The apartment was daunting as the cab pulled up and Roman hesitated as she handed over the needed amount, debating if she should have him take her somewhere else instead.

Marnie's truck was parked across the street and she sighs, climbing from the back. She didn't want to deal with this right now, not when she was travel-worn and emotionally spent.

What she wanted was to disappear into the woods for a few hours, hiding away as the silence in the trees fixed everything right up.

It was the one space, the one constant, that she had always known.

It wasn't fair that safety and comfort had been robbed from her.

Lucky that she had her key, she lets herself in silently, praying her mother won't notice — or maybe she wants her to notice so that maybe the woman would be forced to parent her properly. She didn't want to ground herself.

It wasn't that Marnie was a bad mom, Roman reminds herself, she was just distant.

The house smells heavily of cigarettes and she curls her noise, biting back a scathing remark about the freezing temperature. The kitchen window was left open. A full ashtray was on the counter.

She couldn't remember the last time her mother had smoked, let alone this much.

"Roman? Is that you?" A figure jumps from the couch, her mothers figure striking as it launches at her.

The taller woman curls around her, embrace painful, and she's vaguely aware that her shoulders shake with tears.

Marnie smells of stale coffee and cigarettes.

Roman swallows thickly. "Mom?"

"I had no clue if you were coming back!" she cries. "Where did you go?"

She curls into her mother. "Do you really want to know?"

The woman pulls back, looking her over with bloodshot eyes. Her mothers' hair was in tangles at the nape of her neck. She was in one of dad's old t-shirts. It didn't look right.

"Tell me everything."

And so she did, all that she could, from the very beginning. It started when the Cullens came to Forks and Roman couldn't stop thinking about Edward, how her heart used to sing and soar at the sight of him. She was sure to stress how much of a coward she was.

She spoke of Bella Swan, the stunning, shy new-girl that was too pretty to be allowed that made her sick to her stomach with butterflies.

"I love them both, mom, more than anything in the world," she says, stressing the words as much as she can before she bulldozers over herself again.

It's a mess of emotions and jumping from one story to another, biting back tears as they threatened to overtake her -- fighting to get everything out until she was rambling over herself as she spread onto her hate of her father for never being there, for hating her for no reason, her upset that Marnie doesn't spend time with her.

How the forest is no longer safe and she's terrified of her favourite place.

Roman speaks until her mouth is dry and her throat sore. Maybe she would regret it later when she had time to think, but it was so nice to just say all the words aloud so that she can hear for herself how stupid she sounds.

It's easy to see what she has to do after that.

And she wasn't going to run away again.

It doesn't hit her that she had metaphorically split her guts to her mother until she was done.

She looks up slowly with bated breath, waiting for her response.

"I forgot how hard it was to be a teenager," Marnie mutters to herself before straightening out. "I didn't realize I was such a bad mother."

"What? No! Mom, I've never had to worry about having anything. You always have me what you could," Roman sputters, jumping closer. "I just figured you were the hands-off sort of parent."

"That doesn't excuse anything. I should have been there to pay more attention to you."

"Mom, it's okay..."

The woman sighs, carding her fingers through her daughters hair. "My little Romey. What a mess we have for ourselves."

Blinking owlishly, she's confused when Marnie pulls away and heads for the kitchen, rummaging through the freezer for a moment before she returns with two spoons in hand. "Mom?"

"First, we eat away our problems. Second, we come up with a solution. Third? You buckle up and fix your relationship," Marnie announces, producing a carton of French vanilla ice cream.

"What do you— you aren't upset? About Bella and Edward?" She murmurs, worrying her lip with her teeth.

Marnie sighs, her brows pinching together in thought. "I can't say I understand it completely, but I that love is not easy and comes in many different shapes and forms. If they are who make you happy then I will help you fight the world for a chance at that. You are the best thing to ever happen to me, baby, I'm not gonna be silly and push you away."

She doesn't hide her tears as she throws herself at her mothers middle, wrapping herself around the woman as she cried and cried about how much she missed these imperfectly perfect moments that made her heart realign with her mind and spirit.

"Oh, baby, don't cry. Our ice cream is gonna melt."

Sniffling, she chuckles as she wipes her eyes with the palm of her hand, pressing hard against her eye. "Okay, mom."

Humming, they dig in, savouring the quiet moment until Roman grows drowsy and wanders off to bed. She nearly misses the angry whispers coming from the kitchen but doesn't focus on them enough to care.

It's forgotten by morning when she wakes groggy with a headache. She's disoriented for a moment, not quite sure if she's actually in her room, because she stumbled from the bed rubbing her eyes clear of sleep.

