The styrofoam cup was balanced on her bony knee and Roman sat there watching it, waiting for it to begin to tip before she caught it with idle hands and set it back to balance.

There was little else she could do now with the way that she didn't want to see any of the others downstairs. Esme was fine. Carlisle and Rosalie were fine. Jasper and Alice, and Emmett were fine if they wanted to come around to see her instead of just giving her too much space, but well, her husband and wife, she didn't truly wish to see.

Because they were just letting him stay, letting Jacob cuddle up to her on the couch. Seth had told her of Edward's little plan about his offer to let Jacob give Bella the child she so desperately wanted. To think that he would just...

It was revolting and Roman refused to speak to him when he came to explain himself. She had let him talk all he wanted, talk as long and desperately that he could, but she never answered. She couldn't answer when she was sort of just clinging to the state of being okay instead of just crumbling into tears all the time.

Roman cried for everything and nothing when she was awake enough to do so.

And really, she could understand where he was coming from so maybe that's what had upset her so much about what he had done, but she couldn't just stomach it, not then, not now.

Then there was Bella and the way she was still just so in love with Jacob and had no plans of hiding it each time she had risked getting close enough to see her.

Seth had told her everything she as missing, each conversation and wish of the world downstairs that she didn't want to be a part of right now. He was the only one that came to see her consistently, the only one that braved her mood swings and silent treatments enough to stay in the room with her.

Even Edward came up less and less and she wondered if she ought to be thankful for that fact.

And when Leah finally came up after a day of being part of the new pack, yelling at her for being so incredibly dumb, nearly shifting then and there, until she saw the small imprint of a foot against Roman's stomach at all the yelling.

Her friend had frozen, words dying on her tongue before she approached slowly with her hand hovering over the skin there hesitantly.

Leah had always wanted children. It had been the plan when she was with Sam, but that was ruined and now she was a shifter that was uncertain if she would ever be able to carry children of her own. 

It felt a little like manipulation when she had asked if she wanted to feel, but if Seth had whispered to her later that Leah had different reasons for being there then no one mentioned it.

"You're going to spill it if you keep doing that," Rosalie chides from where she stood in the doorway, eyes dark and sharp as she watches Roman play with the cup of blood.

She doesn't answer as it starts to slip again and she drinks from the straw -- swallowing quickly before the taste could really register in her mouth. Drinking blood was a whole thing she didn't want to get into and part of her would have accused Jacob of bringing it up just to spite her if it wasn't working out so well.

"Oh, yeah," she mutters, glancing to the window in hopes of spotting Leah or Seth making a return. Someone always had to watch her apparently. "That would be a tragedy."

"I wish he would leave just as much as you do," the blonde says.

"You're still down there being civil with him all the time. Everyone is civil with him."

"It's for Bella's sake."

She scoffs and resists the urge to launch the cup into the blonde's face. "Isn't everything?"

Rosalie softens, arms uncrossing from her chest. "That's not fair, Roman."

"I know," she snarls, sucking harshly on the straw for something to do. "I know, but it's funny I was only allowed to speak to Seth after Jacob decided that he wasn't leaving. I don't see anyone bending over backward for me."

"You don't need it, Roman," she says carefully, walking into the room as if she was approaching some sort of wouldn't animal at the risk of lashing out. "You don't want anyone to bother you."

"I don't want to see anyone that is just going to accept Jacob being here. I'd rather let the pack rip me apart than have to talk to him."

"Isn't that a bit dramatic?"

"You love dramatic."

"Not when you're talking about getting yourself killed," she chides, sitting at the edge of the bed. "Why don't you let Edward come and speak to you? Or maybe you could come down for a change."

"No. If I wanted to see the devil I would just kill myself."

Her lips quirk in a barely-there grin. "Will you at least see Edward? He misses you. His longing to see you is a little disgusting."

Roman bites her lip, casting a glance at the door. She missed him as well, and Bella if she was admitting to it, but she just couldn't with him down there. They made it very clear they would rather make Bella comfortable by having him stay then her by kicking him out.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

Rose is understanding as she nods, patting Roman's knee. "Whenever you're ready, you can go down."

