Roman could not put her down, she didn't want to put her down. Every moment that she was awake, that she had her strength, she wanted to be holding Renesmee.

And she was willing to fight anyone that tried to take her from her arms. She wanted to spend every possible second that she could with her. She had never felt such a pure love before, had never felt since an instant connection from the first glance.

It was different than when she had first seen Edward and Bella. Roman would through herself in front of a bullet for this baby and she wouldn't regret it for a thing.

She didn't care that it meant that Rosalie hovered at her side, taking her only for the feedings that she hadn't the strength to do as she drank from her own blood filled cup.

She didn't care all that much that it meant to Jacob was hovering outside the door, continuously poking his head in when he thought she wasn't paying attention.

He was lucky, really, that having Renesmee there mellowed her out and cleared her head better than anything, or she really might have tried to stab him -- or throw herself out a window, whichever came first.

But she recognized that look, knew that expression anywhere, and she couldn't turn him away no matter how badly she hated the boy. He was stuck here and from whispered snippets of conversation, she knew that he wasn't going to be leaving anytime soon.

She couldn't fault him that. It was a fresh imprint and he was probably incredibly worried about Renesmee because she's so small and tiny and innocent.

So, she waited for feeding time, waited for Carlisle to be ready before she said a soft goodbye to Renesmee, letting Rosalie take her daughter away.

"Jacob, stay."

His shadow froze outside her door.

"Come in."

His actions were slow, hesitant, as he let himself in. She jerks her head to the chair, silently telling him to sit. His hands find a home in his pocket as he keeps standing defiantly. She can't help her smirk. Typical. Predictable.

"You've imprinted on my daughter."

Jacob tenses. "Roman, it's not what--"

"I don't approve, you know," she cuts him off. "You aren't good enough to have anything to do with her, you will never be good enough."

"It's not what you think. It isn't like that," he insists tensely.

"I know, and it'll never be like that. I will kill you before that happens. Nothing will be able to stop me. I will find you wherever you try to hide. One wayward thought, and it's over. She will never be romantic with you. You are her brother, her friend, her protector."

"I know," he says, shoulders up near his ears. "I swear that it'll never happen. She's just a baby."

"She's a baby now. She won't be later. Nothing will come to change then, either. Is that understood?"

Jacob nods quickly, sagely. "I understand, Roman. It's never going to cross into that territory."

Accepting his promise now, knowing that very soon she will be able to make good on her threat, she doesn't pursue it, instead saying, "I hate you, you know?" she says bitterly. "I hate everything about you."

"You can't leave," the younger boy blurts out, head ducked shamefully. "You can't go because of me."

"Oh, please, don't flatter yourself. If I leave, it won't only be because of you. You aren't that important."

"Bella only wanted me around because of Nessie. She was the one that was craving me there."

Roman scowls. "Don't you ever say it like that ever again. I don't care how true it is," she snaps. "And it isn't just that. It's the principle of her choosing you over me. Of both of them choosing you over me."

"I'm not that important," Jacob parrots at her cheekily. "You were the one they really wanted there. They don't act right without you there, or I guess, without your heart in it. I think they suffered enough from your cold shoulder."

She smiles blandly. "We'll see. I have to talk to them both. I guess I should get a start on that, huh?" she looks down to her stomach expectantly. "Do you think it's time? Are you ready to meet me?"

There's no answer, why would there be? She hums anyway, gently brushing down the middle.

"You'll be fine. They know what to expect now," Jacob says.

"I'm scared," she admits, glancing at the wide window and the bright, sunny day. "They aren't here yet."

"I'm sure you can wait a little bit longer."

"Bean can't. They're ready."

Jacob shifts on his feet. "Why don't you go down and see Bells and Edward? They'll be here soon. Seth wouldn't dare miss this."

He went to get Sue, went to convince her to come and see her for a human for the last time. It was what she wanted before, the chance to see Roman again, and she really just wished her pseudo mother would come to see her before she went through with the procedure that would inevitably end her life.

And she couldn't go through with it without Seth. She had promised that he could be here, that he could stay for every part of the change, her change, but she was worried he wouldn't be able to make it to her before Bean decided to protest his cramped space.