She smelt hot chocolate and warm apple sauce. It smelt like autumn, a vast difference to how things were yesterday.

The thought still her in her tracks, hands frozen in her hair as her fingers work tangled free. She had a heartfelt moment with her mother and they talked about everything. It made her lightheaded and she rushed to the table so she could plop herself down — resting her cheek against the cool wood.

Marnie was against the counter dressed casually as she waited for her toast and Roman curls herself back into a human slowly.

The previous day was foggy but she enough was clear that she wasn't sure what she was supposed to say to her mother after everything that happened the night before.

"You're grounded, you know," her mother spoke as if she was talking about the weather, "this entails you telling me where you're going and when, as well as extra hours at work when we get back."

Roman has to bite back her grin. She was fine with that. "Where are we going?"

"You're taking the rest of this week off, as well as part of next week, to visit your father," Marnie announces.

She jerks in her seat, nearly falling over. "What?"

"It's long overdue. Pack a bag. Your punishment starts tomorrow so visit who you have to. We leave at 7 sharp."

It takes a minute to process what she said, and then another as she debates if this is all some elaborate, messed up joke. It's only after Marnie pulls their matching suitcases from the hall closest does she realize that this is actually happening and she vaults herself from the table.

"This is for real?"

"Yes, now sit down and eat something before you make yourself sick."

She hadn't realized that the apple sauce and hot chocolate had been for her. Swallowing it own with the speed to choke herself, Roman finished it quickly and washed her cup and bowl before darting off to her room -- it was still a mess, a hurricane zone, but she knew how to navigate it with ease.

Her phone was still in her work bag, on with at least half battery, and absolutely no new notifications.

Interrupting their reunion wasn't her plan but she had to call anyway. Bella's phone went straight to voicemail. It went straight to voicemail the next four times she called.

Roman bites down on her lip hard. the Volturi were incredibly dangerous, she had been told as much too many times to count, but somehow she had been overly optimistic that everything would work out in the end. She never considered they wouldn't come back.

Shaking her head, she decides not to let her thoughts go wild until she knew what had happened for certain.

Taking a deep breath, she grabs an armful of clean clothes and rushes to dump them into her suitcase, running back for the undergarments and her charger before she packs it up and hurries to dress.

It's simple clothes, her everyday school outfit of jeans and logo tee, but it didn't matter as she tugged on her jacket and new boots. Her is shoved in her pocket at the highest volume -- just in case she calls back.

And then Roman is sprinting from the house, yanking her bike from the side of the house, taking off in the direction she knew that the Cullen's lived.

Because she had never actually been there but she knew enough from gossip that they had a huge house just outside of town. It wouldn't be hard to find, she figured, nothing ever was.

Peddling hard, Roman knew that it would show on her face as she didn't bother pacing herself. She wanted to get there fast, quick, so that she might ease her mind from the stress that she was placing on herself again.

Someone would have told her if something had gone wrong, right? It might have been a little belated but the Cullen's were good people, they wouldn't leave her to worry needlessly, but maybe they didn't know? She had never been on Edward's radar enough to be mentioned with any seriousness, but she supposed that Alice would have let them know since she had been keeping an eye on Bella.

"Shut up," she breathes, taking the turn onto the long lane with grace, "You can do this, coward."

By the time she finds the house, she's red-faced and panting, wiping sweat from her face as she sits back. She raises her arms above her head, crossing them as she fights to catch her breath.

There were only a few houses along this road and she didn't mind going down each of them to find the right one if she had to.

Facing the sky, she squinted up at the cloudy sky as she pulled her hair from her neck, setting to lay on her shoulder.

The house was bigger than it had the right to be with too many glass windows that were too bare and impeccably clean. Roman wouldn't know how to act if she grew up in a house like this -- though she knew now they didn't actually grow up here because vampires and stuff.

The door was open before she had the chance to ring.

She was a stunning brunette, one that made her regret showing up unannounced, and she nearly turned and left at the pretty, gentle smile. Her clothes were nice, fancy, and she shrivelled at the comparison to what she was wearing. And then there were the gorgeous golden eyes that worked to shake her to her core.

"Hi! I'm Roman," she chirps, plastering on her brightest smile. "I'm looking for Edward and Bella, and or Alice."

"I'm afraid they aren't here," she says, smile not wavering.

Her confidence wavers as she considers the possibilities. She swallows, mustering her courage. "They aren't dead, are they?"