She doesn't answer as she goes back to her drink, sipping softly as she watched out the window. She hoped for rain, for the comforting pitter-patter against her window.

She wished for Sue, for her mother for all intents and purposes, to come and visit her, comfort her. Roman wanted her to meet her grandbaby, hoping that she didn't think bean a monster and abomination as the others did.

That would have been terrible, heartbreaking.

Her hand splayed against her stomach tenderly. "I should have gone through with my threat and dropped him in northern Canada, shouldn't I have?" she speaks to her baby. "Then he might not be here to bug us."

There's a nudge against her hand and she does well to hide her wince.

"Maybe then we could've been with your father and mom without risk of me ripping out my own heart to be away from him."

The nudge is harsh, painful, and she hisses as it radiates through her side.

"Oh god," she breathes, blinking quickly to chase away the black dots that swim in her vision.

Rosalie is gently prodding at her stomach as she breathes deeply. "I didn't hear a crack and I don't feel one. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I'll be fine."

A door slams in the distance and the blonde tilts her head, listening. "Jacob left. Would you like to go down and see them? They have some news that I suppose they would like to share themselves."

That gives her pause, curiosity peeking as she tries to spy the boy out the window. "Why's he leaving?"

"He's angry about one thing or another as he always is," she says dismissively. "Would you like to of down while he's not here?"

Hands pressed to her stomach rubbing smooth circles, she chances a look to the open door. "I'm sure a few minutes of a change in scenery won't do any harm."

The living room was hardly different than before, but Edward was on the floor before their wife, hands soft against her stomach. Both looked to her as she came in supported by Rosalie, held close, careful, as they move to the opposite side of the couch.

She doesn't' say anything when Bella turns to her eagerly, happily reaching for the hand that Roman just pulls out of his reach.

"Go on," Rose says. "Tell her the good news."

Neither answers right away and she raises a brow expectantly, turning to Edward.

"I can hear what the baby is thinking," he tells her, speaking slowly as if she was going to lash out at him.

Heart hammering in her chest, she tries not to get her hopes up as unconsciously she turns to her stomach, gently drawing circles once more. "You can hear them?"

"Him. He can hear him," Bella bursts out in excitement. "He loves us."

Tears sting her eyes. "It's a boy?"

"It's just a feeling," she admits, smiling happily. "When I imagine it he's a boy."

"Oh, and you can hear what he's thinking now, then, so that explains why you're all lovey-dovey now," she mutters bitterly.

"He missed you," Edward tells her, hands still against Bella's stomach. "He missed the sound of your voice."

She clenches her jaw, turning away so that she wouldn't have to look at their hopeful expressions and feel that pressure to just forgive them, but Roman clings to her anger desperately because otherwise she would just fold on her resolve as she always does and she'll be fine with Jacob existing where she did again, pushing down her demons and just letting it go.

"I missed him, too," she says, speaking so that the baby could hear her.

A sharp hit against her ribs has her grunting.

"Hey, now, that's enough," Edward says sternly speaking to her stomach as a hand presses to her ribs. "There's no reason to be jealous."

"What?" She whispers.

"It's earlier than I could hear EJ, but he's very vague and quiet with his thoughts," he tells her, turning his head as though listening to something. "The baby doesn't want you giving your attention to someone else. He's jealous."

"Jealous? There's no need to be jealous, my little bean," she speaks quickly, voice trembling. "I love you. I love you very much."

Edward smiles. "He knows. He loves you, too."

"I knew he did, I could feel it."

"Perhaps jealous is not the right word," he says with a frown, the baby kicking his hand gently where he touched her. "They are possessive. The baby is not happy with us."

Bella gasp. "What?"

"They hate Jacob," he says, this curious almost fond expression to his voice. "I get the impression that the baby is mad at us for the same reasons you are."

She takes in the look in his eyes, the disappointment and hurt. "The little bean's smart to know who to hate. At least they'll be prepared for what to deal with now."

"Roman, you can't be serious," Bella demands angrily, moving to push herself up from the couch.

