Roman didn't know what she was going to say. That was a good thing. Speaking to him was daunting enough as it was that she couldn't imagine what it would be like when you involved mind reading.

Because Edward Cullen had telepathy. He would know everything that she wanted to say before she had the chance to say it.

It was incredibly likely that he knew all about her feelings for him from the beginning and if he hadn't he certainly did now.

The situation was maddening. If only it worked in such a way that he could see into the deepest parts of her heart, of her soul, and comprehend fully the extent of her feelings for him were. There was no flitting, surface attraction like what Lauren and Jessica had, it wasn't for aesthetic or station purposes. Roman was genuine, true, and she wanted nothing more than to be able to prove it to him with the utmost sincerity.

She didn't know where to start, how to broach the topic without sounding painfully foolish.

"I love you," She blurts, tongue working without permission as words come tumbling out. "I've loved you from the moment I saw you. I'm not sure if you believe in love at first sight or soulmates, but I do, and you and Bella are mine."

He has no outward reaction. She expected that. She wasn't an idiot. The Cullen's were the best that she's ever seen at obscuring their thoughts and feelings. She would likely never know unless he wanted to be honest with her.

"I'm not telling you to make you feel uneasy or pressured into anything, but I want to do things right this time. I need to make sure that both of you understand and are open to it," Roman rambles on thoughtfully. "Could you ever imagine loving me as much as you love her? Because I love you both equally, so much that it breaks me inside knowing that I'll never have eternity with you, with her. If there is a sliver of a possibility, even in the slightest, then fine, but if not that's also fine."

Breathing deeply, she curls her fingers, digging her nails into the palm of her gloves. These weren't the right words she wanted to say, the right phrase she wanted to use. Roman wanted it to sound like poetic prose, like a period drama declaration that would have no wavering and cowardice that fought to the front of her mind.

"What I'm trying to say is: it was Edward and Bella before it was Roman and Bella. She loved you first and only came to actually see me because you left. I don't know how she would react if I was gone, but I know she would be fine if she had you. She belongs with you. As much as she might love me and want to be with me, she can't have that if you don't agree because you want to and not because she wants to," she whispers, clenching her eyes shut. "I- I would be with you both in a heartbeat, but I would be fine going back to the way things were before. Knowing that you have each other and are happy would be enough. I never meant to intrude on what was there before me. I'll only stay if you'll have me."

The sound of her veins rushing in her ears and the heat of her face makes her twitchy, anxious, as the bright gold of his eyes stays pinned to her face. She swipes her tongue over her lip, not caring about the tangy metallic taste.

"God, but I'm putting you on the spot now by saying all of this," Roman groans. "Look, just think about it, I guess. I should give you guys some space anyways. I've got a ton of things to do, probably."

She goes to leave or at least tries to, but his hand wraps around her wrist gently, holding her in place, and she nearly crumbles as her knees go weak.

"I want to thank you for taking care of Bella for me, and for coming with her to Italy," he says, finally speaking, and she can only blink at him as she tries to process his words and how they have nothing to do with anything that she said. "I will forever be grateful to you."

"You-you don't have to thank me. I didn't need to take care of Bella, and I went to save you for you."

"Still," he says, lips quirking in a barely-there smile. "I was surprised when she nearly had a panic attack searching for you. I hadn't heard your thoughts or caught your scent."

"Weird. Do you only get to hear certain thoughts then?" She asks conversationally, fumbling for the words in such a casual instance.

"I can hear everyone except for Bella. Apparently you as well, on occasion."

"That... doesn't make any sense. What makes me only sometimes? Am I broken or something?" Roman worries, then thinking, she asks, "Can you hear my thoughts now?"

"Yes, though it's incredibly interesting how confusing they are. You're thinking a million thoughts a minute." The observation feels sound with the way she feels almost lightheaded with glee, she's sure her brain must be working overdrive.

"Ready to go?" Bella calls, skipping down the steps in a pair of Roman's boots.

Any coherent thought she was ready to form flies from her mind as she takes in what could only be a smug expression plastered on Edward's face. What?

"What?" She voices.

"To see Carlisle. Are you ready?" Bella asks, dabbing Roman's lip with a damp cloth.

"I wasn't going to... I mean, it might not be such a good idea for me to go right now," she stammers. "I wanted to give you guys some time together and, um, and for Edward to think things over."

"No way. No. You aren't just running off again, Roman. We need to talk. For real. About everything," Bella commands. "And you're still bleeding so that really can't be good, you know."

"It's not like I just run off," she scoffs, ignoring the playful jab at her ribs.

"You did in Italy."

Her jaw clenches. "I wanted to give you space to get reacquainted without interfering."

"You disappeared. I thought something bad might have happened to you."

"In my defence, it was the best option that I had in that situation. How would it have worked for me to just waltz up to the pair of you and introduce myself: Hi, I don't know if you remember me from school, but I'm Roman Elders and I've been dating your girlfriend even though I knew that you would come back to her in the end."

Bella stops, gaping at her. "Okay, yeah, that seems like a really bad scenario."

"Don't forget the Volturi," Edward adds and she realizes that he's herding the two of them outside to his car that she ridiculously hadn't noticed parked across the street. "We were lucky that they let us leave at all, Bella."

"You actually saw the Volturi? And they didn't kill you?" Roman shouts in a whisper.

"They tried their best. We only got out because Alice showed them a vision of me as a vampire."

Stumbling over her feet, Edward catches her elbow as she walks dazedly. If Bella was... and they didn't... it was clear that she wasn't included in this vision for them not to kill her. That only meant that she wasn't with them in the future.

She was seated in the car when it finally sunk in and she used the damp rag for her lip to wipe away her tears.

