciously. She had yelled and yelled until her head felt like it might split. Her heart had hammered bruises against her ribcage as she got the full story of her falling victim to the waves that she had willingly thrown herself into. The thought of losing Bella because she had missed a moment made her feel like she was serious;y dying and her words just poured out. 

She couldn't remember the last time that she had ever yelled at anyone. 

Bursting into streaming tears at the sight of Bella's watery eyes had made her feel like a despicable person. 

There had been no second thoughts when they had curled up in her bed around each other and Alice hadn't said a word. She still hadn't

 Shifting in her black dress, she wondered if she ever would say anything. It was another thing for her to stress over. She worried she would start losing hair soon. 

Bella took a lasagna from the over and Roman blinked, wondering where the time had gone if it was already finished before she pulled cleaning supplies from under the sink and trudged them upstairs. She could hear her in the bathroom. 

Wincing at the kink in her neck, she forced herself up from the table to go and change. She couldn't be wandering around dressed like this all day, it wouldn't be good for her health. 

She pulled on a pair of leggings and one of Bella's button-ups, finding comfort in the garment. It was soft and smelled of fresh laundry detergent that made her heartache at the familiarity. 

The doorbell rang as she was holding the shirt to her nose. it kicks her into motion, turning her sluggish brain on and kicking her body back into action as she rushed to answer the door for the girl, ignoring her calls as she rushed to pull the rubber gloves off. 

It rang twice more as she rushed down the stairs. Again as she opened it. 

Jacob was standing about six feet back from the door, nose crinkled in distaste, and despite their strained relationship, the sight of him filled her with something warm. She hadn't seen him at the funeral today. 

Launching herself down the path, she wrapped him in a hug, biting her cheek to keep away her tears. 

"I'm so sorry about Harry," she mutters and some of the tension bleeds from him as he puts an arm around her and pats her shoulder. 

"We're both going to miss him," he answers. "Bella's here? And that leech?" 

Flinching at the harsh term, she pulls away and nods, motioning him to follow her as she goes back to the house. 

"They're upstairs. In the bathroom, I think. I haven't been very good company," she admits, pushing her hair away from her face as she glances over her shoulder. "I've had a lot on my mind, but Alice isn't going to hurt anyone." 

He scoffs. 

Foot snagging, she shrieks as she pitches forward, hands raising to catch herself, but a warm, strong grip takes her elbow and pulls her back. Her head meets his torso as she scrambles to get to her feet. 

"Ouch," she hissed, blinking back the stars that swam across her vision. 

"You really gotta get your head on straight," Jacob advises, making sure she's steady before standing by the open door, staring at Bella's still figure on the stairs. "Hi." 

The other girl blinks, hair a mess and clothes in disarray. "You're bleeding." 

"Huh?" 

She's rushing forward, pushing Jacob out of the way as she reaches for Roman, a hand coming up to gently press against her lip. It stings.

The taste of iron explodes on her tongue. 

"Crap," she whispers, swiping her tongue over her lip experimentally. 

"You didn't split it again, so that's good, but you might need something to cover up the blood." 

Understanding hits her and she nods quickly, darting up the stairs in search of her backpack. Roman didn't know much about vampires in spite of everything, but she did know that you shouldn't tempt one with some blood. She should have something in her first aid kit that would help, she had to. 

It was strange to feel so at ease knowing that it was because Alice wasn't there to make her nervous. It was like the vampire was testing her to make sure she was good enough and it was starting to make her paranoid because that was crazy, right? 

Sitting on the floor of Bella's room, she eyed the space and took in the few things that belonged to her that had found a permanent place. They had gotten so close, so comfortable, so impossibly fast that it still baffled her sometimes. 

She was shaking her head as she made her way back downstairs, an alcohol pad sitting on her lip as she tried to ignore the jealousy that slithered through her ribs at the sound of their intimate whispers. 

Bella chose you, she reminds herself, you trust her. 

They were standing at the base of the stairs, close together as the whispered urgently, and she didn't try to disguise her presence as she continued on her way down. 

Water. Roman needed nice, cold water. 

The shrill ring of the phone made the three of them jump. Jacob reached it first, speaking a husky greeting into the device, "Swan residence." 

It made her wrinkle her nose and shoot a look of disgust to her girlfriend. Bella giggled, hiding it behind her hand as she shook her head. She really had no reason to worry. 

Someone answered and the relaxed, happy hold of his body shifted immediately as his shoulders tensed, rising as he turned from the girls to hide his expression. 

"He's not here." 

There's a beat, a blip of a second and she's drawn forward as lines in her mind connect. She needed to get him off the phone. She needed to speak to however it was. They were important. 

"He's at a funeral." 

The phone is ripped from his hand before he can even finish the sentence. Roman holds it carefully, protectively with two hands. 

"Hello? Hello, who is this?" she breathes. There's barely a sound from the other end, only the very faint sound of city life. "Hello? How may I help you?" 

"I'm sorry to disturb you in your time of grief." 

Roman gasps, the air forced from her lungs. She would recognize that voice anywhere. 

