Curled up on a chair on a chair by the window, Roman drew the blankets closer around herself, cuddling her cheek into the soft fabric as she looked out into the dark hoping to catch a glance of Seth or Leah.

They had been out there all day when Jacob had been out gallivanting doing whatever it was that he wanted while the others were stuck. If she had the choice then she would have left too, would have gone home to Sue's and let her mother for all intents and purposes cared for her.

She wouldn't be so alone if that was the case and maybe Seth and Leah wouldn't have been stuck here -- though knowing her luck, they would have come here anyway and she still would have been alone.

Part of her wondered if she was always destined to be alone like this, if her growing up with this pretender introvert attitude with friends that were never that close was what she was meant to live with. Maybe it would just be easier that way because even after her little speech Jacob was down there with them, his easy conversational voice loud as he laughed softly to something being said.

It was all his fault with his goal to just ruin things. He had come and stolen the people she thought would be her truest allies in all of this -- Edward was never supposed to get along with him, Rosalie was never meant to tolerate him.

And she was only getting more and more pushed away for it as she refused to want anything to do with him.

She sighs. She could disappear if she really wanted, she could go and they would never find her again. Roman knew how to track better than they did and if she survived the birth and changed into a vampire, no one would be able to find her again.

Waiting for Jacob to die before she tried speaking to him again wouldn't be that bad.

Roman had always been good at waiting, persevering. She had asked Bella to make a choice once and she had, they had gotten married, she had said goodbye. Being pushed aside for him again wasn't what she expected, but she was good at waiting and could try again with them later.

Part of her had always expected this to end up horribly. Roman had never been lucky, had never been the girl that got to feel the joy of requited love. Maybe it was only meant for her to get a taste before she was destined to suffer.

Bunching the blanket in her hands, she screamed into it as loud as she could, toes curling at the anger behind it as tears stung at her eyes.

"Roman?" His voice grates against her ears and she flinched inward, nearly tearing the blanket apart with strength she didn't have. "Come on. Open the door."

A beat pounds against her stomach, hammering her insides, and she gasps in pain.

"Okay, fine, can I at least come in?" Jacob asks, words spoken the door.

"Go away."

"Can we talk through the door, then? Are you going to listen?"

She breathes deeply, growling into the blanket. "No. Stay away from me."

"Aren't you acting kind of childish?" he snaps. "Aren't you supposed to be the sensible one?"

"Stay away from me, Jacob! Rose! Rosalie!"

His sigh is loud enough to hear through the door. "Fine, fine, I'm leaving."

She doesn't uncover her face just yet as she acts more like she's trying to smother herself than anything else, falling forward on herself as much as she could with her stomach in the way as it was.

Figuring that it was probably Bella that had convinced him to come up with some halfhearted attempt, she tried not to let it bother her. There was no wat that he was so stupid as to think it was a good idea and there was no way that Edward or Rosalie would have let them unless she begged for it.

Much of the time she felt like everything was always about Bella, about what she wanted or how she wanted to do things.

And sure, sure, she knew that people changed and that maybe she might be a little hasty in her dismissal of him and the way that she had argued so vehemently with them, but maybe some people didn't change and were just always meant to repeat the same patterns over and over.

What was she supposed to do when she didn't know the answer to anything anymore?

Or maybe, maybe she was just being ridiculously and letting her thoughts get the best of her, her emotions run rampant.

Roman had never been all that great at taking control of her life, she's never had to. She had lived a very boring, monotonous existence before her heart was stolen and after that, she just followed along, just did what she always thought was best, what they told her was best. She picked out of two choices, two paths, but this wasn't like anything she had been faced with before.

This was chaos and destruction threatening her very existence, it was her heart on the verge of shattering because Jacob Black was never going to leave and everyone else was just okay with that being fact. It was like she was the only one that still hated him, like she was the only one that still saw that there was reason to.

And it wasn't just stubbornness that fuelled her feelings, her opinions, it was his actions and his words and his face and his personality in general.