Fine. Alright. Time to reassess. Roman would stay near them, at their side, as long as she was allowed before she would gracefully leave, whether they wanted her to or not. She wasn't going to screw up the picturesque future that Alice must have seen for them. She couldn't do something like that to the only two people she would ever feel such love for.

Maybe she could go back to Julius, give his stupid family idea a chance -- actually, that was a terrible, disgusting idea.

She would stay in LaPush with Seth and the rest of the pack. They wouldn't turn her away even if she planned to be a miserable spinster for the rest of her life. Roman had always been good at babysitting.

"What did you do after you disappeared?" Bella asks, turned around in the front seat so that she could speak to her easier.

Roman swallows the lump in her throat. "Oh, I stayed for some of the party before flying home. Marnie decided it would be a good idea to Swan off to Alaska after that."

"Why Alaska?"

"Took me to see my dad."

"What? Seriously?"

"He's a vampire that wanted to change me so he could form a perfect family even though he admitted that he didn't want me as I was growing up," she says with a shrug. "Turns out now that I'm all grown and perfect vampire age I'm good enough again." 

"He actually offered that to you? For real?" Bella asks in disbelief.

"Not so nice, but yeah, something like that."

"Oh Roman, I'm so sorry. I wish he was a better person," she apologizes, reaching a hand back to her.

Smiling softly, she squeezes the tips of her fingers. There wasn't much more she wanted to say about how much she hated him or how awful he was. She hated thinking of him as her father when he was nothing but a distant shadow that had loomed over her all her life. There was no shadow anymore. She was free.

Still, it was nice to hear the condolence in Bella's voice, as if Julius was dead to her now as well, just as he was to Roman.

"It's fine. It just made me realize who my real family is, you know?"

The rest of the ride is spent in silence. Roman takes comfort in the trees the blur by and the speed that he drives -- almost as fast as the Porsche in Italy. The speed was delightful.

Her thoughts were so clear now, her mind so steady, Roman felt better than ever. She was wonderful as she sat in comfortable silence with the people that she loved. How incredible would it be if this could last forever?

Sighing, she sends Marnie a quick text, not entirely sure if she got service in the middle of nowhere but hoping she did all the same.

She texts Seth too, biting her lips to smother her laugh at his quick response just to his at the sharp pain that shoots from her lip. She didn't want to consider what would happen if he knew she was hurt. Having only Sam and Emily's imprint as a comparison, she knew it wouldn't be anything good.

Roman hoped they took the imprint news well.

Meeting Edward's gaze in the mirror, she ducks her head and faces the window.

You don't have to worry about what they think of everything, she reminds herself, your life doesn't have to be centre around them all the time.

As much as she wants it to be, as much as she wants to be able to think of them as a unit they weren't and even then she was allowed to have things for herself.

They get there much faster than she expected. Faster than she had by bike, obviously, and it felt like an entirely different home from before. It wasn't as daunting, for one, more approachable with Edward and Bella with her.

Sure, there would be plenty opportunity to embarrass herself further, but it would be cool in the end.

Trailing behind, she adjusts her hold on the damp cloth as she tries to get a grip of herself before actually going in.

Her concerns are dashed away as Alice greets them at the door, whisking Roman away up the stairs where she's deposited in front of Dr. Cullen.

He takes one look at her and shakes his head fondly.

It was a familiar comfort.

"You've been advised against biting your lip."

Roman chuckles. "I can't help it. It's a terrible habit."

"Let's get you sorted, then, shall we?"

Nodding, she moves the rag and lets him get to work. She hardly notices the slight discomfort of the stitches anymore as she listens to him make idle conversation knowing she can't answer as he works on her lip.

"What happened this time?" He asks once he's finished.

Roman feels the delicate stitches and bandage carefully. "Bella knocked me over."

Carlisle laughs softly, fondly, with a shake of his head. She gets the distinct feeling that he had missed the girl quite a bit while they were away.

It must have been hard for them when Bella had managed to integrate herself perfectly in with them, fitting herself among them as Edward's partner after what I assumed to be years of time spent alone and uneven.

Guilt splintered her resolve to stay. She really didn't belong here ruining everything. How was she inconveniencing the others with the scent of her blood and tears that likely still stained her cheeks? They barely knew her, and as sad as it was, the one that knew her best was the doctor that had treated her many times in the past. Why should she be welcomed into their home so easily?

He was cleaning up silently and she struggled to find an excuse to stay in his company a little longer. She wasn't ready to face the others just yet.

"Sam wanted me to remind you of the treaty!" Roman blurts. "He's the Alpha and decided that it would  be best to have me act as liaison since I wouldn't be biased he said. Which isn't to say that Bells is biased, but he just said it would be easier since he know I hate lying? And I could never lie to Seth even if I tried."

"Did he mention any part of the treaty specifically?" Carlisle questions.

"No, just the whole thing in general. I think he was more concerned about the, uh, property line type thing you have going on?" She says unsurely. "They were running all over these parts when you were gone and I think they're worried because I'm home alone while Victoria is still out there."

He seems much more concerned at that, features shifting further into concern fatherly type. "You've seen Victoria yourself?"

Roman swallows. "Yes. Harry's dead because of her. I would've—" she chokes on the words— "Jacob saved me."

It had been so close as she held her up by hair hair, dangling her off the ground as if it was nothing. A shiver runs down her spine.

"We'll have to find a way to express our gratitude to the boy."

Gaping at him, she has trouble making sense of his meaning.

Carlisle doesn't offer an explanation as he leaves the study, Roman tailing after him.

Bella stops them on the stairs, redirecting her toward Edward as he stood outside a room waiting. She was all timid smiles and excited twitching, and when they were inside his room with the door firmly closed, a gentle finger was ghosting over her bottom lip.

"So, who's clothes?"

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2019-11-08