"Edward!" she chokes, spinning as quickly as her wobbly legs let her. "Oh god, Edward! Be--" 

The line goes dead. The phone drops from her hand as she sinks to the floor. 

Bella is screaming something, shouting angrily at Jacob, and she doesn't blame her. To hear even the faintest trace of his voice made her tremble and she had barely known him at all. It seemed that her heart was destined to punish her for its romantics. 

But Bella, oh Bella would give anything for a chance to speak to him. He loved her, she knew he loved her, everyone did, and she loved him. They were destined and god, Roman had gotten in the way of that. She should have just given the phone to her. 

And then he was running by her, nearly bowling her over, and Roman scrambled up to her feet, rushing after the pair as they continued to argue. 

She must have missed when Bella fell and how she got tangled in his legs, but he has frozen again, shaking in the same way Paul had that day. Tugging at the other girl, pulling her away by her armpits, she nearly missed Alice standing motionless at the foot of the stairs. 

"Bella," she chokes. 

"What is it? Alice, what's wrong?" 

"Edward." 

She pushing away from Jacob faster than she had ever seen Bella move, clinging to Roman as she stumbled and swayed. The room felt very small as she guides her to the couch, lowering her carefully. 

Jacob was swearing and she had the urge to throw something at him, to force him out of the house. 

"What did you do to her?" he's screaming, accusing Alice of something. 

"Shut up, Jacob!" 

Alice ignored him. "Bella? Bella, snap out of it. We have to hurry."

"Stay back," he warned. He was shaking, furious, and she expected to see the ripples beneath his skin. 

She shifts so she was directly in front of Bella, eyes squeezed tightly shut. 

"Calm down, Jacob," Alice ordered. "You don't want to do that so close to them." 

"I know how to control myself." 

"Alice," Bella whispers and her hands move to squeeze Roman's hard. "What happened?" 

"He's going to the Volturi." 

She's knocked back as Bella jumps to her feet. "He What? He- he can't!" 

"He thinks you're dead. He wants to kill himself too." 

Her head spins and she places it between her knees, breathing as deeply as her lungs would let her. This was too much, too fast. No one was taking time to consider how she might need a second to catch herself up to them. No one cared that she was missing giant pieces of information that left her spinning blindly in the dark. 

"But he left. He left. He didn't want me anymore," she argues weakly. 

"I don't think he ever planned to outlive you." 

"How dare he! He left! He left me!" Bella is screaming, roaring the words out in a rage that she's never seen on her before. It was strangely beautiful -- a chaotic beauty. She pushing past Jacob, shoving him out of the way. "How do we stop him? What do we do?" 

They whisper, the words too soft for her to hear or perhaps she just doesn't listen because she's rising to her feet and heading to the kitchen. Each movement forced and slow as she gets herself a glass of water. She drinks it slowly. 

Talk. They really need to have a thorough and uninterrupted talk. 

"Roman? Roman, I need you to focus," Alice is speaking to her, a hand placed gently at her elbow. "I know how important you are to Bella, how important you'll be to both of them. I need to know if you'll come with us to save him." 

Her eyes close, squeezing to chase away her headache. They were going somewhere far. Far enough that Alice had to call the airlines for last-minute tickets. Her mother was going to kill her. She nods slowly.

She's surprised when Alice hugs her and the cold is a surprisingly nice feeling. "Thank you. We wouldn't have been able to do this without you. Go back a bag. I know you have clothes here and we won't be able to stop for long at your house." 

Bella crashed into her on the stairs before taking her by the hand and tugging her all the way up, flying with her. They move fast as they fumble for clothes and Roman grabbed the first things that she could reach, stuffing them into her work backpack, thankful that it wasn't anything suspicious looking and could pass as a purse. 

They pack together, grabbing things for one another as they went, stuffing them in the bags, and as one they rushed back down the stairs. Bella ended up in a pair of Roman's hiking boots, the ones she wore to the hunting party. Hers were brand new. 

Alice and Jacob were arguing as they came down. Bella didn't let them.

Roman spoke first. "Can we do this later? Better yet, in the car? We'll call you from my phone, Jacob. Keep an eye on my trails for me." 

And then she was sprinting out for the car and Alice was passing her in a blur, sliding into the front seat with the engine already running. She tried not to trip in her awe. 

"Wait, Roman, don't go!" Jacob shouted, eyes pleading before her turned back to Bella. "Don't go, don't die. Please. Just stay and live. For Charlie. For me." 

"I have to go," Bella choked. 

"You really don't. You can both stay." 

Bella shook her head, backing until she was at the passenger side door, a hand on the handle. "I have to. I'm sorry." 

Pressed against the back door, window rolled down slightly, Roman could hear Jacob's words perfectly as he spoke. "Sam won't forgive you." 

A lump formed in her throat. "Out of everyone, he'll understand why I had to do this." 

The boy shakes his head and turns. Alice presses on the gas. 

"Take care of Charlie!" 

Roman can't turn away as he rips apart, throwing himself into the tress. His mournful howl sits at the front of her mind long after they're gone. 

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oof. i struggle to get this out before i had to go to bed. Hope you enjoy! 

unedited 

2019-11-03