"I don't have to like someone if I don't want to, dammit!" she muttered to herself, tossing the blanket aside and stretching out her legs in front of her.

It would take a while to gather the strength to just make it to her bed, but she wasn't going to ask for help when they were all suddenly friends.

God, she missed Seth and Leah. They've been out there far too long running patrol.

A scream, blood-curdling and full of agony ripped through the air in a horrifying sound and Roman was pushing up from the chair before she even noticed what she was doing -- wobbling on her feet for a moment before her legs shook and she crashed down to her knees, landing on the discarded blanket that was bunched on the floor.

Stuck on the floor, she could only listen to everything that happened down the hall from her in the library where Carlisle had created an emergency ward.

There were screams, loud and desperate, orders and shrieked calls of her name, but she was stuck, supported by the window and the chair uncomfortably as her legs became numb and her stomach pulsed with frantic and harsh kicks that did little to stop the silent tears.

Something had happened to Bella, something horrible at the sound of it, and she curled an arm around her stomach.

Anger didn't equate to a lack of love, and even if love wasn't always the answer, wasn't always the right choice, Roman believed in it. She would go to them, if she could. She would stand and run after them; would hold her hand and whisper that they could find an answer -- maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow or in a century from now, but they would find one that meant that they could work through it to be happily in love again.

Anger didn't equate lack of love and if she could Roman would have made sure that she knew that she loved her no matter how hurt and angry that she was.

Then there were cold, gentle hands at her arms, pulling her up. Golden eyes met hers as Alice smiled tensely, tight. She was extra careful as she helped her to the bed, extra kind.

"I'm sorry," the tiny girl apologizes. "I didn't see you fall and I couldn't hear anything with... well, I couldn't hear it either."

"Thanks," she mutters, wiggling her toes as pins and needles shot through her legs. "I tried to stand before I was ready."

"That's alright, Rome, it must not be very easy being this pregnant."

"What's happening?" she asks, hands shaking as she frantically grabbed Alice's wrists.

Her smile didn't change as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Bella had the baby. She came as a bit of a surprise."

"It's a girl?" she whispers, voice catching. "Is Bella alright?"

Alice tilts her head. "I can see her waking in three days. She's going to be just fine."

Roman sniffles and swipes the back of her hand across her face. "She is? You're sure?"

"I've never seen her more clearly."

Laughing wetly, she lets the words sink in, focusing on what she was saying. Bella was going to be a vampire now. She was never going to feel her skin warm as she had before or get the chance to look into her brown eyes that were the most exquisite shade of brown. It would never be the same and she would never be more beautiful.

Human Bella was gone and she wasn't sure if she should mourn the loss.

But with the change that she always wanted, Bella had a daughter. A little baby girl that was somewhere away from her in this house.

She wanted to see her. She wanted to see her before it was her turn and she would be lost to her for years.

"When did you start calling them babies?" she whispers instead, not brave enough to ask.

"When it became clear that she wasn't a monster or an abomination as I thought it would be."

She hums. "So it basically took death for you to see. What is she like? The baby?"

"Her name is Ruhnezmay. R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Renesmee. She is nothing like I've ever seen before. A stunning little hybrid."

Swallowing, she nods as she looks down to her own stomach, gently touching the surface that was oddly still for all the active that bean was becoming -- running out of room, she imagined. Her normally lazy little baby bouncing about until their sister was born.

Her little Romulus or Masen. She would love either, both. She already did.

"I owe you an apology, Roman," Alice tells her, eyes downcast when she glances up to her again. "I have not been acting like a sister to you as I should have. I have been a bad friend letting you sit alone for so long. You deserved better, to have more people on your side. I am terribly sorry."

"Thank you for apologizing, it means a lot," she whispers. "I'm sorry, too, for being so mean and difficult for everyone. I know that you were scared because you weren't able to see what was happening. The little ones remain a mystery to us both, even now."

