Roman could get used to the type of ache that she woke to, the type of ache that stretched all the way through her, and she sighed happily as she stretched across the warm sheets -- warm from the sun that shone unrelenting through the clear windows and beat against her bare skin. 

Turning over, she pressed herself against the cold body that lay at her side, humming happily at how relieving it was to her flushed body. 

She knew that she would have to open her eyes eventually, that she would have to drag herself out of the soft bed away from his smooth side. She knew that it would be bright, even with the billowing netting that surrounded the bed. 

A soft, feathery touch, played at her wrist, the warmth of it told her that Bella was awake at the other side of him, sending her pulse fluttering. 

Fingers trailed up and down her spine, cold touch leaving a chill in its wake, and she shivered, pulling herself closer into his side. She lifts her leg, her foot falling between his thighs. She adamantly ignores the way he tenses at the shift. 

Moving now would break the moment. It would mean that she would have to get up and move on from last night instead of basking in the afterglow that continued still after last night. She wanted to stay like this forever with the sun on her back, the sound of the waves and birds, our breathing, her heartbeat, Bella's heartbeat... She didn't want to open her eyes yet and break the moment. 

Then there was giggling, soft and sweet. Roman bit her lip, hiding her smile. 

"What's funny?" Edward murmurs, still stroking up and down her spine. 

"You just can't escapebeing human for very long," Bella says, giggling again. 

She doesn't stop the smile this time, pressing it to his bare chest. "Hungry, babe?" 

"You're not?" She counters. 

"Guess I'm still caught on last night," she says innocently, twisting her wrist to catch Bella's hand. 

"Edward," Bella said, voice catching. "What is it? What's wrong?" 

"You have to ask?" his voice was hard, cynical. 

Opening her eyes, it takes her a moment to adjust before she sees the sharp arc of his jaw, the type of thing belonged on sculptures or, well, vampires. 

Squinting, she glances at Bella, catching sight of the sun that halos around her, glowing in a way that made her pale skin luminescent, rose-gold, and she was struck for a moment that this was her life, that this was her future and her happiness, and wow... 

Wow, Roman could not be happier, could not be luckier, than she was at this moment. 

But then she saw the expression on her face and her happiness was chased away with worry. 

"Bella?" she asks, propping herself up on her elbow. "What's wrong?" 

"What are you thinking?" he whispered.

"You're upset. I don't understand. Did I...?"

"What? No, you were wonderful, Bella," Roman bursts, interrupting anything Edward was about to say. 

Edward's slow, easy motions on her back still, his hand frozen. "Is that what you think? No, last would have been the best of my life if not for--" he trails off, eyes clenching shut-- "how badly are you hurt?" 

"Hurt?" 

"The truth. Don't try to downplay it." 

Roman blinks. "What? Why would you think she was hurt?" 

Edward's eyes tighten, something dark flashing in them when he looks to her. "Don't Roman." 

"What are you talking about?" 

His cool fingers wrap gently around her wrist, the same one that Bella was holding, and lifts it up to the light, turning it gently so that she could the reddish-purple marks that were begging to form in the clear imprint of his hand, his fingers clearly marking her skin. 

Her breath catches in her throat, mind going blank as she continues to look at the mark in the light even after he lets her go. 

"Why would you think anything was wrong?" she finds herself whispering, drawing her lip between her teeth. "I've never been better than I am right now." 

His eyes closed. "Stop that." 

"Stop what?" 

"Stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this."

"Edward!" Bella gasps, horrified, "Don't you ever talk like that! Ever!" 

"Look at yourself and tell me I'm not a monster," he whispers brokenly, eyes closed. 

Her heart races, hammering in her veins as she looks herself over, and god, oh god, there were marks everywhere. She trails the fingerprints that work up her side, coverings her ribs in the telltale sign of grabby hands, of the clear purple marks on her hips from where he held her. 

"Why am I covered in feathers?" Bella asks. 

He exhaled impatiently. "I bit a pillow. Or two. That's not what I'm talking about."

"You... bit a pillow? Why?" 

"Look, Bella!" he almost growled. "Look at what I did." 

Roman prods one of the bruises on her arms, then presses down unrelentingly until it pulses through her and she hisses, stomach flipping with the dull pain. 

"I am so sorry, Roman, I am sorry," he says, making this revolted sound in his throat. "I shouldn't have- I knew better than this. I shouldn't have-have..." 

She shook her head quickly, struggling to explain how she felt. "Edward, no, that's not--" 

Bella interrupts. "Edward, Roman doesn't have an issue with it. She's not hurt." 

"Please, Bella, please, don't make excuses. I don't deserve it," he said, covering his eyes with his arm and refusing to move it. "I am more sorry than I can ever explain." 

Her buzz fizzled out, flickering into nothing and she hid away in her mind the best that she could. It wouldn't be appropriate to let him see how much it pleased her when he was clearly distressed over having 'hurt' them. 

But Roman really wasn't hurt and she wasn't sure how to explain that to him. Knowing that this had been done in the midst of passion only made her more touched by it all. If only he could bite her -- god. 

"Edward."

He doesn't move.

"Edward?" 

Bella's soft touch to her arm sets her into motion again, bringing her to move once more. "Edward, stop. Look at us. You didn't hurt us." 

He groans pitifully. 

"I'm not sorry, Edward, I'm really not," Bella says confidently. "I am so happy. I have never been happier and that doesn't even cover it, alright? I am fi--"

"Don't you dare say that you are fine." 

"But I am fine. We're both fine," Bella whispers. 

"Don't." 

Roman growls. "No, you don't. I am blissfully happy right now and I won't let you ruin it," she snaps, moving so that she was sitting on her knees, very aware of how naked she was at that moment. "I enjoyed it, Edward. I-I enjoy it, the bruises. So really, you did nothing wrong." 