She hates her teeth. "I'm very serious. I'd rather die before I saw his face again," she seethes, glaring at her with as much as she's worth.

The baby kicks her, foot clear as it shows through her shirt.

Edward places a cold hand there immediately icing the impending bruise. "He doesn't like it when you talk like that," he says, then to the baby, "Stop kicking her. It isn't helping."

Lips pursed, she turns her face away from them both. "Thought you said you aren't hearing very much from him."

"Him?"

Roman rolls her eyes at her husband. "You know what I think. Answer the question."

Her sighs. "His mind comes alive when you speak to him or about him — otherwise he is very silent on the matters of all else around," he answers, sitting forward until she had no choice but to look at him. "Roman, you know that it was never my intention to make you feel as you do."

"My isolation is my own choice."

"You know that is not what I meant, my love."

"I know what you asked Jacob to do and I know that you are both incredibly aware of how much I despise him and how uncomfortable he makes me, but you still don't ask him to leave," she says blandly, words dead the moment they leave her mouth. "Instead you invite him in and take turns sitting with Bella. And you—" she turns on her wife— "You still love him even after everything, and that's fine, whatever, but how can you think it's appropriate to keep calling him to your side like this? You'd prefer he stay here with you instead of me, Bella, and that's obvious enough for me."

"That's not true!"

"The sight of him makes me physically ill, Bella! Last time I saw him I was literally sick, but you keep calling him back like he put the stars in the sky." 

Bella cries softly. "That's not fair." 

"What's not fair is that my wife prefers him or me." 

"He makes her feel better, happier," Edward tried softly. 

She scoffs. "Well, he's making me worse, sadder, but I'm sure that doesn't really matter, obviously since it hasn't mattered so far."

He's burning again, eyes that haunted sort of crazed that's made the guilt eat at her from her tower of isolation, but this time she feels nothing for him, not when she knew that she did nothing other than speaking her mind. Roman wasn't going to coddle the truth that they were so happy to ignore when she was out of sight -- as if she hadn't existed until she was there before them. 

Maybe all of this was just one big mistake. Maybe she should have just let Julius or Marnie steal her away or have at least tried to get over Edward and Bella respectively when she had the chance, when she wasn't at the point of delirious love that threatened to literally kill her. 

Maybe she should leave with the little bean, just the two of them, disappear the moment she knew she would live. They could survive just the two of them, she wouldn't let anything touch them, her little innocent baby. 

They could come back for Seth when the Cullen's gave up looking, come back to visit the boy that would always be there for her. 

"Roman, no," Edward whispered in horror, brokenly reaching for her, but she pushed his hands away. "No, please, don't think like this." 

"I'd like to go back to my room now," she mumbles, blank stare pinned to the doorway as she waited for Rosalie to return for her. 

"I've been hurting you, Roman, and I'll never be able to make up for that, but you must reconsider," he pleads, not responding to Bella's demanding questions. "I will not force you to stay, I would never force you to do a thing, but it wouldn't be safe, neither of you would be safe if you left." 

"I'd like to go back to my room, please," she whispers pointedly. "This was a bad idea. Rose?" 

The blonde strides in, moving around her brother to help her up from the couch. "Let's get you in a nice, warm bath to help you relax." 

"Roman, wait," Bella whines, blinking up with wet lashes. "Don't go." 

"What are you going to do when he comes back?" she counters, stopping where Rosalie helped her stand. 

"He isn't here, you can stay!" 

"I'm not his replacement. I'm not going to sit around just to leave when he shows his face just as he always does. I won't stay as long as he's here. I'm not going to apologize for not wanting anything to do with him." 

Bella doesn't answer. 

Roman doesn't look back as she cries. 

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guys!! roman is being very dramatic and emotional because she is pregnant! her emotions are amplified and its making it easier for her to lash out. it doens't mean that what she feels isn't valid, but a lot of it is just due to her focusing her emotions into one outlet. 

also,,,, i will not accept any Bella or edward hate!! they are both dealing with things the way that the see best and Roman added to it isn't making anything easy. so no ill words towards them, especially my girl Bella. 

unedited 

2020-04-01