"Want to help get me to the room?" she asks, snapping her attention back to him.

His grin is cheeky as he scoops her up and the heat of him is oppressive compared to the familiar one that she had with the Clearwater's. He was gentle as he carried her to the library, placing her in the chair next to the silver operating table.

He pats the cold, pale leg on the table before he turns to leave.

"Don't forget that I will always hate you. Nothing could ever change that," she reminds him, not bothering to watch him leave.

No, she didn't turn away from her deathly still wife that rested on the slab as if she was already gone and she was still the most beautiful woman that she had ever seen. She still appeared sick, beaten up, but the blood and grimes been washed away and she had been dressed with hair brushed and cleaned.

Edward was at her other side, a hand steady on her wrist as he covered his mouth with the other.

"She doesn't look real," she whispers, hesitantly touching her arm. "She's so still."

"The venom will work. It has to."

"I know it will. It's just so odd seeing her so... lifeless like this," she said, drawing a path up the inside of her arm. "You made it out like it was the most terrible feeling in existence."

"Maybe I did something wrong," he worries, pushing to his feet to look her over. "What if I didn't get to her in time?"

"You didn't do this wrong, Edward. You did everything that needed to be done," she says, hand stilling where it reached up to her shoulder. "Have you left this room at all? Gone to see Renesmee?"

He doesn't look at her, eyes peeled to Bella's emotionless face.

"So is this what it's always going to be like?" she asks, sitting as close to the edge of her seat as she possibly could.

"What?"

"You haven't gone to see your daughter. You haven't thought that maybe I would like see you after no one really wanted to tell me what happened?" she says, turning her face back to Bella and taking her hand into her own. "Because I feel like maybe this was one of those times where you should have come no matter how you feel about us. I would have come to see you but I've kinda been stuck, you know?"

"I can't leave her alone."

Roman nods, rolling her lip between her teeth. "Do you even want me to stay, then? Am I only kept around because I make Bella happy?"

He's in front of her the moment she begins speaking, crouched before her as she looked over his head. "That is not true. Not in the slightest, and I am offended that you would ask this of me."

"You aren't giving me much else to think. It might have only been a week or so, but I have never felt so alone and tossed aside in my life," she admits, words sticking in her throat. "I haven't been the best, but when things got bad, when we were both dying it was her that you went to and her that you tried to keep happy and healthy. Where was I in your thoughts? Why wasn't I told by you what had happened?"

"Bella needed me more."

"I needed you too! I needed to know what was happening from you but I was stranded on the floor, unable to get up until Alice came. Do you even want to do this with me, because I need to know now. I'll be gone the moment I wake, hell, Carlisle might even be able to do this without changing me."

"You would throw away your life for this."

She sniffles, jaw clenching as she looks down, finally meeting his gaze. "I would do a lot of things for the people I love."

"You love me still after everything that I've done."

"I won't ever stop loving you, either of you, no matter what."

He chuckles, the tired expression of his eyes. "I love you, Roman. I would not wish to damn myself to an eternity where I know that you are away from me somewhere."

"That does seem like a terrible existence, though, I guess it could be fun if it was made into some sort of game. Think you'd be able to track me down if I ran off?" she teases, cupping his cheeks despite how heavy her arms feel. "We could the most intricate games of tag or hide and seek if we got everyone else involved."

"Of course you would be planning game nights right now," Seth chirps as he bounds into the room, dropping down at her side. "Remember that time that you actually crawled into a skunk hole when we were younger?"

She giggles, talking his hand as Edward stands and starts to move the table a little out of the way. Draping a blanket over Bella before he pulls out an identical table.

"I'm pretty sure that you were the one to do that and I ended up spending the night with you outside so no one would have to put up with the smell."

He snorts. "I don't remember it going like that."

"You wouldn't, of course, it makes you look like the loser."

"I've never looked like a loser," he says, pouting as she calls him out. "I'm just an innocent child."

She rests her cheek against the top of his head. "You're the best, Seth. I love you."

"I love you, too, Ro. I always will," he mutters, slinking an arm around her back. "For as long as I live."