"She likes it when you're rough," Bella says, cheeks a brilliant red. "She likes biting, too actually." 

He moves his arm, golden eyes watching them warily. 

"Don't ruin this," Bella pleads. "I. Am. Happy." 

"I've already ruined this," he mutters dismally. 

Groaning, she rolls off the bed and grabs at her suitcases, digging through it blindly for something to wear. 

"Roman?" Bella asks, confused. 

"There's no getting through to him, Bella," she says, shaking her head. "He doesn't want to believe that everything is fine." 

"Stop saying that things are fine," Edward moans. 

"Believe what you want, even if it's wrong. I was thinking of getting dressed, making breakfast, and then forcing sad boy to take us exploring." 

"Aren't you angry?" he asks. 

"Not in the slightest, alright?" she says, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I just wish that you would be able to see how happy I am right now. I am blissful, I am on cloud nine. I like it rough, alright? You can ask Bella how much I love it when she squeezes me tight until she manages to leave little bruises. I'm not lying about any of this and if you don't want to believe us after we just had the best night of our lives, then fine, but please stop trying to kill our vibe. Don't be unhappy because it's making Bella unhappy and with both of you unhappy, then I won't be able to be happy." 

Edward was sitting opposite her in the blink of an eye. He touched the frown line between her eyebrows. "I'm making you unhappy now. Idon't want to do that."

"Then don't you be unhappy. That's the only thing that's wrong here," Bella says, crawling across the bed to sit at their side. 

Bella's stomach chose that minute to growl. She blushed sheepishly. 

"You're hungry, he said quickly. He was swiftly out of the bed, stirring up a cloud offeathers

She giggled at the sight, holding out a hand to catch one on the palm of her hand. 

"So, why exactly did you decide to bite Esme's pillows?" Bella asks, ruffling feathers from her hair before turning to Roman for help. She starts to pick them out gently, touch lingering much more often than it should. 

He was pulling on a pair of pants already, ruffling feathers from his own hair. 

"I don't know if I decided to do anything last night," he mumbles, shaking his head. "You're just lucky it was the pillows." 

Bella stands, stretching with a groan, and Roman takes it as a sign to hop to. She grabs clothes before taking to the shower. She took a human moment, needing to have the time for herself so that she didn't have to deal with his mournful looks as she poked at her bruises, examining each possessive mark on her skin, marks from their lovemaking that made her burn hotter and brighter with each newfound print. 

It killed her a little that he hated them so much. It wasn't fair that he couldn't find utter happiness in the memory as they could because of how little he thought of himself as it was. 

She was thankful that the water hid her frustrated tears when Bella slipped into the bathroom, silently climbing into the shower behind her and wrapping her arms around her middle. 

"He isn't going to touch either of us again," she mutters into her back. 

Roman sighs. "I figured as much." 

"We're going to have to persuade him, I think," Bella says squeezing her hips. Roman whimpers. "Come on. Help me get the rest of the feathers." 

"If you'll help me with mine, Mrs. Swan-Cullen." 

When they were both cleaned and presentable again -- Bella in a cotton dress that hid most of the bruises and Roman in a pink sundress over a red bikini -- they followed the scent of bacon, eggs and cheddar cheese to the kitchen. Bella attacked the food ravenously. Her not so much since her appetite continued to evade her. 

She picked at the food. 

Edward eyed her as she ate. "I don't fee you often enough." 

"You feed us just fine," she said, biting into a piece of the burning omelet. 

Bella swallowed audibly. "I was asleep. This is very good, by the way. Very impressive for someone that doesn't eat." 

"Food network," he says, flashing his wonderful crooked smile. 

It made her stomach flip, the fact that he was acting like himself again a terribly good sign for them both. 

She just wanted him to be happy, even if it meant that they had to wait until they turned to be with him again, just to alleviate his fears, then she would be able to handle that. Roman would be satisfied with going back to the way they were before if he was willing. 

She didn't want him to spend his honeymoon tiptoeing when he deserved to be just as happy. It was his first wedding after all, even if she planned to have many, many more with both of them.

They talk about the food, about the cleaning crew that would have to clean up after them. At one point Roman gets him to detail the island a little better, easing a weight from her shoulder that she doesn't realize is there, at the thought of knowing how to navigate the island a little better. 

His thoughtful expression doesn't escape her as he watches her relax at his description. 

Finally, Bella must have enough as she finishes her breakfast and the rest of Roman's, placing her fork down loudly. "You're not going to touch us again while we're here, are you?" 

Edward doesn't answer, hesitating, then he reaches out, gently touching Bella's cheeks, caressing with a lingering touch. 

"You know that's not what I meant."

He sighed and dropped his hand. "I know. And you're right." He paused, lifting his chinslightly. And then he spoke again with firm conviction. "I will not make love with youuntil you've been changed. I will never hurt you again."

She sighs. "Edward, what must I say to make you understand that I wasn't hurt by anything that you did?" 

He was at her side in an instant, cradling her face in his cool hands. "I won't risk it, Roman. I could never risk you like that again. I'm sorry." 

Roman nods, turning her face and kissing his palm. "Alright, I understand," she says, ignoring Bella's betrayed gasp and annoyed groan. "You said we can go exploring? Maybe go swimming for a bit." 

"Whatever makes you happy." 

"Whatever makes us happy?" Bella chirps, her heat pressing against Roman's back. 

Edward rolls his eyes, turning to collect the dishes, completely ignoring Bella's hopeful expression. 

This was going to be an incredibly long and frustrating trip. 

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this was really hard to write for some reason? the next chappie will be better.... 

unedited 

2020-03-28