"But that isn't the point. I should have been here or had at least tried to keep you company. It didn't help that most of the activity surrounded Bella when you should receive the same amount of attention no matter how much you protest."

"It was my fault for turning everyone away," she says, shaking her head. "I was fine being alone, I don't mind it. Bella was the one that needed everyone's attention."

Alice pinches her lisp and shakes her head quickly. "How long had you been sitting on the floor stranded because everyone was paying attention to her? Someone should have been here. You could have been hurt," she argues firmly. "And they should have taken your feelings into consideration when you said how uneasy you were with Jacob here. They shouldn't have asked him to stay when it caused you to hide away and possibly injure yourself."

She finds that she's crying again, chest heaving as someone took the time to validate her feelings even as she tried to apologize for her actions all over again no matter how much she promised herself she wouldn't.

"She picked him over me and I just can't handle it anymore," she gasps out, arms locking around herself as she tries to hold her pieces together. "And Edward offered Bella up to him as if she was nothing and when that didn't work he just let her stay, let her hold him and act like they were all in love. They acted like I was nothing there, like I didn't belong."

"You have a place wherever you wish it, Roman. You will always be my sister."

"You see something," she accuses.

"I see Edward and Bella now, clearer with every passing moment. I can't see you with them."

She chuckles humourlessly. "So, you can't see me yet because of the baby, or either I'm dead or I do actually leave. That's great."

"Those might not be the only options."

"Your sudden optimism is kinda sketchy, Alice, I'm not going to lie. My future doesn't look too bright at the moment."

"There is always time to change your mind. You can change the path that you're on."

Her eyes flutter closed as she tilts her head back to try and calm her raging mind. She didn't have that much time. Roman would ask Carlisle to do it tomorrow before she gets hurt however Bella was.

She wanted to be herself still, more aware and not writhing in pain when she saw the little bean for the first time. She wanted human eyes to see them for all of his magnificence in case it changes anything in her perception.

"Can I see her?"

Alice's kind smile returns. "Who?"

"Bella, Renesmee, both? I would ask for Edward too but I doubt that he's going to leave her side..."

"I'm sure that can be arranged," she smiles knowingly, "She already wants to see you."

"Who does?"

"Your daughter, of course. She's been demanding it. Do you not hear the crying?"

Roman's heart skips a beat as she soundlessly shakes her head.

"Come in," Alice says, not bothering to turn to the door as the blonde sweeps her way in.

She was smiling down at a small bundle that she held carefully to her chest, cooing gently.

"Meet Renesmee."

The baby weighs nothing in her suddenly very numb arms, resting the weight on her stomach carefully as she hopes beyond hope that bean doesn't get upset over.

The first thing she noticed was the astonishing brown of her eyes, the familiar chocolate brown that she would recognize anywhere. Bella's eyes. She had small, soft curls that thinly covered her perfectly round head. Shell pink lips, creamy ivory skin with cheeks flushed pink.

She was beautiful, more so than her wife and husband -- beautiful in a way that only made sense with their perfect combination.

"Hello," she whispers lovingly, ducking her head down so her forehead rests softly against hers. "Hello, Renesmee."

Vivid colour flashed around her, bright red yet so dark with the constant beat of a drum, except, it wasn't a drum. A heartbeat.

She could hear mom speaking quietly, softly. Her heart filled with love at the sound of her voice.

There's movement from outside, walking.

"I knew it," mom says. "Is that my baby?"

There's no answer, no speaking. Baby? Mom has another baby?

"Hi, baby, I'm your mom," mom whispers warmly. "Your mamma is going to keep you nice and safe until I get to meet you."

Roman gasps, pulling away from her daughter in bewilderment. "What was that?"

"She's gifted," Rosalie says fondly, hearts in her eyes. "What did she show you?"

Shaking her head, she leans back down and kisses her cheek. "Yes, Renesmee, I'm your mamma. I'm your mamma."

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well that took me longer to write than i thought it would but yeah... here ya go.

unedited

2020-04-02