The woman doesn't react much aside from the small frow that replaces her pretty smile. "Why would they be dead?"

"I left them in Italy and they seemed fine when I left, but I got back last night so I assumed, with the Volturi or whatever, that something must have delayed them?" Roman rambles, fidgetting with her hands. "I just want to make sure that my girlfriend didn't die, ya know? Because she's amazing and I don't know who you are to Edward but I love him too, so I might actually go insane if you told me they weren't coming back."

She shifts, moving back from the door so Roman had room to go in. "I'm Esme Cullen, Edward's mother for all intents and purposes. Would you like to come in?"

"I-I can't stay for long, I'm going away with my mom today," she stutters, but she goes inside anyway, stumbling as she struggled to pull off her boots. "I just wanted to make sure they were alright. Bella wasn't answering and I got worried."

Esme chuckles, leaning close to Roman's ear. "Don't tell Edward, but I always looked forward to hearing about both of you girls from Alice's visions."

Laughing breathily, she nods along. "I still don't understand the vision thing."

"No one really does."

The house was too nice, too put together. She worried about ruining something with each step.

"Do all of you have, uh, gifts?"

Esme shakes her head softly. "No, only the rare few of us. We're lucky to have Alice, Edward and Jasper."

"Mind reading and the mood thing, right?"

There's a flash of movement and she stumbles back into Esme as Jasper appears in front of her — too fast, too close, that it feels like her brain was moving too slow to keep up.

He holds a phone out to her. She can't bring herself to meet his gaze. "It's for you."

"Okay," she squeaks, accepting it with a clammy, shaky hand. "Hello?"

"It's good to hear that you've gotten home safe. I've been waiting to see what you're going to do and I just have to say: don't do it."

"Alice? What?" She asks stupidly. "What do I do?"

"You'll know when it comes up. Just don't do it," the odd girl says, and there's some sort of chatter in the background. They were at an airport. "Bella wants to speak to you."

"What?"

"Roman! What the hell? You just disappeared. I didn't know what to do or where to look. What if someone had got you?"

"I-I didn't think I would be welcome by all parties when you and Edward got back together," she whispers harshly. It was hard to have a conversation like this when the house was full of people who could hear her. "I just wanted to make sure you're alright and let you know that I'm going away for a week or so. I'll see you when I get back, Bells."

"Get back? Where are you going?" Bella rushes out and the words become tense and high. "You can't leave again."

"I'm going to be back. I promise, but I won't be here when you get back. It'll give you time to decide what you want."

"I know what I want," she argues vehemently. "We'll find a way to work things out."

Sighing heavily, she chances a glance at Esme that had placed a supportive hand to her shoulder. How was it that she's had the pleasure of meeting such strong, confident women in her life?

"I get the distinct feeling that we don't all want the same thing, Bella, so take your time, talk with him. You know what I want. I trust you," Roman emphasized, smiling into the words. "I think I might have told you once that I would be anything you wanted me to be. As long as you're happy, I'll be happy."

"Why does it sound like you're breaking up with me?" she forced the words out.

Glancing around the room, she found a pretty fern off to the side. It must have been new since they were away for so long. The greenery was an anchoring sense of comfort.

Was that what she was doing? Was that what she had wanted to do from the start? Her plan to speak to Edward was so solid when Marnie had suggested it, but now, maybe it was better to just back off, disappear since she was so good at it.

She wanted to hope that maybe they had been hiding here since Charlie was probably having a conniption with her gone. He would ban her from seeing her the most that he could, she assumed, they might have thought ahead about that.

Were they even still together when Roman had ditched her in Italy? Roman wasn't even sure what they were, to begin with. God, she was a mess.

"Just take your time to think about it, alright?" Is what she says, all other concerns being shoved to the back of her mind. "We'll talk when I get back."

And then she hangs up, unable to look from the plant as Esme gently takes the phone. It was an odd feeling, being welcomed by his family when he had only spoken a few sparse words to her. It made her head spin a little.

But Esme was so kind, and Carlisle too, so welcoming as she stammered over her words and got tongue twisted. She was so embarrassingly human around them, but she couldn't help taking comfort in that fact.

Maybe she stayed a little longer than she was supposed to, and maybe she had folded too easily when Emmett forced her to accept a ride as he drove her around, Rosalie a statuesque Venus silent figure in the front seat.

It's alright, Roman reasoned to herself, still in a daze as she let herself back into her apartment, school work held tightly to her chest, it's cool to have more friends.

Friends. Barely friends. Not really friends, but a good memory to look back on.

Everything was fine.

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2019-11-05