"That better not be forever, Seth, not for me. I really don't want you to waste your life away on me."

"You aren't a waste of anything. You never will be, so stop talking like you're not going to survive this. It's starting to make me nervous," he says, dropping his ear to her stomach. "Aren't you excited to meet little Romulus or Masen? You'll meet them and have the happiest life that any one person could ever have."

"Everyone except you. I'm gonna make sure that you have the best life in history."

Seth doesn't look up as he whispers something to her stomach. "Mom isn't coming. Sam isn't letting her come so close to the house. He thinks it's too dangerous. I'm really sorry."

Disappointment wells in her chest, spreading with a stroke through her heart. She bites it back, swallows the taste of lead in her tongue. That was fine. She wasn't really sure what to expect Sam to do anyway since Jacob has already made an exception to the treaty and he was about to make another one — even if Sam had approved of her being changed.

She knew he didn't like the thought of the babies, that he didn't like Renesmee even if Jacob has improved in her. She was something new. Something they they didn't understand, that they feared.

And Roman was about to birth another one. She could just talk to Sue later. She would bring the baby with her, introduce her as a grandmother.

"I understand. I'm just happy that you're here."

"I'm not gonna leave ever. I'm gonna be right here when you wake up."

"With my baby?" She asks, turning to him hopefully.

"With the baby and Ness."

She suffers at the horrible nickname. "Ressie sounds so much better than what Jacob concocted."

"It's not much different."

"It's better than naming her after the Loch Ness monster."

He laughs, standing up and kissing the crown of her head. "I'll try and have mom come by the time you're up."

"Don't force her. I understand why she can't come. I'll go to see her as soon as Carlisle says that it's safe."

"Are you ready?" He asks, helping her up to suit on the table.

It was cold sharing her bare legs, the hospital gown suddenly too little and too thin for her to be comfortably. She shivered, trembling as her legs dangle over the side.

She clung a little tighter to Seth, squeezing his arms as she searched for Edward. She couldn't see him. Her heart thuds heavily.

"Maybe we should wait? What if Leah's coming? Or what if they're not ready to be born yet."

Seth bats his eyes at her. "Don't go backing out now, Ro. You aren't a coward."

"You know I'm the biggest coward, Seth," she stresses, eyes narrowed.

"Not when it comes to those you love. You can do this."

Roman nods slowly, swallowing thickly. "I can do this," she says, tears welling in her eyes. "I can do this!"

"Let's do it. Should I go get Carlisle?"

"No need. He's coming now," Edward says, appearing at her side. "Are you sure you're ready, Roman?"

"Stop asking me or I'll end up letting him rip out of me."

Her husband's smile is telling. "You still believe it's a boy?"

"It's just a hunch," she says with a shrug.

"Bella had a hunch, as well."

"I'm fine with a girl and a boy. I accept them no matter what."

Edward kisses her temple. "You're going to be a wonderful mother."

She pulls them as close to her as she could, sinking into his side as Seth's hands continue to flutter around her stomach — reassuring her or the baby, she wasn't sure.

And then he's moving around her with easy precision s as Seth stays at her side, readying the room for surgery.

She tried not to focus in any of that as Carlisle comes in and tells her to lie down, setting up a tiny screen so Seth can stand beside her head without seeing anything.

He holds her clammy hands in his own as they inject her with morphine.

"You're going to be just fine, my love," Edward mumbles, lips brushing against hers as he speaks.

"I'm scared," she admits, words barely escaping her.

"Don't be. I won't allow for a thing to happen to you, my love. We'll all be here when you wake up."

Nodding sluggishly, she barely aware of what goes on around her as she anchors herself to the hands that hold hers.

It's dark as she slips away, words distant, foggy, vague. There's a scream that she thinks might be her own and the sweetest sound of crying — high, pitchy, that fills her heart with incomparable love and relief.

That was her baby. Her baby! She could just cry. She might be already.

And from the darkness, fire came, racing through her veins.

Roman burns.

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Guess you thought I would make it easy for you to see the baby, huh? I would never make things simple for you.

Unedited

2020-04-03